When the Root Canal Goes Wrong - AEW

Pops & Botches: AEW Dynamite – 03.17.2021

AEW Dynamite News Pops & Botches

 

IT’S WEDNESDAY NIGHT. YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!

Heya folks! What’s up? It’s been a crazy week but I’ve dug myself out from about three feet of snow (seriously, I can’t feel my arms and legs) and I’m ready to hit this week’s Dynamite with piss and vinegar. Has anyone ever wondered where that phrase came from? I mean, I understand chocolate and milk, Jack and Coke, and coffee and cream but who was sitting by the fire in their old log cabin and working on piss and vinegar concoctions? I thought last week was a big week in the AEW Atmosphere but this week, we saw the debut of AEW Dark: Elevation on Monday and another crazy installment of Dark Proper last night. I’m telling you guys, this AEW gig is the best! Now, we’ve reached St. Patrick’s Day Slam! The name’s a little hokey but the action is not! Before we dive on in, here’s what you missed from last week’s Dynamite:

  • Black-haired Buck and Rey Fenix tore the house down
  • AEW immediately had to rebuild said house so they could host the rest of the show
  • Eddie Kingston and Jon Moxley had the best sit down which made me miss my best friend, Justin
  • Cody had a match that was truly an American Nightmare
  • Ethan Page had his ego tested by basketball game audio while he beat up Big Shotty
  • Hangman bought a lawnmower so Dark Order tested its 250 lb. weight limit
  • Kenny and Callis tried to normalize televised sex acts
  • Maki Itoh sang K-Pop while her two teammates got popped
  • Darby Allin became the Face of the Revolution by knocking Scorpio out of the Sky
  • MJF was kicked outside of the Inner Circle and got his friends to beat up the IC over it

What a time to be alive, ladies and gentlemen! Now onto this weeks’ fireworks factory and oooooh boy it’s a doozy. Piccolo Pete himself loved this damn show.  And so did I.

We start off the Slam out at the airport as MJF and his new crew shows up in a private jet and load themselves into a limo. Jet flyin’, limousine ridin’ — oh you know the rest.

BOTCH: The Lucha Nightmare

I swear, like I said, I loved this show. Yet, for the first time in my short history writing this column, we’re starting out with a Botch. This match literally felt like it was in slow motion to me. From the beginning to the end. No urgency, nothing of consequence, just two dudes doing super slow moves to each other, which was really disappointing since Penta El Zero M started it out by ambushing Cody on the ramp with a flying senton. Cody wins (LOL) with a rollup variation after Penta snapped Cody’s arm and celebrated a little too long. He then attacks the shoulder afterward.

I have to point out here how chickenshit the Gunn Club was. While Penta’s beating the hell out of Cody’s shoulder, they sit at ringside with the hard cam right on them. I was waiting for them to help out since the match was over but nope, they kept their butts in the seats (credit: Tony Schiavone). Not until Dustin runs out do they jump the barrier and chase Penta off. He only gets to ringside before cuddling up to Nyla and wearing her festive St. Patty’s day hat. As the Nightmare Factory hang out in the ring, QT comes out to make sure Cody is okay but never gets in the ring. Nightmare Factory doesn’t seem too thrilled with him and that’s that. Just beat his ass already.

I love Alex Marvez. He finds the Young Bucks in the back and black-haired Buck gives a generic promo about how they’re the tag champs and Fenix and PAC can’t beat them. Don Callis shows up with a gift but black-haired Buck throws it away. What an ungrateful jerk. Callis and black-haired Buck argue about Callis’ impact (heh) on Omega. He also makes fun of Pa Buck. Blonde-haired Buck doesn’t say anything (does he talk?) and Callis calls them out for being pansies and not the team he knows from NJPW. They can superkick Alex Marvez but let Callis shit-talk their dad? C’mon guys, kick faces.

POP: Cargillberg

Back from commercial and the atomic bomb hits. Jade Cargill comes out for her squash match against Dani Jordyn who is not only 0-2 in AEW but hasn’t wrestled on Dynamite in 490 days. So that’s certainly something. I know this is Jade’s second match and all but she’s got something. I don’t know if I’m comfortable enough to say she has IT yet but once she gets a little more comfortable in the ring, I can see her really being a player in the AEW women’s division. After the match, her and Red Velvet bitch at each other but nothing comes of it…..yet.

