Author’s note. The “Pops & Botches” format isn’t great, especially when I’m clapping like a seal for everything on this show. For now, only segments warranting a specific Pop or Botch will be designated as such, while a more applicable format can be ascertained and applied. Please adjust your wrestling fandom accordingly.
Full show rundown
- FTR vs. Jurassic Express
- Best Friends vs. Santana y Ortiz
- First Time ever: Thunder Rosa vs. Ivellise – NWA Women’s World Championship
- Jericho & Hager vs. Private Party
- MJF in Action
- “Hangman” Adam Page vs. Frankie Kazarian
Top Guys vs. Lucha Express
Show opens with Jurassic Express in the ring for their match with FTR when the Young Bucks interrupt. Last week they were fined $5k each for superkicking backstage reporter Alex Marvez, and it seems like they’re pulling a Breakfast Club John Bender, because they immediately superkick the referee. They keep that up and they’ll be in detention for the rest of their natural born lives!
They run to the back and throw cash at Tony Khan, all shaggy hair and cargo shorts like a lost At The Drive-In member. They walk past FTR who jaw-jack them and tell them they’re cute, get lost, scram, they got southern-style tag team rasslin’ to do!
The tag belts are of course not on the line, because them punk Land of the Lost knock-offs ain’t dad-gum earned it yet. Jungle Boy fights FTR off and tags in Luchasaur, leading to Dax to pull the tag-legal beg off into the corner, leading to the ref to separate them long enough for FTR to catch their breath.
I must note for you, dear reader, I have no faith that I’m getting FTR’s individual name’s right here. Truth be told, I never knew which was Dash or Dawson, so the Dax and Cash change for me is a dead currency exhange that is gonna take me a minute to remember. I think if they both shaved their heads no one would know the difference, they’re so similar. I’m sure they’d easily coagulate into a single 4-armed submission machine monstrous Southern quadruple-cheeked badass…but then they’d have to forfeit the titles. And forfeiting titles is YANKEE SHIT. (Sorry, they seem especially Southern this week.) ((Note to Tony Khan: If “Cowboy Shit” can get over, you’d make a mint on “THAT’S YANKEE SHIT” merch.))
Great offense here from Jurassic Express. A blind tag to Jungle Boy sees Luchasaur with sick tail whip kicks to both FTRers comboed with a sick running elbow to the back of the head from Jungle Boy. His stuff is getting way more impactful, which I feel is an important step a lot of smaller guys don’t get past. It’s rough for a lot of these cruiserweight flipping around like human pinwheels, and then their strikes having the impacts of soggy Q-tip blows.
Tons of nearfalls and schoolboys and inside cradle reversals really makes this feel like it’s anyone’s match. I actually thought it might go to a time-limit draw. But Luchasaur eats it on a dive into the crowd, FTR tag it up like only they can, with Cash/Dax pulling Dax/Cash’s boot on the rope to break the count, and then giving Cax/Dash the extra leverage on the reversal to get off the 1-2-3 on Jungle Boy. Great match all around, Jungle Boy is getting more and more impressive, FTR are the killer workhorses who make everyone look great in defeat, and Luchasaurus gets to keep building himself as the big heater.
Meanwhile, backstage…
We throw to the back to see Matt Hardy holding his knee, presumably having just been Nancy Kerrigan’d.
In walks Jericho and Hager as Tonya Harding and Jeff Gilooly to mock him. If this leads to Jericho losing a match when his boot laces break, or Hardy wins the silver medal (TNT Championship), remember this small detail that tipped you off. (…that AEW is writing storylines as thinly veiled allegories to mid-90’s scandals. I can’t WAIT for the Milli-Vanilli lip sync scandal retold as a “Last-Man Standing” match)
Frankie Kazarian vs. Hangman Adam Page
Kenny Omega joins on commentary, surely he’ll be a total pro about his recently betrayed-ish former partner’s single run. Kenny plays it off as if they’re awkward romantic ex’s, which as we all know, is the ONLY way Omega knows how to feel about his ex tag-partners.
