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Pops & Botches: AEW Dynamite – 11.4.2020

AEW Dynamite Pops & Botches Recaps & Reviews

 

Hello hello BotchyPops! How is everyone? If you’re anything like me, you’re ignoring nailbiting political upheaval and your shaking-chihuahua-terrified-for-the-future fiance to focus on what really matters in life.

!!!UNDERWEAR FAKE FIGHTING DRAMA!!! LEZ GOOOOOO………

We’re only 3 scant days until Full Gear so expect a lot of set up here. We open with Jericho praising a beat ass Jake Hager. For those who don’t follow, Hager won his 3rd MMA bout at Bellator last week. It wasn’t exactly a dominant win, but he won it. This is a nice inclusion to have it noticed on the show. Did WWE ever acknowledge Lesnar’s UFC wins while he was technically with the company?

Regardless, this is more cross-universe acknowledgement (along with NWA champs and Omega still being a AAA champion) that makes the show feel alive and part of the world.  Also making things feel alive: Jericho’s gaudy red velvet suits. Who would’ve thought Jericho leaned so far RED? That RED purchase must’ve cost him at least 3k. That RED purchase must’ve cost him so much, he spent days tallying the numbers.

…Does ANYBODY get this or am I just…whatever, let’s go.

POP: MJF Wardlow vs. Sammy Ortiz

Last week, Ortiz and Sammy made their displeasure with MJF known, saying their (Inner) circle don’t need these squares, and challenging them to a match. This of course is leading up to MJF’s big match with Jericho at Full Gear, with his potential membership on the line.

MJF plays this match smart. He cheats when he can, biting and scratching behind the ref’s back, but never to excess. He’s all too aware Jericho is on commentary taking note, repeatedly saying he “…likes what he sees.”

Sammy Guevara gets in some great offense, looking like a million bucks. Which is thankful, considering they’re definitely not beating MJF before a match this big. I’m looking forward to Inner Circle’s eventual demise, as all these guys could be doing more on their own. Make some room for the Kingston Family as top heels for a bit.

Just as Sammy gets more heat going with a massive springboard to the outside, he gets a chair thrown at him by Basement-Bin-Sauron/Serpentico, revealed to be Matt Hardy, his opponent for this Saturday. Now with the disadvantage, Ortiz gets tripped up into an MJF armbar and that’s it.

The best might be the post match. MJF walks up the ramp taunting after the win, only to peel off and bumrush Le Champion on commentary!

That “slight impressed smile” on Jericho’s mug is such a great little detail. MJF might be a spoiled little jerkoff, but maybe this jerkoff could make a great ingredient in Jericho’s bubbly.*

*That chunk was kinda light on jokes, so please enjoy this shoehorned, “Jizzing in champagne” comment.

Casa de Omega

I have nothing to add, other than I now hope that ALL pro wrestlers have framed photos of golden era champs on their end tables.

BOTCH: Arcade Blues

Miro is still avenging Kip Sabian’s destroyed arcade board.  Guys…not to be all Cornette here…but who wants to bang my fiance while I watch?

I mean..not to be all Cornette here…but when we watched Rusev get squandered and humiliated with horrible angles in WWE, who was salivating for his redemption arc in AEW to be a grudge battle over a Burgertime arcade box?  This is the lowest and lamest of stakes. This makes mid 90’s “Bret Hart fights PCO for his stolen jacket” look like 2011 Money in the Bank.

I can get the idea of starting Miro out in the mid-card to build back up, and that there’s only so many top spots to go around. But this is kind of embarrassing. The match itself is fine, and clearly building to something bigger involving their respective groups (since they all duked it out at some point on the outside).

But it’s all tainted with, “What are they actually fighting for, and why should I give a shit?” Have Miro put Trent’s mom Sue through a barbershop window, or take her on a date and then never call her back. Just something more than, “You broke the toy of a guy I met three weeks ago. PAY THE PRICE MACHKA.”

Just a Little Page-ience

Drunken Millennial Cowboy Adam Page is wearing a shirt that can only be described as, “Guns N Roses made a country album”.

BOTCH: Dizzy Devil

Team Taz (mostly just Taz) has some words for Tony Khan and is bitter that he couldn’t get some face time.

