Evening, folks! I’m Bachur, and I welcome you to PART 2 of a very special one-off edition of Pops & Botches: New Japan. Where we left off, four weirdos qualified for a trophy, Hiromu Takahashi had a bad match, the Guerrillas of Destiny won the big one, KENTA killed time until Jon Moxley shows up, Tanahashi overcame the Great-O-Khan, Kazuchika Okada and Will Ospreay somehow had a good match, and Kota Ibushi became God. Or that’s what he says, anyways. Wrestle Kingdom 15, baby!
???: Trophy Kids
Right, now I gotta explain what KOPW is. Sometime last year, a very bored Kazuchika Okada created a new award, because New Japan definitely doesn’t have enough titles already. Thus, KOPW 2020 was born: a trophy to be defended in gimmick matches throughout the year. Toru Yano became the first provisional KOPW champion at Summer Struggle, then became the actual KOPW champion by defending it until December. The official KOPW champ is whoever holds it at the end of the year. Which begs the question: “why challenge anytime from January to November if it doesn’t count”. Actually, no, the question is “why challenge”. Seriously, what is the point of this trophy, aside from entertaining Toru Yano’s twisted mind? Does the holder get a title shot? A pay raise? A fruit basket, anything?
Last night, four pillars of New Japan won the Rambo battle royal to qualify for this match. Again, our participants are BUSHI, Chase Owens, Bad Luck Fale and Toru Yano. Yeah, I still don’t see it. I made a mistake yesterday, though, when I said this would be a gimmick match, it’s not. KOPW is defended in gimmick matches (both wrestlers suggest a weird gimmick and the fans vote on it, whenever the wrestlers remember how this works, that is) but it’s won in a regular Four-Way.
Before we start, a quick reminder that these guys got on the Wrestle Kingdom card twice. We start the match with a BC Fingerpoke of Doom, and Chase even tries to 2 Sweet BUSHI. Bullet Club BUSHI would be one hell of a long-con, honestly. Chase lets Fale get most of the pins, but Fale’s an asshole, so he stops Chase from pinning BUSHI. They argue, choke the ref, and get punched in the balls by Yano. Yano pins the prone BUSHI, and we have our Provisional KOPW. Truth be told, Yano should probably hold that trophy from now until we all collectively forget about it. So, six months. This match was harmless.
SLIGHT POP: Aces or Eights
Next up, Junior Tag Team Championships on the line, as El Desperado and Yoshinobu Kanemaru defend against “One or Eight”. “One or Eight” are Master Wato and Ryusuke Taguchi, accompanied by Hiroyoshi Tenzan, Wato’s weird uncle. The team name is some sort of pun in Japanese that I’m not privy to. A bit of background: at the New Japan Cup finals last year, fans witnessed the birth of “Way to the Grand Master”, Master Wato. “Way to the Grand Master” is his nickname, which is very confusing. After his debut, Wato became embroiled in a feud with Suzuki-gun’s Yoshinobu Kanemaru, who defeated him at Summer Struggle. New Japan set up a small round-robin tournament for the vacant IWGP Jr. tags, eventually won by Suzuki-gun’s Despy and Kanemaru. The champs took a loss to One or Eight early in the tournament, though, justifying their title shot here.
Oh, I should also mention, Desperado tore the fucking house down with Hiromu Takahashi last month in yet another in the long line of molten Best of the Super Juniors finals. A lot of people came out of that match saying Despy should probably be the top New Japan Junior heel! And when it rains, grass gets wet! Wato’s gotten a lot of slack from fans, mostly due to his dumb look, dumb gimmick and dumb face. And while he’s rough around the edges, he’s got a huge upside and he’s still only 23. And I, for one, think his gear has GREATLY improved. Look at my boy! Very fashionable.
Like the vast majority of Junior tag titles matches, this one’s pretty good! Suzuki-gun are a fantastic heel tag, and they use every possible trick to give themselves the winning edge. The faces fight back with exciting offense and… shoving their ass in people’s faces. That’s Taguchi’s thing, we just let him be. The heels mostly focus on ol’ Gucci’s knee for Despy’s submission finisher, Numero 2. Wato’s still very wet behind the ears, too, which gives the heels another advantage. Unfortunately, this one also suffers from a strangely abrupt ending, as Desperado lands a closed fist on Taguchi followed by Pinche Loco for the win. Solid. Unspectacular, but solid. Our lovable Ass Masters will probably get those belts before long, and if New Japan knows what they’re doing, Desperado’s going places.
