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It’s four nights since Full Gear and we’ve got the fall out. In case you missed it, here’s our big changes since Full Gear:
- Kenny Omega defeated his former lover Hangman Page to become #1 contender.
- Darby Allin pulled a shocking win to defeat Cody and become the new face of the TNT Championship.
- Sammy Guevara lost to otherwordly shenanigans in a Hardy Compound match.
- Young Bucks defeated FTR in an impressive but ultimately hollow match to become new tag champs.
- MJF rolled up Jericho for the win and his entrance into the Inner Circle.
- Hikaru Shida retained the championship vs. Nyla, who was chewed out by Vickie after the match.
- Moxley made Eddie Kingston say “I Quit” with a barbed-wire assisted bulldog sleeperhold.
POP: FTW Championship: Brian Cage vs. Matt Sydal
Taz brings out his boys and points out Darby Allin in the rafters (the Phantom of the Super Humid Florida Amphitheater). Taz, intimidated by somebody as short as he is, gives him the business and tells him to stay in Box 5 and not hang Buquet during the match, or he’ll be plunged into darkness deep as hell.
Oooh, I don’t know if they’ve done this before, but Cage’s custom orange Chyron is a nice touch! Cage will be taking on the homi-sui-Matt Sydal for the FTW belt. Hopefully the Phantom doesn’t grease the turnbuckle and make him botch a Shooting Star Press again. Maybe he’ll stick to a “Carlotta-style” throat spray? “I didn’t know it was HGH Mr. Khan, it was only supposed to be CBD! It’s that damned PHANTOM again!”***
***Lol, just kidding guys, there’s no drug testing in AEW! Brian Cage is in there with him for Christ’s sake.***
***Watch Phantom of the Opera, please. My references will not be getting any more populist than this.***
The match itself is a lot of fun, as most style clashes tend to be. Cage spends most of it chucking Sydal like a shotput, even bicep curling him multiple times. Gotta get that pump in where you can if you want to have an all-natural physique like this! Meanwhile, Sydal occasionally twists out of a suplex quick enough to land on his feet and outrun the big man for a bit. Sydal even reverses a Drill Claw into a nearfall with a pin-count of 2 and 99/100s. Sydal goes for the top turnbuckle (the only place where he feels comfy) only to dive straight into position for another Drill Claw, like the mouse who escapes the mousetrap only to jump straight into another one. Cage gets the win to the surprise of nobody, leaving Cage and Starks ranked #4 and #5 respectively in men’s singles.
BOTCH: Irrelevance On A Pole Match
Cody shows up in his best millennial Colonel Sanders cosplay. He congratulates Darby and says he will not be seeking a rematch at this juncture. (Again, great thing about AEW, we’re not having 30 rematches in a row)
He says he wants a rematch with MJF, when he’s distracted by an unknown woman behind him entering the ring.
I don’t follow the indies, so I have no idea who this woman is. Her name is Jane Cargill (Total Package, Verification-Pending). She’s apparently been at ringside for weeks studying the competition.
She says Cody thinks of himself as a giant slayer, when there is NOTHING giant about him. (Cue Jerry Springer/Maury style hooting and hollering) As she leaves, she congratulates him on getting his name back, but maybe he’s not man enough to have a mononym. (It’s not quite, “Go home and get your f*u*c*k*ing shine box”, but you wouldn’t know it from the crowd going “AWW SHIT” like a middle school cafeteria.)
Many questions? Is she the giant? Oh wait…the giant is…Shaq? Oh my, all of us wrestling fans in 2005 must be marking the f*u*c* out.
Brandi actually saves the weird stilted segment, rushing out to talk shit and put this girl in her place, only for Jane to give her a playful pat on the bum leading to a pull apart.
There’s a pull apart after this with Team Taz attacking Cody and Darby making the save, for a somewhat predictable (but still welcome) foreshadowing of some nice tag team mini-feud action in weeks to come. BUT CAN THEY COEXIST?! Will Hobbs misses his cue and shows up way too late to have any effect.
POP: Bunkhouse Match: Natural Nightmares vs. Butcher/Blade/Bunny
Despite my constant ragging on their current sad incarnation, I am a WWE kid through and through. As such, “Bunkhouse” elicits no memory for me, only a vague consideration of, “That’s gotta be a typo, right?” Who is Bunk? And what does his home have to offer? Is this one of those home remodeling shows? Is the eponymous Bunk a Property Brother? How do I know the phrase “Property Brother”?
