IT’S WEDNESDAY NIGHT. YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!
Heya folks! We’re back with another wild edition of AEW Dynamite! I know you’re excited to follow up last week’s craziness with….well, this week’s craziness! Speaking of crazy, do you think it was crazier that Keith Lee showed up and is now in the Face of the Revolution Ladder Match at Revolution? Or was it crazier that Adam Page and Lance Archer tried to murder each other in their Texas Death Match? What a crazy week, indeed! This week, I look forward to seeing what Uncle Tony has in store for us. Ric Flair showing up to turn on Sting? Cedric Alexander and Big Swole showing up to demolish Adam Cole (baybay!) and Britt Baker (DMD)? Maybe this is the week he resurrects the corpse of Rowdy Roddy Piper for the feud between CM Punk and MJF? Who knows what Tony will bring us but I look forward to it! But seriously, whatever happened to Mike McGuirk?
POP: Dog Eat Dog
Well, we’re leading off with the Pipe bomb promo. Okay, not really. But CM Punk IS sitting in the middle of the ring in his standard pipe bomb pose. Last week, he and Jon Moxley defeated FTR, which gave Punk the power to name the time, place, date and type of match for his rematch with “Little Maxi” <— oxymoron. Punk declares Revolution for their match and teases a cage match. Punk, however, has a little something up his sleeve (well, moreso in his accompanying gift box) and invites MJF to come out so he can tell him face-to-face…they will meet in a dog collar match! As a fellow member of the Straight Edge uhh….group? Community? (Is there a word for a collective group of people? Hmmm…), I am digging the thought of CM Punk kicking the absolute dog shit out of MJF!
POP: Dragon Blood
Our first match of the night sees Bryan Danielson and Lee Moriarty going head to head. The underlying theme, of course, is Danielson offering Jon Moxley the chance to form a daunting power couple and run rampant over AEW. As for the match tonight, I’m not sure that the result was ever questioned but Lee Moriarty looked really good tonight. That probably has nothing to do with Daniel Bryanson though. Don’t forget, Moriarty was one of the wrestlers mentioned by Danielson as a recruit target when he was trying to convince Moxley to join forces!
Again, I don’t think the result was ever in doubt but whenever Danielson stomps on someone’s face, I’m sure an angel gets its wings. As soon as he did that, he trapped Moriarty in the triangle (complete with double biceps pose!) and his magic thighs instantly put Moriarty to sleep. After they roll a comatose Moriarty from the ring, Danielson calls out Moxley for an answer to his proposal. We all know if you call out Jon Moxley, you’re going to get Jon Moxley. He comes out and lets Danielson know that if he wants to team with him, he’s gonna have to bleed with him. OHBOYOHBOYOHBOY!!!!!
BOTCH: Rap > Symphony
Well, well, well. Will you look at this. Wardlow is out for his weekly squash but this time he gets an actual opponent – Max Caster of The Acclaimed. More importantly, we get a Max Caster special!
Yo. Listen. Listen. Yo.
If Wardlow thinks he can beat me
He crazy!
Acclaimed beatin’ brothers down
More than Da Baby!
Look at him, I’m not trippin’
He’s overrated, like
Nashville Hot Chicken!
I’m not the guy to be fightin’
I’ll knock you out –
First round like the Titans!
And we all know the sixth point
You not a man,
Just MJF’s Bitch Boy!
That rap was infinitely better than this match or Wardlow’s weekly gimmick. I just honestly hate it and I’m not sure why. Let’s see him do this to someone like Paul Wight or Mark Henry. Then I’ll be impressed. It’s too bad that after getting the win with the Powerbomb Symphony, Wardlow is attacked by Anthony Bowens. Now, Shawn Spears didn’t do anything to help him; hell, he didn’t even get in the ring until after Wardlow powerbombed Bowens. Just let these two fight already and end this.
POP: Supernova Implosion
Somewhere on the interwebs this week, I saw a funny meme that said something along the lines of, “I don’t know why everyone is mad at Eminem for kneeling during the Super Bowl. He’s been telling us all for years that his knees were weak and his arms are heavy.” Not only did I laugh my ass off at that but it made me think about this Inner Circle feud. Weird stretch, right? Stay with me. You see, Pride & Powerful is pissed off at Jericho and all I could think was that his theme song literally says, “What have I become? Now that I’ve betrayed
Everyone I’ve ever loved, I pushed them all away.” Like, you guys, he’s been telling you he betrays everyone and pushes them away! Hell, even the audience has been telling you for years!
