Week Five: WWF Monday Night Raw – October 2, 1995
Welcome back to Monday Night Rewind, a Pops & Botches-flavored look back at the Monday Night Wars, through the lens of someone who didn’t really live through them. Previously on Raw, it was the night after In Your House, and boy, it sure was a tv show that had some wrestling on it.
This week, the OJ Simpson trial is drawing to a close! Why does that matter in a wrestling article? Oh, you’ll see.
POP: Tough Love
In one of the most amusing yet baffling moments at In Your House, the 1-2-3 Kid felt it necessary to make the three-count in Razor Ramon’s match. Razor was, to put it politely, displeased. To put it impolitely, he was fucking pissed and is absolutely gonna beat the Kid’s ass about it.
The match is largely a walloping, as it should be. The 1-2-3 Kid will occasionally start to build up some steam, slipping past Razor’s haymakers and backhands, but then he’ll do some damnfool thing like try to hit a crossbody and just get snatched out of the air like the ragdoll come to life that he clearly is. In one of the rare instances that the Kid actually gets a pin attempt, Razor kicks out so forcefully that he sends the Kid through the ropes.
Razor trounces the 1-2-3 Kid nearly uninterrupted for three minutes before he gets the first pin. Now, you may find yourself asking, “The first pin? Did they make this 2-out-of-3 Falls and forget to tell us?” Alas, no; it’s the first pin because the 1-2-3 Kid can’t stop showing us what an idiot he is. After getting completely bodied in front of God, his mom, and everyone, the Kid slaps Razor in the face and demands another match from him. When it’s all said and done, Razor has pinned the Kid another two times, not even waiting to come back from commercial for one of them.
This was an excellent opener, start to finish. The whole thing ran less than ten minutes, making it nice and snappy. It served the story of Razor having to knock the Kid’s ego back down a couple of pegs but gave the latter just enough offense to prevent him from looking completely pointless. He even goes for one more cheeky roll-up attempt before finally begging off, clearly tugging at Razor’s old “Bad Guy” heartstrings.
There’s an odd moment mid-match, however, when Dean Douglas comes out to take notes, continuing his story beat from last week. In the previous Raw edition of the Monday Night Rewind, I bemoaned the choice, as Douglas was later announced for an Intercontinental Championship Match with Shawn Michaels for the next Pay-Per-View. Maybe the time away softened my heart, but for whatever reason, I’m willing to let the point go, in hopes that they take it somewhere worthwhile.
You know what I’m not going to let go? The next segment, because holy shit.
BOTCH: The Next Segment, Because Holy Shit
In one of the clearest examples of why Vince McMahon should never be allowed to reference current events or pop culture in his wrestling shows, we have this live poll, conducted via 1-900 numbers. The fifty-cent altruism isn’t fooling anyone, Vince, the spectacle bandwagon of the OJ Simpson trial clearly had plenty of seats to go around. Rather than keep you in suspense, I’ll skip to the end of the show for a moment and reveal, in results likely as juiced as half the 1995 WWF locker room, that the WWF fans have declared OJ not guilty!
Anyway…
POP: A Ryzin Star
The next match sees veteran Barry Horowitz taking on relative newcomer Hunter Hearst Helmsley. Pre-abbreviation Hunter is a trip, using all the best plays in the book of classic shitheelery. He uses tactics well within the legal bounds of the sport, but he does so in a way that makes you hate him for it. He’ll scramble for the ropes at the slightest hint of a submission or box Horowitz’s ears to break a pin. The icing on Helmsley’s dick move cake, as part of his Connecticut Blueblood character, is the deep curtsy (pictured above), which he uses with abandon on the way to victory. A chef’s kiss of a performance from someone who’s been in the major promotions for less than two years. I feel like he could be going places one day.
While Horowitz puts up a good fight (he was still riding the underdog wave from getting his “first” victory over BodyDonna Skip), the outcome isn’t really in question, and the match seems to serve as little more than a device for Vince and Jerry Lawler’s insufferable and unending references to the OJ trial. Outside of a quick plug for an upcoming Madison Square Garden show, to which Vince says he’s invited the Pope (something I entirely believe he would actually do), the match is better watched on mute.
BOTCH: Just…Everything About This
In an entirely forgettable affair, Al Brown and Sonny Rogers take on the team of PG-13. PG-13 is a “white boys from the hood” tag team, which I’m sure will be handled with all proper tact and appropria ̶what’s that? It’s barely more than a minute before Lawler makes a joke about stolen hubcaps? This is my surprised face.
There’s some decent tandem offense from PG-13, which is always fun to me, and it’s pretty wild seeing the WWF acknowledging other companies and their championships (PG-13 are the current USWA tag champs), but even mute can’t save this one.
POP: Fight Forever
Closing out the show is a rematch of the best bout from In Your House, Bret Hart versus Jean-Pierre LaFitte. Without the extra time afforded by a pay-per-view card, they skip the slow burn opening and go straight for the ass beating. Hart and LaFitte both take insane bumps, with Jean-Pierre’s spine meeting the corner of the ring steps and Bret getting absolutely rocketed into the top rope, chest first. The crowd is absolutely nuclear for Bret throughout, adding to the electric atmosphere of the matchup.
I’m a big fan of modern Impact Wrestling, where LaFitte now wrestles under the name PCO. He’s one of my favorites there, which should come as no surprise after the praise I’ve heaped upon him over his last two appearances here. He has settled extremely well into the role of the grizzled veteran still taking crazy bumps, but it’s an absolute treat to see him in his prime, sticking and moving with one of the greatest of all time.
A low point of the match, as he seems to be with unfortunate regularity, is Jerry Lawler. His heel commentary is the absolute worst. It’s not entirely fair to compare anyone to Bobby Heenan, but having Lawler as part of the team going up against him on the competition makes it unavoidable. King is rarely funny and never clever. He makes “jokes” like Bret looking more and more like his father Stu, because “he can hardly move.” It’s gross, it’s obnoxious, and I’m not really looking forward to years more of this.
Before the match wraps up, I gotta give a quick shout out to this cameraman, who clearly gives no fucks and will put himself directly in harms way for our viewing pleasure. Moments before that screenshot, he was taken out by LaFitte being flung from the ring, but was immediately right back at it and in it.
Eventually, Hart manages to get the upper hand long enough to clamp in the Sharpshooter. Rather than tap, however, LaFitte passes out in the hold. It’s a genius move, as it gives Bret the decisive win, but allows LaFitte to retain his monster status. Afterwards, Bret bows up to Lawler, who continues running his mouth, so Bret decides to feed him his own teeth. Sensing impending dental destruction, Isaac Yankem shows up to save Lawler. In a hilariously prescient moment, the crowd chants “DIESEL!” at the man who will become the fake version of the man they’re trying to summon. I don’t know if this is setting Bret up for a feud with Lawler, Yankem, or both, but color me unenthused for all of the above.
Wrap Up
Outside of any aforementioned polls, the show closes with a teaser for next week’s six-man tag match, which will pit Yokozuna, Owen Hart, and the British Bulldog against Shawn Michaels, Diesel, and the Undertaker. Top moment of the night may be cool kids Michaels and Diesel listening to Taker talk about how they’re going to be “scraping the rotting carcasses.”
An overall enjoyable episode of Raw, and a definite improvement from last week. With less than three weeks and only two Raws to go until the next In Your House, we’ll hopefully start seeing some build for the championship matches. Until then, don’t forget that Nitro coverage can be found here, our Discord server can be found here, and hopefully you’ll be found right here again for the next chapter of the Monday Night Rewind! Thanks for reading!