POP: Good Cobb, Bad Cobb
Safe to say, Empire’s had a rough time coming out the gate. Both Ospreay and O-Khan took losses yesterday, but now they get to turn it all around: Empire’s Jeff Cobb challenges Shingo Takagi for the NEVER Openweight Championship. Not much story around this one: Cobb had a great G1, broke bad, kicked Shingo’s ass, and here we are. The NEVER title has been the undisputed highlight of New Japan for me this year, as Shingo’s been able to prove his chops against guys like SHO, Desperado and Minoru Suzuki. When Suzuki defeated Shingo for the belt at Summer Struggle, I thought for sure we’d get a rematch between those two at Wrestle Kingdom. It wasn’t to be, but while Shingo vs. Cobb doesn’t sound like money at first, these two have been an outstanding combination.
The NEVER Openweight Championship can occasionally fall victim to the “elbow, lariat, yell, repeat” routine, but the magic of this match is that Shingo can’t simply run at Cobb until he wins. Cobb is, according to Shingo, “a test from God”. The Dragon is outclassed in every category: Cobb is bigger, stronger, faster, heavier, more agile. Does Shingo have the wits to survive Cobb, or can Empire leave Wrestle Kingdom with some gold around their shoulder? After a traditional NEVER start, the boys swiftly head outside, which ends very badly for Shingo. Takagi’s forced to improvise (Flying Dragon!), but he eventually goes back to the power moves to try and keep up. When that fails, he targets Cobb’s base, going after his legs late in the match.
Cobb manages to hit Tour of the Islands but hurts his now injured knee, giving Shingo some respite. As Cobb keeps going for his finisher, Shingo keeps avoiding it, hitting easily the gnarliest lariat of the year so far. After over 20 minutes of fighting from underneath, Shingo goes full tilt. Last of the Dragon, and the Dragon survives. Not the result I expected at all, but god DAMN I love these guys. Insanely entertaining stuff, with Shingo finding creative openings to make his offense believable while still delivering on the NEVER style. Credit to Cobb as well for doing his thing, that guy’s been dope this past year. I have no clue what becomes of Empire now, but the NEVER title is in pretty safe hands for the moment.
POP, I GUESS?: See No EVIL
Ah, EVIL. EVIL, EVIL, EVIL, EVIL. The former LIJ bruiser had a fairly eventful 2020, huh? He began the year as a fantastic six-man champion, won the New Japan Cup after The Reset, and executed the greatest 2 Sweet in wrestling history. Without Jay White to hold the fort, Bullet Club welcomed EVIL, and the King of Darkness got a sick new theme song and a baller entrance pose. EVIL shockingly defeated Tetsuya Naito at Dominion for the double gold in a match that blew so much ass. Accompanied by Dick Togo, EVIL defended the belts against Hiromu (wasn’t a great match either, don’t worry) before dropping them back to Naito at Summer Struggle. Though his reign wasn’t what I’d call “good”, the EVIL experiment gave New Japan a new main event heel, and the dude is a legit top-level star now.
On the other end, there’s SANADA, his former tag team partner. SANADA loses big matches, it’s what defines him. He lost to EVIL in the New Japan Cup semis, defeated him to advance his block in the G1, and lost to Kota Ibushi in the G1 Finals. Neither of those three matches were very good, because SANADA’s matches are often not very good. I mean, he’s good, but his matches aren’t, if that makes sense. Or maybe he’s not good. I don’t know, I don’t really care enough about SANADA to think it through. The story here is that SANADA’s sort of angry at EVIL for turning on LIJ. Might sound obvious to you, but for SANADA, that’s a huge step!
We get a cute little sequence at the start with both men trying every finisher in their playbook, and SANADA gets the early advantage with a Paradise Lock. Well, there goes the “SANADA is angry” story. This is supposed to be your nemesis, do you really wanna do wristlocks right now? EVIL takes it outside and uses SANADA to blow the timekeeper the FUCK out (twice), my favorite EVIL spot by a mile. I’ll give these two some credit, they do wrestle like they know each other. They know each other’s spots, they flow and they reverse, they add little sprinkles to the shit they always do. The issue is, they don’t really wrestle with any kind of grudge. It’s less of a “former brothers turned enemies” and more of a “I’ve wrestled this dude a lot and know what his moves are”.
