IT’S SUNDAY NIGHT. YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!
Heya folks! It’s finally here! No, not my Polar Plunge! We’ve been on the Road to Revolution for what seems like an eternity, but we’ve made it! We’ve survived every obstacle, every roadblock and have finally arrived. These guys and gals are ready to punch everybody in their face about everything they’ve been through. Will CM Punk get his revenge on MJF? Can Adam beat Adam? I mean, where’s Eve when you need her for a good Adam/Adam feud? Is tonight finally the night Thunder Rosa proves her dentist wrong? I’m not sure but I know I can’t wait anymore to find out! Hey! Whatever happened to The Sultan?
POP: I’ve Bought In
Thanks to the power of AEW YouTube, I’m going to lump the entire pre-show into one little blurb here. We kicked off the Pay-per-view with “Buy-In”, which started with something that doesn’t have a hyphen, a Kris Statlander and Legit Leyla Hirsch match! If we’re being honest, and we totally are, these two delivered. This is exactly what you want from your kickoff match. Both of these ladies absolutely brought it and the past couple months of animosity and anger seemed to have boiled over in this match. Every move looked like it was meant to absolutely maim the other woman.
Every time Hirsch would get the upper hand, Statlander would take it back. On the flip side, Statlander would eventually just take it right back. I am proud to say, in our AEW Revolution Staff picks, I predicted Legit Leyla would win via illegitimate measures. Sure as shit, that’s exactly how this ended! Hirsch popped Statlander in the face with the turnbuckle hook and hit a beautiful slingshot moonsault for the win! If you want a textbook match to set the tone for the entire night, this was it.
And @legitleyla steals the win!
Watch the #AEWRevolution Buy-In LIVE right now! ▶️ https://t.co/qXtDrWsylm pic.twitter.com/knHwv3izAn— All Elite Wrestling (@AEW) March 7, 2022
Up next, Hook was sent…down to the ring to face off against his former trainer, QT Marshall. Or, Mar-shall. Or whatever. It starts out like every Hook match should, with him throwing QT on his back and twisting him up like a little baby pretzel. Marshall did get a little more offense in than I expected but Hook was able to fend him off and tap him out instantly with Red Rum. It didn’t take long, and it shouldn’t have. But this is exactly why you don’t want to piss off Hook. When he gets sent, he gets sent.
Capping off the entire pre-show was House of Black going three-on-three with two sides of a Death Triangle (Penta Oscuro and Pac) and an angry Redbeard. I forgot how giant of a man Erick Redbeard was before I saw this match. I hadn’t seen him since the Brodie Lee special and boy, is he a large dude. And when you’re a large dude, naturally, you throw yourself at things much smaller than you, including Buddy Matthews and Malakai Black.
Redbeard wasn’t the only person on his team showing out tonight. Penta Oscuro was absolutely bananas, doing everything he could to get his team the win. Watch him surprise Buddy Matthews here. Just impeccable timing. No matter how many flips he pulled off, or how many Canadians he destroyed, it just wasn’t enough to outsmart the House of Black. The match ended when Malakai spit black mist into the Redbeard, allowing Buddy and Brodie King to capitalize and get the win for the House of Black! Welp, I hope that got your blood going. We’ve got nine matches to go so get in, sit down and hold on tight. It’s time for the Revolution!
POP: Always Ready, Never Steady, It’s Big Match Eddie!
The main story going into this blowoff match with Eddie Kingston and Chris Jericho is that while Jericho was traveling the globe, winning championships everywhere he went, Eddie Kingston was toiling away on the indies, then in AEW, and always unable to win the big one. Well, tonight, fiery old upstart Eddie Kingston would get his shot at redemption and the chance to win the big one…which in this case, is apparently a main card opening match against Chris Jericho with absolutely no stakes on the line. Doesn’t get much bigger than that! Let it rip, folks!
My favorite part about Eddie Kingston is he’s always ready to fight. Or in this case, slap the shit out of Jericho’s chest, which would be incredibly red by the end of this match. Earlier in the night, we saw Leyla Hirsch hurricanrana Kris Statlander to the outside from the ring apron. Chris Jericho and his 51 year old ass, decided to go one level up on the ladies and hit Eddie with a hurricanrana from the top rope into the ring. Give me all the hurricanranas. If Hangman Adam Page doesn’t hurricanrana Adam Cole off the top of the entrance tunnel, are we really even having a championship match? Annnyway, after two spinning backfists, Eddie is able to pull off the win with a good ol’ fashioned stretch plum! Jericho tapped out! Jericho tapped out!
POP: Dinos and Dragons and Deers, Oh My!
Up next, is an animal lover’s dream, both real and mithological, uhhh, mythalogicull, err, made-up. Whatever. This match is the definition of “contrast of styles,” isn’t it? You have the two flippy superkickers, the technical ground and pound wizards, and the huge, strong dinosaur with his little, athletic boy friend (two words) from the jungle. I don’t know if this is a wrestling match or a new Disney movie. This is why I love wrestling, y’all.
