What happened last week on Raw: Randy Orton murdered a group of Legends with an assist from an optoelectronic device, Asuka defeated Zelina Vega again, Something Something Rollins & Mysterio, and Drew McIntyre got a solid title defense in with a returning Not Bobby Roode.
Prelude: It’s 4am on Wednesday morning while I write this, and 4pm while it’s being posted, partly because I was a bit busier than usual and secondly because to be honest with you, writing about Raw when it’s actually not a terrible show is kind of difficult. If you will forgive my tardiness let us get on with another edition of
RAW Emotions
I’d first like to point out as a reminder of days past before these troubling times when WWE shows were week by week, in different arenas. They would occasionally have a wonderful trope where if something happened backstage one week (ie: APA’s office getting wrecked) they would somehow transport the entire wrecked office/locker room to the next episode of Raw which was in a completely different city.
Which apparently stuck with me to a point because as Randy Orton was sitting in a (not as) dark (as Aleister Black’s) locker room, insinuating that it was the same room he had beaten the famed legends in the week prior, my brain for a second forgot that it was.. actually the same room.
Regardless of my brain’s slow processing speed. The main issue here is that we are basically getting another McIntyre/Orton match, that will now be contested inside of a Hell in a Cell.. simply because Hell in a Cell is coming up soon. I’m sure I will have much more to talk about in regards to my distaste for these types of gimmicky PPVs and that hideous paint job they gave it a few years ago coming up.
The main issue here is that no one really wins with either out come. A McIntyre win proves he can beat the guy he has beaten twice already, while Orton getting the win and the Title just prolongs this feud even more and in the end he’s still down 2-1 in the hypothetical series.
All this outlandish and drawn out monologue from Orton does is allow Drew to eventually show up, because.. you told him where you were after all, white leads a scrum and a 6 man tag main event later in the night
It’s weird that there are always WWE officials around to quickly break up a fight but they are never there to prevent one (h/t: troi)
Mighty Morphin Sexy Muscle Friends
The most mind blowing thing about Raw right now isn’t even that they have basically three or four separate storylines and feuds going for the women’s division that are all able to intersect while still being by themselves.
It’s definitely that I’ve watched now two Lana matches in back to back weeks and actually thought they were.. uh, pretty good? I don’t know maybe I’m sick? Not only was a solid six lady tag that overall, it did a great job of highlighting Mandy and Dana as hopefully a solid team that can at least stay together long enough to challenge for the tag belts once before we shoot Mandy up to the title scene where I can only assume they want her and her Trish Stratus impression.
Not only that, I got to see Lana get put through a table again. Yay! That’s what you get for being happily married you terrible person you!
And with the 1st Pick…
I don’t even need a Header because R-Truth is just the greatest
In all seriousness, I hope everyone currently and those most frequently involved with the 24/7 title were very well compensated and are shown the respect and admiration they deserve in the future. They have all been mostly the only good part of Raw for an entire year now and they take moments that should absolutely not work and make them work more than ideas WWE has been building for years.
My only ever complaint about the 24/7 title is how much it obviously lowers a wrestlers HP count seeing how many rool up victories have lead to title changes. I’m not asking for finishing moves in the backstage hallway, but can we at least, I dunno, fight each other a bit first on occasion? Honestly I’m just stalling because the next segment which I should have loved was really really bad and… welp.
Who knew Adam Pearce was into Exhibitionism?
So first off I need to point how stupid this idea is overall. You literally have people from each show constantly wrestling on the other one, you waste an entire months of storylines built around the two shows showing up on each show. But now suddenly you can’t give Braun a match on Raw because he’s a Smackdown wrestler?
DREW GULAK HAS BEEN WRESTLING ON YOUR SHOW FOR TWO WEEKS NOW, HE IS FROM SMACKDOWN
Not only do they have an extremely pointless setup for this “Exhibition” match, a match I would normally love the idea of, but then you take Keith Lee, and you take this repackaged version of Braun Strowman, and you have them both get count out in like two minutes?
And then to make it somehow even worse, you just let them continue brawling up the ramp and Kaiju Big Battle each other off the stage through some tables. Why couldn’t that have been the finish? Why do you consistently book matches you don’t want either person to lose? It happens a lot really. Just stop doing it, it’s much easier trust me.
