Apollo Crews didn’t believe in ties, Roman & Heyman didn’t believe they’re not the ones really in charge, & the rest of us didn’t believe they’d finally remember Shinsuka Nakamura is one of the best people on their roster & maybe they should utilize him more. And then they did!
SmackDown’s still in full Royal Rumble build mode at this point with over two weeks to go, so let’s see what happened tonight to round out their side of the card.
For Whom The Ding Dong Tolls
I mean come on…
I mean COME ON!!
Just when you think WWE has jumped the shark with these in ring talk shows, they go ahead & do something like this… And totally redeem themselves!
The Ding Dong Show’s first episode was fantastic. Bayley showing up looking like the love child of Sally Jessy Raphael & Edna Mode was laugh out loud funny. The best part by far is the presence of the actual standalone door in the middle of the ring, complete with ding dong sound effect, that Bayley forces Bianca to go through. It’s made even better by Bayley wondering aloud “Who is it??” & Bianca’s deadpan reply of “…You know who it is”. Not to be all pomp & circumstance, Bayley becomes perhaps the best journalism in WWE by asking the hard hitting questions like how can Bianca be the best when Bayley’s beaten her? Take note, army of Cathy Kelley wannabes.
The whole thing is a hilarious plot point to get to their rematc… or umm… obstacle course face off next week? Sure, why not? Bonus points if there’s a keg race & Michael Cole has a gong like the good old NXT Game Show days.
Strong Stylin’ & Profilin’
Pump main event players Shinsuke Nakamura & Cesaro into my veins yesterday. Those two have been solid as a tag team over the past year or so, but let’s be honest, that’s not where they belong. Now that SmackDown’s tag division isn’t on life support anymore & there’s another handful of teams on the roster, these two can shine in the middle or top of the card, which is the right call.
First up, we have Nakamura getting some semblance of revenge against Jey Uso for stealing his #1 contendership from him last week along with Reigns. The win here doesn’t undo that slight against him, but kicking somebody in the face must make him feel a little bit better. As we find out later, Owens, not Nakamura (wtf Pearce?), will be facing off with Reigns at The Rumble, so it leaves me wondering where that leaves Nak in the interim. You can probably just throw him in actual Rumble Match, but I’m talking more long term assuming he doesn’t win the thing. I’d hate to see them build him up like that & then stall his momentum for three or four weeks.
Speaking of stalled momentum, Cesaro’s out here getting clean wins over Daniel Bryan & perking my ears up big time. Bryan seems hell bent on getting anyone & everyone over since he’s returned, so hopefully this one sticks. I also like that while Nakamura was pretty much cemented with a face turn last week, Cesaro still seems like he’s remaining in heel territory, despite him insisting he & Nak are still all good. I wouldn’t mind those two having a blow up & a short feud if Reigns is going to be busy with Owens for now.
All this does leave me wondering what they’re doing with Daniel Bryan. He’s been taking losses pretty regularly lately & after getting hyped for his impassioned promo about winning The Rumble this year, it’s looking less & less like that’s on the table. Both title scenes are pretty crowded right now, so I’m hoping he gets a little more refocused & not left as the odd man out now that we’re closing in on him being done with WWE.
Sheila Is A Punk Rocker
Billie Kay continues her push as one of the best things in all of WWE with her transformation into a character one can only describe as L.L Bean’s idea of what punk rock is. It’s absolutely wonderful. Corey Graves can kick rocks for trying to trip her up when she fumbles trying to say “mosh pit” on commentary & calls it “mosh pish” by accident, but kudos to her for rolling with it & saying mosh pishing is how they do it in Australia. Sort of like how their toilets flush backwards.
I’ll be honest, I don’t even care about the match itself, because Billie has more charisma than the four other women involved combined. She should invest in a spike studded back brace for carrying everyone here through these segments each & every week. The Riotts lose because Liv Morgan once again proves she has the attention span of a roomful of kittens, but I refuse to blame Billie for trying to help. She’s the one who’s the former champion & hasn’t broken up with her tag partner like The Riotts have. She was forced to. Let her help!
Scrapped Contract
Live look at Adam Pearce trying to get out of his match with Roman Reigns:
Alright, let’s start with the good. Do we want to see Reigns vs. Owens in a Last Man Standing Match? Yes. Yes we do. As fun as potentially seeing Adam Pearce get shoot obliterated on live television would be, watching Owens & Reigns trying to annihilate the other has been solid entertainment each time out. Plus with the stipulation, there’s the guarantee of hyper violence & can also get the other players within this story involved.
I really enjoyed the contract portion as well with Reigns being unsatisfied with Heyman’s match ideas throughout the evening as he’s never satisfied with anything & that’s solid character consistency. I also liked the little touch during the contract signing with Jey Uso telling Pearce he needs to sit to the left of Roman because he’s Reigns’ right hand man. It’s the little details that really drive home how good this stuff can be.
