Pops & Botches: AEW Dynamite – 03.23.22

 

IT’S WEDNESDAY NIGHT. YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!

Holy shit! Guess who’s back? Back again! That’s right! It’s me! I can’t believe I’ve went almost two full months without watching Dynamite or following it on Twitter. Hell, I turned off notifications for Slack and Discord so you guys wouldn’t yell at me (I mean, so you guys wouldn’t spoil anything……). Thanks for being patient everybody. I’m ready to get back at it. As you may remember, last week……oh damn. I mean, last month….nope. Okay, way back on March 16th at St. Patrick’s Day Slam, the Good Doctor was dethroned by Thunder Rosa, Jeff Hardy had stupid face paint, and the Dungeon Daddy slapped the shit out of Wheeler Yuta. Ooooooweee! What a time to be alive. Say, what the fuck ever happened to Irishblade? Just kidding. I’m back, bitches.

POP: Hard Knock Life

One thing you’ll know about this week’s Dynamite (as well as future iterations until I get caught up), is there will be a gross lack of images and gifs. Unfortunately, AEW doesn’t keep their content up for more than two weeks or so and let’s just say….I’m behind by a few more than two weeks. CM Punk is out first, followed by Dax Harwood and his beautiful moustache (it deserves the O). Cash Wheeler notably returns to the back after walking his buddy out on the ramp.

The match starts out a little slow, which is not entirely unexpected considering it involves a great wrestling technician such as Dax Harwood. These two go blow to blow with standing strikes in the middle of the match, which first led to a Dax Harwood superplex and then both taking an awkward tumble to the outside. The second of these brought Cash Wheeler back out so I guess the damned numbers game has arrived.

Dax almost puts Punk away with a springboard powerbomb but the master of the Sleep Goer is able to kick out at two. Shortly thereafter, Punk reverses the Sharpshooter and, much to the shock of the Gunn Club, locks in the Anaconda Vice (for the second time) and Dax quickly taps out! I know I said there would be less images and gifs and whatnot, but for all of my wrestling sabermetric geeks, I did find this breakdown for you over on Reddit. You’re welcome!

POP: Who Wants to Join the Irishblade Family Office?

I’m really glad they switched the official name for Matt and Jeff from the Hardy Brotherz to the Hardys. This 8-man tornado tag match starts how every Darby Allin match should start – with Darby throwing his ass through the ropes to murder everyone on the outside. To double down, the Stinger pops off the top rope and takes out everyone else. Guess we’re going hard tonight. SWEET.

With the lack of rules, the boys spend most of the time on the outside, in the crowd, and around ringside. Hell, even Andrade gets involved which leads to the Darby Bump. What’s the Darby Bump, you ask? Well, it’s where Darby Allin gets thrown down a set of concrete stairs – in this case, by The Butcher. Matt Hardy and Private Party get taken out when Private Party hits a double Side Effect on Matt off the stage and through a table below!

We quickly cut to the back to see Jeff, Sting, and Darby in the concession area fighting with The Butcher and Blade. They get the bad guys set up on the table and Jeff scales a ladder, onto a small window ledge and he hits a Swanton from the wall onto The Butcher and Blade! Sting decides he’s not going to do that and heads down to the ring. Private Party is able to set Sting up on the turnbuckle for the Gin and Juice, but Sting catches Isiah Kassidy. Unfortunately, he falls down and they struggle to get back up from a Dragon Sleeper position (Great call by Excalibur, here) into the Scorpion Death Drop. By the time they do, Matt has Marq Quen ready for a Twist of Fate, which he hits at the same time Sting hits that Scorpion Death Drop and Matt pins Marq for the win!