F is for the Fiend who’s going to murder you KO
U is for you probably shouldn’t talk to Bray that way, you’ll see
N is for there’s nothing you can do about it
So you might as well flee
I’ve never been a big fan of these split promos between someone in the ring and someone on the Tron, half the time they are pre-recorded and awkwardly feel cut and pasted and the rest of the time they just kind of feel that way even if they aren’t. The idea of KO versus Bray sounds fun, especially if we can get a Melee a Trois going and have Aleister Black involved. Alexa can Watch and that’s all.
But most importantly, and I can’t stress this enough…
Bray doesn’t wear a sweater vest. Pay attention jeez.
Abrasive-EST
If you continue to do dumb video packages that I can’t tell if they are supposed to make me like or hate Bianca Belaire, I will continue to ask Merriam for more synonyms of annoying.
RAW’s Youtube Page has Six Separate Videos for the Seth & Rey segments
I don’t even have a joke for that, it’s just not something I want taking up real-estate in here, ok fine you can get the important one jeez calm down…
Thank Milhouse we finally reached an actually significant change in the ongoing and never ending Mysterio and Rollins feud. Not Buddy Murphy has finally had enough of Seth’s hyponasal speeches and threw hands at him, and some singapore as well. He didn’t come away unscathed and with Seth getting some licks back in return, and the mysteriously named Aalyah coming out to put a stop to it. I’m not entirely sure which direction they’re going to go from here.
Which is at least you know.. a direction?
To be fully honest I wouldn’t be half mad if this is all so co-conspiracy between Murphy and Rollins to coerce Aalyah to join their side. Why? Does it matter why? Does anything in this feud really matter beyond the fact that Humberto Carillo HAS A BEARD NOW? Swoon.
It’s not funny when Baszler get’s all humerus is it?
I honestly don’t have much to say about this match. Riott Squad are still too “new” of a tag team while being one of the older actual teams on the roster, to be able to be considered an actual threat for the straps. However anytime I get to watch Shayna Got Dang Baszler practically rip someone’s arm off and beat them with it, I’m going to enjoy it.
I would like to say that Ruby has a wonderful career ahead of her as a single underdog babyface if they ever decide to fully get behind her and don’t just eventually stick Shotzi into the group because lolweirdgirlsamirite?
Randy Orton has Pinned the.. Nope, not doing it.
Come on guys. How transparent can you actually be? You know what would actually convince me that Drew might lose a match to Orton at the PPV? Him beating Orton on Raw. Yes we are to that point obviously. Building whatever week to week momentum is and winning a match involving five other people that probably won’t even be on the show somehow means you will obviously win the one on one death cage fight. Whatever, it’s time for the best part of the show..
IT’S ME MONTEL, IT WAS ME ALL ALONG!
I don’t even care anymore if they are making this up as they go along, THIS WAS AMAZING.
MVP & Co. have been fighting Apollo Crews & Assoc. for probably longer than even Rollins and Mysterio have been going on [checks notes] holy crap…
But all of that, all of the same matches over and over, all of the pointless losses and even pointless wins, have all led us here, to this shining moment where… if I may, ahem..
Make way for Prince Ali!
Say hey! It’s Prince Ali!
Hey! Clear the way in the old bazaar
Hey you! Let us through! It’s a brand new star!
Oh come, be the first on your block to meet his eye!
Make way! Here he comes!
Ring bells! Bang the drums!
You’re gonna love this guy!
Prince Ali! Fabulous he! Ali, Mustafa
Show some respect, Genuflect, down on one knee
Now, try your best to stay calm
Brush up your Friday Smackdown
Then come and meet his spectacular coterie!
I have no idea where they are going with this and I don’t really care. Because for one single episode of WWE Raw, all of the stories.. actually.. moved.. FORWARD!
Stories don’t and angles or characters don’t have to be perfect, they don’t always have to be great. One of the main issues WWE has is that they put a lot of their talent, including people they are “pushing” or debuting on never ending loops of the same thing over and over. People eventually get tired of it and then WWE scraps it because “it didn’t work out”.
I’m not saying No Way Jose could have ever been WWE champion but if you’d like to have a discussion about it feel free to join the SRP Discord and tag me in it and I will tell you why I agree and or disagree with your findings there.
Other than that, we have no had back to back “not terrible” episodes of Raw and I don’t know what to do with my hands right now so let’s all just hope come next Monday the Draft is really good to me and I don’t go back to hating life.
If you enjoyed Raw, Enjoyed this Column, or just enjoy life in general, give this a share. Until next time, Tango Mike.
