IT’S WEDNESDAY NIGHT, YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!
Heya, folks! It’s Revolution week and that is gearing up to be one heck of a show! Before we get to Sunday, though, we had a few things to take care of on Dynamite. We had a super fun show last night on Dark so let’s get to the fireworks factory and see how things finished up this week! But first, if you missed last week’s AEW Dynamite (no seriously, shame on you!), here’s the quick and dirty of what transpired:
- Mox prepared for a death match by fighting Dolph Ziggler’s Little Brother
- AEW introduced some giant signing they couldn’t stop talking about on the big show
- Sting let Darby out of timeout in the rafters so Darby came down and hit FTR in the face about it
- Pa Buck got his ass whipped for hanging out near a semi-truck trailer with his kids’ faces on the doors
- Hangman beat the cowboy shit out of Isiah Kassidy so Hardy promises to hurt the Dark Order
- The Native Beast advanced in the Women’s Eliminator Tournament by beating Britt Baker
- Lance Archer beat Fenix back to the Death Triangle that he came from
POP: Don’t Wake the Sleeping Giant
I legitimately thought we were going to have some sort of schmozz deal this week with NBA Hall of Famer Shaquille O’Neal coming in to AEW to wrestle. That way, he would be put on the card for Revolution but I was glad to be wrong as Shaq got in there and had an actual match. He and Cody started out with basic holds, not to mention some fancy footwork by Shaq. If Cody getting whipped by MJF last year didn’t prove his willingness to hurt himself for the company, he lets big Shaq give him open-handed slaps to the chest. To be honest, I don’t know what hurts more, the straps or Shaq’s giant palm meat. Cody, if you’re reading this, hit me up and let me know!
If you guys ever get anything from what I say in these articles, let it be that Jade Cargill is going to be a star. Red Velvet is too. They both looked like a million bucks in this match. Velvet is out here throwing moonsaults the right way (side-eye: Charlotte) and getting caught by the group! She did have a little trouble setting up a table on the outside but that was the last time her and Jade touched the tables.
Shaq went for a test of strength which had me laughing. Cody wisely kicked him in the stomach for it. Naturally, Shaq just grabbed him in a powerbomb and tried to throw him through the ring. He did give the Brodie Lee kiss so that was a nice touch. The ladies come back in and Cargill hit an absolutely beautiful spinebuster on Velvet but Cody had to get his stupid blonde head involved in breaking up the cover. Shaq took a swipe at him and Cody hurtled himself through Shaq and they fell through the tables on the outside! Cargill was shook but not enough to finish off the match. They cut to the floor and Shaq was out cold. He sold the hell out of the table spot and it didn’t hurt that the tables were absolutely obliterated around him. Great visual, AEW.
POP: Death Isosceles Triangle
I had to pause this match more than any other match because of the sheer speed at which (The Bastard) PAC and Rey Fenix threw themselves at John Skyler and D3. Both of the Death Triangle members are insanely quick and powerful, which showed all throughout this quick match. I wish all filler matches could be as entertaining as this one. D3 was on the apron for all of three seconds before Fenix came around and kicked him so hard in the face that he fell back to the outside. After a minute or so, D3 got back up on the apron and Fenix beautifully ran the rope and kicked him in the face again. Skyler didn’t fare any better. When Fenix wasn’t kicking D3 in the face, he and PAC just beat the shit out of Skyler. PAC splashed him 450-style and Fenix hit him with some sort of sit-down cutter for the 3. Quick, violent, and efficient. This is the Death Triangle and I am absolutely here for it. Fun match. Also, I’m sorry D3 for whatever you did to Fenix for him to put his bootprint all over your stupid face. Don’t do it again.
BOTCH: Buckus Interruptus
Not much to say here. It did what it was supposed to. A little bit of comedy and then an interruption by the suddenly super-serious Bucks. We did get questions from various personalities in the wrestling journalism realm. I’m still trying to figure out how I can get in on one of these press conferences? The first question was asked by some nerd, who I assumed worked for Barstool Sports but his mic wasn’t on so unable to identify him. Conrad Thompson, JR’s podcast partner, came out to ask about Sammy Guevara. He immediately gets called Turkey Tits by MJF and dismissed. Another Barstool guy asked a question before Easy E, Eric Bischoff closed out the questioning regarding pissing off the Young Bucks by beating the hell out of Pa Buck.
