Some people got 99 problems. Others got 99 luftballons. CONTROL has Agent 99. I got 99% lazy, which is why you’re reading this on Thursday. We’re here to celebrate AEW Dark, which just got 99 episodes. Here’s the belated July 27 recap.
Last time on Dark…
Diamante arrived in a bucket hat to help Allie to a win over Big Swole. Max Caster brought a baguette to the ring. Thunder Rosa got the biggest pop ever on Dark. Loop back to the July 20 recap to catch up.
Elsewhere in the AEW Arcadia…
Fyter Fest Night 2 was a decent episode. Wheeler Yuta and Darby Allin killed it. Future of the business, etc etc. But a classic showed up too! Chavo Guerrero is All Elite! And he’s managing Andrade el Idolo! This is lucha!
Nick Jackson got a long solo vlog over on Being The Elite episode 266 due to Matt being away for some undisclosed reason. Peter Avalon debuted a new bit where he fell for Abadon. Christian did his best Orange Cassidy deadpan while old faves Trevor and Arthur showed up to talk about cages. Kenny Omega acted like a fool. Ryan Nemeth’s weird art film continued. BTE is definitely a whole lot more creative with Dark Order gone. This became immediately apparent when the Dark Order returned to close out the show with some far less entertaining improv.
“The Captain” Shawn Dean teased Fuego del Sol again on Sammy Guevara’s vlog (episode 330). Jake Hager stole the show by walking in and being mad. Cody Rhodes brought some Nightmare Factory cameos while completely failing to go anywhere with his Friendlympics storyline. Mostly, though, it was just wholesome vlog hijinks.
Time for 99.
Dim the lights, it’s time for Dark.
FINE: Woulda been better with a hotter crowd
Opening this 99th episode is Red Velvet versus local jobber Alejandra (The) Lion. Lion is in the traditional Dallas garb of furry underwear and legwarmers.
Lion does a pretty good job drawing heat and getting the crowd behind Velvet. She has a cool gimmick where she uses her long nails like claws, but it doesn’t come off quite as well on 1080p HD YouTube as it probably does in a house show where everyone is sitting several body-lengths away. For TV she’s gonna have to scratch a bit harder to look convincing!
After Lion misses a double knees, Velvet quickly capitalizes, hits a double knees of her own, moonsaults, then trials a new bicycle kick legdrop thing called The Final Slice for the win. Too bad the crowd had kinda cooled off by that point! They all need Austin Gunn back in there pumping everyone up.
POP: I did, but the crowd didn’t
Our second match is another women’s showdown, it’s the zombie Abadon versus local jobber Killa Kate! Perhaps due to the shorter distance to cover, Abadon looks a bit more monstrous this week than last, taking a slower and more sinister stalking pace down the ramp. Kate looks to have an MMA or amateur wrestler gimmick.
Tonight I battle against one of the most frightening members of the @AEW roster in @abadon_AEW
Time to make my mark on AEW Dark 🎧#aewwrestling #AEWDark #abadon #killakate #prowrestling https://t.co/40plHPtMgL pic.twitter.com/ONC3VU7kEF
— Killa Kate (@wrestlekate) July 27, 2021
Kate starts with a few rolling evasions, but Abadon soon grabs and knees her, then tosses her to the ground and kicks her outside. The monster clobbers the Killa and rolls her back inside to finish off, but then Kate locks in a submission! Abadon escapes and charges Kate in the corner, but another quick evasion leaves the zombie reeling.
Abadon comes back to get the win with a DDT, to the pop of nobody. The crowd is a bit weird here tonight, they’re getting hot for brief moments during the match, but they’re not really celebrating the finishes, so it puts everything a bit off-kilter.
POP: I think this is the beginning of a beautiful feud
Here’s a feud that has been building on Dark for a couple weeks now – Big Swole versus Diamante! I love it when we get Dark-exclusive storylines that pay off on Dark – it makes the show feel important in its own right.
Swole comes straight at Diamante, and Diamante ducks straight out of the ring. This is smart working of the live crowd, making sure to establish who is the face and who is the heel straight out of the gate. They exchange arm drags then Swole comes out on top with the shoulder block.
We get some rest moves and it sparks dueling chants, then Diamante lays into Swole with some stiff strikes. Swole is left clutching her throat for several minutes of beatdown, but eventually comes back and nearly takes it! And then Diamante simply sits down for the pin, weakly grabbing the top rope for ultimate leverage. (Hey, it’s wrestling, physics don’t matter.) It’s a screwy finish which should lead to this program continuing, and I am well here for that. These two competitors make each other better.
