AEW

Pops & Botches: AEW Dynamite – 07.14.2021

AEW Dynamite Fyter Fest Pops & Botches

 

IT’S WEDNESDAY NIGHT. YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!

Heya folks! Last week, all I asked for was more Nick Comoroto kicking people’s asses. I really hope they gave it to me this week for night one of Fyter (sp?) Fest! Lest we forget, Andrade El Idolo wrestles now, they keep mentioning Jon Moxley on TV (return imminent?!?) and Malakai Black is here! Better yet, we’re coming to you LIVE from my old stomping grounds in Austin, Texas, more specifically from the HEB Center. By the way, I miss you HEB. This Kroger stuff is bullshit. Let’s get on with the pro graps!

POP: IWGP’d My Pants When Wild Thing Came On

Angry Dad Jon Moxley comes out with God’s gift to friends, Eddie Kingston. I knew it was foreshadowing his return when they kept mentioning him! Or the interviews discussing this match. Whatever. Anyway, Anderson and Gallows soon come out but before we can start the match, Eddie hits Gallows with a pipe, which clearly doesn’t faze Big Doc. The good thing is, now Eddie fights Gallows out of the arena so we’re going to get a true one on one match. I told you guys! Eddie is God’s gift to friends!  Mox is so lucky. *Hey Siri, insert heart eyes emoji*

Because Jon Moxley is involved, the match spills to the outside rather quickly. He throws Anderson into the barrier but Machine Gun blocks a suplex and reverses it on the ramp. Once they get back in the ring, Anderson controls the match and gives Moxley a lot of cutters and one incredibly botched Michinoku Driver that almost ended with an Owen Hart/Steve Austin vibe. Anderson goes up top for a top rope Stun Gun but Moxley catches him and hits the Paradigm Shift for the win to retain his IWGP United States Title! After the match, we find Jake Roberts freaking out. Lance Archer calms him down and challenges Moxley to a Texas Death Match for Fyter Fest Night Two in Dallas next week!

It was good to see Moxley back. It seems like it was a lot longer than 45 days but I’m glad he’s back. I like serious Mox. However, I think he needs a new finisher. Something more violent. Right now, his iteration of the Paradigm Shift (at least tonight and a few times in the past) is closer to a doublehook floatover suplex. It just seems…soft for such a maniac like Moxley. Let me know in the comments or on Discord what you think a more fitting finisher would be for your boy, Mox. Can’t wait to hear it. As for the Texas Death Match, as long as there’s not any exploding barbed wire, we should be okay. A real chance to redeem themselves here! Also, incoherent mumbler Jake Roberts might be my favorite Jake Roberts.

POP: Absolute Machines

Two matches, two triumphant in-ring returns! Ricky Starks comes out for an FTW Championship match against Brian Cage who is super intense and ready to fight when he comes out. Taz is on commentary with Hobbs and Hook on the outside. Damn, it’s almost a Lumberjack match! We start off with another botched move. It’s crazy that it happens twice in two matches but, hey, it happens. Most notably, Starks didn’t reinjure his neck so let’s move on.

Cage gets Starks up in a Gorilla Press early and Taz damn near loses his mind in fear for Starks. You and me both Tazzer. You and me both. Starks is able to gain the advantage and hits Cage with a pretty dropkick off the top rope before we go to commercial. Despite Cage’s best advances, Ricky controls the match through most of the break. That is until he tries a top rope splash and gets caught by Cage, who promptly does one-handed curls with Pretty Ricky.

The action spills outside with Cage trying to throw Ricky into the turnbuckle but he deftly avoids it with a nice rope slide-under. Once back in the ring, Cage hits a VIOLENT superkick (maybe that should be Mox’s finisher haha) and goes for a superplex. Starks slips out and does this:

Who knew Ricky Starks was that strong! Starks goes to grab the belt (for what one can only assume is nefarious intent) but Hobbs rips it out of his hands. Starks is absolutely dismayed so Cage takes note of the distraction and hits an F-5 but only gets a two count. Cage prepares for the Drill Claw but Hook distracts the ref. Hobbs hits Cage in the face with the belt, Ricky connects on the Spear and ladies and gentlemen, we have a NEW FTW Champion!