This is the cue for the Bucks to talk about how great their dad was before kicking Y2MJF in the face. Cutler came out and they fight the Inner Circle. Somehow, they get the upper hand and take Santana and Ortiz to the outside. The Good Brothers show up to set up another pair of tables. With Santana and Ortiz set up, the Bucks hit simultaneous moves (A swanton for blonde Buck and a flying elbow for black-haired Buck) to put the Inner Circle guys through the tables. That segment went a little long for my taste but the table spot was slick. I’m a little confused why Anderson and Gallows didn’t come out and help fight Inner Circle when the Bucks and Cutler were outnumbered but hey, someone had to set the table.
POTCH: A Horseman Walks into a Ring
I gave this a potch (pop and botch creatively smashed together because I’m a wordsmith’s hero) solely based off the fact I thought Tully was going to die multiple times throughout. I didn’t want to be reminded of Jerry Lawler’s heart attack after his match a few years ago but you could see Tully get blown up pretty quick and just keep going. It was terrifying.
That being said, I really enjoyed the fun of this match even with a few moments of timing issues and who’s supposed to be the legal man. The story had been retribution for Luchasaurus losing his horns but rightfully so, turned into Tully’s (and JJ Dillon’s!) return to the squared circle. Also, Dax and Cash hit the superplex/big splash combo, a la Power & Glory, so I was popping all around during this one. Tully didn’t just get in there and stand around either, he actually took some moves and hit some, including a slingshot suplex to Marko Stunt. This was also my first time noticing the Thoracic Express and that move is pretty. It’s too bad they couldn’t have won the match with it because it’s a great way to end it.
In an unexpected turn of events, Jungle Boy dove to the outside but was hit by a masked man in an AEW hoodie. This guy would then hit Luchasaurus with JJ’s loaded shoe and after Tully gave Luchasaurus the spike piledriver, Tully gets the fall! The masked man entered the ring with FTR, Tully and JJ to reveal himself as Shawn Spears. It was a very anti-climactic reveal as he’s just never done it for me. Also, his reveal was also shadowed immediately by Arn Anderson coming out to throw the four horsemen fingers at JJ and Tully. That was then immediately interrupted by Tony Schiavone to come out and introduce his newest co-host. He also took a shot at JJ Dillon about not getting paid for talking on the mic unexpectedly that made me crack up and Tony had to hold his laughter back too.
Paul Wight comes out in his new t-shirt that says No More BS (freaking hilarious for his past initials) and takes a quick dig at the other company for all his heel/face turns they made him go through. He hypes up Elevation before breaking the scoop that this Sunday at (R)evolution, he’s going to announce a hall of fame worthy signing by AEW. Who could it be? CM Punk? Batista? Nathan Jones? Bam Margera? Roger Clemens? Barry Bonds? I’m interested in finding out who it is. Years of watching pro wrestling tells me that I’ll be disappointed but I’m hoping AEW continues strong with their surprises.
POP: Women Eliminated Tournament
I want to preface this section by saying I think they missed the boat on Riho vs Ryo but Nyla is a much more believable threat to Ryo Mizunami than Riho would be. Plus, every time they said Riho’s name we’d have to question if they were talking about her or Ryo. What a fun drinking game that would’ve been! Special shoutout to mafia boss Hikaru Shida in her all-white power suit. Yes ma’am. Please ma’am. Anything you say, ma’am.
Nyla and Ryo have an unbelievably entertaining match. Ryo was the perfect choice to win the Japanese side of the tournament bracket. She’s flashy, charismatic and all about having a good time within the squared circle. She also withstood Vickie screaming right in her ear at one point, which couldn’t have been easy. Ryo smashed Nyla with a huge legdrop from the second rope, which is the same way she got Aja Kong counted out a couple rounds back. Nyla did her homework though and slid back in at nine. Nyla hits a huge superplex but only gets a two count, which Ryo turns into a German suplex followed by a spear. This lady is freaking awesome. She hit a guillotine legdrop from the top and that’s it, folks. Ryo Mizunami is your AEW Women’s Eliminator Tournament Champion and will face Shida on Sunday at Revolution! Shida presents her with the trophy and Ryo responds by punching her in the face as one is wont to do. Shida returns the favor, holds up her title and we’re all set for Sunday!