Webster’s Dictionary defines “Bunkhouse Match” as, “Dusty Rhodes signature match in WCW. It’s a tag match without the tags, also street clothes. Also, pin count and submission only, no DQ no countout no time-limit. Also there’s bales of hay at the side of the ring, no doubt to assist in hay-based Bunkhouse Brutality.
Despite the street clothes, Dustin has still meticulously done his facepaint, which I feel kinda ruins the spirit of the thing I just found out about. Bad form, Natural, bad form.
Dustin gets handcuffed to the ropes by Bunny very early on (that wascally wabbit), and B&B give QT Marshall a bedside omelette of a beating, giving us that rare delicacy, WEDNESDAY NIGHT COLOR! (“The Blade”? Indeed!) Somewhere in heaven, Dusty Rhodes’ forehead spontaneously began bleeding, staining his white angel wings, and he smiled.
It didn't take long for The Bunny (@AllieWrestling) to get involved during the bunkhouse match.
Rewatch #AEWDynamite via the @TNTDrama app or https://t.co/GdI7QAsxEP for our International fans. pic.twitter.com/prFIphRkhc— All Elite Wrestling (@AEW) November 12, 2020
Dustin gets loose and gets some more Dusty tributes in with some fancy jiving in between strikes.
I have a problem with BBB. I want to love these guys so much. I like Butcher’s band, Every Time I Die, and personally love his look of “Hipster-Barber-Hit-The-Weights”. I know less about Blade, but he seems cool. As a fan on blondes and rabbits, the Bunny is right up my bunnytrail. But there’s still something they’re missing. Their characters and motivations are so unclear, other than “They’re vaguely heels”, despite their most heelish behavior being hanging with other heels. I WANT to love these guys, all the pieces are there, there’s just still something missing, ya know?
The match itself is pretty cool, straight up brawling. A ladder comes out at some point for a sick QT Marshall diving elbow. (Speaking of guys with not enough character motivation, all I know of QT is “Dustin’s friend” and “Never met an apple he didn’t like”) The end revolves around bunny holding QT for a chair shot, ending up in Blade getting shoved, his momentum knocking her through a table, and Dustin pulling out the ol’ Ron Bennington cowbell and whacking ol’ Blade Whatley for the pin.* Great match, and more importantly, the type of great free TV match you can get when you don’t make your PPVs five-hour long unwatchable death marches.
Wrestling is moments & this was mine! Thanks for watching #AEWDynamite
— QT Marshall 🍎 (@realmmarshall1) November 12, 2020
*Guys, these references are super obscure, but one day, it’ll reference something you know. And it’ll be so amazing you’ll go running the streets howling at the super-focused in joke for only you. Next week I’ll be doing Digimon and Fairly Oddparents cross-references, so be prepared to have your sides split.
POP: Inner Circle Induction Ceremony
As great as it is, I feel I’ve seen this segment before…
Ah, THAT’S why it felt so familiar.
Guys, I am officially over the “let’s sing all of Judas every time Jericho appears!” It’s a bad song, can we stop? If it costs 30 pieces of silver, I’ll pay the tab myself.
Jericho brings out the OG IC who are none too happy about their expansion. Sammy is straight up missing. Regardless, he soldiers on and brings out the two new Inner Circle members, Wardlow and MJF!
Btw, I know we rag on the production crew from time to time. But credit where credit is do, they do a great job of shooting Wardlow and MJF together. Lots of low angles with Wardlow in the back, gently veiling the fact that the “big bad bodyguard” is merely 3 inches (7.62 cm) taller than his client. These guys could make Jungle Boy look like Kevin Nash, if needed!
MJF’s usual shtick is actually a bit pointed this week, considering the context and who he’s in the ring with. He shows his usual humility, that after five long years of toil and struggle he’s finally made it. He also straight up quotes President Trump, saying he first started with a small loan from his father of One Million Dollars with which to struggle. This leads to Jericho to pat him on the shoulder, slip 3000 bucks in his pocket, and whisper, “I see your struggle, friend” in his ear. (In retrospect, Jericho being a Trumper shouldn’t be quite so surprising, considering his tacky purple outfits look like they were made from the curtains of Trump Taj Mahal.)
