Adam Pearce pulled a fast one on Roman Reigns, Apollo Crews earned another title shot, & Billie Kay is jockeying to become the best Punk WWE has ever seen.
Tonight’s episode is highlighted by an Intercontinental Championship Match, an Obstacle Course & our Women’s Champion taking on a drink butler. I assure you this show is the best WWE has to offer. Let’s get to it.
Pearcing Blows
Now see, this is a setup done right. After Pearce pulled his stunt last week rope-a-doping Reigns into a Last Man Standing Match with Kevin Owens & all that confusing contract jargon, Heyman pulls the same thing this week, but it makes sense as a cause & effect response to Pearce from last week. This one’s on Pearce though because if he’d even watched a second of Talking Smack over the past few months, he’d know Heyman is absolutely terrified of getting into a fight with anybody & knew that something wasn’t the right the second Paul challenged him to brawl (Paul 4 Brawl? Brawl 4 Paul?). Also, big nod to Roman Reigns for pointing out how he’s carrying WWE lately & him being 100% COOOOORRECT.
As I eluded to, Heyman shows up & pulls the same sudden limping stunt Pearce did last Friday, so Reigns subjects his card to change, coming out to literally scrap Scrap Iron. I kind of wish he did as it would solve the strange hierarchy of power this show has had lately & I’d stop being confused about it, but sadly, that did not turn out to be the case tonight. Banned from the building Kevin Owens shows up & takes Reigns to the woodshed, finally closing out a show with Reigns’ opponent on top. Maybe heels would do better to say babyfaces are allowed on the show whenever they want & they’d leave. That’s reverse psychiatry 101.
It is finally good to see Owens standing tall for a change as that guy’s been on the receiving end of about a dozen or so ass kickings by Reigns & Jey Uso since he started feuding with them. Reigns has been the best thing in WWE since returning, but you need to have him show a little weakness at some point or he’s just The N.W.O. beating up babyface after babyface with no real threat in sight. I think this probably would’ve worked best as the ending of the show before The Rumble, but we’ll see what this Friday has is store for us.
Hail Cesaro
Back to back clean, decisive wins for Cesaro? Do I have this right? Normally he’s being pinned in matches tagging WITH Ziggler, so you can understand the confusion on my part.
After Cesaro tells hip substitute teacher Daniel Bryan to kick rocks & denies him a rematch from last week, we get an open challenge from The Swiss Superman & feel free to make that a recurring portion of your programming every week for the next hundred, SmackDown.
Are they… are they going to do something with Cesaro now? And I don’t mean saddle him with his tenth random tag team partner & toil away in that division. I’m talking a for real push at the top of the card. We’re pretty much reaching now or never territory with the guy & it’d be hard to argue he doesn’t deserve it at the very least to see where it goes. Stuff crashes & burns all the time in WWE. Making Cesaro a major player in the main event scene can’t be any worse than all the other garbage that happened last year.
Needs More Keg Runs
Bayley & Bianca Belair just took the months The Street Profits & Viking Raiders spent with their awful real sports feud & outshined it by a country mile in approximately five minutes. I actually said during Bayley’s run that watch her rig it after & make Bianca carry Otis instead of Gable. Sure enough, that hilarious evil doer did the thing & rigged the entire course. Great stuff.
Not quite as fun without Michael Cole ringing a gong, but there’s also no Matt Striker. We’ll call it a wash. In case you couldn’t figure it out, Bianca absolutely demolishes every obstacle because she’s an absolute freak athlete. Dare I say the freakiest? Would that summon Lars back? How about I call her the “Athletiest” & we’re good.
As much fun as we’re having these last few weeks with these two (and we are), they do need to bring it back to the ring at some point. Nothing’s on the docket for next week, so I’m sure they’ll probably have an interaction at The Rumble, where Bianca can shine like last year. I do like that this year feels a little wide open as far as predicting a winner. Bianca’s a surefire candidate, but Bayley’s in the mix along with Charlotte & Shayna, which I think makes the match work best as there’s a lot of plausible options.
Good Charlotte
Hey, look. WWE remembered their Women’s Tag Team Champions get a free pass across all brands & showed up to take on a legitimate threat. Ain’t that a fun concept. The Riotts held up surprisingly well against Charlotte & Asuka despite them being the women’s division equivalent of The Rock & Stone Cold Steve Austin teaming up, so I’ll take it. The Champs still don’t look like a cohesive unit really at all, but I did like that Codebreaker into Natural Selection finishing sequence.
