IT’S WEDNESDAY NIGHT. YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!
Heya folks! Do you remember that time that Maxwell Jacob Friedman defeated Phil Brooks three times in one night?! Okay, it was only last week and not quite how it went down, but still…what a match! That rascal CM Punk can still go and apparently, MJF is pretty good at this sports entertaining thing. Not only that, Pac came back and Danhausen randomly showed up to support Wheeler Yuta as a faux-best friend. I’m still not sure about that but, hey, what can you do? Speaking of great questions, whatever happened to Cherry?
POP: MJF is Such a Shit. Not THE Shit. Just A Shit.
Let’s be honest. That title could’ve just been the opening to this paragraph but NO. It’s straight up the title, so get off my back! Wardlow comes out to zero music, carrying a couple of cardboard cutouts of MJF and CM Punk. He hands instructions to ring announcer Justin Roberts who then introduces Tully Blanchard, FTR, Shawn Spears and lastly, MJF, complete with King Mabel’s Royal Entrance. Shoutout to Justin for reading, “The man who pins shoulders on mats and bangs all the rats.” Anyway, MJF is here! Yes, you just watched two videos of dudes getting carried to the ring on a throne. No regrets, y’all. No regrets!
This is incredibly over the top. MJF immediately grabs one of the entrance girls (his latest rat), has a jumping hugfest with his bros in the ring (sans Wardy), and then the confetti hits. This is perfection. I just about lost my mind when MJF said he was, “better than the best in the world.” Tres magnifique! As a native Oregonian, he damn near lost me at, “better than Piper in Portland.” I will say, he’s climbing the ladder toward the Hot Rod though. I’m a big fan of how MJF heels. Hell, go buy this shirt. Wait, can I promote merch on here? Ahhh, fuck it. Go buy it!
BOTCH: Damnit
Man, I’m not sure why I thought this Wardlow match would be different. Maybe because it was forced on him by MJF. Maybe it was because it was last minute or maybe because he was going against a fellow heel in The Blade. All I know is that nothing changed except Wardlow let The Blade get in a little offense early and then ended up limping throughout the rest of the match. After taking The Blade to Suplex City, this match ended like the majority of his matches recently, with a good, old fashioned Powerbomb Symphony. Of course, Shawn Spears jumps in the ring and cracks his chair against The Blade’s back. Matt Hardy’s going to be pissed, Shawn. You dick.
BOTCH: Hey! It’s Jake Hager!
I don’t think I’m ready for The Inner Circle to break up. I love that they are a collective all the while doing their own thing. This is going to be sad for me. I love that Hager, Sammy Guevara and Chris Jericho all wore their Inner Circle Original vests. I strongly dislove (not dislike) that Santana came out in a puffy jacket and Ortiz in his gray wifebeater that makes it look like he’s transitioning (no judgement, bud). Jericho mentioning Homicide and Hernandez, prompting Santana to lose his shit, was gold. Chris Jericho should absolutely be on the Mount Rushmore of professional wrestling. Wait! No, Sammy! Don’t take off the vest! Noooo! Damnit!
POP: Oh, Bask In His Glory
My buddy, Florida Zack, has been wanting to geek out with me all week about a big surprise on Dynamite and holy shit, was it a really big surprise! A limitless one if you will. I’m pretty sure this was Zack’s reaction, too (0:03 second mark). I’m sorry but Isiah Kassidy doesn’t stand a chance tonight, even with Matt Hardy and Marq Quen on the outside. My mans is out here throwing dudes all the way across the ring! Get used to this big man, everyone. Because Keith Lee has advanced to The Face of the Revolution match at AEW Revolution! Private Party wouldn’t even let him bask in his own glory after the match but boy, did they ever pay for it!
POP: Oooooh, What A Rush!
I’ve gotta admit. When FTR challenged CM Punk and MJF said he wouldn’t be able to find a partner, the last guy I was thinking would tag with the Punker was Jon Moxley. But damnit all, the strains of Wild Thing had me popping….and that’s after still being hype about Keith Lee! Oh man, this show has super high energy tonight. I’m here for it. A little chain wrestling to start the contest? Okay. Give it to me. A little shimmy tag by CM Punk to unleash the beast that is Jon Moxley? Bring it to me now! What a fun combination this is going to be!
