Evening, folks! My name is Bachur, and I welcome you to Pops & Botches. A slightly different Pops & Botches this time around, as we’ll be going through one of the most talked about yet strangely obscure periods in WWE history. While they’re always sure to flaunt the over-the-top days of the Attitude Era, the immortal legends like Hogan and Savage, or the rise of men like the Bret and Shawn, WWE has always glossed over a couple years that most fans consider to be some of the best in terms of both in-ring talent and overall product.
The “Ruthless Aggression” Era, as it’s been coined, has recently suffered the tried and true Official WWE Retrospective, but who cares, we’ll do it ourselves! We’ll be looking though the weekly episodes of SmackDown and pertaining PPVs from 2002 to 2004 to see how the SmackDown Six age holds up today. You can watch SummerSlam here.
Welcome to the Lesnar Years. Should be fun!
POP: This Card
We’re starting off with Brock Lesnar’s very first WWE Championship match at SummerSlam 2002. Now, SummerSlams are usually pretty good cards, at least relative to the rest of the year, as WWE knows how to book around one of its most important PPVs. With that said, SummerSlam 2002, on paper, might be the single best-looking card in pro wrestling history. Before we even get to the matches, we have:
- Rey Mysterio vs. Kurt Angle
- Ric Flair vs. Chris Jericho
- Edge vs. Eddie Guerrero
- Shawn Michaels vs. HHH
- Rob Van Dam vs. Chris Benoit, Intercontinental Championship
- Brock Lesnar vs. The Rock, WWE Championship
Jesus Christ. That’s a card.
POP: Quick Start
We open with Kurt Angle vs. Rey Mysterio. As familiar as it may seem right now, these were the early days of Bald Angle and, coincidentally, “You Suck” Angle. Mysterio also has his old, slightly better theme song, which we barely hear, as he jumps Angle from behind before the bell. In the opener. Weird. Anyways, you’d think Angle vs. Mysterio would be the Pillman/Liger of PPV openers, but while it’s good, obviously, it’s kind of over before it starts. It’s simple, Angle dominates Rey-Rey, trying to make him tap, and Rey fights from underneath. The crowd is absolutely incensed here. Angle throws a basic ass clothesline, not even an Axe Bomber, and you hear the entire building go “OOF”. Rey even busts out a Tope con Hilo leaping above the ref, if you ever wondered where Sasha and Bayley got that spot from.
The finish, in theory, is great. Angle wants to catch Rey in the Ankle Lock, Rey jumps all over the place, so Angle snatches Rey off the top rope, mid ‘Rana, and gets the win. Of course, grabbing onto Rey Mysterio’s ankle at top speed off the top rope is like trying to catch the wind, so he completely whiffs it. You get the sense they could’ve given two of the best wrestlers of the 2000s a little more time, since the match clocks in at under ten minutes, but as far as short openers go, I mean, it’s Angle and Mysterio.
BOTCH: Brand Supremacy
Since the Brand Split was just starting up, we get a little bit of a story throughout the show, with Raw and SmackDown GMs Eric Bischoff and Stephanie McMahon trying to out-do one another and take the Intercontinental Championship into their brand. It’s kind of a complete waste of time, yeah, but at this point I yearn for the days of 2002 where this type of thing was devoted to a couple segments and not an entire month of mainline pro wrestling programming. Go Brand Supremacy Go!
POP: Play the Hits
We follow up with Chris Jericho vs. Ric Flair; Ric’s first SummerSlam, believe it or not. Flair sports a strange, JBL-esque hairdo this time around, looking like Leslie Nielsen off the Supersoldier serum. Obviously, Ric just does his general thing, as he often did, and this is prime KING OF THE WORLD Jericho, more or less the blueprint for the modern age Jackass Jericho.
Now, I’ve never seen Ric Flair and Chris Jericho wrestle at a house show (aw) but this is what I assume it would look like. The top rope toss, closed fists, some good heelwork, ref bump, low blow, Figure Four and about 85 chops so the crowd Woos to their liking. They attempt the Flair flip (the HBK spot over the top rope, not to be confused with the Flair flop) and completely mess it up. There’s a point where Jericho does a random, basic, diving… single arm axe handle? He basically swats his arm at Flair from the top rope to the barricade and Ric, being Ric, walks headfirst into the camera screaming AH GAD like he just witnessed the death of his own father.