I’m sorry, Taz. As someone who grew up 10 miles from the ECW arena, you have always been a giant in my eyes.  (Even though I was taller than you by 5th grade.) But Taz’s entire shtick kinda falls apart by virtue of being in the same company with Eddie Kingston. Same accent, same attitude, but Kingston’s doing it on such another level, that Taz seems like he’s doing a terrible Kingston impression (even to the extent he’s directing the camera man around). You’ve got one going, “You left me behind, I’m gonna take everything you love!” and another “All I asked was for five minutes! That is terrible time management on your part!”

It’s Fine: Private Bucks/Young Party

Lots of action going on here, but given that the Bucks have a HUGE MATCH YEARS IN THE MAKING on Saturday, even commentary spends half the match wondering aloud why it’s happening. Matt’s still selling the leg (when it’s convenient) from last week’s FTR chair crushening. El Buckos win it with the BTE Trigger, which brings out FTR for more shenanigans.

Jericho has a great line with “No flips, just fists, and chairs to the ankle!” Which I believe was the original catchphrase, it just wouldn’t fit on their tights.

The real purpose of the whole affair is revealed at the end, as it’s an excuse for the Elite to come make the save. Page runs out to make FTR bail (actually, it’s more of a saunter. I’d venture to say it took longer for Cash to climb down the turnbuckles and exit than it would have to just jump and crush the Bucks ankle on the way. Page didn’t even put his drink down for God’s sake, I move with more urgency to make it to the toilet.) This brings out Kenny as well, and the Elite are briefly alright, as he and Page fist bump then jaw jack a bit.

POP: The Last Chance of a Wasted Life

Do yourself a favor and watch all of this. It’s a master class in promos and character motivation, and the penultimate beat in my personal “most anticipated match” at Full Gear.

“Do your job, Schiavone, hold the microphone up!” “Schiavone, get out of the ring!” “Cut his music!” Why are so many of Kingston’s heel moments production cues? I know AEW has had some issues on that front, but it’s still pretty sad when the guy taking on the champion is having to interrupt himself to put PAs on notice. Eddie, where were you last week when the audio levels were all messed up? “Hurry it up Moxley, we’re losing light and have a union lunch any minute!”

Eddie gets all up in Moxley’s face and talks directly into his mouth. (Great heel tactic, bad Covid protocol) “I’m gonna take this belt, I’m gonna give it to my mother, and tell her ‘This is why you don’t have any grandchildren’ “. So, to make up for not carrying on the family lineage, he’s gonna gift the AEW championship to his mom, Andre/DiBiase style? I’m down for a “Ruthless” Ruthie Kingston championship run. If her cardio’s even HALF as good as her lasagna, she’s got a hell of a reign in her.

Kingston is on damn fire, all passion and bitters. The story that this belt is all he has left to redeem his wasted life is straight out of the Wrestler. Typically, wrestling tries to keep that sad grime out of the ring, until it piles up outside and results in a sad but inevitable 10 bell salute (that some jackoff will “Whooooo” for the duration of). This run has really been Kingston’s time to shine, and it would’ve been so easy to make it just that “Indie guy gets a shot” angle. But he’s been willing to share the pain and scars he’s collected along the way, and given us the uneasy truth that you can’t take that many hits and come out the same smiling person. Kingston is a street rat that’s gotten into the cheese store, and he’s not content to satiate himself on crumbs. He’s looking to kill the owner and take up shop for himself.

Moxley must’ve gotten the night off from old man Caruthers, because he FINALLY shows up in person and gets some words in edgewise (though he has to shout over Kingston to do it). He was so happy for Kingston, happy for his mother even. He promised Eddie’s mother he’d look after him. And he kept that promise, even when Kingston pushed his patience with this bad attitude. The whole thing is great. The shot itself is great, as Kingston turns his back and refuses to listen, and Mox does half the promo over Kingston’s shoulder, like an early 90’s soap opera. Everything about it is awesome, makes me say “BR Live, take my money”, and shows the first chinks in the armor of an otherwise unstoppable Eddie Kingston. Regardless of who wins, it’s hard to think we’re going to see anything other than a pathos filled instant classic on Saturday.

Pac is Bac(k)

Nothing to add, just looking forward to the Bastard Man back in AEW.

