IT’S WEDNESDAY NIGHT. YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!
Heya folks! Welcome back, and boy am I glad to see you! I mean, if you weren’t reading these, they wouldn’t let me keep doing this, so thank you for your triumphant return. That being said, we’re coming off a 50/50 episode of Dynamite. The main event saw Mercedes Martinez beat Deonna Purrazzo to become the Ring of Honor Women’s Champion in a dud of a match. On the other hand, Dante Martin and Rey Fenix just jumped all around in their Owen Hart Memorial Foundation Tournament Qualifier. It was quite the banger and well, I love bangers! Speaking of bangers, whatever happened to Chaz and Marianna?
POP: Owen Hart (Baybay!)
I don’t know if I was ready to see Dr. Martha Hart to kick off my AEW Dynamite, but there she is! Obviously, she signed off on this whole thing and I think that’s pretty cool. It’s been a long time coming that Owen Hart is recognized and honored for his career, which truly was taken way too soon. For this first round matchup, we get Adam Cole and new singles superstar, Dax Harwood, locking up to see who will advance to the next round of the Owen Hart Memorial Foundation Tournament.
This match is exactly what you were expecting, and so much more. Dax Harwood, pulling out his singles offense, is big enough to give Adam Cole everything he wants. This was a perfect match for Adam Cole, though. He looks like a million bucks going against a man who is heftier than he is, but also, the crowd seems to get behind Dax the longer the match goes. Even better than that, Cole “tuning up the band” for the Sweet Chin Music realllly put the crowd behind Harwood.
The worst part for Harwood is that the fans weren’t in the ring fighting this match against the leader of the Undisputed Elite. After Harwood almost gets counted out due to some busted up ribs, Cole locks in the Sharpshooter and Dax taps out! Harwood finds out the hard way that it’s all about the Boom and just like that, *snaps fingers*, Adam Cole is the first to advance in the tournament!
BOTCH: CM Punkshot
CM Punk is playing the heel from the very get go. He comes out in a John Tavares sweater to really rankle all the New York Islander fans in attendance here in Long Island. Early in the match, the crowd is chanting, “CM Punk,” but he stops and rolls to the outside to try and get a little heat, especially against the hometown boy, John Silver. As an added benefit, we get Hangman Adam Page on commentary.
This match went pretty quick, which wasn’t a surprise. After all, it is CM Punk against John Silver. I love the little guy, but come on. He did get to do his patented flex but it would be all for naught as the wrestling match had nothing to do with the purpose of the segment. CM Punk, still playing heel, hits the Buckshot Lariat to get the win. This understandably brings out the champ and I think it’s safe to say he doesn’t uh…. care for what CM Punk had to say.
POP: HOOKHAUSEN!
Danhausen finally makes his wrestling debut and well…..it was over before I finished getting a glass of water from my kitchen. Tony Nese beat him quickly, soundly, and definitively. That part sucked. HOWEVER, and I can’t make that however big enough, when Nese continues to beat the shit out of him, Hook comes to make the save! The handsome devil helping out Danhausen! Hookhausen is real!
After Hookhausen became a thing, another thing happened:
I don’t have too much to say on this…as anyone whose been reading my column has probably noticed but it’s nice to see it come closer to fruition. Anyway, Wardlow is a strong boy.
BOTCH: Full Time Waster
I love Jungle Boy Jack Perry, but we all knew what was going to happen in this match for the FTW Championship. Mainly because I don’t (and will never) see Jungle Boy and think, fuck the world. It’s just not there with him. Brian Cage? Sure. Ricky Starks? Of course. But Jungle Boy? Nah, fam. I don’t think so. I will give them credit for starting the first few minutes of this match with some chain wrestling. It was quick, crisp, and just fun to watch.
The moment that you just knew Jungle Boy wasn’t winning? When he locked in the Snare Trap for the first time and Ricky was able to reach the ropes. If there was any doubt after that, Swerve Strickland causing the ref to be distracted when Jungle Boy actually got the three count? Yep. You should’ve known there too. Hopefully, you believed it when Ricky hit the Roshambo and got the win. Now, I’m not sure what to make of Keith Lee coming out to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with Swerve when Team Taz confronted him. Are we going to get a Lee/Swerve, Jurassic Express, and Team Taz three-way? I’d be down for that, especially with the titles on the line.
POP: Storm Right Into My Hart
Emotions finally come to a head as we get Jaime Hayter and Toni Storm going one-on-one. I feel like these two have been feuding for months, yet it’s their first time going against each other in singles action. Ruby Soho and Britt Baker not standing on the apron makes this feel more foreign than anything.
This match was awesome. They went after each other like they hated each other (no pun intended). Hayter hit a vicious superplex but when Storm hit a…..let’s say, modified Storm Zero, she gets the three count on Hayter and advances to the semifinals of the Owen Hart Foundation Women’s Tournament! Even with the botch at the end, this match ruled. It was hard-hitting….and I like that. Don’t hayte me.
POP: Be Still My Beating Hart
Our main event involves noted daredevils (and face-paint connoisseurs) Jeff Hardy and Darby Allin going one-on-one. It’s great to see Darby face someone he can actually throw his body at that can believably cause damage. And that’s exactly how he starts. He batters Jeff to the outside then hits a Tope’ Suicida from between the bottom and middle rope. I love you Darby. Don’t ever change. It doesn’t take Jeff long to get the momentum and use our first weapon, the dreaded steel steps. Well…kind of, I guess.
Hardy gonna Hardy though. In a surprise to absolutely nobody, Jeff pulls out a very tall freakin’ ladder and sets it up in the ring. Before he can attempt suicide, Darby knocks him onto the ropes. Jeff ends up on two rows of chairs facing each other and well….this happens:
😱😱😱 @DarbyAllin & @JEFFHARDYBRAND!!!! #AEWDynamite is LIVE on @TBSNetwork! pic.twitter.com/hXRqSLOtLP
— All Elite Wrestling (@AEW) May 12, 2022
That damn Darby Allin! After Darby (barely) misses a Coffin Drop onto the ring apron and Jeff misses a Swanton onto the aforementioned steel steps, Darby drags Jeff back into the ring and sets him up for the Coffin Drop. He crushes Hardy with it; however, Jeff rolls him up for the flash pin to get the win and advance to the semifinals of the Owen Hart Memorial Foundation Men’s Tournament! This match was quick as hell. The ending felt a little flat so I don’t know if it was time constraints or injury but these dudes threw everything at each other, just like you’d expect they would. Wow!
I hope you enjoy your week, everyone! Feel free to leave a comment below (good or bad, I’ll answer them all!) and share the column with your friends, family and followers. And seriously, join the Discord for good talk with good people. You can find me on there, Instagram or Twitter (all are @robbywardshow). Please hit me up with what you liked, what you hated, what you think I can change. I’m all ears! Wrestling united!
