IT’S WEDNESDAY NIGHT. YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!
You guys! It’s finally here! I’m not sure I’ve ever been this amped up for a wrestling event on TV, especially one that ISN’T a pay per view! Blood & Guts is here and I have been chomping at the bit all damn week! Happy Cinco de Mayhem to me! Here comes Don Callis and Nakazawa. This can only mean one thing. Kenny Omega! Wait, what? Callis announces Omega isn’t here and Nakazawa now has to face Mox and Kingston by himself. Damnit, Don. This isn’t how it’s supposed to be.
POP: Table Setter
That fucking snake, Kenny Omega! As Mox and Kingston roll down to the ring, Omega hits them with the belt to get the advantage. There’s something to be said about Nakazawa wrestling with his headset (complete with cord attached to literal nothing) and his press credentials around his neck. The belt shot really fucked up Mox for awhile as Shinsuke Nakazawa and Omega beat Kingston down for awhile. Luckily, Mox draws the line at a double suplex and blocks one to really start the match properly. Shortly after a low blow from Nak to Kingston, Eddie and Omega get in a chop fest. I wish I could formulate words to describe Eddie’s face every time he gets hit with a chop during this exchange. It’s so glorious and further shows why he might be THE most complete sports entertainer in the business today.
The Real Best Friends eventually take the upper hand. Mox hits a piledriver on Nakazawa but Omega breaks up the pin. In an absolute SHOCKING turn of events, Omega walks out on Nak, leaving him to eat a half & half suplex/clothesline combo for the pin. First match in and Nak is already bloody. I can’t wait to see who gets gutty! Oh shit, the Young Bucks are on the ramp! While The Real Best Friends are distracted by whatever the fuck black-haired Buck is wearing, Anderson and Gallows jump Mox and Kingston. The four dickheads beat the ever loving hell out of Jon and Eddie until Omega comes out (with his personal cameraman, Brandon Cutler). Eddie wears a One-Winged Angel followed by a faux three count. The Elite celebrates. It’s kind of like “Jesus wept” but way happier.
Holy shit. What a way to kick off the show. There were a lot of fucks in those previous two paragraphs (sorry, Mom!) but can you blame me? I promise to try and reign it in from here on out. *giggle* Seriously though, this match was the perfect way to start a special event named “Blood & Guts” and if the power were to go out, I’d cry a lot but damnit, I’d go to bed happy that I was able to see that match. If every match is that good, I’m going for an all-Pop, y’all!
POP: For Queen & Country
Coming back from commercial, the guy at every gym that you want to punch in the face, QT Marshall, comes out flanked by The Factory. They don’t stick around; however, even though Coach Arn does when he comes out with Cody. Naturally (heh), Cody comes out like gangbusters and jumps QT immediately. He also rips his belt off to whip QT’s ass but referee Bryce Remsberg takes it from him. Cody tries to get it back but is overpowered by Remsberg. Meanwhile, QT grabs his belt and gives Cody one lashing for his bad haircut. Remsberg sees this and throws that belt out. BELTS ARE FLYING!
QT finds himself on the outside and decides it’s as good a time as any to pieface Arn Anderson. Marshall is all of us. Arn ain’t havin’ it though, y’all. He gets tossed to the back, which leaves us with the blood rivalry (I wish it were the guts rivalry!) of QT and Cody to fend for themselves. It was back and forth so much they pull off a rolling Tombstone spot that Cody eventually uses to set up the Cross Rhodes! QT doesn’t appreciate it and lets Cody know he’s #1. Again, QT is all of us. Apparently, flipping off Cody (flicking off, for you weird ass hillbillies) is the one thing that will set Cody off. He immediately locks QT in the figure four and Marshall taps! Cody is bloody! His eye is cut! Two for two on blood. Still waiting on the ol’ guts though. Anthony Ogogo comes out and hits the devastating body blow to put Cody down for good. He covers him (BEAUTIFULLY) with a Union Jack and we have a feud, everyone!
Now THAT is how we go from Point A to Point B. Great storytelling as we close out one story and start another. AEW just makes it look so easy to build stories and have a means to an end (this entire event) as opposed to the event being the build to the story. It’s an absolutely refreshing take on wrestling and really hammers home how good they are at this. Cody is already a fantastic storyteller so to put him with other great logic-based folks makes everything seem so new. Keep on keepin’ on, AEW!