.@DiamanteLAX steals one from @SwoleWorld. Something tells us Big Swole is not going to take this lightly.
Watch #AEWDark NOW: https://t.co/gLczlFfdOb pic.twitter.com/z3bDPsioh6
— All Elite Wrestling (@AEW) July 27, 2021
BOTCH: Missing a spark
Back with some more local jobbers, we have Dark Order’s Evil Uno and Stu Grayson. The locals are tag duo Warren “J” Johnson and Zach “Zilla” Mason.
Grayson kicks it off with Johnson, who also eats Uno’s boot. Mason tries to interfere, but Uno clobbers him too. After basking in the glow of an adoring audience, Uno eats a clothesline and gets sucked into a good ol’ Texas isolation routine. Grayson is going nuts stuck all the way out there in the Québecois corner. Uno reverses a suplex and then Grayson nettoie la maison. Texas digs these French Canadians! Who knew?
Grayson pulls off a massive tope con hilo (foreshadowing another awesome dive on Dynamite) then Oney and Twoey hit their usual sequence of 17 finishers to get the win. It was a crowd-pleasing squash, but… eh it also felt like there was a gap in chemistry with the local talent, so I’ll botch it.
POP: Throwback to the future
Our main event tonight is the random face trio of Varsity Blonds and Dante Martin versus the random heel trio of The Acclaimed and Ryan Nemeth. Really, this is just another excuse for Varsity Blonds and The Acclaimed to clash, in a continuation of the storyline where everyone’s favorite sexist jackasses started making off-color jokes about the Blonds’ charismatic young valet Julia Hart.
Max Caster immediately tries to get some heat from the Texas crowd by saying the second amendment should be repealed, then follows it with some vaccine-related fearmongering, and some line that ties Julia Hart to a local sportsball player, which went way over my head. Basically he shoehorns in enough stuff to piss off everyone, no matter what you hold dear. Meanwhile Hart walks the ringside and tries to get the cheers going for her Friday Night Lights-lookin’ boys.
Anthony Bowens and Dante Martin to open, and Bowens shows that he can actually go, he’s not just sidekick to the second biggest asshole on the roster. Brian Pillman gets the tag and the crowd goes wild as he kills Nemeth. It’s amazing how over that guy is, relative to his skills. The crowd pops again for his “flyin'” Brian crossbody. The match breaks down after that and wrestlers get bounced all over the show. Griff Garrison comes out on top with a bunch of corner splashes and it’s like we’re watching wrestling from the 1980s again.
Finally Martin jumps in to spice things up. It’s a total mess, he hits a string of flying nothings, but he gets so damn much air each time that the crowd can’t help but “holy shit”, and they’re not wrong. Please don’t die, Dante! On his second try he connects with his flipping-over-the-top cutter and Nemeth eats the pin, leaving the Blonds and The Acclaimed to fight another day.
Hollywood Hunk on a Hollywood Horse in the Hollywood Hills!
-HH pic.twitter.com/zZpV6qOWni— Ryan Nemeth (@ryrynemnem) July 24, 2021
This was another brisk episode of Dark. The Dallas crowd wasn’t as hot as Austin, and I guess that’s the downside of going back on the road – most of the time the live audience isn’t going to have the interest or the energy to get hype for the midcard. It was nice to see a few new local talents in action, though. The Dallas women in particular looked to have some promise.
Given I’m late to press this week, there’s not much point doing a Dynamite preview. If you didn’t watch it yet, you missed an overlong 10-man match of which only a few spots were exciting, a well-executed but unremarkable tag match that the crowd was dead for, some slow big man stuff, and a tedious deathmatch that delivered gore without psychology. For me the only segment that worked was the trios outing featuring Jungle Boy and Private Party. I’m sure my esteemed colleague will disagree, so check back soon for Robert’s pops and botches.
#BadRomance (@SonnyKissXO & @JANELABABY) are back, they are focused, and they start their road to #AEW tag team glory next week on #AEWDark100.
Watch #AEWDark NOW: https://t.co/gLczlFwPcL pic.twitter.com/Mw5dBFln7w
— All Elite Wrestling (@AEW) July 27, 2021
Next week? AEW Dark episode 100! And one of my last recaps before I head out on the road, to places where I may not have access to YouTube. What will I do on Tuesday nights? What will you do Wednesday mornings? Send comments and free camping tips to me on the Smarky Juniors Discord server. See you out there.