I’m going to Vegas… cool. pic.twitter.com/EJ4Q66hyfE
— sammy guevara (@sammyguevara) November 12, 2020
The segment wraps up with a surprise for Jericho’s birthday: MJF is paying for the boys to go first class to Vegas next week! (Great quip by JR, “They’re probably bus tickets, they’ll have to board tomorrow”) Jericho is stoked, saying they’re gonna be playing “Go Fish” with Bill Apter. (Apter BETTER show up next week or I’ll be heartbroken.)
Guys, I could keep writing and summarizing MJF plagiarizing Drake (Jimmy Brookes 4 lyfe) and clowning around, but I’ll let the video do that. I need to say: It is so insane that MJF is only 24 years old. He has this shit figured out to a tee when most wrestlers are still figuring out believable wrist lock escapes. Guys, I know we’re all glad AEW exists and mainstream wrestling got a little bigger. But we should be on our knees thanking our lucky stars that it happened precisely at this time. Can you imagine a restrained 24 year old MJF stuck in the background of NXT at this time? Having his promos written for him, and attempting to make it work against, I don’t know, Damien Priest instead of a legend like Jericho? A goddamn travesty and a poorer world, that’s what it would have been. I’m changing my diet and starting to exercise TODAY, merely so I can witness the next 30 years of this character.
BOTCH: Scorpio Sky vs. Shawn Spears
I have a feeling you, dear reader, disagree with me. That’s fine, but regardless, hear me out. I know both these guys are good workers, but this match has the charisma of a Damp Dishrag vs. Unflavored Yogurt. (Though the dirtsheets say Unflavored Yogurt has a push in the works.) Both these performers benefit and do great around more exciting stars, but together I just…I don’t have two cares to rub together for them. Am I missing something?
That match reaches the fever pitch of a heart murmur when Banned-From-Ringside Tully Blanchard comes out and slips a slug to Spears…but also to Scorpio? Not sure I get that, but okay. Scorpio does the dumbshit babyface thing and refuses to accept a win like that, throwing away his thin piece of plastic we’re supposed to pretend is the equivalent of hitting someone with a wrench, just in time to eat a foreign object to the mush and eat a pin. Hmm, it’ll be interesting to see Blanchard’s motivation for this at least. But I’d personally be down for Scorpio staying in SCU where he can reflect the glow of others, rather than attempting to generate his own heat.
Hollywood Kenny
POP: Tay Conti vs. Red Velvet
This week in, “Slightly creepy out of context Jim Ross quotes”…“The power of those Brazilian legs…” Amen, brother.
We get a little bit of character building here in small ways. Velvet has Brandi in tow, but she’s still perturbed by the Shaq attack, enough so that she has to be prodded to mimick Velvet’s “Stir It Up” taunt. Of course, we have Anna Jay accompanying Tay out to the ring, not-so-subtly trying to lure her into the Dark Order.
Commentary isn’t great in this match. Half an hour ago, MJF’s “Five years of toil and experience in professional wrestling” was a punchline. Now, commentary is trying to get the stars over with, “They’ve been wrestling only three years!” I get it, women are unfortunately valued for youth and not experience, even in wrestling. Still, they’re out here one step from saying, “I’ve got skid marks in my undies that’ve seen more ring time than these two gals!”
The match gets a pop from me though, as it addressed my two frequent complaints about women’s wrestling: Lack of character and lack of urgency. While a bit over the top, Conti desperately wants to win and makes facial expressions like each nearfall is a twist ending. This plays off later with a gorgeous double roundhouse kick that knocks both gals to the ground, Balboa v. Creed style. Velvet in particular is busting her ass in there, keeping the speed fast and the strikes crisp. (Aside from a weird botch toward the end where she goes for a missile dropkick and slaps her thigh for the strike, only for Conti to noticeably pull away and no-sell it.)
Tay Conti gets the chance to cheat when Anna Jay slides in the chair. But she takes the high road and…gets rewarded for it! A nasty looking face kick and a Gory special knee seals the deal and gives her the win. It’s nice to see a face take the honest approach and win one for a change. Commentary frequently comments that Conti is looking to Anna for guidance throughout the match, still uncertain of herself. But she knows herself well enough to know she doesn’t need to cheat to win, and keeps her soul pure for another week against the temptation of the Dark Order.