POP: Tossed Allin
Usually, I don’t cover interview segments but this one ended up in physicality so it deserves a mention. Scorpio and All Ego Ethan Page are cutting a promo high above Dailey’s Place, the one spot in an arena where Sting and/or Darby Allin hang out. Of course, Darby attacks them from behind. But without Sting, his XP are cut in half and there’s definitely two dudes trying to bash his brains in with a trash can. They end the segment also treating him like trash by throwing him out of the top row and down the concrete stairs. Darby….ouch.
POP: Don’t Break My Heart, My Achy Baker/Hart
Dr. Britt Baker squares off against Julia Hart (who?!?) to let the crowd get their buttholes out of their mouths from the first two matches. It’s exactly what it should have been, a squash match that Baker won quickly and decisively. After a minute or two, Britt locks in the Lock Jaw and that’s it. Pretty simple domination by YOUR number one contender, Britt Baker, baybay.
POP: Turmoil of Tag Teams
Varsity Blondes, Jurassic Express and SCU (still minus Scorpio Sky, I think) come out for a #1 Contender Fatal Four Way with The Acclaimed. These teams should really make Max Caster come out first so they can interrupt his rap. This one eviscerated all three teams in the match AND the tag champs:
Yo, yo, yo, okay listen, listen.
It’s the Acclaimed,
Two Sexy Kids.
About to make
Daniels quit the Wrestling Biz.Varsity Blondes,
You’re a temporary thing.
In ten years, you’ll be
On Dark Side of the Ring.Jungle, I’ll slap you
Like you’re John Sotzel.
Luchasaurus
I’m a turn you to a fossil.Yo, Acclaimed is up;
We gonna take the tag belts
Off those two Young Cucks!
I said it.
The teams immediately get into a donnybrook and nobody wants to get the upper hand. Not until Luchasaurus gets pissed off of course. Jungle Express goes off on everybody but can’t get a pinfall, thanks to Christopher Daniels. The teams keep fightin’, Brian keeps flyin’ but kill me if I’m lyin’, SCU wins with a spike tombstone/BME combo to get the win. They will face the Young Cucks Bucks next week, right here on AEW Dynamite!
I’m a little disappointed the team that would break up if they lost pulled off the victory but it was relatively expected. it was a fun match. Lots of spots that make you just nervous enough that you’re not comfortable but once you see everyone land without dying, you’re enjoying the hell out of it. I’m going to be honest though, I’m getting a little worried that we’re losing momentum. I mean, look at all those paragraphs since I said the F-word last. I still have plenty fucks to give, you guys!
Tony Schiavone interviews Kenny Omega in front of the double steel cage. Kenny comes out with his AEW Title followed by Nakazawa with Kenny’s Impact Title, TNA Title and AAA Mega Title. Kenny can’t be bothered in his suit jacket and wifebeater combination. Tony announces that next week on Dynamite (that card is stacking up quite nicely, might I add!), the bastard PAC will go one-on-one with Orange Cassidy to determine the #1 contender for Kenny’s title. I think it’s going to be for the AEW Title, but hell, I could be wrong. Kenny proves to be quite a bastard as he takes Cassidy’s Ray-Ban sunglasses and puts them on Nakazawa. Total dickbag move, Omega. I’m instantly excited to see the contrast in styles between Orange Cassidy and PAC. How exciting that is going to be next week. No matter who wins (and it definitely looks like Cassidy is being built as next in line), it’s going to be one hell of a banger with Kenny Omega. Never stop, AEW. Never stop.
Tony tells us Blood & Guts is next but he’s a lying fat mouth as he invites Miro out. Tony doesn’t get a chance to speak as Miro rips the microphone out of his hand. He pulls a signed contract out of his ass (quite literally) saying next week on Dynamite (Again?!?), Darby Allin will face Miro for the TNT Championship belt. Miro gives out a warning that next week The Man Who Doesn’t Mind Dying will meet The Man Who Doesn’t Mind Killing Him. Jesus, take the wheel.
POP: A Little Bloody, A Little Gutty and A Whole Lot of Nutty
Just watch the fuckin’ match, you guys.
As promised, Sammy Guevara starts off this match and draws Dax Harwood to fight with first. Sammy’s first fight in three months and apparently didn’t learn how to avoid a spinebuster. This would be a theme throughout the night! He and Dax go hard for the first five minutes. Of course, before their time limit is up, Dax is busted wide open again.
When the buzzer goes off, Shawn Spears is rarin’ to go. As the Chairman, he obviously brings the steel chair in with him. Sammy cuts him off at the pass but eventually gets hit with the chair anyway. Thanks to Spears introducing weapons in this match, Ortiz brings his own furniture. He throws his chair at Spears and he throws his chair at Dax. Has anyone in this match though about, I don’t know, SITTING in their chair? Technology, amirite? Ortiz goes ham on The Pinnacle until he gets thrown from a Gory Bomb position into the cage and down between the ring and the cage.
