Evening, folks! I’m Bachur, and I welcome you to a very special one-off edition of Pops & Botches: New Japan. Long time no see! The retro SmackDown column has been put on hiatus for the time being, but trust me, I’ll get back to that as soon as I can. Where we left off, Wrestle Kingdom 15, Nights 1 and 2! Toru Yano retained his paper crown, the Guerrillas of Destiny broke their Tokyo Dome curse, Empire took three Ls in a row, Hiromu Takahashi maintained status quo, Kota Ibushi Became God and SANADA… wrestled. Hopefully nothing bad happened within the last six months.
The Descent
New Japan’s 2021 has been worse than their 2020. Yes, I know how weird that sounds. They weren’t even running shows for a full third of last year, but trust me, that would be preferable to what we have right now. I’m trying to find the words to describe New Japan in 2021, and there’s a lot of them. Let’s go step by step:
- As Wrestle Kingdom 15 came to a close, Jay White’s contractual situation became the hottest topic for a minute. What did New Japan do? They brought Jay back during a half-empty Korakuen Hall show and made him wrestle Tomohiro Ishii to zero fanfare. Everybody stopped caring within the week, because Tomohiro Ishii hasn’t been a big deal in three years.
- Shingo Takagi lost the NEVER title, the undisputed highlight of 2020 New Japan, to Hiroshi Tanahashi. It went 40 minutes. Tana defended the belt against Great-O-Khan in an underwhelming Wrestle Kingdom rematch and lost the belt to Jay White. It went 40 minutes. The NEVER title is now indistinguishable from the IWGP Intercontinental Championship, a tool to keep main eventers busy.
- New Japan booked a three-night New Beginning show over two venues, then a two-night Castle Attack show, then two nights of Wrestling Dontaku. This is nothing new, they stretch these events through multiple nights as a way to recoup lost revenue, but that left most of these cards paper thin. The worst offender by far is Castle Attack Night 1, perhaps the worst card I’ve seen in years. I’ve been to funerals less depressing.
- Hiromu Takahashi defended the Junior title against SHO in a brutal 35-minute main event. I don’t mean “brutal” as in “hard-hitting”, I mean watching it felt like a Saw trap. As this was happening, El Phantasmo and Taiji Ishimori won the Jr. tags, with Phantasmo positioned for a rematch against the Time Bomb. Hiromu got injured (again), so ELP and Taiji dropped the tag belts back immediately. This saved us from watching another Hiromu vs. ELP match, though, so there’s that.
- The Guerrillas of Destiny vs. Dangerous Tekkers tag team title feud continued uninterrupted for almost six months. Kinda like those old territory feuds from the ‘80s, except it’s not a draw, not even slightly. Highlights include a 30-minute no-contest title match and a 30-minute “Iron Fingers from Hell” ladder bout between Taichi and Tama Tonga. I haven’t seen either match, nor do I plan to. For comparison, TLC 2 went 15 minutes. It’s an unfair comparison, but I don’t really care.
- Kota Ibushi had a surprisingly good reign! A miraculously good defense against SANADA, a rematch with Naito that improved on their weak Wrestle Kingdom outing and a barn burner with Desperado at Anniversary Event. And then… and then. New Japan decided to merge the Heavyweight and Intercontinental titles and hit the reset button, creating a brand new, very homely belt with an empty lineage. No one liked this. Kota held the belt for 30 days and lost it on his first defense to Will Ospreay. Great work.
- The New Japan Cup happened, and it was… great. Yeah, really. After a standout tournament, Will Ospreay wrestled Shingo Takagi again to diminishing returns and then attacked his girlfriend Bea Priestley in a segment that I’m not touching with a 20-foot pole. He later defeated Kota Ibushi for the Power Rangers Championship. I watched both of these matches and I barely remember them. Ospreay then challenged Kazuchika Okada (who is injured beyond belief) before getting challenged himself by Shingo Takagi, who had just lost to Ospreay. Who the fuck books shows like this.
- Speaking of, New Japan booked 50 fucking shows in a row. After Sakura Genesis, we had Wrestling Satsuma no Kuni, a two-night event (with a barebones card, naturally) in Kagoshima, Kota Ibushi’s hometown. This was after Ibushi lost the Heavyweight title. Then we had two nights of Wrestling Dontaku, quickly followed by Wrestle Grand Slam in Yokohama Stadium and the Tokyo Dome. And then Dominion a week after that. If that sounds like too much, don’t worry, most of these aren’t happening. About a third of the roster went down with COVID-19 and a bunch of these shows got cancelled due to their venues undergoing State of Emergency. And then Will Ospreay got injured.
You might be thinking “how is this New Japan’s fault?” but understand, New Japan is not a victim of circumstance. Beyond COVID, SOEs and Will Ospreay… NJPW’s booking is abysmal. It’s been abysmal since Jay White beat Kota Ibushi for the G1 Briefcase at the earliest, and everything from that point onwards has been a crescendo of bad decisions. Remember the Bullet Club Cold War that completely fizzled out? Or the road to the WK main events? Or the build to SANADA vs. Ibushi, where absolutely nothing happened? How about Naito challenging for the Intercontinental Championship BUT NOT THE HEAVYWEIGHT for reasons that were never properly explained? I have ten more examples where those came from. Watching 2021 New Japan feels like going through dementia.
