Greetings YouTube wrestlefans, it’s time for our weekly recap on the life and times of the AEW undercard. Read on for all the pops & botches from the September 1 episode of AEW Dark.
Last week on Dark…
Kip Sabian blew some hot air. Brandon Cutler rolled a 20. There was a lot of squash. TH2 battled Sonny and Joey in a pretzel twisting match. Check out our August 25 recap for all the deets.
The missing link
Keen Steel Ring Post readers might have noticed that we missed the Dynamite recap last Thursday. Too bad, because it was an entertaining and eventful show. We welcome new writers – we’re all volunteers here – so if you want to have a bit of fun typing up a show, contact us.
The big Dark-related news coming out of Dynamite was that Griff Garrison, Brian Pillman Jr, Sonny Kiss and Joey Janela all got some time in the spotlight. They lost to The Butcher, The Blade and the Lucha Bros, but it was good to see them on the main stage. We also got a hint that Tay Conti might be sticking around, perhaps with her new bud Anna Jay from Dark Order?
Being The Elite (episode 219) was less eventful this week, mostly focusing on Dark Order comedy bits. Lawful neutral librarian Leva Bates cut a promo advising Brandon Cutler and Peter Avalon to try find a middle way. No mention was made of last week’s natural 20, and I’m starting to think I imagined the whole thing…
Let’s find out how the story continues in episode 49!
Dim the lights, it’s time for Dark.
BOTCH: Mixing up the commentary team
Excalibur is back on the mic after his conspicuous disappearance following the resurfacing of an old racist promo. Taz is his sidekick, and – you guys – I’m already missing the softer, smarter booth we got with Veda Scott.
BOTCH: Five finger snoozefest
The first competitor into the ring is Eddie Taurus, debuting tonight. The big, leather-vested Jersey boy is the latest indie jobber to get smacked down by Shawn Spears and his Death Mit.
Every time I watch Spears trying to heel it up southern-style with ineffective stomps and punches, I remember that tight sharpshooter he pulled off back in April and it makes me wish he spent more time just being a Canadian wrestlebud. Even with his mirror universe jet-black mohawk and beard, he still looks like The Perfect 10. I’d appreciate his heel work more if he embraced the proud, douchey, clean-winning gimmick that has worked to annoy Americans and delight Canadians for years.
Oh yeah, he won the match and biffed Taurus in the head after the bell. It was boring.
POP: Glitter bomb
Long-time readers will know that I consider Faboo Andre pretty much the greatest local jobber on Dark. From the moment you hear his name you know you’re in for some wonderful, weird, dorky wrestlefun. He wears a sparkly top and multi-colored pants.
SPARKLE PARTY!
Today Faboo’s partner is Occult Pro Wrestling Star RYZIN. This is everything I want to see on Tuesday evenings.
They’re up against Santana and Ortiz in what will certainly be a job, but the proud and powerful duo have a knack for making even squash matches exciting, so let’s get down.
Ryzin and Santana kick it off with some big power moves. Santana hits a Three Amigos before tagging out to Ortiz. Andre takes a clothesline so big he catches Ortiz with his heel on the way down. Tope, power bomb, kick to the face and it’s done. Short and decisive win for the minivan demolition crew.
My totally non-biased opinion? Match of the night!
POP: The Bunny returns
Next up is Cassandra Golden versus Allie, who enters to a Nightmare Family theme tune with QT Marshall on her arm.
Golden comes in slow and tough, but Allie got it all over her with speed, athleticism and precision strikes. She mugs for the camera, looking every bit the singles star she could be. Golden gets in a bit of offense, but Allie rocks this one.
POP: Polishing the rust
We continue the singles fun with Angélico, minus his loud-mouthed partner Jack Evans. He’s facing Frankie Kazarian of SCU.
These two are both solid professional wrestlers, and they get it started with all the locks, holds and counters that pop “serious” wrestling fans. They put on a spellbinding showcase of clean moves that we don’t see enough of in AEW.
Kazarian wins this one with a reverse DDT, but I’m glad Angélico is getting some training in. He’s been the weaker of TH2 since they got back, so it’s good to see him have the chance to do some decent work.
POP: Anthony.
Tony Schiavone pops in to interview Brandi Rhodes about women’s wrestling. Brandi’s best heel move of the past few weeks involves carrying around her action figure and making besuited men wear it as a pocket square. It’s brilliant. Brandi cuts a strong promo against Anna Jay of Dark Order, and I am totally here for this feud.
POP: Joey Janela starter kit
We all got some tag team action for ya. Donnie “Kung Fu Janela” Primetime and Ryan Rembrandt are here, fighting AEW’s adorable dad and son The Gunn Club.