POP: Junior Varsity Blondes

Even though Julia Hart is on the outside for the Varsity Blondes, William Regal isn’t ringside with his little Dungeon Boys. He is, however, sitting in on commentary, which is AWESOME. He freakin’ calls Excalibur “Man with the Mask.” I love it. Very early on in this match, we get a commercial break but when it comes back, we again see Julia pouting on the outside behind the turnbuckle. The Blondes gave it all they had you guys but….it just wasn’t enough. After Daniel Bryanson stomps the face off Grounded Brian Pillman, Jr, which was the theme for Pillman tonight, they lock in their respective submission maneuvers and Garrison taps, giving Mox and Danielson the victory!

BOTCH: Pomp and Circ-Boom-Stance

Before I get into Botching the shit out of this match (which was a perfectly fine wrestling match), their entrances remind me why AEW has the best intro music in all of wrestling. It’s All About the Boom followed by Pomp and Circumstance just warms my heart. Both songs make me stop dead in my tracks. I was never a big Adam Cole (baybay) fan but I watch his entrance every time. Also, Macho Man is my favorite of all time so when the Pomp hits, I’m locked in. Every time.

As for the match, like I said, it was a perfectly fine wrestling match. I didn’t have a problem with it, really. The announce team did a great job of highlighting the brief history between these two, including Cole turning on Jay Lethal to join The Elite. Well done. That being said, Jay Lethal is not on the same level as your number one contender. Now THAT also being said, reDragon should not have to come out to help Adam Cole beat Jay Lethal. He is far superior to Lethal and this match should’ve shown that. Now, he just looks cowardly, needing Fish and O’Reilly to save his ass.

Even when Cole calls out Hagman Adam Page after the match, he does it with reDragon by his side. Even though he gets a shot on each of them with his leather belt, they quickly jump his ass and beat him down. I am interested that Cole grabbed his title belt before Luchasaurus, Christian, and Jungle Boy could come out and make the save. I hope Cole just never returns it.

BOTCH: Postgame Fireworks

I guess it had to happen. Why can’t we just go through one Dynamite without there being a relative squash match that solely exists just to have postmatch shenanigans? That being said, the Red Velvet/Leyla Hirsch feud has bored me to tears. I’ve been gone awhile and it’s still boring. Or maybe it’s PTSD. Who knows?

Anyway, even though Red Velvet is the more exciting fighter between the two, and can hit a mean moonsault, I just couldn’t get into this. Legit Leyla again wins via illegitimate measures so there’s a little character work there. She then crushes the shit out of Velvet until your favorite Alien and mine, Kris Statlander, comes out to beat her to the back.

POP: Austin, Texas. Appreciate. ME.

Speaking of great entrance music……I fuckin’ love it.

Now that we all have Judas on our mind (not that Chris Jericho cares even a little bit), lets get to the main event! Man, Chris Jericho is in great shape even if his titties are starting to sag a little. He tries to pie face John Silver to start, but Silver immediately puts him in his place, going for a one foot pin and a hearty, “COME ON BABY!”

While Jericho is on the outside, he pulls an Eddie Guerrero (perfect for Texas) and kicks the steel steps before immediately feigning injury. Aubrey Edwards turns around and assumes the Dark Order has bludgeoned Jericho so she tosses them all! For some reason, 2.0 gets to stay out there and…okay. Dicks.

Silver decides to put his big boy pants on and gets the upper hand on Jericho. Unfortunately, he gets a little too zealous and runs right into a Codebreaker. He somehow manages to kick out and stave off the loss. It wouldn’t last long. Jericho cracks Reynolds in the back with Floyd the bat (baseball, not nocturnal animal) and Garcia taps him out to get the W! The Jericho Appreciation Society is officially 1-0 and that’s all she wrote for this week. We’ll see you next week! Or tomorrow! Or three months from now. Who really knows anymore?

I hope you enjoy your week, everyone! Feel free to leave a comment below (good or bad, I’ll answer them all!) and share the column with your friends, family and followers. And seriously, join the Discord for good talk with good people. You can find me on there, Instagram or Twitter (all are @robbywardshow). Please hit me up with what you liked, what you hated, what you think I can change. I’m all ears! Wrestling united!