POP: Nyla Rose vs. Red Velvet

Nyla is the numero uno contendiente for 24 weeks now, and she’s out here to add another scalp to her collection en route to becoming the first ever 2-time AEW women’s champion. Red Velvet puts up a valiant fight, but has no chance. There’s a great little sequence towards the end where she gets caught jumping from the turnbuckle, tries to “hurricanrana” her way out of the problem, only to eat a brutal powerbomb instead. Noticing Shida at ringside, Nyla yanks Velvet up before the 3-count, and delivers Shida running knee finisher to Velvet to make a point.

The post-match is lots of fun, with Vickie taking the opportunity to mock Brandi Rhodes and say “Bullshit” on the air. She also mocks Shida to her face causing a pull apart between her and Nyla. Ya know, I’ve felt bad the last few weeks for not really caring about the women’s matches, so this is a nice change of pace. Nyla is a dominant heel, Shida is a plucky babyface, Vickie is everything wrong with the world. MOTIVATION!

Cinderella Earns Their Paycheck

In the year of our Lord 2020, AEW licensed hair-metal band Cinderella’s 1988 power ballad “Don’t Know What You Got Parentheses Til It’s Gone Close Parentheses” for an Omega/Page Best of clip. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again; Kenny Omega can not distinguish between romantic love and pro wrestling camaraderie. The only clip missing is Kenny burning a shoebox full of mementos and Young Bucks tassels from important moments they shared together. Then he goes out to a club to try and cheer himself up, only ends up having a one-off tag match with a partner he regrets before the bell even rings. We’ve all been there Kenny…

Eh, Fuck It, Let’s Say POP: Six Man Shenanigans

Our random main event is Cody + The Gunn Club (should’ve been “Son of a Gunn”, but whatever…) vs. Silver, Colt Cabana, and 10 of the Dark Order LLC. The match is preceded by a bizarre video package of Darby Allin getting hit by a car for intimidation purposes, but it looks more like a Jackass clip. It didn’t get Bam Margera a championship run, Allin, I don’t think it’ll work for you. On the other hand, toy car up the butt just might push you to the moon.

“Billy Gunn” “2020” and “Main event” feels more like a covid-denier flea market indie show than the main-event of a go-home pre PPV show, but whatcha gonna do. Everybody looks serviceable out here. Austin Gunn continues to the long held tradition of handsome giant muscular pro wrestlers having very runty sons. Matter of fact, put Austin and Cody in a tag team, you could call them “Best and Worst Case”. (That’s unfair, Austin is doing fine and is still young enough to make a name for himself. Luckily for him, “One half of the Smoking Gunns” and “4th most popular DX member” may not cast too long a shadow for his son to escape. Besides, if we’re talking “Worst case” for wrestler’s son, there’s always human anchor Nick Hogan to drag that bar to the floor.)

The match itself is perfectly serviceable fun, and Austin Gunn gets the pin! I take back the entire preceding paragraph (aside from the Nick Hogan ribbing. Fuck that guy.) Silver teases a chair shot post-match, only for OC to come out and stop him.

Cody hops on the mic and gives Darby a stepdad talking to. He knows Darby is having a rough time, but Cody loves his mom very much, and maybe if we just go fishing we can learn to get along and stop putting his mother through so many…

…Hard Times…

“After we can get ice cream! Get some Funky like a Chunky Monkey!”

It really is somewhat stepdad-ish, as he gives Allin the business that every punk rock dork must accept at some point: Maybe it’s not society, Maybe it’s YOU. Darby is fueled by the idea that he’s an outcast nobody believes in. That TNT doesn’t want him to be the championship or representative of the company. That Cody is the prettyboy jock that everyone loves. Allin needs to see this as if he’s taking on the Prom King* to motivate himself.

Cody lets him know it was HIM who vouched for Allin to get him in AEW. The execs weren’t sure about someone so strange, but Cody believed in him enough that he wrestled him HIMSELF to show the world he was worth it. Allin, you’re not being held back, you’re not underappreciated. You’re great! ….But you’re not great enough to beat the Ace…

More great relatable character work from AEW. The best way to handle a face vs. face match has always been to sow the seeds of self-doubt. Here’s hoping that Allin follows the route of all punk-rock failures, by growing a beard and debuting a “Hipster Barber” gimmick shortly thereafter.

(Note: “Prom King” would be a sweet heel gimmick. Just sayin’.)

That’s all for this week y’all. See ya at Full Gear!

Follow @jessedraham on Insta and Twits. Follow @MrJezzicho on Youtube for comedy stuff. And Listen to the I Hate Infinite Jest Podcast for post-modern literature nit-picking.

     

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