King Corbin co-opted another tag team, Roman Reigns was an equal opportunity chair basher, & Bayley tapped out clean to Natalya because we’re not allowed to have nice things.
Sorry for the delay, gang. I contracted Covid in the last week (0/10. Would not recommend.) & haven’t been up to par to write this review. I also forgot to record the show in the fog this has given me, so while I did watch SmackDown last Friday, I was a bit out of it & may not recall everything. So if I randomly go on a tangent about Ric Flair’s ’92 Rumble win & how WWE has been chasing that high ever since, forgive me. What I do know is TLC is this Sunday & Team Blue looks to be finalizing what we’re going to get for that show. Let’s do the damn thing.
Beware Of Big Dog
Here’s a real shocker: Kevin Owens is really good at this, everyone. I haven’t loved his babyface run this year, particularly since WrestleMania, where he seems to have been just stuck in neutral for months. He was also one of those jokey babyfaces that hasn’t taken anything seriously, which we all know are a giant drag to watch. Kevin Owens works significantly better with an edge & thank you very much Roman Reigns & Jey Uso for giving us that again.
I think Owens being on a ladder gives him a +10 to promo ability. His promo here is a bit hokey with the friends with weapons idea, but I’m still into it since there’s a sense of urgency. That goes a long way when you can tell wrestlers were given ridiculous plot points to talk about by Vince & his idea of “comedy”. The notion that Owens is friends with inanimate objects is absolutely silly, however he’s able to make it work. It is also laugh out loud funny that Owens calls these things his friends, only to immediately break the table in half with Jey Uso & start hitting the ladder with the chair when Roman Reigns big times him on the entrance ramp. That’s character consistency, folks.
I’m not entirely sure what’s going on with Jey Uso now, either. Before he was the main event babyface having killer matches with Roman & Daniel Bryan, but now he’s essentially been Ineffective Henchman #1. I understand you can’t have Jey running through Roman’s opponents as Reigns needs a credible challenger, but let’s not go too far the other way & make him fodder. I’m thinking (read: hoping) they’re just biding their time as Jimmy’s return should be any week now & then we get the true Evil Reigns & Usos trio that should be SmackDown’s top heel faction heading into the new year.
But pay no attention to that shit, because as hapless as Jey Uso may be right now, Roman Reigns is the polar opposite. Part of me is wondering if Hey Kayla is in cahoots with Roman after she embarrassed herself in front of him with her not even real journalism showing from last week, but that’s neither here nor there. The real story is Roman keeps finding ways to one up himself in the total asshole department. The guy has more or less become Michael Corleone. He’ll take apart his family if he has to & he’ll definitely take apart yours if you cross him. Here, he’s threatening to go after Owens’ wife & kids, simply because Kevin isn’t scared of him. Sheesh. What is it with these Samoan Joes threatening people’s families? (h/t @Addmayne for that one)
It’s Tag Teams, Back Again
First of all, never leave us again for that long, Cesaro & Nakamura. Secondly, do we have a tag team division on our hands now? You’ve got these two teams, Ziggler & Roode, The Profits, & now Blake & Cutler. We got ourselves a stew going, baby! Anybody who’s been watching WWE this year has know their tag scene has been pretty much on life support, so to have a show with a half dozen tag teams on it feels like a revelation.
I was of the opinion that The Alpha Academy would just be for mostly comedy bits, but it appears that they’re taking them seriously as a duo. Obviously, that’s a much better course of action since Chad Gable is fantastic at wrestling & Otis can hold his own when asked, but works a lot more in a tag team setting. They have a decent first showing, but unfortunately aren’t ready for Nakamura taking Gable’s head off with a Kinshasa. I absolutely love the snake oil salesman aspect from Gable afterwards, explaining how he lost on purpose as a teaching moment for Otis, showing him exactly what not to do in a match. Is it dumb? For sure. But can it still be enjoyable? Absolutely.