It feels like the tag straps are going to remain on these two until The Dusty Cup finishes down in NXT & hopefully that show can get a run with those titles as they’re up to their neck in talented women who can string together great tag matches. Charlotte & Asuka never should’ve been a thing to begin with & Lana getting shafted still has me pretty bitter. Let those two deal with Twisted Bliss over on RAW & let The Yellow Team have a go with a title they’ll actually showcase on the regular.
The aftermath is particularly brutal with Ruby Riott looking to breakup up our beloved Alkayline Trio. Billie apologized AND got them both in The Royal Rumble. She’s even willing to start cosplaying other women on the roster so The Riotts can practice eliminations (Side note: Do I need Billie Kay dressing in Sasha Banks’ outfits going forward? Yes. Yes I do.). And what have you two done for Billie? Nothing. Such ingrates. More like The Wyatt Squad. Bunch of clowns.
Cirque De Sommelier
I will admit that this was a lot more fun that I anticipated it would be as Reginald is pretty solid in the ring despite having zero matches prior to this. It made me think with a little seasoning & some character work beyond indentured servant, he might actually have a bright future on the show. Less time popping bottle & more time popping your hips for suplexes. That’s what The Alpha Academy tells me, at least.
The problem though, is the same with all WWE intergender stuff in that Reginald is pretty much playing keep away from Sasha the entire match as he’s not allowed to actually wrestle her. I’m not advocating he lariat her into next week or anything, but it’s hard to buy a guy winning the match when he can’t get any real offense in. Of course he loses & we’re off to Sasha vs. Carmella for The SmackDown Women’s Championship Part III. Given their first two outings, this one should be just as good, but they might want to freshen it up on the go-home show with a stipulation or something in my opinion. Wine tastings usually end in fights anyway.
What’s that? They don’t? Is that why I was asked to leave that vineyard that one time?
Injustice For All
First of all, let’s give credit to WWE for showing how with the times they are by having Sami Zayn play a 2016 liberal after the presidential election. It’s those kind of topical references that keep them at the head of the industry. Join us next week when Sami goes full McCarthy & accuses Kane of being a communist because he’s a big red machine.
I enjoyed Big E vs. Crews while it lasted, but it was pretty apparent that the second Zayn tethered himself to the ringside barricade that he’d uncuff himself (presumably with a key hidden in his mouth) & interfere. Zayn jumps in & hits both guys with a Helluva Kick, surpassing his 2019 total of ones that actually connected, so good for him. At the very least we’ll probably get a triple threat out of it & I can see that going very well given the participants.
I also like when the midcard titles have multiple people chasing after them. In theory, if Reigns is as dominant as he’s been & you don’t want to risk perhaps getting thrown off of the rafters by him, going for The Intercontinental Championship is your next best move. Compare that to RAW where I don’t think anybody’s even kind of interested in The U.S. Title outside of I guess Riddle, who seems to just be caring about donuts & hanging out with Lucha House Party for me to be really sure.
Prince Divot
What the hell is up with The Mysterios lately? They finally were able to escape purgatory after Seth Rollins went on paternity leave, only to find themselves taking routine clean losses to King Corbin. It’s not even like the matches are really that close, either. Dom gets a little bit of offense in, but in the way a jobber gets some in during a squash match in that it’s just filler until Corbin smashes him. I don’t mind the outcome as it’s better than the bogus finish alternative, I’m just not sure what we’re building towards here.
And where the hell did Murphy disappear to? He’s busy trying to figure out what the 2021 equivalent of a mixtape is to make for Aalyah, isn’t he?
Overall
Worth Your Time: The Pearce/Reigns/Owens stuff, Bayley vs. Belair Obstacle Course
If You Have Time: Riotts vs. Charlotte & Asuka, Cesaro vs. Ziggler
Don’t Waste Time: Corbin vs. Dominik, Sasha vs. Reginald, Big E vs. Crews
There’s you’re latest SmackDown, gang. Again, apologies for the delay, but we’re all caught up now with The Rumble go-home show next week. Speaking of The Rumble, my Royal Rumble Challenge is back, which you can participate in by joining our Discord. Head on over there & join the rest of our participants picking winners for this Sunday.
SRP is also looking for writers! We’re officially open to anybody that bravely wants to tackle Monday Night RAW reviews, but you can really write about whatever you’re feeling. Old School PPV reviews? State of women’s wrestling in 2021? Ranking the best entrance songs ever? All on the table. If you’re interested, hit up the ‘Contact’ button above & send us an email. We’ll get you set up & you can go at your own pace.
Until next time friends, get hype for The Rumble & all of you better rush into the comment ring to close out our go-home show.