Cruel King Edward Speaks
.@MadKing1981 had to get something off his chest before the @PENTAELZEROM vs. @ReyFenixMx match.
WATCH #AEWDynamite NOW on @TNTDrama. pic.twitter.com/e4oRqP0Dhn— All Elite Wrestling (@AEW) November 12, 2020
I was robbed of my dream of a heel Eddie & The Family championship run, but Eddie hasn’t lost a step. If anything, I’m already intrigued by the humility he’s folded into his character after the passion of recent weeks. Still my one and only King, Eddie. (Ston.)
Eddie stops his chants by saying, “I know my name, I don’t need you chanting it.”
“YOUR world champion made me say I quit, and that’s something I gotta live with. And though all of you would quit and never wrestle again. I WON’T stop, and I will be champion. But I gotta be the leader to my family, and you’re gonna see two brothers do what they do best.”
Penta El Zero Miedo vs. Rey Fenix
Well, for whatever reason, the only match with no clips uploaded by AEW was match of the night, Penta vs. Rey Fenix. So enjoy this awkward low quality image to fill the slot.
PAC returns, Penta El Zero Miedo and Rey Fenix unmasked during AEW Dynamite main event – Wrestling News #Malliard https://t.co/iSAUsrTTxz pic.twitter.com/BKgSBHHJjr
— Spark Radio Network (@spark_radio_net) November 12, 2020
I’m not entirely sure why this match is happening. Last we saw the brothers’ face off in an instant classic in the #1 contender tournament with Rey getting the win. Unfortunately, Rey was injured and had to give up his slot to Penta, who took on (and lost to) Kenny Omega. Now, a few weeks later, they’re…fighting again for no reason. Maybe there’s some unspoken brother type of thing? Like, Rey stole Penta’s favorite comic while he was reading it, or Rey was talking to his crush when Penta ran up, pantsed him, and hurricanrana-ed him into dog poop RIGHT IN FRONT OF VALENTINA! And he was JUST about to ask her to the prom! Penta, Fenix was JUST injured, let your brother heal please before snapping his arm for no reason! Here’s hoping their mom runs in with a wooden spoon and cleans house.
It goes without saying these two were having 5 star matches in their childhood playpen, so we get another great match. Surprisingly vicious! For having no motivation to fight, Penta is pissed off and spends a good portion of the match damn near tearing off Rey’s mask. Rey returns the favor to Penta and we get to see a good deal of his face as well. As you may or may not know, in luchador tradition, losing your mask is a HUGE deal, akin to losing your IDENTITY. And for someone to try and tear off your mask is the greatest insult. Add in sibling rivalry and, hermano, you’ve got an estofado going!
Important point: Rey Fenix’s ankles must be made of admantium, because he is landing on his them with all his body weight from heights repeatedly. I’m waiting for his feet to go Kerry Von Erich any second.
The other story happening here is Eddie Kingston on commentary. His fellow commentators repeatedly chide him for putting this match together, that it appears his family is disintegrating before their eyes. Eddie shrugs them off, but by the ending’s Penta Package Piledriver, he’s wincing, and begging the ref to end it already.
Eddie derisively jumps on the mic and tries to get his own “This is awesome/Fight Forever”. He tells Penta he’s his best friend and he did it, while pushing Rey out of the ring with his foot. Just before Eddie can complete the Cain and Abel routine (does that make him the snake? I haven’t read the bible in a bit), when a wild PAC appears!
Pac is Bac(k)! While I’m excited to see the Bastard man, I’m a little unsure what his beef is with Kingston. Is this one of those things I need to watch Being the Elite to get? Did Kingston unplug Pac’s XBOX right before he beat M. Bison? (Yes, I clearly have never watched BTE. Or played a video game in 30 years.) Hey, it got us a Jerry Lynn appearance, so that’s something!
Ah, commentary has me covered. Pac was the leader of Death Triangle along with the Super Lucha Bros. and he’s showing up just as Eddie is trying to sow dissension between them. Meh, it’s flimsy, but I’ll take it. AEW has been particularly good at Heel vs. Heel storylines, so it’s in good hands.
Well, we’re out of time folks. See you next week!
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