Much of the story here is on commentary, with Schiavone telling Kenny that Hangman seems to think they can work it out, that they’re due a rematch as former tag champs. Kenny says certainly he’ll consider, but that’s not his focus right now. He wants to wrestle around, see what’s out there, maybe take a solo vacation to really explore himself before getting back out there.
Great spot where Kazarian goes for a leap frog, only to get caught and bodyslammed like a load of laundry. Hangman beats Kazarian into the corner, leading to my favorite dumb spot in modern wrestling; yanking your opponent on the floor by the feet, only for them to do the lazy mans kip-up and pull the ropes to land on their feet. This never doesn’t pop me and I don’t know why. What is it even called? “The Surprise Stand-Up?”
Hangman with a killer standing shooting star press that makes Omega all aflutter, though immediately turning to bitter ex saying “This is the point where you’re exhausted and should tag in your partner instead of going it all on your own, but hey, what do I know.” For the rest of the match, he gets excited every time Hangman almost eats a pinfall. Omega is most certainly stalking Hangman’s social media right now making sure he isn’t courting other tag team partners.
Hangman and Kazarian have a fun interchange with HAP on the ring apron, positioning and attempting to block the slingshot lariat, til he nails it and gets the pin. Omega immediately leaves to go comfort himself with a pint of ice cream, as Hangman longingly looks for his partner at ringside after his big win. He soothes his soul with a beer, and probably a big sandwich from WAWA after the show, as most breakups lead to.
POP: MJF featuring Wardlow
The entirety of the picture in picture commercial segment is MJF doing his best Charlie-Chapin-Spoiled-Rich-Millenial-Too-Good-For-The-Crowd routine and I love it.
We return to full action with challenger Shawn Dane (?) with…and the match was over before I finished typing the sentence. A quick eye poke and fujiwara armbar gets MJF the win, a pleasant reminder this entitled little prick is capable of being a mean and effective one as well.
He hops on the mic to tout his own honesty, especially as opposed to Dishonest Dictator John Moxley who only beat MJF because he CHEATED HIM OUT OF THE CHAMPIONSHIP. From here on out, since he should be undefeated and the world champ, he demands to be announced as MJF “The Undefeated, Undisputed, Uncrowned Champion of AEW Wrestling”, and insists Justin Roberts introduce him as such right the hell now. As you history buffs know, this is the same way Richard III seized power, so it’s not entirely without precedent.
MJF notes that to get any sway in AEW, you need a group or a stable, so maybe it’s time this lone wolf joins a wolf pack. He leaves without following through immediately, but sets up great story potential. Also, awesome character motivation, taking note of the of tropes and characteristics of the main eventers around him and following the well-trodden path to success.
Speaking of nascent groups, here comes Eddie Kingston and friends! Stepdad Uncle Eddie maintains that he was never eliminated from the Battle Royal. Eddie continues that the Lucha Brothers fight last week was non-consequential, as they are not a group or a stable, but a family. Moreover, they are a family of fighters and agents of chaos. He then tells Butcher and Blade to “find a victim, please” and we get to see the family in action against some poor shmucks at ringside. Special laughs to Kingston staying on the mic as they beatdown random NPCs, such as “Nice pink shirt”, “Nice hair” and “In Your Face!” as the Lucha Bros. nail some guy from either end. …Well that sounded filthy. Well, at least it gets instantly balanced with wholesomeness, as Rey Fenix hopping into Butcher’s arms is ADORBZ.
Kingston raps up by telling Blade it’s time he gets his house in order, leaving it at that. INTRIGUE.