Billy and Rembrandt get things started. Excalibur and Taz joke around about gum and Dutch painters, and it’s hilarious. I kinda don’t hate Excalibur any more. Not Joey Janela™ and Karate Kid Austin exchange some hits, and it’s fun. The Gunn Club win it, but our jobber duo didn’t look too bad either. Developmental pop!
The Gunn Club is 6 and 0, buddy. Will they get called up to Dynamite? Stay tuned.
POP: Here lies Abadon’s hopes and dreams
Dani “The Real Mean Girl” Jordyn is here to take on actual fucking zombie Abadon.
I feel like Abadon got a new dye job for this week and now I want to head to the monster salon. Hair aside, Abadon continues her excellent horror schtick in every movement in the ring. Even when her wrestling isn’t quite there, her character is 100% ready for the main event. Obviously she kills Jordyn, but the mean girl looks pretty good losing, so I look forward to more.
POP: Summer quickie
Tony Donati now has some kind of folksy punkish theme tune, and it makes me like him more. Unfortunately Ricky Starks comes out the other tunnel, so this ain’t lookin’ good for generic wrestleguy and his late summer jam.
Starks continues to be a dickhead, and lets us know it’s Starks season. He struts. He poses. Donati attempts some sneaky pins. Starks still wins. It’s fine. We all know he’s just grinding his stats till the Darby Allin fight. Not a bad match.
BOTCH: Jungle Boy works on his wink
I don’t remember Jon Cruz and David Ali, but I do dig Ali’s leather jacket and shiny trunks look. They’re tackling Jungle Boy and Luchasaurus of Jurassic Express. Marko Stunt is on crutches following last week’s encounter with a rock-hard MMA guy whose matches don’t rock at all.
Luchasaurus kills both jobbers straight out of the gate. By the time he’s done, Jungle Boy just has to string a few acrobatic arm drags together and it’s over.
Something about this match didn’t feel paced right for me, even though everyone did okay. We don’t have enough botches today, so this match gets a relative botch on a hot night of Dark.
POP: 99 problems
Red Velvet is back this week, to eat an almost-certain loss against Brandi’s new nemesis, Anna “99” Jay.
Jay knees Velvet in the gut to open and it just gets more brutal from there. I have to say: leg lariats look badass, but if you’re not gonna Matrix outta there, I wish they’d get sold with the whole body flip that modern wrestlers do with clotheslines. Rewind to the match of the night. Watch Faboo go.
Back in this match, Velvet mixes it up like a pro but Jay has all the Dark Order mojo and wins by submission.
BOTCH: No captain, my captain
“The Captain” Shawn Dean is here to present arms. Kip Sabian is here to present belly buttons.
Sabian starts wrestling in his sunglasses, giving Orange Cassidy a run for his money. He also cuts one of those short and sweet mid-match promos that the crowdless corona era has spawned. He is well over this low-rent shit. But Dean is putting up a fight and hits Penelope Ford’s valet with a powerful DDT!
The offense doesn’t last. Sabian wins it, nary a leafblower to be seen. Dude gets a botch from me for not bringing enough garden machinery.
BOTCH: What is this, Amber diceless?
Okay. It’s on. The Initiative is here and Brandon Cutler doesn’t even roll the die. Leva Bates shows a 15 but I don’t trust this behind the curtain shit. Private Party are here as the random encounter.
After Leva’s pep talk on BTE, The Initiative come out aligned and looking strong. It’s no match for the vodka boys, though, as Private Party twist and jump and flip that shit all over the town. Leva is a great hype man for the adventuring duo, but despite her cheering and Cutler’s 450 near the end, the record moves to 0 and 12.
This match gets a botch because I never believed our beloved losers would win it. They definitely do better against the mid-card.
BOTCH: Polyhedral bludgeon attack
Avalon clubs Cutler with the D20 to close it. I don’t dig breaking these two up. They never got tight for enough for me to care! Let them win a fight, then have Avalon go rogue. This was not a cool ending for the show, so I hope we get some closure or context in next week’s BTE. I don’t like being left dangling, so let’s watch Faboo again.
I guess I’m going to have to suck it up and accept that Dark has bloated to a 90 minute show. They’re doing it better now, though. Coulda been the PBR 5.9 (Joey Janela was away and the liquor store was all out of White Claw, hmm…) but the time flew by for me.
How do you feel about The Initiative? Do you love Faboo Andre as much as I do? Comment below if you think I’m nuts, or to make fun of my choice of beverage. Dynamite is back on Wednesday and hopefully we’ll have a P&B for you, but if not you can check out our WWE coverage, which is going strong. ‘Til next week, Dark crew!