Brut(al) Champ Pain
There’s several things to unpack here with the new Carmella, so bear with me as I try to break it all down. I think I dig the overall presentation, but it is certainly a little disjointed. She comes off as a Mob Wife and/or Hot Girl Influencer backstage, but dresses like a Dominatrix in the ring. Then there’s her entrance with the dancing silhouette & opera music Casio keyboard remix. She also has a “Sommelier” because she is big ol’ fancy pants (The Sommelier is Akeem Young fka Sidney Bateman, who was a prior Cirque De Soleil performer in case you were wondering). That’s a lot moving parts. I don’t necessarily dislike any of them, but there’s a bit of a disconnect between the backstage & in-ring personas that need something to intertwine the too.
They decide to have a contract signing for TLC for The Smackdown Women’s Championship, but it turns into a *right here, right now* match for tonight’s main event. Carmella sends down The Sommelier in her place, so Sasha naturally beats him up. What pairs well with crossfaces? Cabernet sauvignon? Their signatures for the pay per view somehow make it official for tonight, because paperwork be damned, we need a main event.
I have to say, this match completely outperformed my expectations & was pretty great. I wasn’t sure with the time off & away from the main event scene if Carmella would deliver, but happy to report she really shined. It’s unfortunate too since I felt she was really coming into her own at the tail end of her title run, but as she was hitting her stride, she lost the title & really has been much of anything since. It’s good to see her back in a serious fashion & getting a spotlight as I think she can really make the most of it this time around. She’s certainly come a long way from random hairdresser background character in NXT. It certainly helps too that she’s in there with Sasha Banks, who’s only real “bad” matches have to do with terribly booked finishes or when she does her best crash test dummy impersonation. There’s usually never an issue with the actual wrestling as far as Sasha matches go & that was very much the case here. This probably would’ve been at the top of the review if not for the ending as the wrestling was that good.
Speaking of terribly booked finishes, here’s this one! Carmella has The Sommelier at ringside ready with a $12 bottle of Korbel champagne to celebrate when she wins (fire his ass, immediately). Of course he gets himself involved in the match, but since the men can’t touch the women in WWE, he just sort of runs around until Sasha gets annoyed enough to do something about it. This wasn’t good when Carmella was doing it with Ellsworth & it certainly isn’t good now. At least with Ellsworth, they got a little creative & had him cosplaying Asuka, which was weird enough to be distracting. Here, The Sommelier is just running around hoping Banks notices him. Just ignore him & win the match, Sasha, it’s fine.
The worst part of it is this doesn’t even lead to Carmella winning in some cheap fashion, instead getting the victory when Sasha gets disqualified for kicking her ass too much, which The Sommelier again has to save her from. Can we not with the damsel in distress needing to be saved by some NPC? Carmella celebrates by smashing a little bit of the bubbly on a lot of bit of Sasha’s back. As one does. And don’t worry, everybody, even though the announce team & Adam Pearce clearly stated the championship match was tonight & not at TLC, they’re still going ahead with the TLC match too because shrug emoji.
E-Z Pass
Before we begin, let’s talk about Sami Zayn’s newest shirt that WWE is selling:
I know Zayn is supposed to be portrayed as this paranoid, neurotic goober who feels disrespected at every turn, but is that not exactly what’s happening? This is kayfabe one of the best wrestlers on your roster as Intercontinental Champion & here he is getting rewarded with t-shirt designs looking like they were designed by a smarky kindergartener. He’s objectively annoying as all hell, but that’s not good enough reason to boo him if everybody just treats him like trash.
The match with Big E isn’t anything great. Zayn’s whole thing lately has been to score count out victories as they’re “more impressive” than pins since they require besting your opponent for ten seconds in lieu of three. Big E I guess hasn’t been paying attention to that lately & decides to chase Zayn under the ring as the referee begins to count them both out. You can probably guess how the rest of this story goes. I’m sorry, but that loss is squarely on you, E. It’s not like the match is for the title, so just chill in the ring & let Zayn play his stupid games. As it stands now, you didn’t beat the champion in a non-title match & I gotta think that doesn’t get you in line for a title opportunity.
By the way, I don’t normally review Talking Smack, but jump to 1:40 in this video & watch Paul Heyman talk up Big E while simultaneously steering him to go after Sami Zayn & not Roman Reigns. It’s genius. The closing line alone is worth the viewing. It’s fantastic & I am so ready for a Big E title run, it’s not even funny.