Cash Wheeler comes in and somehow doesn’t immediately powerbomb Sammy Guevara, who is noticeably bleeding as well. Unfortunately for Sammy, the blood must be going to his head as he misses a top rope maneuver (after hitting a gorgeous Spanish Fly!) and eats shit in the middle of one of the rings. His feet clip Dax, who sells it like it was intentional. Yes, and.
Santana comes in and evens the odds up between The Pinnacle and The Inner Circle. He flies around and tries to fight everybody as he is expected to do. Nobody really has any clue how to counteract these crazy Puerto Ricans throwing themelseves at anyone. Wardlow’s big entrance is in the middle of a picture in picture commercial break but he’s a big guy going into a cage with a bunch of little guys. Pride & Powerful immediately attack with Sammy Guevara but Wardlow is much too big and fights off all three of them.
You know who’s also big? Jake Hager. He rolls in and beats up FTR and Shawn Spears to get to Wardy. The two hosses do what two hosses are wont to do. They hoss fight. Both men just beat on each other until The Pinnacle can regain the advantage one last time. How do they do that, you ask? His name is Maxwell J. Friedman and he’s here to dance.
MJF is absolutely shredded and isn’t afraid to show it. With Cash Wheeler decimated and bloody, and Shawn Spears eating a vicious coast-to-coast courtesy of the homie, Sammy Guevara, MJF does his best to rally The Pinnacle and get the upper hand. As luck (and history) would have it, MJF took time out of his busy bleeding and gutting to talk some shit to Jericho, who was the last man to enter into the match. He promised Jericho he would kill him when he enters the match. Spoiler alert, he damn near succeeded. Jericho and MJF gather their respective teams and SHIT IS ABOUT TO GO DOWN.
After throwing fists at each other’s faces as hard as you could possibly expect, we go to another picture in picture commercial. This commercial is noteworthy as it’s when the ring begins to get torn up and Shawn Spears undoes an entire damn turnbuckle. The announce team mentions it looks like a tornado has hit Dailey’s Place and they’re not wrong. Sammy assists Pride & Powerful on a double spike piledriver on FTR onto the plywood and it’s absolute chaos. MJF retreats to the top of the cage and if you know anything about murdering people, Jericho promptly chases him up there.
Jericho immediately locks in the Walls of Jericho atop the walls of the cell. MJF hits a little ball-tap fist to turn the Walls of Jericho into the Salt of the Earth. Jericho flat out refuses to give up so MJF bites his wrist before locking in the Salt of the Earth again. Jericho is just not willing to give up. MJF pulls his dick up to grab the Dynamite Diamond Ring and clocks Jericho. Oh great, now Jericho is busted open, too! I’m very glad Covid isn’t a bloodborne disease.
MJF drags Jericho to the edge of the cage and yells down below to The Inner Circle. If they won’t surrender, he’ll toss Jericho’s ass (and the rest of him too) off the cage. After a few seconds of begging, Sammy surrenders on behalf of The Inner Circle. And that ladies and gentlemen, is the end to the most brutal match in AEW history (sorry, Mox/Omega, Baker/Rosa and Rhodes Bros). That is now; however, the end of the fireworks. As you and I both expected, MJF shoves Jericho off the cage anyway and he crashes through the stage. Cage to stage, baby. We go off the air with MJF celebrating on top of the cage and being a man of his word while Jericho is being checked on by everyone except a medical professional.
FUCKING WOW! (Did you think I wouldn’t slip one more in there at the end!?)
Head to toe, front to back, top to bottom, we went wire to wire with the Pops! This was a pay-per-view quality card and it absolutely delivered. Even though I didn’t have a lot to say on the women’s squash match, it was still the correct call for what needed to be done at that point in the match lineup. As I touched on before, this event was the culmination of feuds that were built to this point. It wasn’t the other way around and I really appreciate that about AEW. The gimmick match wasn’t “just because” to happen, it was “just because” it’s the only way it could happen. I freakin’ love this company, man. Tony Khan, let’s hang out!
Okay guys, that’s it for me today. That was intense, phenomenal and just overall amazing! Enjoy your week everyone! Feel free to leave a comment below (good or bad, I’ll answer them all!) and share the column with your friends, family and followers. And seriously, join the Discord for good talk with good people. Wrestling united!