If you’re like me (for your sake, let’s hope not!) and you thought the tag-title reign of Jurassic Express has been a little stale, let this match remind you how good they can be. This was the most beautiful move of the contest, maybe even the whole night. Even though reDRagon came close to winning a couple of times , it wasn’t meant to be. But fear not! For the Young Bucks ALSO weren’t able to dethrone the champs, which means the Jurassic Era is still (back?) upon us! I’ll be honest, I thought there was no chance in hell of Jurassic Express retaining their titles. Hopefully, now that they’re away from this weird reDRagon/Young Bucks storyline, they can have meaningful feuds.
POP: Face Turn
Oh man. The match I was most looking forward to on the whole night. A mostly hoss-style ladder match. With Christian and Orange Cassidy too! Speaking of Orange Cassidy, he started the match trying to outsmart the hosses and I wish the match would’ve ended right there. The shock value alone would have been worth someone winning a ladder match without a single ladder being used!
Remember earlier, when I talked about big dudes throwing themselves at smaller things (well, people)? Your Honor, I’d like to present Exhibit B – Keith Lee. Being big enough to jump over two dudes is insane. I can’t even jump over the foul line in baseball without tripping over my damn self. I was a little disappointed when Christian and OC were added as I looked forward to having an all-hoss ladder match. But now I’ve seen the light! You need a little guy in there to get thrown into a ladder that is pushed up against someone else’s face.
Speaking of little dudes, when a weird dude sneaks in and puts a curse on you, you’re fucked. Just ask Starkman Jones! After Danhausen puts the curse on Pretty Ricky, Wardlow powerbombs Ricky (who was attempting another hurricanrana!) onto a horizontal ladder, allowing Wardlow to grab the literal proverbial brass ring and becoming the Face of the Revolution! It should be noted, Ricky did not actually break his neck, or his shoulders, or his clavicle, or anything else on that powerbomb (or this sick spear!). I’d hate for him to have a broken neck. That would suck.
BOTCH: Move the Needle…Or Not
This match between the undefeated Jade Cargill and her challenger, Tay Conti, really started out strong. Did it fizzle to a finish, though? You bet your fuckin’ ass it did. I had high hopes for this match. I’ve really enjoyed Cargill’s run up to this point; however, this match didn’t do a damn thing for me and I’m disappointed. It started out so strong, what with the smoochin’ and all!
I was surely glad to see Tay put up one hell of a fight though. I appreciate the fact that her offense made Jade (and Mark Sterling!) look vulnerable but I’m not sure anyone doubted who was going to win this match. Although it was a short match, it was placed at the perfect time. By the time Jade made Tay Jaded, and improved to 29-0, we were all thirsting for blood. And boy, did we get what we asked for.
POP: Mike Vick Memorial Match
I really hate that AEW doesn’t show full clips on their Twitter (as you have probably noticed) for pay-per-views. CM Punk’s music hits for the Dog Collar match but we don’t get Punk. After the crowd loses their absolute shit, MJF’s music interrupts Punk’s and MJF comes out to the appropriate level of vitriol. You can’t bullshit a bullshitter and you most definitely can’t troll a troll. CM Punk one-ups MJF by coming out to his indie music and in his basketball shorts/windbreaker combo! What a throwback to simpler times, eh?
The Dog Collar Match started out how most of them do. Both dudes playing pseudo-tug-of-war with the chain. It didn’t take long though for MJF to punch Punk in the face and color Punk’s back with the chain. Did someone say color?!? Punk gets busted open and will bleed out through the entire match. At multiple points, that shit was dripping like the Wet Bandits were trying to leave their calling card on the match. One of my favorite bits is MJF grabbing a microphone while bludgeoning CM Punk just to talk shit. Well, Punk responded as Punk is wont to do.
If you don’t believe me that Punk was bleeding (like a stuck pig, some may say) profusely, check out the 6-second mark of this video. As the match wound down, Punk hit Max with a vicious tombstone piledriver onto the apron, which legend has it, might just be the hardest part of the ring. That apparently didn’t put MJF in a grave so he introduced everyone’s favorite bag of tacks and spread them out over the ring. Both men attempted to utilize the tacks but were unsuccessful until MJF hit a superplex that ended up hurting both men. Per MJF’s normal shitbag style, he summons our good friend Wardlow to the ring. Wardlow conveniently does not have his golden ass-donut. Did he forget it in the shower??
Either way, MJF demands Wardlow pass him his Dynamite Diamond ring but Wardy can’t find it! CM Punk hits the Go to Sleep and crawls toward Wardy. Wardlow puts the ring in the ring and Punk rings MJF’s bell to get the victory! What a gruesome match and finally the face turn we deserve! They love us! They really love us! If you ever needed proof that gimmick matches can work, go back and watch this match. This was a great Dog Collar Match that harkened the days of yore. “Harkened the days of yore?!?” What the fuck am I? 75?!?
BOTCH: Hoss Match with No Hosses
It’s probably not politically correct to refer to a woman as a hoss but there’s no hoss in this match, so is it really THAT bad? You know when you watch a UFC fight and it’s two heavyweights that look like you, are built like you and just ram into each other with big, lumbering fists? That’s how I felt this match went. I wanted so much from these two as their previous matches have shown that they have undeniable chemistry together.