MJF and his new cronies come out next. Tully cuts a pretty decent promo regarding them beating the hell out of the best faction ever last week. So now they’ve reached the pinnacle (foreshadowing alert!) of the business and are already the best faction ever. I feel like we need to compare factions now:

  1. Big Dumb Guy – Jake Hager vs. Wardlow: I have to give the edge to Wardlow. He seems to have much more in the tank we haven’t seen yet, let alone all his extra athleticism that Hager has seemingly lost.
  2. Sexy Midcard Guy – Sammy Guevara vs. Shawn Spears: How can I go against one half of Le Sex Gods? Sammy is miles above Shawn Spears and doesn’t look nearly as dumb as Spears does in his little tan suit.
  3. Buddy Comedy Guys – Pride & Powerful vs. FTR: Oh man, this one is close. I love P&P and FTR is amazing. Let’s call this one a push.
  4. Leader of the Pack (vroom, vroom) – Chris Jericho vs. MJF: This is actually pretty tough also. MJF has really come on lately. He’s a next level heel and it’s the best. That being said, I’m taking Jericho here. Pedigree and experience lends in his favor plus there’s nothing he can’t do.

This super-scientific tale of the tape tells me the Inner Circle is the best faction! It was much closer than I’d expected. MJF threatens to take their locker room (does that mean they get the sweet painting?!?) and announce themselves as The Pinnacle. Tully Blanchard, you sly dog. You set it up for us and we missed it! They head to the back to presumably move into their new digs.

POP: The Matt Hardy Party

Jurassic Express teams up with Bear Mountain to take on The Matt Hardy Empire. Oddly enough, it’s the faces that can’t seem to get along as they tease Jurassic Express and Bear Mountain fighting the whole time. You guys, Marko is so small yet he throws his little ass so hard at everyone, he makes the offense believable! I love it. He holds his own for awhile but Hardy kicks him into a Gin & Juice by Private Party. Hardy tags in, hits a Twist of Fate on young Marko and gets the 1-2-3 all by himself. Butcher and Blade finally wander back in to celebrate while Bear Mountain and Jurassic Express continue to argue on the outside. During this entire argument, Luchasaurus holds Marko over his shoulder like a sack of taters. What a good friend. Wait, can dinosaurs have human friends?

For the second week in a row, we get a Moxley/Kingston interview segment. Unfortunately, no coffee table firepit is involved this time but these two are like a great improv duo. It’s very impressive. Yes and indeed my friends. Yes and indeed. They make fun of The Good Brothers and Moxley does a weird impression of them that somehow works and describes Gallows as one of those googly eyed little dudes that a kid makes at the arts & crafts table. (Which one is Gallows?) The fact that I understood exactly what he was talking about made me feel extremely proud. Tony Kahn, I know you’re reading this so please give me more of these two. In the back, on the road, at the bar, wherever. Hell, show me them hanging out while Renee’s having the baby next to them. Give it all to me.

Dasha is backstage with Christian Cage. He has a voice! She’s already gotten more words out of him than that damn Tony Schiavone did. Cage tells us he is THE workhorse in professional wrestling and he’s going to remind us all real quick. He knows he has to earn his shot at Kenny Omega and promises to get some wins and prove himself. Sounds to me like he’s planning to outwork everyone. Huh. I like the sound of that. They should put it on a t-shirt or something.

POP: Good Friends, Bad Brothers

Apparently, Moxley and Kingston didn’t walk toward the ring together. The Good Brothers jump Kingston as he comes down the ramp. It takes Moxley a good chunk of time to get out there. Was he getting his shoulder wrapped? Was he taking a poop and had to wipe real fast when someone texted him Kingston got jumped? I need answers to this in the next interview with them. *Don’t forget, Tony!* This was a really good back and forth. Unfortunately, it ends when Moxley rolls up Chad 2 Badd (errr, Karl Anderson) and that’s the second rollup tonight! We’ve gotta get them out of that WWE mindset.

The Real World’s Champion, Kenny Omega, comes out with The Good Father, Don Callis. Kenny sits in a chair while Gallows holds up a beaten Jon Moxley. Eddie comes in and throws his body at Kenny, damn near knocking him out of the ring. He immediately eats a Magic Killer for his troubles. They put Eddie’s ankle in a chair and Anderson stomps it from the second rope. As he holds his leg, Kingston keeps trying to fight while laying on the ground. The little things like that make me love that man. The Good Brothers and Omega decide that’s not enough chair shenanigans, so they put Moxley’s head through the chair. Gallows gets on the second rope for the stomp but those damn Young Bucks run out and stop him. Kenny gets up there to do it himself and they stop him too. My favorite part of this is as they are all arguing at the end, they Two Sweet (trademark pending) in the middle of the ring and the Bucks refuse. So Kenny puts the Two Sweet right in Matt’s face and smooshes him.