Before the match can even start, Eddie Kingston comes down to check out the match from ringside. Surely, he won’t play into the finish at all! I’ll tell ya what though, Santana absolutely was not about to bow down to Jericho. Both teams beat the hell out of each other but once Santana reached the ropes in front of Kingston to break the Liontamer, Eddie naturally jumps up onto the ring apron. Jericho kicks him in his face for his troubles, which allows Pride & Powerful to get the W after a discus clothesline!
POP: As the Thunder Roll in my Mercedes
This blood feud, no-DQ match starts exactly how it should – with Thunder hitting Mercedes with a damn chair in the aisle before she can get to the ring. Obvious foreshadowing as this match went all over the arena. They fought each other in the crowd. They fought each other at ringside. Eventually, they decided to fight each other in the damn ring! These two demolished each other with everything they had, namely garbage cans and assorted accessories.
Martinez hits the Spider German Suplex from the top and holy shit, Thunder Rosa might be dead. Even after a top rope elbow drop, Rosa won’t give in. She kicks out at two so Mercedes does what anyone would do and stacks a bunch of chairs in the middle of the ring. Luckily for Rosa, she’s able to reverse the powerbomb into a Crucifix Bomb. One Fire Thunder Driver on a stack of chairs later and Thunder Rosa wins another brutal No-DQ match! It wasn’t quite on the same level as her match with Britt Baker but holy shit, these two fucked each other up!
Oh shit. Speaking of Britt Baker….. As Thunder Rosa pulls up Martinez and bows to her in a show of respect after such a great battle, Baker, Rebel and Jamie Hayter come out to ringside. Baker confers with her trusted sensei, which leads to Rosa getting jumped by Hayter and Rebel. Mercedes hesitates just a hair too long and they end up jumping her too! Hayter, Rebel and Britt stomp out Martinez and Thunder Rosa to send a message. Message received! This feud is about to get violent, y’all!
POP: Please Fight Forever You Guys
Darby Allin (complete with life-size Sting figure!) comes out for his TNT Championship match against the Spanish God, Sammy Guevara. What could possibly go wrong with two dudes who absolutely love (and thrive) on throwing their bodies at their opponents at 100 miles per hour? And how great is it when you put the TNT Championship on the line between them? Almost two years ago to the date, these two had a hell of a fight in which Darby won. He also beat him in the TNT Championship tournament so Sammy is definitely out for revenge here!
The urgency with which Sammy fights in this match is visibly palpable. Our first big maneuver of the match somehow threw my back out of place. Thankfully, Darby isn’t paralyzed and the fight continues on! Sammy continues his dedication to murdering Darby throughout the entire match. But remember earlier, when I talked about these dudes throwing themselves at each other at 100 miles per hour? There is nobody on God’s green earth better at it than Darby Allin.
After exchanging cutters, it’s anybody’s match to win! Momentum turns in the favor of Darby Allin after Sammy misses this Senton onto the ring apron. I don’t know if you’ve heard lately but that is the hardest part of the ring! Darby goes up for the Coffin Drop but Jose the Assistant runs down to distract Darby and Sting! While everyone’s attention is focused on Sting eliminating Jose the Assistant from the equation, Andrade El Idolo knocks Darby out with the clipboard! One GHS later and Sammy successfully defends his TNT Championship! Matt Hardy and Andrade beat up Sammy and Darby until Sting can chase them off to close the show! Wow! Andrade is ready to have that gold around his waist!
Before we end it here and send you all home happy, news broke this week that Cody Rhodes (and Brandi, too) have formally left the company as their contracts expired. Although this is great news to us (told ya I’m sending you home happy!), it sounds like they will be heading to WWE. Please pray for Mr. and Mrs. Stardust as they head toward their next endeavors!
I hope you enjoy your week, everyone! Feel free to leave a comment below (good or bad, I’ll answer them all!) and share the column with your friends, family and followers. And seriously, join the Discord for good talk with good people. You can find me on there, Instagram or Twitter (all are @robbywardshow). Please hit me up with what you liked, what you hated, what you think I can change. I’m all ears! Wrestling united!