Friend Boat =/= Friend Ship
I really Michael Bluth looking into a dead dove bag’d myself with this one. When it was floated Billie Kay would have a mystery partner last week for a match with The Riotts, I let my mind wander a little bit & started thinking maybe WWE came to their senses, letting Peyton Royce once again join her life partner. Or maybe we’d get an NXT callup in the form of Rhea Ripley for IIconics 2.0. I would even have accepted Aliyah & Robert Stone’s tank tread marked ass to come up.
Instead, the most obvious & boring option is what we get in the form of Natalya. Nattie is perfectly cromulent & I don’t want to hate on it too hard as Smackdown is running three separate women’s storylines to Raw’s one. So if that means Natalya has to get screen time in service of getting more Billie & The Riotts, that’s perfectly agreeable. In a bit of giant shocker, the two slapped together singles wrestlers actually lose to the established tag team. Outside of the let down of the mystery partner, everybody looked pretty solid & I enjoyed it for what it was. Just please don’t let this be a one & done. Billie having a new partner every week could really work as fun little minor story if you let it. Give me Shotzi Blackheart & Billie Kay riding into battle in a motorized tank & tricycle RIGHT NOW.
And a quick P.S., Billie Kay could totally be in The Riott Squad, ladies. For one thing, two people isn’t a “squad” & she’s a former tag champion. Are you two former champions? Case closed!
Solo: A Star Bores Story
Shout out to the SIXTH straight RAW or SmackDown where a challenger has pinned a champion (Note: I’m writing this on a Tuesday & RAW did again, so that’s seven). There’s only so many ways to build a title feud, but there should exist enough different ones that we’re not entering two straight months worth of this same trope. Over on RAW, Lana & Asuka have three straight weeks worth of victories over Nia & Shayna, so am I to believe they’re not objectively better than the champions right now? The same goes to a lesser degree with The Street Profits. Ziggler & Roode now have two wins over them this cycle & if they lose the assumed title match at TLC, they’re still objectively better in the win/loss department. See how that makes the champion’s pedigree fall flat if you think about it?
I’m actually less angry about it in this particular match, specifically because of this:
SOLO CUP ANGELS by @MontezFordWWE! #SmackDown pic.twitter.com/qjoqeksPNV
— WWE on FOX (@WWEonFOX) December 12, 2020
Uhhh… what?
You mean to tell me you hired some guy to repurpose a t-shirt cannon into a solo cup geyser? Cool? I guess there’s a frat party market for that somewhere. It’s one thing for cups to be a thing for your entrance (I still think that’s also dumb, but whatever, it’s harmless), but doing it in the middle of a match is just lame. It doesn’t help anything that Michael Cole is screaming how much fun these guys are having on top of everything else to boot. “Look at them roll around in garbage, Corey! It’s fun to have fun! Fun, fun, fun!!” Part of me wishes Ziggler jumped back into the ring & took a cup off the dome for a DQ. That’ll learn ’em not to be so wasteful. The New Daniel Bryan must be rolling over in his grave.
Knights Of The Waiting Tables
Overall
Worth Your Time: Owens’ promo/Reigns’ beatdown, Sasha vs. Carmella
If You Have Time: Cesaro & Nakamura vs. Otis & Gable
Don’t Waste Time: Big E vs. Zayn, Ziggler vs. Ford, The Riotts vs. Natalya & Billie Kay
There’s your SmackDown, wrestle friends. A lot better showing than last week & we got some good stuff heading into TLC. The revived tag team division, multiple women’s stories & really good men’s titles feuds are all positives. Next week is the go-home for TLC, so look for somebody to go through a table or hopefully attacked with the rings steps for the triumphant return of STAIRS MATCH. How are you feeling about TLC for Team Blue? Leave us a comment or hit up our Discord. It might not seem like much, but it does help us get noticed. I’ll see you guys next time & Ric Flair’s ’92 Rumble win was a masterclass in building a credible champion in a single showing & furthermore… wait… oh no I warned you this would happen!