Apart from the match starting with a botch (I thought you said move on, Irish?!?), this match was slick, man. Both men looked like a million bucks. It was good to see Ricky not break his neck and I got a little nervous when Cage went for a German on Ricky. I guess this ends the Team Taz/Brian Cage partnership. It’ll be interested to see where both parties go from here. Cage is looking like a future world champion right now but I don’t know if there’s a logical way to insert him into the picture with Omega and Hangman already hanging around.

Did somebody say Hangman and Omega? After Cody and Malakai Black have a pull-apart brawl, we get the Elite and the Dark Order setting up a Survivor Series Elimination match. Probably not at Survivor Series though, to be fair. If Page and Dark Order win, they get respective shots at Kenny and the Young Bucks for their titles. If they lose….no title shots. I love the elimination aspect. Surely, there will be Elite shenanigans so let’s see how Hangman and the Dark Order can weasel their way around them and earn their shots at the gold!

POP: Brotherhood without an Edge

Matt Hardy is out first for his match with Christian. You know, we always joke about fight forever but seriously, this match is Matt Hardy and Christian. IN 2021! Christian looks ready to outwork Matthew, though. And outwork him, he does. He knocks Matt to the outside and then flies through the air with a flying….body smash? Once they get back in the ring, Matt uses his…Mattitude to gain the upperhand. A vicious DDT onto the stairs definitely helps someone keep an upperhand:

Hardy gonna Hardy though and once Christian starts to gain some momentum, Hardy mule kicks Christian in the dick. A literal dick move, Matt. He hits the Twist of Fate for what he thought was a win but no, Christian kicks out at two! Hardy is incensed and can’t believe how resilient Christian is. He follows Christian to the outside and locks in The Leach submission and leaves Christian lying in a heap while the ref counts him out. Again, Christian beats the count and gets in the ring just before the ref hits ten! He spins Matt around, hits the Killswitch and that’s all she wrote, folks! Private Party and TH2 surround the ring but since Christian is now a dinosaur of wrestling, Jurassic Express run down and chase them off. 

Matt and Christian have an easy chemistry in the ring. Obviously, they’ve been doing this since the 90s. (let me remind you, the 90s are now 30 years ago). They don’t even need a story at this point. Just put them in a ring and let ’em fight. As for the postmatch stuff. I feel like we’re building to a Christian/Jungle Boy feud. I like the sound of that. But I also don’t want them feuding over who gets to wrap their legs around Luchasaurus’ head. Build a better story, please!

Dr. Britt Baker DMD can cut a promo. This promo makes me not only want to watch her fight Nyla Rose, but to demolish her. Mission accomplished Britt.

BOTCH: Dynamite Dud

Somebody named Wheeler Yuta comes out wearing what I can only describe as Subway pants (Eat Fresh!) comes out for his Dynamite debut. First off, he’s facing Sammy Guevara so good luck, kid. Second, he’s flanked by Orange Cassidy and Chuck Taylor. I know Trent is recovering from surgery but this is the guy we’re replacing him with?

Unfortunately for him, as stated, he faces Sammy Guevara. Ironically enough, they match up very well as both are able to go fast, quick and in a hurry. After missing a big splash, Yuta is able to get some offense in on good ol’ Sammy. But one more time, for those in the back, he’s facing Sammy frickin’ Guevara. Sammy ain’t havin’ it and connects with the Enziguri on Yuta in the corner. One springboard, top rope cutter later and Yuta is 0-1 on Dynamite.

The lack of a story was the story of this match. Even when Sammy was getting beaten up, the result of the match never felt in jeopardy. Apparently, I’m a story guy because this match just annoyed me. Even when they showed the Coming Up Next graphic in the bottom left corner. I didn’t even recognize Yuta in that but Chuck and OC were in the backdrop so it made sense. Anyway, the easy story would have been to have him debut against The Blade (who was in the stands!) but it looks like they just threw this match together to get Sammy on the card in Texas. Was night 2 of Fyter Fest full? Dallas is still Texas, ya know!