900 words, we haven’t even gotten started.
BOTCH: Setting Up for Disappointment
A notable (if understandable) issue with this year’s edition of Dominion is the card. Due to injury, COVID and travel issues, New Japan could only book three proper matches for this show. The undercard is comprised of, you guessed it, filler tags. Fine enough. We open the show with the Time Bomb, Hiromu Takahashi. Don’t get too excited, he’s still injured, but he runs down the card in very Hiromu fashion. Hiromu promos have never been my thing, to be honest, but still, always good to see him.
Alright, opening match, 10-man tag: Bullet Club (EVIL/Yujiro Takahashi/Chase Owens/El Phantasmo/Taiji Ishimori) vs. CHAOS (Hirooki Goto/Tomohiro Ishii/YOSHI-HASHI/SHO) and Hiroshi Tanahashi. Tana’s currently going through one of his quarterly “I got nothing better going on” periods. Multi-man tags are an inevitability, the work is often perfectly fine and they may include a couple highlights, but 9/10 times there’s nothing to them beyond booking other shit. Ishimori’s the easy MVP here, though ELP gets a couple points for his back rake Van Terminator and lovely hair. Obviously, this is just a way to set up a NEVER 6-man title challenge from Bullet Club, though they seem to be going out of their way to pick the worst possible lineup.
EVIL challenging for the 6-man belts isn’t too surprising, he went from Double Champ to KOPW guy in under a year. Dick Togo getting a title match would be cool, but I’m 90% sure he’s gonna get replaced by Chase Owens. And then there’s Yujiro Takahashi, who somehow keeps getting into title matches despite literally being Yujiro Takahashi. ELP and Ishimori are nowhere to be seen, but since Ishimori pinned one half of the Jr. tag champs here, I suppose they’ll be busy. It’s hard to get excited about another Roppongi 3K vs. Bullet Club match, mainly because they’ve never been a great matchup, but also because the division is made up of four teams. Get hyped!
POP: Get Hyped (In Earnest)
We continue with a 6-man bout, LIJ (Tetsuya Naito/SANADA/BUSHI) vs. Suzuki-gun (Taichi/ZSJ/DOUKI) AKA “Los Locos – Dangerous Tekkers”. Miho Abe returned to New Japan recently, but she’s not here tonight, for some reason. Maybe they figured DOUKI was enough. Naito’s currently out of the World Title picture, so he’s aiming for DT’s tag straps. Unfortunately, Shingo’s occupied so he’s gotta tag with SANADA. The good news is that LIJ vs. Dangerous Tekkers will most likely be a great match. SANADA’s got chemistry with Zack and Naito’s got chemistry with most people on two legs. We get a really fun back and forth in the early portion of this match, and SANADA gets the fall on Zack after a great extended reversal sequence. Points to all four guys, getting me excited about New Japan’s tag division is no easy feat.
SLIGHT POP: Aye YOH
Now onto the proper card, El Desperado defends the IWGP Jr. Heavyweight Championship against Roppongi 3K’s YOH. El Desperado’s 2021 has been outstanding so far, as Hiromu’s injury finally gave the nearly-man a chance to thrive. In the blink of an eye, Despy won all the Junior gold (or silver, rather) and main evented New Japan’s Anniversary Event alongside Kota Ibushi. A month later, YOH returned from injury and took back his Jr. tags from Suzuki-gun, and here we are, Desperado’s first defense. This match was initially booked for Wrestling Dontaku, and I was really looking forward to it until Desperado tested positive for COVID.
YOH’s theme might be the worst theme song in New Japan right now. His new tag theme is pretty cool, so I don’t know what the hell happened there. It’s a simple dynamic at play: YOH’s clean and handsome, Desperado hates his guts. Despy plays dirty to target YOH’s recently injured knee, and then YOH targets Despy’s knee. Man, wrestlers really need to start working different bodyparts. Can someone please target a shoulder? An eye? A wrist? I don’t think I need to see any more Dragon Screws. Both guys are great at working the knee, but they’re not that great at selling it! For example, you got YOH going for topés anytime Despy isn’t actively kicking him in the leg.
The leg work does have its high points, like this beautiful Numero Dos roll-up sequence. YOH eventually catches Desperado in the Stargazer, but he locks it on the healthy leg. By the time he manages to modify it to target Despy’s injury, Desperado’s grabs the bottom rope. Such a great spot. YOH gets fired up for a big comeback and swiftly runs into a punch to the face. Pinche Loco follows, and Despy retains. This was a very Jr. tag-esque title match, which makes sense considering the players involved. Jr. tag team title matches are often good-but-unspectacular 20 minute bouts, and this one fits right in. A good watch, just shy of being anything great. ELP and Ishimori come out so Phantasmo can cut a terrible promo and challenge everybody in the pool: Bullet Club vs. 3K for the tag titles and Ishimori vs. Desperado 1-on-1. The latter sounds cool.
