Week Two: WCW Monday Nitro – September 11, 1995
Welcome back to Pops & Botches: Monday Night Rewind, a look back at the Monday Night Wars through the lens of someone who didn’t really live through them. Last week, we entered into a glorious new age of wrestling with the debut of WCW Monday Nitro, a show that will continue for decades, providing the WWF with endless healthy competition, absolutely preventing a stagnation of the product that would drive fans away in droves. lol, jk, Hogan won, get used to disappointment.
BOTCH: Mongo’s Still Here
This week, we open with fantastic 90’s fireworks going off JUST EVERYWHERE (I guess Bloomington, Minnesota, wasn’t down with explosive pyrotechnics in the Mall of America), then immediately transition into the literal opposite of fireworks, Mongo McMichael on commentary. You know where the best wrestling is folks? “It’s right here, on da WCW.” Uuuuugh.
To make matters worse, we’re then immediately subjected to a replay of Luger and Hogan yelling at each other from last week. I know this is a complaint largely formed from the modern trend of WWE showing replays of segments from literally five minutes ago, but holy shit, the crutch of replays is an absolutely terrible one.
If something is important enough in professional wrestling that one feels the need to show it again, I would argue that it’s important enough that people have probably been talking about it all week, in anticipation of the outcome. You can refresh the memory without literally playing the footage again.
POP: You’ll Believe Men Can Fly…
…because you’re about to watch one of them crash and burn in the best possible way.
The opening bout of the second ever Nitro is a “let’s pick our action figures at random and just throw them at each other as hard as we can” match up of Sabu and Alex Wright. Holy shit, I feel like these two forgot they were in 1995 and somehow channeled 2020 AEW. Look at the height on this top turnbuckle missile dropkick:
Dude forgot he was wrestling and started doing Messerschmitt impressions.*
The header picture of this section is probably the closest thing we’ve got to a paternity test for Sabu and Darby Allin. I watched Sabu go rib first into the metal railing and started having flashbacks to skateboard dives from the Buy In Ladder Match.
The entire match was pretty much turned up to 11 from the get-go, and I loved every second of it, including Sabu putting Alex Wright through a table afterwards for no other reason than “lol, fuck you, eat a table.”
It just annoys me the ref reversed his decision and gave Wright the victory after that, a trope I will never understand or support.
*Welcome to Monday Night Rewind, where we serve only the timeliest of World War 2 aviation humor.
POP: Commercial Break
90’s attempts at “realistic” graphic were just the best.
POP: Ric Flair’s Yelling Into a Microphone
That’s pretty much all a segment needs to get a Pop in the 90’s. Ric comes out to tell us about how sad he was that Arn Anderson wasn’t out partying with him last night, so now he has to kick his ass about it. Then Lex Luger wanders out to stand in the ring for some reason.
First of all, how dare you try to interrupt a Ric Flair promo, Lex. Second of all, how dare you try to interrupt a Ric Flair promo by standing around awkwardly and then laughing and saying, “You are too much.” WE KNOW THAT, LEX. THAT’S WHY WE LOVE HIM. The best part of the whole bit was Ric flipping Lex’s random appearance into another excuse to shit on Hulk Hogan and blame him for the trouble of Lex being in WCW now.
POPPY BOTCH: Shots Officially Fired
The next match is Sting versus Michea…wait, sorry, “VK” Wallstreet, and here we have what appear to be our first official shots of the Monday Night Wars. There was a swipe or two last week, but nothing more than a “Don’t change the channel, wink wink!” In this one pre-match intro, we have the introduction of Michael Wallstreet’s new first name, “VK,” a tissue paper thin jab at Vincent Kennedy McMahon; the first instance of Eric Bischoff giving away Raw’s pre-taped results; and Mongo cementing his position as just the fucking worst by saying “they named it after a bunch of uncooked eggs.”
GET IT? RAW? Once I find a source for mid-90’s Raws (read: probably eventually finally break down and get the Network again), I’m planning on doing concurrent episodes per week, so this should get really fun.
As the bell rings, we learn that Angel Garza inherited his pants removal powers from VK Wallstreet, because holy shit, that man went from full business suit to wrestling onesie in no time flat. Like I said last week (and the reason the overall Botch of Bischoff starting his campaign against Vince gets a Poppy modifier), Sting can GO.
I know a lot of you are already aware of his skill, but the majority of my exposure to Sting so far has been WrestleMania 31 and Starrcade 1997. The only part that came off as anything other than a fired up babyface whipping some bad guy ass was Sting’s flying soft pat to the belly from the outside (pictured above).
Maybe a little less time appearing before the judge getting your name changed and a little more time getting into position there, VK?
LOL, OK: Just Pointing This Out
The debut of Disco Inferno, you say? Don’t mind if I don’t.
POP: Two Large Men Just Beating the Hell Out of Each Other
There’s nothing more refreshing sometimes in professional wrestling than just watching two big dudes whale on each other for a while. See also: Keith Lee and Dominik Dijakovic or Luchasaurus and Wardlow. Scott Norton and Randy Savage do just that, throwing fist, forearms, and literally their entire selves at each other. At one point, Norton catches all of Savage in a bear hug as Savage comes flying off the top turnbuckle. Dude is TERRIFYING levels of strong. The match goes for about five minutes, not nearly long enough, before a Dungeon of Doom run-in ruins the fun.