POP: Forget everything I Just Said About Storytelling

Penelope Ford (noticeably missing Kip Sabian) is out next for a match with the returning Yaka Sakazaki. I just love the infectious personality, man. Look how happy she is!

These two go at it pretty aggressively and after a powerful dropkick from Yuka, Penelope rolls out to the outside to recover. Sakazaka isn’t about to have any of that shit so she jumps up over the rope and nails a second rope cannonball on Ford. And of course, she doesn’t stop smiling. Once they get back in the ring, Penelope takes control and hits a giant pump kick on Yuka. When she recovers, she gets Penelope in a hammerlock and lifts her up for an airplane spin. She rolls Penelope over, goes up top and walks the rope (old school style, perhaps?) and ends the match with the Magical Girl splash!

I really enjoyed this match. I don’t know if it’s because of the huge crush I have on Penelope or how cute and adorable Yaka’s personality is but this match with no storytelling was way more my jam than the previous one. And that had Sammy Guevara! I just want the women’s division to have stories and matches with stakes that matter. GIVE ME MORE, TONY!

POP: Coffin (Drop) and Lock

All Ego Ethan Page comes out without Scorpio Sky for his Coffin Match with Avril Lavigne’s favorite Sk8r Boi, Darby Allin. Before the lights even come back on, Darby starts throwing his body at Page. How Page didn’t expect that, I’ll never know. Terrible planning, Ethan. Darby gets him outside on the floor and again throws his body at him from inside the ring. He rips open the coffin and in a surprise twist that left everybody shocked, Scorpio Sky jumps out and attacks Darby, throwing him knee first into the steel steps.

Knowing that Sky would interfere at some point, Sting immediately makes his way down to yell at the Sky about it. He also beat his ass for it but at least they got a few minutes to fight into the crowd! Now with those two jamokes out of the way, let’s get to the carange. The crowd got all they wanted and more this week. Not only did Gallows/Kingston fight through the crowd, Sting/Sky went out there so Darby and Page naturally had to go out there. Darby tries the jump off the tunnel but Page catches him and throws him into the steel railings!

We see Page undo the bottom rope and pull the turnbuckle hook out. In one of the more creative spots I’ve ever seen, I — ya know, just watch this:

Granted, Darby did get his revenge and jam the hook in Page’s mouth later, giving him an ultimate fish hook but with a turnbuckle hook. Now all I want is Herb Dean to tell Connor McGregor and Dustin Poirer that there will be no fish hooks and no turnbuckle hooks in the octagon when they fight for a fourth time. Anyway, back to the ring we go! As Darby prepares to go for a Coffin Drop with Page lying prone on the steel steps, Page finds the wherewithal to slide under and throw Darby on the steps from the top with an Ego’s Edge!

The crowd is losing their shit (me too, Austin. Me too). I don’t know how Darby is moving but with the fans in attendance giving them the, “This is Awesome!” chant, Darby digs his fingers into Page’s eyes. He grabs his board and goes up top. He drops into the pipe known as Page’s spine, kicks him into the coffin and Darby Allin is undefeated in Coffin Matches! While Allin is celebrating, he looks down at the coffin and decides he’s not done. He pulls the coffin around, climbs the rope and does a Coffin Drop onto the casket with Page inside! For fuck’s sake, Darby!

Holy shit, you guys. This match was violent, innovative and just plain crazy. Honestly though, enjoy Darby while you can. He is using his bump card judiciously and giving zero fucks about it. On that note, I. LOVE. IT. He is such an amazing performer, engaging personality and AEW-bred. It just makes me so happy to see him main eventing and having success. Hats off to Ethan Page for being a perfect foil and putting himself through hell during this match. Both these dudes entertained the hell out of me, you and the live crowd in Austin. Hat tip to you, gentlemen.

BOTCH: Not enough Comoroto

Enjoy your week everyone! Feel free to leave a comment below (good or bad, I’ll answer them all!) and share the column with your friends, family and followers. And seriously, join the Discord for good talk with good people. You can find me on there, Instagram or Twitter (all are @robbywardshow). Please hit me up with what you liked, what you hated, what you think I can change. I’m all ears! Wrestling united!

     

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