IT’S WEDNESDAY NIGHT. YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!
Heya folks! Did you miss me? Well, you’re in luck (if you said yes, I guess) because I’m back with another installment of the best wrestling show on TV, AEW Dynamite! Looking back at last week’s show, we had a couple of different storylines go further or get created, which is what I love about this show. I mean, I was surprised when The Murderhawk Monster showed up to decimate Hangman Adam Page. It felt like just yesterday he landed on his head. Seriously though, I’m so stoked to get him back and not only that, he’s got a mean streak and is going after the AEW title. I don’t ask for too much out of my monsters of the Murderhawking type but this is perfect. Hey, whatever happened to Sean Mooney?
POP: MOXLEY
So many things to digest in this. First off, welcome back Jon Moxley. To take a hiatus from something you love, something you’re one of the absolute VERY best at to take care of yourself, is nothing but honorable. Not only that, my mans is lookin’ SVELTE. The best part of Jon Moxley is when he’s 100% genuine. I’m not even talking about him explaining his demons dream or anything. When he gets booed and someone says something stupid (I believe the fan said, “get the garbage truck and get this drunken piece of shit out of the ring”), he straight up tells him to shut the fuck up and calls him a piece of shit. Be still my beating heart! I must admit though, I was surprised to hear fuck and shit in the opening segment and not have it censored. To follow that up, I get goosebumps when Mox says he’s free. Congratulations on your recovery Mox. Glad to have you back home where you belong. Let’s go get a drink (of blood of course!)
POP: The Real It Couple
I know I’ve mentioned in the past how Orange Cassidy somehow makes his kick schtick work. I’m still in awe of how he’s able to find a way to make it entertaining. Today, he comes in contact with Dr. Britt Baker (D.M.D.) and well, it’s magical. I didn’t think I was going to like Baker and Adam Cole being an on-screen thing but I’m down with it. They don’t even have to be “together” full time, just when their respective stories intertwine. The possibilities are endless. Plus, I’m sure Tony Schiavone would appreciate some time with his best friend once in awhile.
Speaking of Best Friends, when Orange Cassidy gets all juiced up (heh), his opponents step up their game and I absolutely love it. And when he isn’t juiced up? Well, this happens and I laugh heartily. I don’t know what it is about him but it works. Laughs don’t lead to wins, however. After bumping Britt off the ring and through a table, Adam Cole gets pissed off (you put the table there, Adam! Why are you mad?!?) and fists Orange right in the dick from behind (trust me) before finishing him off for good and getting the W. Lucky for us, it leads to a Lights Out match between Cassidy and Cole next week on Beach Break. Hopefully, Britt is healthy enough to coach Cole so he doesn’t lose his Lights Out match.
BOTCH: Foregone Conclusions
Welp. We have our weekly squash. Wardlow’s not involved though! So there’s that. Shawn Spears comes out first for his match against CM Punk. That’s quite the entrance for a jobber. Don’t tell me he isn’t a jobber after watching this match. In 2038, he will be in my opening paragraph. Guaranteed. Anyway, Punk comes out next. Now that everyone’s here – nope, here comes Max. Keep in mind we just did three entrances and now here’s the match in it’s entirety. Wasn’t a fan of any of this. Hopefully, this is the low point of the episode.
BOTCH: Fuck, Cody’s Here
I don’t have a whole lot to say about this promo but Cody did a pretty good job here. I’ll give him credit. He mentions Brodie King showing up and naming himself Brodie, which he then vaguely mentions -1 is going to come for him in 8 years. YES PLEASE. The reason I gave this a Botch, other than the fact it’s Cody, is the lack of logic in Sammy losing the title, winning an interim title and then having a unification match ALL IN TWO WEEKS. It just doesn’t make sense.
POP: Black and Pac
Brodie King is a monster. This dude is going to be a major player one day. I can’t wait to see his feud with -1. It’s going to rule. I must confess, I think he should get rid of the tall black granny panties though. Although I don’t think it was his underwear that gave Flyin’ Brian Pillman trepidation on this slingshot, Pillman was definitely shook. It didn’t take long for the Kings of the Black Throne to hit the Dante’s Inferno and end the match. I’m starting to think the Varsity Blondes aren’t getting retribution for Julia Hart’s eye. What would be awesome though, would be Julia Hart joining the Kings…..though they’d probably have to change their name.
POP: The Squash that Wasn’t
Apparently, Frankie Kazarian is done hunting The Elite. I’m not sure if that was ever announced but he’s now competing as The Heavy Metal Rebel (not Reba). Also, I guess he has 61 wins, only trailing Jungle Boy in AEW. Interesting and 100% inconsequential. Archer’s making his way to the ring right now and I can guarantee you, Frankie will not be getting his 62nd win tonight. Always the bridesmaid.
This match is the epitome of how to do a squash match without it being only a squash match. Frankie Kazarian looks good in defeat tonight and definitely doesn’t roll over against Archer. The Murderhawk Monster is a terrifying human being, too. He knocks Kazarian off with the Blackout then Hangman Page comes out and slaps him in the face. Nobody talks about Page’s intelligence for a reason. WHY WOULD YOU SLAP THAT MAN?!?
POP: Professor Deeb
Serena Deeb is here and she doesn’t give a shit what you think about her. Hell, and I know this is surprising, she doesn’t even care what I think about her! Her “student” for tonight is Skye Blue, who if you think about it, is a Cora Jade knockoff. The only way to tell them apart is Blue is the one with her tongue hanging out of her mouth like Miley Cyrus. Serena gets the upper-hand early and never relents. She’s just on a different level right now.
After punishing Skye Blue for long enough and smashing her knee over and over and over and over and over again, Deeb puts her away with the Serenity submission. I don’t know what it is about her but Deeb looks like a million bucks right now. I know she’s worth it, that’s for damn sure!
POP: Iconic (One I)
I wasn’t expecting a Platinum Max rap but here we are!
“Listen. Yo. Yo. Listen. Yo.
The Acclaimed.
Beating that ass if you were hatin’
Fighting with us is gory self-mutilation
Two grown men and they going through a goth phase
We’re black and white and we don’t even need face paint
We’ll put it on the honor System
We’ll leavin’ they teeth more crooked than politicians.
And Sting’s gonna learn a lesson
We have him lookin’ worse than Starrcade ’97!”
That was way better than last week’s rap, that’s for sure. Last week’s sucked. The Acclaimed immediately jump Sting and Darby Allin when they get to the ring. Before the bell even rings, they tie Allin’s face up in a chair and slam him into the turnbuckle/(steel)ringpost. This results in our main event being The Acclaimed vs Sting. All by himself!
One thing you can always rely on is Darby Allin not giving up. (But Blade, I thought you just said it was Sting taking on The Acclaimed all by himself?!?). You are right; however, Darby makes his triumphant return just minutes after the doctors escort him to the back. The Acclaimed almost finished Darby off with the Mic Drop but then things get crazy. Sting hits a huge splash off the stage to take out Caster before a Coffin Drop gets them the win! Sting is 62 years old, you guys!
I hope you enjoy your week, everyone! Feel free to leave a comment below (good or bad, I’ll answer them all!) and share the column with your friends, family and followers. And seriously, join the Discord for good talk with good people. You can find me on there, Instagram or Twitter (all are @robbywardshow). Please hit me up with what you liked, what you hated, what you think I can change. I’m all ears! Wrestling united!
