What’s up, smarks? Welcome to another edition of The Underground Recount. This episode is named after Rey Mysterio’s hit song off the WWE originals album, so between this and him being hinted at last week, I’m pretty sure he debuts here. Tune in to find out.
All Sorts Of Debuts
Konnan looks out at the crowd from inside Dario’s office. He’s got more prospects coming today: Fenix, Pentagon Jr and Drago, which makes me worry for Prince Puma. If I were that guy, I’d Puma pants. Dario suggests those three enter a triple threat to see who’s the best, and Konnan agrees.
Dario comes out again. He says he’s heard people complaining there’s not enough lucha, and repeats in a hilarious mocking voice. He’s got lucha for the fans – El Mariachi Loco is introduced. Mascarita Sagrada is his opponent, and he’s a mini. Mariachi Loco wants a time out because he finds this hilarious.
Mariachi takes Mascarita as a joke, but not only does Mascarita do well, he secures the win. Matt Striker also says ‘we live in a society’ in this match, so there’s that. Post match, Chavo comes out and attacks Mascarita.
Chavo’s Terrible, Horrible, No Good… And So On.
Vampiro interviews Chavo, trying to get an answer as to why he’s doing what he’s doing. He says he thinks he’s been riding on the coattails of the Guerrero name and hasn’t done much for himself. Chavo talks about how impressive his relatives are, and says that it’s now his turn to rule the Guerrero family, and he’s leading it his way rather than the way the previous patriarchs did.
He’s pissed, saying that Blue Demon Jr is not a legend, he’s just using his dad’s name. He even says when Demon Jr was in his prime, he sucked. He goes on to complain about how the El Rey network (which aired the show) treat Demon like a big deal yet only use Chavo as a name recognition jobber. Vampiro then counters, he’s won gold everywhere he’s been, so why complain? Chavo says he hasn’t been a champ here, and that’s what matters.
He then goes backstage to meet with Konnan, who tells him he’s always seen him as family. Because he cares about Chavo so much, he lets him know that everyone in Mexico is pissed for what he did to Demon, and if they find out what he did to Mascarita? Oh boy. Konnan tells him to run.
Lights flicker, Chavo turns and is greeted by Mil Muertes. They stare down, Mil leaves. Flickering again, this time Catrina is here. She tells Chavo she and Mil are pissed that he capitalized on his victory to take out Demon, then licks him. I wonder what it was like being a talent in Lucha Underground. ‘Ok. Do a few matches, some promo packages. Be ready for Catrina to lick you.’
Victim of the Week
Mil has a match now, with Ricky Mandel. I wonder how this is going to end. Before that, a video package on Mil and Catrina. Back in 85, an 8.1 magnitude earthquake shocked Mexico city. Thousands of lives were lost, including Mil’s family. As a child, he was buried under the debris for days on end. He didn’t feel fear, but comfort, as he belongs on the brink of death. As he emerged, he brought the deaths with him, in the form of the rock Catrina used last week, as it gives him strength.
As expected, he makes short work of Ricky. Catrina goes in for a lick and I wasn’t going to mention it but Matt Striker is uncontrollably horny, which doesn’t help the problems I had before (note: if you don’t know what I’m talking about, it is in actuality the very opposite of a problem).
Dario’s in his office. Outside, Cisco and Cortez are hanging out. Johnny Mundo comes down the hall. They won’t let him in, so a brawl ensues. Johnny isn’t pissed at Dario, he’s here to work, and next week’s main event is set – Johnny vs Big Ryck, because Johnny demanded it. He says when he’s done with Big Ryck, Dario is next.
Of course, Dario is scared shitless so the very next scene, he gives a lot of money to Big Ryck to ensure Johnny is put out. There’s a Prince Puma video package but not much to write about. The Puma mask seeks warriors and Prince Puma is gonna be as good as if not better than his predecessors.
Puma Pants
And now, the main event. Drago comes out, the one guy in this match I don’t know, and he looks awesome. He’s got a huge, disgusting tongue, too. Fenix wins, I dunno what else to say about this match other than like the first episode, you should see it. Drago kinda got the short end of the stick in this match. This match also brought us the “reverse hurricanrana piledriver brainbuster? Question mark?”
Dario monologues in the back. He says he won’t be intimidated by anyone. Not even… Whoever a huge silhouette behind bars in front of him is. Is it Rey Mysterio?! Well, we don’t know just yet, but maybe we’ll find out next time. This has been The Underground Recount.