What’s not good & frankly never is, is how the fuuuuuck do WWE contracts work? I’ll stop complaining about it when it stops being a gigantic plot hole in the story they’re trying to sell me on. Just a quick recap: Adam Pearce made a Gauntlet Match to determine Roman’s next opponent, which Reigns & Heyman didn’t like, so they somehow put Pearce in as the final entrant & rigged it so he’d win. A contract is then drawn up that both guys sign, but Pearce then begins limping & declares himself unable to compete, so he has Owens substituted in his place. What? Who’s actually in charge here? Pearce or Heyman/Reigns? And who’s above Pearce that they keep going over his head to undo his decisions? And if he could fake an injury to get out of facing Roman, why didn’t he just do that for The Gauntlet Match too?
This isn’t even nitpicking, it’s just looking at it with the most basic level logic & asking obvious questions. Most people will say shut up, you’re getting the match you wanted anyway, but why can’t we do both? It’s not like it’s hard. Have Pearce get kayfabe injured from Reigns & Uso’s attack last week & then they’re undone by their own plan instead of confusing power dynamics. As it stands now, this comes off as the work of a laptop on a podium backstage that Michael Cole reads from.
Oh no…
On A Roll-Up
Most intriguing thing of the evening probably goes to the small portion of the program that showed Apollo Crews sitting in Reigns’ locker room taking advice from him. I’m guessing about the best places to hide behind the screens in The Thunderdome for sneak attacks. Reigns is working great right now with Heyman & Jey by his side, but I’m pretty into the idea of expanding his stable by another two or three people. Jimmy Uso is an obvious choice, but having another solid enforcer like Crews or Cesaro if he stays heel could really solidify The Head Of The Table as a force to be reckoned with on SmackDown going forward. Hell, they already are, but a lot of guys who’ve been flying under the radar could use the rub from Reigns to really spotlight how great they are. Just look at Nakamura last week.
Less intriguing is the match that happens between Crews & Sami Zayn, which would be more interesting if we just focused on Big E’s set up at ringside rather than the action in the ring. Seriously, where does he keep getting these sweaters? Put a link in your bio for the rest of us, guy!
Anyway, the match is pretty boring & is that kinda trash finish where the heel uses the tights for leverage, resulting in the opponent rolling through & using the same tactic to win. I guess this is less offensive as they’re both heels now? I don’t know. Crews just lost his title shot technically twice last week & Zayn hasn’t had a win in a while, so not exactly the strongest looking competitors going up against Big E for The Intercontinental Championship. We’ll see. For now, I’m comfortable not seeing Zayn’s ass crack for the foreseeable future, please & thank you.
King Baby
Has Baron Corbin ever had a good feud? I was trying to think about his history on SmackDown while writing this & nothing really jumped into my mind. There were the nothing months with Riddle & Chad Gable, the dog food saga with Roman Reigns & now this. Keep in mind, this rivalry started with Corbin making a snarky comment backstage to Rey & his family, then The Mysterios just cheating their asses off to get one up on him. Absolutely riveting stuff.
I like Corbin enough inside the ring, but he produces about as much heat as the vacuum of space. He’s definitely solid as a worker, but he’s constantly asked to be a leader with a couple of cronies by his side, when it’s becoming ever apparent that he would most likely work better AS a crony.
Their match together is perfectly pedestrian, but two things really hamper the situation. If that picture above didn’t give it away, the first thing is Rey’s outfit, which makes it look like he’s rocking an adult diaper over his regular wrestling attire. An absolutely abysmal look. The second is Dominik on commentary, which goes about as well as a toddler being interviewed about taxes. That of course leads to Corbin pie facing him & ultimately costing his dad the match because I guess the faces can’t beat the heel unless there’s four of them & they’re constantly running interference against him.
Wine & Jeeves Party
Every now & then WWE dips their toes into the intergender matchups with seriously diminished returns. Sometimes it works in a comedy sense with your Ellsworths of the world, but that’s not the case here. What do we even know about Reginald The Sommelier? He supplies grocery store champagne & can backflip off the ring apron. Doesn’t really scream I want to see him in a match with your women’s champion. I already know what’s going to happen next week without having to see it. Sasha will either trounce Reginald easily because he’s a hapless NPC or Carmella will interfere & he’ll Diva Driver her into oblivion since he’s a lot bigger & stronger. Hard pass.
Overall
Worth Your Time: Bryan vs. Cesaro, Nakamura vs. Uso, The Ding Dong Show
If You Have Time: Liv Morgan vs. Natalya
Don’t Waste Time: Corbin vs. Mysterio, Crews vs. Zayn, The Contract Signing
There’s your SmackDown, friends. Apologies for the delay, but I’ve had a lot going on this month, so bear with me. The Blue Brand is looking like the best show in all of pro wrestling these days & we’ll be sure to get caught up over here & get you all the coverage you’ve been waiting for. How are you feeling about WWE these days? Any Rumble predictions? Give us your opinions below or on our Discord! Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to brush up on Fall Out Boy’s catalog, so me & Billie will have something to talk about.