Kamala and Avalanche roll up, Randy throws Norton into Avalanche, who ricochets back into Kamala, knocking them both out somehow, and Avalanche falls forward on top of Scott Norton’s legs. Randy hits the elbow drop from the top turnbuckle, and then the ref counts the pin WITH AVALANCHE STILL ON NORTON’S LEGS. I love Randy Savage. Dude’s been my jam since childhood, even when I was without regular access to WCW programming. Matter of fact, I think I may have just realized why I’ve always had a natural dislike for Hogan, even before we learned what a shitbird he is.
That said, that ending was bullshit. It’s not like Norton was a member of the Dungeon or even called them up for a favor. Nah, Kevin Sullivan just rolled up with his crew, wielding a MOTHER FUCKING SPEAR, trying to screw with the face team for War Games, and Norton got caught in the middle. Maybe Jericho and Britt Baker have been right all along about these conspirators.
Please note: Heenan has the best line of the night (because of course he does) during this match, when he calls Mongo “McNugget.”
BOTCH: *Sighs Heavily*
So just to reiterate the point from last week, Lex Luger joined the WCW roster nine days ago. He appeared on Nitro two days later. He had a WCW World Heavyweight Championship match scheduled before the hour was up. I don’t blame Randy Savage one bit for looking ready to murder everyone while standing in the background of that bit.
Now we have the championship match in question. Literally the only real highlight I can bring up is Lex no-selling the hell out of a move and scaring the bejeezus out of Hogan by doing so. I was legitimately surprised by that, and thought, “Oh, wow, maybe this match is going to be something different!”
Then, not even a minute later, Hogan does THE EXACT SAME THING. Lex hits him with what is either a snapmare suplex or a back-body drop (Bischoff calls the same move two different names inside of that thirty-ish second span), Hogan immediately jumps up, then mockingly uses Lex’s flex taunt. For being the supposed king of the babyfaces, Hogan sure was a raging dick a lot of the time. His opening strategy was to unfairly pin Luger in the corner until Lex cocked back with a closed fist.
Lex gets yelled at for almost using a banned attack, but Hogan gets nothing for blatantly ignoring what should have been a five-count (the ref stopped at three and they stayed in the corner for AT LEAST another five). Last I checked, a white meat babyface like Hogan’s supposed to be shouldn’t be trying to get a cheap win by forcing his opponent to cheat.
Anyway, the match follows the usual Hogan main event protocol. He starts to lose, and Lex has him in the Torture Rack. For some unfathomable reason, Lex DROPS THE RACK, thinking he’s won, despite there never being a bell. This gives Hogan a chance to hulk up and hit the leg drop. We all know what happens after the leg drop. Hogan essentially beat the biggest threat from up north clean, with barely any effort. It’s really not that shocking that he was already being booed by crowds when he took his pre-nWo hiatus.
Now, I only get to use the modifier of “essentially” because we’re treated to another Dungeon of Doom run-in before the ref can count to three. Wait a minute…is this where the Hogan got that idea for the nWo? Either way, the Dungeon rightfully focuses all of their attention on Hogan because, one, he’s the only person currently in the ring they have to fight on Sunday, and, two, Lex is out cold from having a sweaty thigh dropped on his face.
Despite both of these facts, Bischoff WILL NOT STOP SCREAMING about how Hogan is “taking the beating of a lifetime,” but “they haven’t laid a finger on Luger.” Do you see why I’m sighing heavily?
INTERLUDE POP: Another Commercial Break
So we’re not doing phrasing anymore?
This is followed by a couple of local ads that didn’t get cut from the uploader’s VHS recording, so I know there was at least one WCW fan in the New York area. If you need a “recent microwave” or a “compact disc player,” make sure you hit up P.C. Richard!
BACK TO THE BOTCH: Stupid, Stupid Babyfaces
We come back from commercial with Mean Gene in the ring, Macho Man and Sting having run off the run-in. This gives Hogan and Macho the chance to basically repeat what Bischoff was yelling about before, only two octaves lower and ten decibels higher. Hogan is mad at Lex for “getting in his face two weeks in a row” (YOU GAVE HIM THIS WEEK’S MATCH) and wants to know why Lex wasn’t fighting back against the Dungeon of Doom, despite, you know, being laid out cold on the mat.
Sting is somehow the smart one in this situation, trying to convince the other two that Lex should take the place of Vader, who is off the team for reasons that are never explained (I’m guessing backstage, real life things, since I’m fairly certain he starts showing up on Raw before too long). The only part of this I genuinely enjoyed was Sting saying he votes Lex joins the team and Randy replying, in his most savagely macho of Macho Man Randy Savage voices, “I RESPECT THAT.”
Hulk wants clarification, asking “Are you saying we should let Lex Luger take Vader’s place in War Games?” which IS LITERALLY WHAT STING HAD JUST SAID, and Sting starts screaming, “Yes! Yes!” in the most hilarious “Holy shit, he finally fucking got it” tone of voice I’ve heard in a good long while. Lex joins the team on the promise of ANOTHER title shot (this displeases Macho Man something fierce, btw), and we go back to the booth for the outro.
Bischoff promises we will see the Blue Bloods in action next week against either the Nasty Boys or the American Males. I know which one I’m rooting for, and I’ll give you a hint: it comes with the Stuff. In the meantime, Fall Brawl is this Sunday, main evented by War Games between the Dungeon of Doom and the Hulkamaniacs. Unfortunately, I already know how it ends, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t actually a little excited, in a dumb fun kind of way. With the little taste I got in tonight’s run-ins, I can only imagine how ridiculous the Dungeon is in a full match.
See you then!