As basic a match as this is, they try to get creative near the end, with mixed results. Flair attempts to lock in the Walls, Chris gets him in the Figure Four and Naitch taps… while holding onto the ropes (which creates more than a couple questions about referee discretion), so the ref doesn’t call for the bell. Of course, the ref here is Little Naitch, so Jericho should’ve probably seen that shit coming. Conspirator.
BOTCH: Growing Pains
Eddie Guerrero vs. Edge is up next (Eddie’s mullet is still there, thank the lord), and this is the first match from their series back in 2002. Edge comes out of the curtain looking like Caucasian Okada and yes, this was the Edgehead era, fresh off his 2001 King of the Ring singles push. You’ll quickly notice the Rob Zombie entrance (YEEEEE MY DURANGO NUUUUMBA 95) and the thousands upon thousands of screaming women. I’m not exaggerating, 2002 Edge was something else. Apparently, this feud was born out of jealousy, as Latino Heat wanted to prove HE was the real Sex Symbol of SmackDown. My man, I love you, but it’s 2002 Edge. Take the L. Now, back then, this was a surprisingly smart feud to book, as Eddie was the type of guy who could make the hot new thing look good.
Except he doesn’t, really.
Eddie and Edge have had a couple great matches together, but this one, while good, is kinda underwhelming. Eddie works the shoulder the whole way through, even hitting a Frog Splash onto the arm, and Edge just… doesn’t sell it. I mean, he sells it at first, but less than a minute after said Frog Splash, Edge spears Eddie with the injured shoulder and immediately gets the three. Whoops?
Sure, fine. It was fine! From here on out, at least we can count on the other matches having proper arm-work and selling.
oh, come on.
POP: Styles Clash
BOTCH: The Shoulder, Rob
Chris Benoit defends the WW…F, apparently, Intercontinental Championship. From what I can gather, even though they were already WWE, they hadn’t quite updated the belt yet. The plates are even blurred on the Network, which is particularly interesting considering they now own the rights to the WWF logo and don’t need to manually blur every instance of it like they did ten years ago. Whatever, it’s a Benoit match, they probably didn’t put much thought into it. Benoit defends against RVD to remind you that, yes, this card looks like a million bucks.
The story here is simple, Van Dam kicks a bunch, Benoit snaps on a hold. Benoit here was just coming off his year-long injury, and my god, the man could move. Every elbow, every tackle, every lariat, every single suplex looks like he’s trying to put Van Dam through the canvas. You don’t need me to tell you how hard it is to review a Chris Benoit match without inadvertently alluding to the obvious (and, in case I need to say this, the one reason the SmackDown Six Era has been largely ignored), but Benoit moves like he’s trying to hurt Van Dam. Just seething, constant seething.
Rob, on the other hand, kicks! He kicks a lot. Look, I love Rob, but as good as he was against high fliers, this match illustrates a slight flaw in his game. In a perfect world, this would be the better version of Eddie vs. Edge, the best technical wrestler on the planet keeps the face grounded until the best high flier on the planet gets to fly high. Pun somewhat intended.
The thing is, again, Benoit works the shoulder for the Crippler Crossface, Rob sells it maybe once every six minutes, and it does not play into the finish. The Crippler’s wrestling a picture-perfect match, even hitting the patented Matt Jackson Locomotion Northern Lights with a hammerlock applied, and Van Dam shakes it off and does his thing. But my oh my, he’s putting those educated feet to good use! Outside of that, match is pretty good, sure; Benoit even misses a Swandive Headbutt just for fun (goddamn, man) but forgetting to sell the one body part you should be selling is the type of mistake that makes a great match less great.
???: OUR SEASON NEVER ENDS!
I believe Major League Baseball at this point in time was going on strike (foreign sports aren’t my thing, so you’ll have to excuse me here) but OUR SEASON NEVER ENDS! “OUR SEASON NEVER ENDS” is also what I imagine Vince growls at whoever tells him they should probably postpone tapings during a global outbreak. You can just hear him saying it, can’t you?
BOTCH: Hey Jamie
At WWE: The World, which I won’t even attempt to explain here, Jamie Noble hosts a… makeout contest for his… girlfriend… uh-huh. Nidia makes out with one of two WWE fans (lucky girl) while Jamie, who I remind you, is both Cruiserweight Champion and not booked, happily hollers in the background. That’s the whole thing. I’m assuming Jamie’s a cuck. This segment definitely happened but I’m still not sure it really did.