JericHager vs. Private Party
As a metalhead, I am here to tell you: Nobody likes Fozzy. They are Walmart rock at best. Which is why I find it hysterical how PERFECTLY they work as wrestling entrance music. It’s like the Mortal Kombat theme song at a roller-skating rink: surely the writers didn’t intend this, but it just WORKS HERE BETTER THAN ANYWHERE ELSE. The crowd sings along, and Schiavone quips to JR they need to learn the lyrics so they can sing along on the ride home. AEW Ride-Along, Carpool Karaoke edition, sign me up!
Private Party put up a valiant fight, but of course take the L to the newly formed mega-team. AEW continues to show how to do losses without making everyone look like chumps. Isiah Kassidy makes a rookie mistake, going for a senton when he already has Jericho dead to rights.
Jericho plays possum, rolls out of the way, and gets the pin on a Judas Effect and keeps on beating Kassidy after the bell, putting him in the Walls. Marq Quen nails Jericho with a pele kick for the receipt, and Hager drags Jericho to safety.
The vets get the win but need to get crafty, the young upstarts lose, but show they’re no chumps in the process. Meanwhile, in WWE, poor Ricochet eats another pin and his once-in-a-generation high flying gets a slightly smaller reaction every time.
NWA WOMEN’S CHAMPIONSHIP: Thunder Rosa (c) vs. Ivelisse w/Diamante
A little bummed that AEW only uploaded a clip of Shida at the end of the match in an extremely, “Where’s Poochie?” move, but what can you do?
Ivelisse is rocking her women’s tag team medal, which is a nice change of pace. If you think about it, medals and trophies and rings are way more prevalent means of indicating champions than belts in sports. There’s boxing, MMA, and…that’s it, all the belt-worthy sports. Even actual AMATEUR wrestling goes the medal and trophy rout. What is the origin on this?
Have wrestlers always had such shit necks that some wrestler in the 1800’s just said “By George, my sinews can no longer handle the heft of this medal of excellence. Perhaps if I could position it lower on my person, I may carry it without disturbing my bodily humours as such. I shall set my slave to sew it into my pants immediately.”
Ivellise plays the shitty heel card with some face slaps, trying to anger the champ into slipping up. Thunder Rosa proceeds to work her ass off thumping Ivelise around the ring. Great impact, nasty looking submission attempts. I said it earlier with Jungle Boy, but I love seeing smaller performers nailing the impact aspect of wrestling.
I love AJ Lee as much as anybody else, but you’d see her throw kicks and her opponents hair wouldn’t even sway from the impact. This goes a long way towards making the women’s brawling look real and rough.
Tiny detail for win: the match is entirely back and forth, with Ivelisse in control towards the end. She kicks Thunder Rosa behind the knee to stall her and runs off the ropes, looking for a…something, only to get tilt-a-whirled into Tombstone position by Thunder Rosa. However, you can tell Ivelisse is just a little too low in position. TR takes her left hand and yanks at Ivelisse’s shoulder to get her up to a safer angle, and then continues to hold her shoulder and pull back for maximum protection.
Nice to see safety being considered in the heat of the moment, and TR retains, just long enough for Diamante to attack he from behind. And here comes Shida! She grabs the belt back from the heels and returns the belt to TR, a sign of respect amongst champions, hopefully teasing a Champ vs. Champ match in the future.
Miro Best Man
Backstage segment with Miro crushing bench presses while Kip Sabian hypes him up. Miro is itching to get into the ring, though Kip reminds him they have unfinished business…THE BACHELOR PARTY!
Surely Best Man Miro will not shirk his responsibilities. Miro looks RIPPED. How did big muscle man lover Vince McMahon let him slip by again? Besides his olive skin and his accent of course.
Archer/Moxley Segment
Lance the Jake Snarcher come out to address next weeks 6-man tag dealy. Jake starts out quoting Pink Floyd’s Wish You Were Here, saying sometimes you find yourself in life in bed with people you wouldn’t expect. (AW SHIT JAKE SHOOTING ON THE RING RATS!!!) Sometimes you need information, money, or a way out. For us, we need tag partners. For a six man, we need two men. So if I’m gonna lay in bed with the devil, I’d just as soon lay in bed with the tazmanian devil.