We did not get undeniable chemistry. Their chemistry tonight was absolutely deniable. I thought with a new AEW Women’s Championship belt that the urgency and crispness would be there with every move. It was not. This back suplex by Rosa is neither urgent or crisp. She barely gets Britt off the mat and yes, I know the rumor is that Rosa was injured prior to the match but it’s a pay-per-view. If you’re gonna go, I want you to GO. My favorite move of the match was Rosa spearing Rebel off the apron; however, it would cost Miss Thunder. As she re-entered the ring, she ate a Stomp by Baker, giving her the win and a little more time with that beautiful belt. This match fell flat on its face and that was the most disappointing thing of the entire night since hopes were incredibly high for these two.
POP: Won’t You Be My Dungeon Daddy
When Bryan Danielson invited Jon Moxley to be his tag team partner and wreak havoc on all these young dudes coming in, we all knew what was going to happen tonight once Moxley told him he only tags with dude he’s bled with. Well, here we go. Although it took a couple of minutes to see color (on both men!), they wasted no time putting fists into each other’s faces. But they didn’t only throw fists in the ring, they threw them on the outside too! This is already my kind of match. LET’S GO!
I don’t know how many ring mats they bring to these shows but I do know they used a bunch of them tonight. Between Punk/MJF and this Jon Moxley/Bryan Danielson affair, extra ring mats were necessary. Danielson locked in the triangle choke and was absolutely trying to punch a bloodied Mox to death. I thought he was going to pass out here and give the win to Bryan. I write nerdy things about wrestling for a reason, you guys and it’s not for my predictions. Mox rolls through the choke and gets the quick pin to get the victory.
These two Dungeon Masters aren’t done fighting though. They keep hitting and kicking the shit out of each other after the bell, which leads to the best part of the entire night – the opposite side of the spectrum from Baker/Rosa. As they’re fighting, a low roar rolls through the crowd, and this guy shows up! Yes! The Dungeon Daddy is here and slapping the sense into his Dungeon Sons! It’s happening!
POP: Fuck It
I will readily admit, I was ready to Botch the ever-lovin’ shit out of this match. It had the unenviable task of being slotted between the main event and that Moxley/Danielson match with a debuting William Regal. I fully anticipated using this as my drink refill, bathroom break, and my make-a-sandwich break. I tried but once Sting started smashing garbage cans in dude’s faces, I couldn’t pull away and sat right back on the couch.
Boy, am I glad I did though! This match was fast, furious, and every other thing you’d expect from a match with Darby Allin and Sammy Guevara involved. Speaking of Sammy, he was straight up out here tryna murder the homies, man. How he and Isiah Kassidy survived this Spanish Fly, I’ll never know. But what I do know is that it wasn’t the most astonishing move of the match. I can honestly say I never expected STING of all people to upstage Sammy’s Spanish Fly but here we are. Sting is 62 y’all. 62!!! Why is he doing this?!? Who cares the reason why, it worked. Darby hit a Coffin Drop on Matthew Hardy but nobody is going to be talking about that when recalling this match. It’s all about the Stinger, baby!
POP: Molecule Makers
That’s a science joke, you nerds. Adam Cole (Baybay) comes out first lookin’ like he’s a slot receiver in the Lingerie Football League. Hangman Adam Page, on the other hand, looks like he was shot out of a cannon from a Pride Day float. These guys knocked it out of the park and they haven’t even looked at each other eye to eye yet! I think you can tell I’m a big fan of two blokes fisting each other’s faces (as evidenced in the Mox/Dragon match) and the two Adams do the same. Also, that’s how you sell getting punched in the face! Way to go, Adam!
These two knuckleheads pulled out all the stops, even if it meant hurting their own elbow on the other Adam’s forehead. But to be fair, that moonsault worked waaaay better than the next one did. Talk about mid-match adjustments! I really appreciated the pace of this match, as well as the urgency levels throughout. It’s almost like these guys have history together and knew what they were doing. Great storytelling begets great matches. Let this match be proof.
As everyone expected, reDRagon came down to get involved. They were chased off by The Dark Order shortly thereafter; but I figure, if I was The Dark Order Dudes, I probably would’ve just waited in Gorilla to make sure those jamokes didn’t come out. Oh well. C’est la vie. Once everyone was finally neutralized, Adam hit Adam with a Buckshot Lariat but it wasn’t enough! The second one though? Yep, that one did the trick. Adam wins and is your champion!! Oh, what? Which one? Well, the one and only, Hangman Adam Page! What a great match to end an amazing show! Unfortunately, the main card women’s matches didn’t hit me like I thought they would but overall, this show was hella entertaining!
I hope you enjoy your week, everyone! Feel free to leave a comment below (good or bad, I’ll answer them all!) and share the column with your friends, family and followers. And seriously, join the Discord for good talk with good people. You can find me on there, Instagram or Twitter (all are @robbywardshow). Please hit me up with what you liked, what you hated, what you think I can change. I’m all ears! Wrestling united!
