What Happened Last Week On Raw: Mustafa Ali won a match. The Men’s Raw Team argued over Alicia Fox’s Old Hat. Alexa Bliss picked Bray over Nikki. The Women’s Raw Team argued over beating up Lana. Drew McIntyre gained momentum.
Let’s talk about Honesty
I don’t want to lie to you.
I didn’t watch Raw.
I understand as the person who decided to review Raw and write about it that I should probably watch Raw. I didn’t because – well – it’s the Raw before Survivor Series. None of this really matters and as bad as Raw has been in the recent past, it at least was leading to a show or a match that seemed to matter.
Now that we got that out of the way, let’s hope Raw didn’t do anything stupid! (loljk)
I’m rubber you’re Glue
We start this go-home show of Raw with Drew McIntyre coming out to tell us that he now wears a leather jacket and that obviously means he’s going to win the WWE Title tonight.
Randy Orton decides showing up in the same room as the guy who constantly claims he wants to murder him isn’t the best idea. So he counters Drew’s claims of victory on the titan-tron, Drew and Randy conversations at this point are what I would call the equivalent to two kids on the playground back and forth of “nuh uh, you are”.
Out comes The Miz and John Morrison to try and save this opening segment as best they can. Miz’s claims of leaving tonight as WWE Champion fill me with excitement and generally have me looking forward to the end of the show. I am an idiot.
At least it’s better than T-Shirt Warfare
I will say this about this years build to Survivor Series. It’s not last years build to Survivor Series.
Raw has two teams right now, men’s and women’s, that seem to hate each other. And you know what? That’s great! They should hate each other, it’s their literal jobs to fight each other every week.
Shayna and Nia taking over Raw’s Women’s team has been pretty good overall actually. Shayna has been allowed to show personality beyond “bites people”. While Nia has her issues, she’s still pretty good at this character she is currently playing.
When poorly timed injuries meets bad Booking
It sucks for Mandy that she got hurt. It was an unlucky thing that was literally no one’s fault (dear internet, stop). I’m not entirely sure if Dana is legit hurt as well or if they just decided to write her out because they randomly decided Mandy and Dana are a tag team and now they can’t wrestle with out each other or whatever.
In comes Lacey Evans (boo!) and Peyton Royce (yay!)
I still love the dichotomy of the Evans and Royce tag team, honestly. It just upsets me that we broke up one of the better duos character wise in the entire place just to then not do anything with them. Reverend D-Von is sitting somewhere nodding his head in agreement clutching at his collection box.
Also Mia Yim RECKONING taking out Dana is a thing that happened because REASONS!
AW SON OF A BI-
NO. NO RED SHIRTS. WE ARE NOT DOING THIS. WE HAVE MADE IT THIS FAR. WE DO NOT NEED ANY RED SHIRTS THAT SAY THE SHOW NAME ON THEM. PUT THOSE AWAY.
Wait. Survivor Series is this Sunday. Smackdown isn’t here. That would mean only the Raw teams could potentially invade Smackdown.
I don’t write about Smackdown.
RED T-SHIRTS FOR EVERYONE!
That’s 5¢ in the swear Jar
Bray and Bliss are here to save the day! I’m really glad the format of the FunHouse hasn’t gone through some drastic change. My fear was with Bliss there, it would be all about her and mess with the flow. I am glad to be wrong because not only has it not gotten messed up, I’d argue it’s even better!
We really are going to lose that wonderful lady to Hollywood some day, and I am going to be so happy for her, because she is really really good at this stuff. Bray continues to be amazing as always and this years Draft continues to be the greatest day of the year.
8.5
Oh no, that’s not a match rating. That’s the Over/Under on how many more times do we think we will see this exact same tag match happen for the rest of this year. I’m hitting the over hard.
Regardless of that, I have omitted the YouTube clip of the New Day’s promo before the matchup because if you missed Raw I would like you to see them as the great tag team performers they are and not just The New Street Day Profits like Raw wants you to believe them to be.
THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE
First off, Rest in Peace Sean Connery. Shout out to Alex Trebek also. Highlander was a big thing in my childhood (as was Jeopardy) so those two going out brings 2020 firmly ahead of 1995 as the worst year in the history of years. (Screw you, Baltimore.)
Sheamus randomly bestowing Drew McIntyre an s-word is something I feel like I would write in an e-fed promo, but here we are. I’m not sure where it’s going but if it involves Christopher Lambert at any point I am HERE FOR IT.
Guys, I’m out of Aladdin Songs
Uh so um, here goes I guess..
I never thought T-BAR essential
He’s crude and unspeakably plain
But MACE has a glimmer of potential
If allied to Ali’s vision and brain
I know that your powers of retribution
Are as wet as SLAPJACK’s backside
But thick as you are, pay attention
My words are a matter of pride
It’s clear from your vacant expressions
The masks are not all tied tight
But we’re talking wins and successions
Even you can’t be caught unawares
So prepare for a chance of a lifetime
Be prepared for sensational feuds
A shining new era
Is tiptoeing nearer
And where does RECKONING feature?
Just listen to teacher
I know it sounds sordid
But you’ll be rewarded
When you have all paid your dues
And retribution, deliciously squared
Be prepared!
Sweater Violence
There is just something about Sweater clad Bray absolutely trucking people that I love. I wish it had happened more early on in this entire character arc, but I will take what I can get.
WWE’s YouTube video decided to cut out the entire beginning promo with The Miz and Alexa followed by Nikki Cross coming out to once again plead with her best friend to leave Bray. I would assume because Nikki has defaulted to the only other female character type WWE knows, Jealous. Only for Bliss to attack her. Great stuff all around from everyone though.
Miz and Wyatt put on a solid matchup minus a few miscommunications. Not including Alexa and Morrison taking a very dangerous tumble over the barricade. Everyone looks fine but damn girl chill.
Bray and Bliss being happy as they leave the ringside only to seemingly be scolded by the Fiend via spooky titon-tron video is an interesting twist. Literally separating Bray from The Fiend is an idea I’ve heard, and with Kevin Dunn and his wonderful camera cuts it is “possible” but not something I am interested in really.
JoMo’s suit looked amazing though.
14 Time Transitional Champion
Did you know that of Randy Orton’s credited 14 World Title victories, he’s only held the belt longer than two months a total of four times? Also they say 14 but really it’s 13 because I don’t count unifying two belt’s when you already have one as a new title reign. But let’s leave the arguing about fake fighting title belts for another day.
Drew McIntyre pulls through tonight after a pretty good back and forth matchup. Finally settling this blood feud at a 3-1 advantage, huh that’s weird. Even if there was that weird moment where a wild Adam Pearce showed up and used THAT’S OFFICIAL and it was super effective.
Through the power of greyskull and sudden kilt and s-word related entrances, Drew McIntyre is once again your WWE Champion. I’m sure after that grueling 20 minute matchup The Miz is ready to strike and cash in his briefcase any moment now.
Any moment.
Should be out here soon.
Ha you can’t trick me with the copywrite logo gimmick, I’m on to your tricks.
Any second and…
I am an idiot.
Survivor Series Outlook
We get an interesting Reigns/McIntyre matchup as what I can only assume is the Main Event for Survivor Series now. I can only assume a sneaky snake and uh, I don’t have a cool nickname for The Miz, but I’m sure he will also be watching closely.
If that show ends with The Miz as WWE Champion then it will all almost be worth it. As long as Bobby Lashley’s sisters are never mentioned at least.
If you enjoyed Raw, Enjoyed this Column, or just enjoy life in general, give this a share. Leave a comment below with your thoughts. Stop by the SRP Discord and say hi. Until next time, I’m HGR and Tango Mike.