BOTCH: Old Glory
Ladies and gentlemen, your tag team champions, The Un-Americans! Yes, indeed, the Un-Americans. Dope. Yeah, in case you forgot, Christian and Lance Storm tagged together with Test as their muscle and the gimmick was, essentially, three Canadians who hate the US. What’s not to love? They got an upside-down flag and everything. Like most WWE heels, the Un-Americans are 100% right, they’re just huge assholes about it. You probably don’t remember them, given they were a non-SmackDown tag team in 2002.
They’re going up against the Odd Couple, Booker T and Goldust, who you also probably don’t remember tagging together, and… look, I’ll be honest with you, in a vacuum, I’m sure Booker T, Dustin Rhodes, Christian and Lance Storm could have a good match. These are four Good Workers. But you read the words “The Un-Americans (c) def. Booker T & Goldust, World Tag Team Championships, SummerSlam 2002” and your eyes automatically roll into the back of your head. The crowd is hot for the faces at least, because you could throw Mahatma Gandhi himself out there with an upside-down American flag and the crowd would boo his ass into oblivion. This is, amazingly, another house show effort from everyone involved. Or maybe a Raw effort? What I’m getting at is, you’re not buying a PPV for this.
The heels openly cheat, to the point where Storm and Christian are repeatedly slamming steel chairs against each other like five millimeters away from the ref and making way too much noise, and the dude doesn’t even flinch. I swear, those two could’ve revved up a chainsaw in there, but never mind that shit, Booker’s trying to get into the ring! He’s not legal! Boy, the Un-Americans suck. As mentioned, they cheat constantly, get their asses kicked, and here’s how they win: Lance tries to get a belt shot, fails (because he sucks), and promptly gets his ass kicked on the outside by Dustin. That’s when Test runs in, hits a boot, and Christian covers him for the three while the crowd angrily murmurs to themselves. SummerSlam, baby! Big four!
Alright, that’s the low point of the card, but luckily…
ah fuckin goddammit
BOTCH: ah fuckin goddammit
Since Taker is currently the American Badass, this match gets a whole-ass promo to put over the Un-Americans, who will surely go down among the greatest factions in professional wrestling history, given their gimmick is “we hate the US”. All together now: “They can express themselves in this great nation, but if you don’t like America, leave!”. This is a Test match, unfortunately, and he doesn’t even have the dumb-but-cool theme song anymore. This is also as good a time as any to remind you that SummerSlam dedicated two whole matches to this angle but neither the Cruiserweight nor the Women’s Champions made the card.
The match happens and it’s not as bad as it could be, which certainly speaks to how good this show is as a whole. To be fair to Test, he convinced a lot of people into thinking he was underrated solely by virtue of throwing INCREDIBLY good Big Boots. Every Test match is you sitting on your hands, waiting for him to kick someone in the face. The tag champions interfere and get their asses handed to them, natch, and Test even tries and fails to use a steel chair. Granted, you had a better shot at surviving the Bolivian Army than beating Undertaker in the early 2000s, but Jesus, the Un-Americans suck at this.
POP: Born Again
Now we get into the semi-main: HHH vs. HBK, unsanctioned, the first chapter in everyone’s second favorite fifty-year-long feud. Say what you will about Ciampa vs. Gargano, but at least those two had, what, five matches? Shawn and Hunter had seven singles between 2002 and 2005 and I could’ve sworn they had at least ten. Anyways, interesting tidbit about this feud: Shawn returned, was attacked by Triple H, and was then attacked once more by a mystery assailant who turned out to be Triple H again. Man, I don’t fucking know.
Shawn shows up in street fight gear, one of my favorite little wrestling tropes, with a shirt that simply reads “Philippians 4:13” It’s not exactly subtle, but it’s a great touch. Another great touch is HBK just chilling on the top rope while Hunter makes his entrance, because you just know Hunter (either in character or in real life) thinks this is the Biggest Match in The History of Our Sport. For HHH, this is the culmination of a years-long story, the top heel finally cementing himself over the corpse of what was once his best friend. For Shawn, it’s his comeback. Hunter’s just in the way. As for the match, Trips works Shawn’s back, busts him open, busts himself open, ladders, tables, abdominal stretches, hair pulls, haymakers… it’s violent, sure, but it also goes half an hour.
