Week Three: WWF Monday Night Raw – September 21, 1995
Welcome back to Monday Night Rewind, a Pops & Botches-flavored look back at the Monday Night Wars, through the lens of someone who didn’t really live through them. Previously on Raw, Vince McMahon answered the opening volley of the Southern upstart, WCW, with…business as usual? Well, I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised; with the exception of what’s coming in the next four to five years, WWF/E has mostly pretended to exist in its own pocket universe of professional wrestling.
This week, Raw gets preempted AGAIN, but at least they only have to wait until Thursday this time. It’s the go home show for In Your House (Season 1, Episode 3, according to Peacock’s super well designed layout). This, combined with the preemption, will in no way put all storylines into a holding pattern, bereft of any real forward momentum, I’m sure!
BOTCH (but mostly because of modern WWE): RECAPS
It’s a long running joke that WWE loves to beat their current audience over the head with reminders of things that have happened less than two hours ago (sometimes literally just before the last commercial break), so I fully admit that my immediate reaction of “A FUCKING RECAP!?” may be a little unwarranted.
We do get a literal “Earlier Tonight” clip later in the one-hour show, though, so I’m still gonna yell about it.
Quick side-botch, the fantastically terrible “I Like it Raw” theme song apparently lasted all of one week. The first two minutes of this episode are really letting me down.
POP: Long-Term Storytelling!
When the 1-2-3 Kid kept talking about how he’d beaten Razor Ramon the last time they met, I assumed he was referencing something that had happened within the last month or two, at the oldest. Turns out the joke’s on me, it’s been over two years since these two fought. That’s absolutely mind-boggling for a viewer of the company today.
The majority of my wrestling fandom has taken place in an era where opponents in WWE are locked in orbit for three, four, five months straight sometimes. This is especially true if it’s a rookie that manages to sneak one in on an established star. They typically exist in a wasteland of back-and-forth booking, occasionally broken up with a “Can they co-exist?” tag match. That the Kid and Razor hadn’t met on opposite sides of the ring for twenty-eight months is nothing short of miraculous to me.
The sense of wonder, unfortunately, wasn’t meant to last.
BOTCH: Teach, Don’t Kill My Vibe
In the first instance of “totally not in a holding pattern” tonight, this hot as hell rematch gets wasted on furthering the feud between Razor Ramon and Dean Douglas, set to blow off this Sunday at In Your House.
The match itself is telling an amazing story, it’s just given a painfully short amount of time to do so. The Kid is quite literally throwing himself at Razor to try and take the big man down. He’s desperate to prove himself again, never mind the absolutely stacked odds. My immediate thought was “less suicidal Darby Allin.”
Meanwhile, Razor is doing what most big men do to scrappy cruisers and ragdolling the Kid across the ring. He doesn’t overdo it and turn heel with an unnecessary beatdown, though, which is great. He launches the Kid, then just looks at him, clear as day saying, “You sure about this?” It’s a fantastic story of a guy reluctantly handing out some tough love lessons to his little shit of a younger brother.
All good things must end, however, and Dean Douglas shows up to speed that along. We get almost the exact same finish as last week, with Douglas hitting Razor from the top rope while the fragile ass ref is out cold. The only difference this week is that Razor gets pinned instead of disqualified. I do appreciate that the Kid was also taking a quick power nap after the ref bump, so he is unaware of the interference and maintains his babyface underdog status.
I get that WWF wanted to keep the feud between Razor and Douglas fresh in the fans’ minds heading into the pay-per-view, but damn, instead of burning something with years of history behind it, I wish they’d just used some meaningless match-up.
Oh, kind of like the literal very next match!
BOTCH: I Don’t Even Know
Top to bottom, this was just an absolute shitshow. Tatanka and Kama, apparently both working for the Million Dollar Man for some reason (as the Million Dollar Corporation, natch), are fighting the also absolutely befuddling team-up of Savio Vega and Bob “Sparkplug” Holly (new team name: “Los NASCARicuas”). It goes…about as well as you’d imagine.
The fun starts when Kama tags in and does the giant monster step over the ropes. Problem is, Kama is neither giant nor monster, so he nearly gets lifted back up into the air by the rope. The match breaks down not long after into the most egregious shattering of suspension of disbelief I’ve seen, even by professional wrestling standards.
It’s no secret that squared circle refs are a generally dim lot, but the complete lack of situational awareness it would have taken this guy to not notice the absolute woodshed double-team beating Savio Vega is taking behind him is frankly uncanny. Topped off with Bob Holly’s inability to understand the concept of “ref no see bad thing because Bob in ring,” I was literally sitting with my head in my hands watching this.
Kama eventually counters Holly’s diving…something into a…something else and gets the pin. I assumed it was just a simple roll-up, but Vince screams that “Kama buried Holly!” so I’ll chalk it up to what must have been Kevin Dunn’s first day on the job with that camera cut.
I CAN’T EVEN: Background Visuals
Jean-Pierre LaFitte whips the absolute dog shit out of Brian Walsh so Bret Hart can have a telephone interview from the set of Lonesome Dove. That’s it. That’s the segment.
POP: Oh, Thank God, Owen’s Here
First things first, I absolutely hate that we live in a timeline where Owen Hart isn’t living his best life as the wrestling royalty he deserved to be. He’s out here in a zero stakes match like he’s fighting for the belts at WrestleMania. I’m going to appreciate every moment I have with this man throughout this long jaunt through wrestling history.
Shockingly, that zero stakes match is actually pretty damn entertaining. Obviously, Owen gets a good portion of the credit, fighting with his fellow Tag Team Champion Yokozuna against Men on a Mission, King Mabel and Sir Mo. I was surprised, however, to see that Sir Mo ain’t half bad, either. Yokozuna and Mabel also play their parts perfectly, only coming in as long as it takes to wreck the smaller of their opponents until it’s time for the big, meaty men to slap meat.
And when said meat slapping arrives, the crowd goes BANANAS. They are absolutely on fire for the big boys to do their best to break the ring, and it adds so much to what could have easily been a lackluster confrontation.
Side note: Yokozuna hits Sir Mo at one point with a chop so vicious that I’m not entirely unsure he may have an Austrian son currently working for the company.
SIDE EYE: Writing Checks Your Bookers Can’t Cash
Even if I hadn’t seen some vague spoilers that make me suspect there may be shenanigans ahoy in Sunday’s triple header main event, the constant guarantees of “SOMEBODY is going to lose their gold!” and “Titles WILL change hands!” would leave me more than a little suspicious. I’ll continue to cross my fingers for a good match, at least, and with Owen Hart and Prime Shawn Michaels, I don’t think that’s too much to hope for.
That does it for this week’s episode of Monday Thursday Night Raw. Full steam ahead for In Your House on Sunday! I know we’re all chomping at the bit for that hot, hot Savio Vega vs. Waylon Mercy action!
Be sure to leave a comment and swing by our Discord if you’re not already there (the live chats during today’s wrestling shows can’t be beat), and I’ll see you back here for In Your House 3: Totally Not Gonna Have a Screwy Finish!