I’m going to be honest. I thought we were heading to a Christian Cage/Kenny Omega feud but Cage said he’s gotta earn it first. Then I thought we were headed toward another Omega/Moxley feud but if a damn Exploding Barbed Wire Death Match isn’t good enough for a blowoff, what is? NOW, I feel like they’re setting up a Matt Jackson/Kenny Omega feud but that makes no earthly sense whatsoever. Allow me to grab my crystal ball. I think they set up a Mox/Bucks vs. Good Brothers/Kenny feud (Kingston out with the ankle, obvs) and I feel the Bucks turn on Mox and we get the Elite back.

Tony introduces Sting and Darby on the ramp. As Darby gets up to issuing an open match challenge directly to the Dark Order, Lance Archer and his Uncle Jake show up. Jake cuts a promo and calls Darby a weenie. Darby’s face says that’s not the first time he’s been called that by an older man. They threaten Sting and leave but before Sting can talk (again!), Team Taz shows up. In a swerve I didn’t even see coming, Brian Cage compliments Sting and says that with or without his trusty bat, Sting is still The Icon. WellI, that was out of left field. Needless to say, Team Taz was just as confused as I was and they follow Cage to the back.

POP: Flippin’ Fenix

There’s something about great announcers that can absolutely enhance a wrestling match and make it so much better. Early in Rey Fenix’ match against Angelico, Excalibur explains they are both lucha libre specialists but that Fenix is a high flyer and Angelico is trained more in a llave submission style. I have no clue what llave lucha (Oh! This explains it!) is compared to any other lucha-style wrestling but that added so much to this match in one quick sentence. This was a really good match and gave some shine to Angelico, who doesn’t get a lot of TV time. Fenix hits him with that sit down tombstone hes been doing, complete with knee to the head! PAC takes an inordinate amount of time to talk shit to a downed Angelico but we get to cut to the back.

Alex Marvez finds Miro doing pullups in the red room. He tells Chuck that he’s over him and has moved on. In a shocking twist, Kip shows up and says he can’t move on because Chuck and Orange Cassidy ruined his wedding. Miro hands out some sage advice to Kip, “the worst thing for your career is having your wife at ringside.” I mean, how would he even know? His wife doesn’t even work for AEW! He tells Kip he wants to be world champion and Kip supports him in that. Miro walks off, apparently ending his workout and Kip tells Marvez that they accept the challenge from Chuck and OC in the Arcade Chaos match. That should be fun!

The Pinnacle is in the back to peel off The Inner Circle’s nametag on the locker room door. MJF hangs their own and they enter “their” locker room. It was a throwaway segment but the only reason I covered it is that the Pepsi machine is clearly observed while they enter. Well, that answers that question!

POP: Holy Shit

For lack of a better term, we’ve reached the pinnacle (sorry, Max) of this feud between Dr. Britt Baker and Thunder Rosa. And what a pinnacle it was, y’all. These two absolutely prove they belong in the main event. If you haven’t been on the wrestling internet in the last 48 hours (or since when Dynamite aired to when you read this column!), Baker and Rosa went all the way back to ECW for the first all-female main event in Dynamite history that coupled as the first ever lights out match. I thought they’d fight with the lights on but it turned out they turned them off and then back on. Once they came on, AEW was no longer responsible for what happened. Okay then.

I know I’ve said this about some matches before, but my words won’t do this match justice so just go watch it. It’s worth all the publicity it’s getting. Let me try and grab some of the highlights for you because this match was BANANAS:

That Fire Thunder Driver at the end turned out to be the end as Baker just couldn’t recover. Hell, she probably passed out from blood loss more than anything. These two women are two of the toughest badasses I’ve seen in quite some time. This is a match you don’t expect from women and for me, I can’t think of a women’s match with such brutality, blood and mayhem. It was on par with any men’s match and helped of course by the fact that it was something rarely (if ever) seen on broadcast television. My hat is off to both of these ladies as they truly gave blood, sweat and tears for our entertainment. So grateful AEW chose these two because it was a beautiful fight.

On that note, I’m going to wrap this thing up. Enjoy your week everyone! Feel free to leave a comment below (good or bad, I’ll answer them all!) and share the column with your friends, family and followers. And seriously, join the Discord for good talk with good people. Wrestling united!

 

     

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