There’s no mean streak. EVIL doesn’t beat SANADA harder than he would Tanahashi. SANADA’s not angrier at EVIL than he’d be at KENTA. They’re two dudes having a very competent if tonally misaimed match. EVIL bumps the ref and double-teams SANADA with Dick’s help, but SANADA fights back. He does his usual “have someone beat with my shitty submission, let go of them and hit a Moonsault” and, as always, it backfires. I’m beginning to realize EVIL was the smart one of the two. SANADA gets rid of Dick in spectacular Tokyo Dome fashion and EVIL looks on like he just saw his own father perish in front of him. After a cool finishing sequence, SANADA hits EVIL with his own finisher and beats him straight up with the Moonsault. I suppose it’s the best match these two were going to have, so… not too shabby.
POP: Shrapnel
After having probably the worst singles match of his career yesterday, Hiromu looks to reclaim his place at the top of the Junior pile against Champion Taiji Ishimori. The Bone Soldier rebounded off Hiromu’s loss to EVIL and defeated an injured Takahashi for the title at Summer Struggle. Despite being champion, Ishimori’s been playing second fiddle to the Time Bomb, and I’d be pissed if I were Taiji. These guys have had three singles matches so far: one of the greatest New Japan matches of the last decade in the 2018 BOSJ finals, a breakneck barn burner at Summer Struggle, and a great main event in the first night of BOSJ 2020. Hiromu’s still on his bullshit, but I prefer it over Ishimori’s cheap-ass predator helmet. Also, he’s added a weird blonde mullet to his fringe, and it looks as bad as it sounds.
Like Summer Struggle, Hiromu enters with an injury, this time his right hand and later the left shoulder. Hand, shoulder, the whole shebang. It can’t be easy to structure a match around someone’s hand without devolving into ~finger manipulation~, so I’ll let it slide. He goes for the Great Muta Memorial Ramp Sprint and fails miserably, allowing Ishimori to get back in control. It’s a certainly a big Junior title match, albeit one with occassional pauses to pace themselves for match length, which I don’t love. Still, plenty of cool spots, a metric ton of reversals, and the striking sequences are a particular highlight. There’s a fantastic stretch where Ishimori just whales on the top junior for like two minutes, and you really get a sense of the frustration of a Junior Champion getting relegated to second place in his own division. Must’ve been cathartic.
It’s not all unga-unga Canadian Destroyers though, Ishimori targets the shoulder quite a bit to set up the Yes Lock and modifies it to affect the injured hand. Hiromu’s eventually able to use Chekhov’s exposed corner and lands the Time Bomb for a nearfall. He sets up Time Bomb II, but a sick reversal sequence brings him into the Bone Lock. Ishimori tries to transition into the Bloody Cross, but Hiromu reverses into Victory Royale (so many move names). This sets up Time Bomb II and, after 25 minutes, the Time Bomb wins. While it was a tad longer than it needed to be, it’s another great Junior title match for Hiromu, add it to the list. Commentary ponders if Junior Heavyweights can rise to the main event scene, and for one second, I believe them. Keep an eye on that Junior belt, Juniors do not miss. (UPDATE: Juniors may miss)
POP: Blade Walker
Last night, Kota Ibushi dethroned Tetsuya Naito for the belts and presumably made good on his promise to “become god”. Kota talks about becoming god a lot, I was starting to get a little worried. G1 briefcase holder and all-around piece of shit Jay White came out to air-wank in front of Ibushi, and here we are. For those keeping score, Kota defeated Jay White in the 2019 G1 Finals to win the tournament, but lost to Kazuchika Okada at Wrestle Kingdom 14. Since both Jay and Kota lost their respective title matches at WK 14 Night 1, they faced off during Night 2, exactly one year ago. Jay beat Kota. And then he beat him again at G1. And then he beat him again at Power Struggle. Kota is 0-3 against Jay White in the last 365 days, now he must defend his newly-won titles against a fresh Switchblade.
That was my best attempt to make this sound exciting because in all honesty, I’m not that pumped. Kota and Jay had a great match in the G1 Finals, and their work since then has been consistently solid, but Jay vs. Kota is the least exciting outcome here. I appreciate what New Japan is trying to do, booking a Wrestle Kingdom main event without Naito, Okada or Tanahashi… hell, booking a Wrestle Kingdom show without Naito, Okada or Tanahashi. In a vacuum, Kota vs. Jay works. But I’ve already explained (at length) how immensely stupid the path to the two-night Dome was, and tonight’s main suffers from it. There were three possible combinations from the triangle main event: Naito vs. Jay, Naito vs. Kota, Jay vs. Kota.