BOTCH: Cobb a Feel
This one’s not all that complicated. Kota Ibushi unified the Double Gold, immediately lost it to Will Ospreay and got attacked by Ospreay’s pitbull, Jeff Cobb. Whoever wins this match is probably the de-facto Number 1 Contender, and Jeff Cobb is absolutely not winning this match. Commentary talks this one up like it’s gonna be Frye/Takayama but it gets boring pretty damn quick. The first ten minutes are extremely pedestrian, which is precisely what I would’ve expected going in, but all this talk of UNSCRIPTED VIOLENCE tricked me into thinking they were gonna do something interesting. Kota hits a gorgeous quebrada and the match finally settles into a nice groove.
Kota does what his dumb ass always does and hits Kamigoye with the kneepad up, and of course Cobb kicks out. The Kamigoye’s like the Skull-Crushing Finale, you’re not a proper wrestler until you kick out of it once per match. Cobb lands his own version and that fails as well, obviously. He goes for Tour of the Islands but Kota reverses into a roll-up for two. Cobb tries to reverse a knee strike into a deadlift something-or-other, but his legs give way and Kota crushes Jeff’s shoulder under his knee. You can hear Cobb grunt like he got shot, must’ve hurt like a motherfucker. They go home immediately as Kota lands Kamigoye for three.
I should be happy that a big New Japan match went under 20 minutes, but I’m pretty sure that wasn’t the plan. If they knew that they were wrestling a short(ish) match they probably would’ve paced the first half accordingly instead of farting around for ten minutes, and there’s also the small matter whatever the fuck that finish was. Eh, Kota wins, same difference.
???: Way of the Dragon
As stated previously, Will Ospreay defeated Kota Ibushi for the IWGP World Heavyweight Championship and promptly challenged Kazuchika Okada. Shingo Takagi came barging in to demand a title shot first, even though he’d just lost to Ospreay in the New Japan Cup Finals. Shingo then lost to Ospreay again. Ospreay got injured, so in order to determine a new champion, Okada gets his shot… against Shingo. Now look, it makes sense that Shingo would want another opportunity right after losing to Ospreay twice in a row. He’s not gonna go to the back of the line, he’s Shingo, he doesn’t give a shit. He wants his shot now, and if anybody has a problem, they can take it up with him.
What I’m asking is, why would New Japan book Shingo in another title match given that he’s the least credible challenger we’ve had since Goto was in the title picture? This dude’s had exactly one title match and he’s already a bigger loser than SANADA. With Ospreay out, New Japan had the chance to improvise and book something fun, something interesting. Maybe a mini-tournament, a gauntlet, a multi-man elimination, a fresh singles match, whatever. Shingo’s a weak challenger who doesn’t need another loss. Okada’s back is fucked, he just came back from COVID and he’s clearly not in shape to handle a champion’s schedule. Shingo Takagi vs. Kazuchika Okada is somehow the dumbest and least interesting route at the same damn time.
They work the trademark IWGP slow opening stretch and Okada tweaks his lower back, giving Shingo a target. It’s not exciting, but it’s not bad either. Okada lands the hanging DDT on the railing, hits Heavy Rain and goes for the dreaded Money Clip, but Shingo quickly gets to the ropes. Shingo keeps focus on Okada’s midsection because he’s secretly really, really good at working a body part. Okada’s still on his bullshit so he keeps going for the Money Clip, and they tease a repeat of last year’s G1. They slowly head outside and Shingo lands Made in Japan on the floor (which is admittedly pretty cool) followed by a count-out tease. This is may be the worst possible match to tease a count-out, man. Shingo hits a gnarly corner lariat followed by the avalanche DVD, and we’re somehow thirty minutes in.
Okada hears the timekeeper’s call and seemingly springs into the finish (timekeeper calls are diegetic!), hits a Tombstone, sets up the Rainmaker and gets blown the fuck out. After some strike exchanges, Shingo hits his own Rainmaker (get used to this spot), dumps Okada on top of his head, forerarms him into the next dimension and hits Last of the Dragon… for three. Yes, Shingo Takagi won the Heavyweight title. Well, points for that! I honestly thought they were just gonna put the belt on Okada again, and I’m so glad I was wrong.
The match itself was, to put it bluntly, an IWGP Heavyweight title match. A good effort from both men, even if Okada wasn’t all there. Definitely not bad, but it’s a +30 minute epic. If you watch New Japan, you’ve seen 50 of these. I don’t want to sound like an asshole here, New Japan put the belt on someone fresh and avoided potential disaster. I applaud that. But IWGP title matches are IWGP title matches, and this one in particular just felt like an extension of the trope. Unless they do something different, these matches no longer stand out. But hey, Shingo Takagi won the big one, and no matter how many 40 minute main events he works, Shingo Takagi’s still my guy. He calls out Kota Ibushi, and we have our next program.
Is New Japan saved? Not really. COVID is still an immense handicap, moreso than with any other company. Their roster is depleted, and their strict booking pattern and increasingly stagnant style will eventually take their toll. It’s a rough patch for New Japan, and that’s not changing anytime soon.
But even through dark days, small as it may be… there’s a glimmer of hope.
Thanks for reading.