Look, FTR doesn’t brag about being the best tag team on this planet for no reason. They are absolutely tag team specialists. Specialists, I tell ya! Unfortunately for them, Hurricane Moxley has arrived in New Jersey and Atlantic City isn’t ready! For going against the best tag team on Earth, CM Punk and Moxley actually work pretty well together. If it wasn’t for the boring trope of throwing two singles stars together that rarely works, I’d say let these two go after the tag straps. Oh damn, nevermind. Just put them in face paint and shoulder spikes!
Tully Blanchard must be having flashbacks and thinking he was actually watching the Road Warriors because he jumps in the ring and starts bludgeoning CM Punk with….a suit jacket? Okay, so maybe bludgeoning is a little strong. Either way, he goes to sleep for his trouble. He isn’t the only one going to sleep. Punk also sends Wheeler to Dreamland while Moxley just so happened to catch Dax with the Paradigm Shift, which gives them the win and now Punk can have his rematch with MJF anytime, anywhere!
POP: Amazon Queen Asskicker
In a debut that can be best described as “less than exciting as Keith Lee’s,” AQA shows up to challenge Jade Cargill for her TBS Women’s Championship. I’m not going to lie to you guys, I’m not very familiar with AQA, but, wow is she gorgeous! I dig her entire aesthetic and dare I say, her Shooting Star Press is ten times better than Billy Kidman’s ever was. Sorry, Kid Flash, but it’s true. Unfortunately for her, she’s going against the most dominant woman in the division (either division, really) and Jade uses her strength advantage to hit Jaded and get the win. Honestly, if I’m Cargill, I change my finisher to that spinning slam thing she did right before ending the match. I just wish she hadn’t busted it out against Little Miss Adorable, AQA. *Hey Siri, insert crying emoji*
BOTCH: Bathroom Breaks
I already talked about this last week. This is the bathroom break match and it just happens to be a women’s match. Granted, it wasn’t the only women’s match on the card tonight (see above) so it gets a small bump in joy from me. I love Serena Deeb’s gimmick right now; I just wish it wasn’t in the cooldown spot. That part sucks. She issues a rookie challenge, which Katie Arquette heroically accepts and well….it ends before I could even finish this paragraph.
POP: Bloodboy Shit
LET’S GO! The Texas Death Match starts before either man can be introduced to the ring. The camera cuts to the back to find Hangman Adam Page and The Murderhawk Monster Lance Archer just going ham on each other. We’re less than two minutes in and that damn Lance Archer has already been Janettied and eaten a Buckshot Lariat. Archer clearly didn’t appreciate the Buckshot Lariat as he has Dan Lambert disassemble the top rope! I guess Hangman can’t flip over the rope if it’s laying on the ground!
Both men are bleeding like stuck pigs (h/t Jim Ross) and I’m really thankful Covid isn’t a bloodborne disease. Out of all the crazy shit these two are putting themselves through, I’m a big fan of Jake the Snake Roberts hitting the shortarm clothesline on Page! Damnit, Archer. Why’d you have to interrupt the patented DDT?!? Nevermind, my new favorite part is Archer attempting to commit murder:
How is the #AEW Champion @theadampage meant to survive that?!#AEWDynamite is LIVE on @TBSNetwork right now! pic.twitter.com/dfYvPexP2c
— All Elite Wrestling (@AEW) February 10, 2022
I don’t know how Page is still going (or how he seems to have only hurt his left hand on that maneuver). Just bananas. Momentum in this match turns in Page’s favor when Archer lifts him up for a powerbomb but instead wears some barbed wire punches to the dome. Shortly thereafter, Page ends it by actually figuring out how to pull off another Buckshot Lariat, which propels them through a couple of tables! Miraculously, Page beats the count to retain his AEW World Championship but uhh….there’s someone who’s coming for that title. Baybay.
My goodness. This episode of Dynamite was FIRE. Even the Botches that I put in didn’t kill it. Whoever put the show together deserves a raise. Maybe I loved it so much because there was no Cody on the show but it was drawn up just perfectly. Okay, maybe except for the piss break match with Deeb and Arquette. Enough bitching about that, KEITH LEE IS HERE!!!!
I hope you enjoy your week, everyone! Feel free to leave a comment below (good or bad, I’ll answer them all!) and share the column with your friends, family and followers. And seriously, join the Discord for good talk with good people. You can find me on there, Instagram or Twitter (all are @robbywardshow). Please hit me up with what you liked, what you hated, what you think I can change. I’m all ears! Wrestling united!