- Naito vs. Jay is a match with history. Naito wrestles the final boss of the faction that’s made his life a living hell in order to finally get his moment of triumph.
- Naito vs. Kota is the exciting option. Two guys ready to kill each other and have a balls-out spectacular bout.
- Jay vs. Kota is a match I’ve seen three times in one year.
This isn’t me being a Naito fanboy or anything, it’s just the weakest of the three options to close on. Either way, this will probably be good. Jay teases the usual Jay schtick, entering and leaving the ring, but he tells Kota he’ll play fair and beat him straight up. He won’t, but you already knew that. They go outside (dammit Jay) and he backdrops Kota neck-first on the apron. Jay spends time slowly working over the ribs and being really obnoxious, and he eventually goes back to Kota’s knees. When in Rome, do as the Romans. Kota hints at a comeback a few times but doesn’t get to do anything exciting before Jay cuts him off. Kota winds up taking control after a strike exchange, and we’re 20 minutes in. Almost automatically, Kota lands an exciting move THE SECOND he hears the timekeeper’s call.
Now that we’ve spent 20 minutes on something we could’ve done in 8, the match begins. Jay hits DA KIWI! for a nearfall and sets up Blade Runner but Kota beautifully reverses into a backdrop. In a fantastic spot, Jay gets a backslide on Kota with his feet on the ropes (same way he won the briefcase) but Red Shoes sees it at the last possible second. Ibushi goes for Kamigoye (with the kneepad on, like an idiot), though Jay blocks it. Kota sets up the Phoenix Splash, and Gedo stalls him until Jay revives. After teasing an avalanche Sleeper Suplex, Jay returns to the knee and locks Kota in the Tanahashi Tap Out. Ibushi Tap Out, whatever. Ibushi gets to the ropes and enters the Danger Zone, commonly referred to as “Murder Ibu”.
He literally and figuratively kicks Jay’s ass until Jay lays down and says “cover me”. Kota’s not exactly agreeable right now, so he keeps beating on Jay and even pushes Red Shoes aside. With the ref down, Jay punches Kota in the crotch, takes him back outside and targets the ribs again. Momentum shifts, Ibushi gets the Golden Star Bomb, but Jay BARELY raises the shoulder one inch from the canvas. Kota looks for Kamigoye, reversed into the Sleeper Suplex, and Jay starts asking Gedo what to do. I dunno Jay, finish the match maybe? We’re 40 minutes in, that sounds like the way to go. Blade Runner gets reversed into Kamigoye… for a nearfall. That ffffffucking kneepad. Kota finally lands the Phoenix splash, but Gedo pulls the ref out mid-count. Kamigoye for Gedo, just in case.
Kota gets Red Shoes back in and walks straight into a Blade Runner for an insane nearfall. First time anyone kicks out of that! Jay locks Kota in the ITO, and they tease a ref stoppage before he makes the ropes. After a few reversals, Jay lands a cross-arm Brainbuster (Charlton calls it “Bloody Sunday”, but it’s not) and sets up Blade Runner, only to be thwarted again. Kota tries to set up Kamigoye and Jay keeps fighting out of it, reversing into a Blade Runner. Kota REVERSES THE REVERSAL, goes absolutely sicko mode and lands Kamigoye to the back of the head. Kneepad down, one more for the road. Kota lives another day. Egregiously long, 48 minutes, but fucking hell did the second half overdeliver. Jay cradles the belts after the bell, so damn close.
SANADA walks out with that drip to ask for a title shot, cause apparently that couldn’t wait until tomorrow, but we’ll deal with the nightmare of Kota vs. SANADA some other time. Tonight, the Golden Star soars! So, that was Wrestle Kingdom, Night 2. It absolutely smoked Night 1, no contest. What happens to New Japan now? SANADA challenges? Jay White quits? Title unification? Well, with a bit of luck, maybe we can finally leave the tiresome and formulaic IWGP title trends of the last few years behind. Maybe this new main event scene signals the winds of change. Maybe we’ll get something new, something fresh.
Or maybe they put the belt on Okada again.