POP: Knocked Down, Dragged Out
The snowstorm rolled in and we get (It’s) Sting in the ring with Tony Schiavone. He talks about Cage powerbombing the rust off of him a couple weeks ago. That brought out Pretty Ricky Starks who gets a chuckle out of me by calling him Stinger Man like the millennial he is. Ricky told Sting he isn’t an icon and then slapped him in the mouth. Sting responded by knocking the shirt off Starks, hitting the Stinger splash and locking him in the Scorpion deathlock. The rest of Team Taz realized Starks is no good with a broken back so Hook and Hobbs save him. Cage gets ready to powerbomb him back to hell and we get an appearance by Darby. Father and son get a little bonding time when they beat the shit out of Cage and knock him out of the ring. The Crow kids stand tall as Team Taz retreats. Sting said he was ready for a street fight so who am I to stop him? Let’s get to Revolution, already!
POP: Boomboxed
The latest qualifying match for the Face of the Revolution ladder match is up as the Dark Order’s 10 faces off against Max Caster. The Dark Order enters first led by -1. He gives 10 a pep talk which clearly geeks out both Justin Roberts and Jim Ross. And me too in case anyone was wondering. It’s so freakin’ cute, I can’t stand it. I love they let him stay involved. I just love it. Max Caster hits and he’s got some bars for y’all.
“Yo, listen, listen, yo,
This guy’s big
But a small talker.
I’ll light you up
Like Lady Gaga’s dog walker.
This dude is mad soft,
There is no future if ya take your mask off.
His name’s Ten
But a five in the looks department
It’s like the fireball
Just hit Ronnie Garvin
Now you gettin’ burnt up
Platinum Max, I’ve got this place turnt up.
Yo and I ain’t done spittin’
Negative 1 you about to catch a butt whippin’
See me in the streets!
Going after -1 is some real hardcore heelshit, Max. I love it. I appreciate 10 holding -1 back from kicking the ever loving shit out of Caster. I don’t think Caster would’ve been prepared for that. Scorpio Sky is on commentary and builds up both competitors and the ladder match as a whole. Caster and 10 went back and forth until Jack Evans appeared from under the ring and hit 10 in the face with the boombox! Caster is now in the ladder match and we see Matt Hardy come out and show who he truly is. He gave Evans an envelope with $4200 in his quest to eliminate the Dark Order, which started tonight with 10.
Pop: Miro Miro on the Wall, How’d you Find Yourself in Mox’s Red Hall?
Miro pops up to yell at Charles the Butler for not getting back to him this week. Doesn’t Charles realize Miro needs his kettlebells polished?? Speaking of yelling, Miro starts yelling at Charles and Orange Cassidy in Bulgarian and I’m terrified. I feel like we missed an opportunity of having him and Asuka be in the Mixed Match Challenge and just yelling at everyone in a foreign language. People would have cried, you guys.
BOTCH: Royal Rumble/Survivor Series Go Home Show
Matt Hardy and Marq Quen showed up to fight the team of Little John Silver and Hangman Adam Page. JR called Silver a nickname I hadn’t heard yet, Johnny Hungee. So that might be a thing. Stay tuned. In homage to Fenix and Archer from last week, Page almost hits Silver but they end up in a hug with Silver cuddling Page and resting his head on Page’s chest.
This match was a standard tag team match. Nothing too crazy happened during the match. Even when Quen kicked Matt in the face, there wasn’t any backlash or bubbling tension. That being said, I enjoyed the match, it just wasn’t Main Event worthy for me. I guess if the biggest gripe on the wrestling show is that the wrestling match was good but not great, you’re doing something well. Quen did hit a sweet looking dropkick off the rope but that led to Silver and Hangman hitting a flurry of moves that ended with Silver giving Quen a German suplex into Hangman’s Buckshot Lariat. Page gets the pinfall but the winners get clubbed with the microphone by Hardy.
-1 comes out and summons the entire Dark Order. I couldn’t stop watching his reactions on the stage. Shortly thereafter, the rest of the teams from the Casino Tag Team Royale come out and bedlam ensues. Lastly, Fenix and PAC show up just as Matt Hardy bails to the exit. The show closes with -1 telling Hardy to get out and everyone else brawling in the ring. *wanking motion*
Th-th-that’s all folks! Just another solid episode of Dynamite. Shaq did well and took the table bump so hats off to him. Tully didn’t die so hats off to everyone. Noticeably, there is still a sixth spot open for Sunday’s Ladder Match and I’m wondering if it’s Paul Wight’s big reveal? Let me know who you think he announces and who the sixth participant is!
Enjoy your week everyone! Feel free to leave a comment below (good or bad, I’ll answer them all!) and share the column with your friends, family and followers. And seriously, join the Discord for good talk with good people. Wrestling united!