Out comes Taz, no doubt concerned about a Warner Brothers trademark cease-and-desist after Jake’s carelessness. Taz is excited for their agreed team of Lance Archer, Ricky Starks, and Brian Cage. The agreement being, when Archer takes Moxley’s belt, he will give Cage a shot at it.
Moxley takes offense to these contract negotations behind his back and interrupts. He needs to name his tag partners as well. He doesn’t get the chance, as a masked fan turns out to be Ricky Starks! Starks actually whiffs on grabbing Moxley, luckily only for a moment til Brian Cage leaps into frame.
They beat him and chuck him through some equipment, only to be saved by Dynamite debuting “Oakland’s Most Violent” Will Hobbs. Moxley introduces him as his partner and calls out Darby Allin watching at home and says get your ass to Jacksonville next week, we are going to war! Hopefully he hasn’t already scheduled skateboarding wif his fwiends.
Darby must have sent a telegram, because we get the confirmation immediately that the match is set for next week’s Dynamite anniversary show, along with Thunder Rosa and Shida vs. Diamante and Ivelisse, and Orange Cassidy vs Brodie Lee for a shot at the TNT championship. Enticing viewers into what they can expect to see next week? What is this madness?!
POP: Proud and Powerful vs. Best Friends, in “Parking Lot Brawl: Battle for Sue’s Honor”
The battle to avenge Trent’s mother’s minivan’s honor! J.R. makes a gaffe almost immediately saying he expects P&P to have an advantage due to their background (the hell?). Santana and Ortiz are looking straight up ghoulish in Dead Presidents get up.
Some neat stuff out the gate. Trent gets Ortiz trapped half in the hood of a car only for Chuck to nail a somersault senton. I think I speak for anybody who’s ever had a car hood slammed on their knuckles when I say, “F*%*ing OUCH.”
Santana finds a pre-planted steel baton (no doubt well in line with his background!) and lays BF out. More great car based offense, like a slingshot to a car’s underside, sledgehammer through a windshield, and the standard suplex onto the top of the car. Poor Trent? and Poor Trent?’s back get two powerbombs to the car, one shattering the windshield. Khan must’ve bought up the local bankrupt Hertz, because none of these cars are getting their full deposit back.
Lots of nice details in this match, like incidental blood. Yes, Santana gets the standard forehead busted open, but we’ve got bloody elbows and fingers and backs, showing the grittiness of a brawl like this. At one point Santana is throwing forearms to Chuck, and Chuck’s not standing, wobbling with every shot like Flair. He’s got his back turned, leaned against an economy sedan just plain getting his ass kicked. Little deets that make it feel like a brawl and not just a regular match without a ring.
A WILD CASSIDY APPEARED!
Watch #AEWDynamite NOW on @TNTDrama. pic.twitter.com/9dFcR21pbr— All Elite Wrestling (@AEWrestling) September 17, 2020
Just as P&P seem to have it wrapped up, threatening severe bodily damage with a lead pipe, Orange Cassidy emerges from his thrice daily nap in the trunk of a Nissan, tripping up P&P just long enough for Trent to wrap up Ortiz in that funky “Alabama Slam Into Impactful Face-Sitting Thing” (I’ve been informed this is called the Strong Zero, but I implore Trent? to reconsider “Face-Sitting Thing” in the future).
Killer match, one of the best most believable brawls I’ve seen in some time. Sue returns to pick the boys up like they’ve just attended their first concert, throwing the bird out the window before driving off into the sunset. That’s it for this episode, we’ll see you next week!
Follow Jesse Draham on Twitter and Instagram @JesseDraham, and check out his stand-up on Youtube @MrJezzicho. And if you’re somehow a similar psycho that likes wrestling and post-modern literature, check him out on the I Hate Infinite Jest podcast!