In terms of 27-minute-Triple H brawls, this sure isn’t Royal Rumble 2000, but it’s a pretty great second place… with one HUGE flaw. See, this match is unsanctioned. It is not official. Well, it seems they didn’t notify Earl Hebner of this, because he will not stop busting HHH’s balls. Trips grabs a Sledgehammer, Earl is like “AW COME UN”; Trips uses the ropes for leverage, Earl breaks it off and starts pushing him around. It’s fine to be disgusted, but just count the fucking pin, Earl. Hunter should’ve started kicking Shawn straight in the dick just for the hell of it.
The bigger issue here, of course, is that the second longest match on this card only goes 16 minutes. I get it, it’s HBK’s big comeback, and he looked fantastic, but you could’ve easily accomplished the same purpose in 18 minutes and set Shawn up as Brock’s first challenger—pffffft hahahahahaha nah, Hunter sledges him again after a flash pin. Get ready to see this exact same match up twelve more times. Not on SmackDown, though! Onto Brock!
BOTCH: I Said “Onto Brock”
Before the main event, The Fink makes sure to kill some time so the crowd can take a leak after holding it in for the entirety of HHH vs. Michaels. Trish Stratus shows up and teases smooching him only for Lilian García to kick him in the balls. I like these people, but Angle vs. Mysterio went 9 minutes.
POP: The Fire Rises
Get ready for, according to Michael Cole, “The Most Anticipated Main Event in SummerSlam History” which… I’m sure it’s not, but whatever.
Now, we get to talk about 2002 Brock Lesnar. While I’m tentatively naming this column “The Lesnar Years”, this isn’t meant to be an in-depth look at Brock, either now or back in the day, but while we’re here, let’s properly introduce the man who would become one of the biggest stars in pro wrestling history. 2002 Brock was, in no uncertain terms, the Chosen One. He looked like a Terminator, he could suplex a house, hit a Shooting Star Press, he was NCAA Champion and he had Paul Heyman talking for him. This man was money, and WWE knew it. He debuted the Raw after WrestleMania, kicked the Hardy Boyz’s asses and was put over, clean, by Hulk Hogan. The Next Big Thing. Twenty-five years old, five months in, one year out of college, and already the youngest World Champion in company history, dethroning the biggest star WWE had left.
How did he get this opportunity, you may ask? Well, he won the King of the Ring Tournament! Sure, the 2002 King of the Ring event sucked ass and nobody liked it, but the concept of winning a tournament for the right to challenge for the WWE Championship at SummerSlam is one of the best ideas WWE’s had in the last twenty years. Nowadays winning King of the Ring just changes up your theme song.
So, let’s get into the match. Rocky drops the gigantic belt on the ramp, goes right after Brock, and the Beast immediately starts kicking his ass. Brock is clearly supposed to be a heel, I mean, he looks like he eats families whole and he’s managed by an interfering Paul Heyman wearing a baseball cap, but the crowd just eats Lesnar up. They boo Rock to death, too, “Rocky Sucks” chants and all. While it’s clearly not five stars (Maybe three? Three and a half?), it’s an entertaining main event. A double kip-up spot (!), a shitty Dragon Screw from Rock (!!!), the shittiest Sharphooter I’ve ever seen (…), all while Nassau Coliseum cheers Lesnar on.
Brock goes extremely heel here, using a chair for like the fourth time tonight, getting all kinds of assists from Paul E., and yet you hear the crowd screaming “LET’S GO LESNAR” as he holds Rock in a bearhug. And then Rock hits a low blow? It’s weird, for sure, but it’s one of a kind. Rock, not realizing he should probably focus on the DBZ Android in the ring, decides to put Heyman through the table. Just in case you weren’t sure Brock was Somewhat Of A Big Thing, he kicks out of the Rock Bottom and hits one of his own. One great back and forth later, and Brock Lesnar is your Undisputed Champion.
Here Comes the Pain.
And that’s SummerSlam 2002! Even with its flaws, a PPV to remember. We’ll keep our focus strictly on SmackDown aside from these PPVs, so you won’t be hearing from Shawn, Hunter, Van Dam or the rest of the gang until further notice. As for SmackDown, all the pieces are in place. The SmackDown Six are all but set, and The Next Big Thing begins his reign. Yes, Brock Lesnar is the future, but don’t forget…
The flame that burns twice as bright burns half as long.
