IT’S WEDNESDAY NIGHT. YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!
Heya folks! I know I’m a week late but damnit, the Irish one has returned in all his ginger glory! I feel like I haven’t watched Dynamite in weeks but really, it’s just that I haven’t watched Dynamite in weeks! Last time we were here, we were preparing for Beach Break as Dr. Britt Baker, DMD and some guy she knows, Adam Cole, beat up an Alien and her lazy friend. The best result from that is we get a Lights Out match between Orange Cassidy and Adam Cole this week, Baybay! Let’s not delay this any further, you guys! Let’s break the beach! But seriously, what happened to Ashley Massaro?
POP: Oh, We Ain’t Fuckin’ Around Tonight, Y’all
Well, this certainly isn’t what I expected. No, not the fact we are kicking off Beach Break with the TNT Championship Ladder Match. I was not expecting Sammy Guevara and, more surprisingly, Cody Rhodes to get jobber entrances to open the show! I guess it makes sense. If you gave Cody his full pay-per-view entrance (which he seems to utilize anytime he wrestles), we wouldn’t have started this match until 45 minutes in. One of my favorite tropes of a ladder match is where someone sets up a ladder then gets interrupted and we forget all about the ladder until later. That being said…
It’s pretty early in the match and Cody sets up a ladder between the turnbuckle and the crowd barrier. Now they’re fighting in the stands and we’re all going to forget about that ladder, okay? Okay. To further distract us from things we’ve already forgotten, we get a cut shot of Dan Lambert and Scorpio Sky sitting in the Scorpio Boxes. Notable by his absence is All Ego Ethan Page. Our first big maneuver is Cody hitting a beautiful superplex off the ladder. Sammy is so high, he actually kicks the titles on his way down…well, come to think of it, he may have been on his way up still. I don’t know.
Sammy doesn’t give two shits about a superplex though. He hits an AMAZING “springboard” cutter from one ladder to the other on Cody. How Cody didn’t break his freakin’ neck (TM Kurt Angle), I’ll never know. Not to be outdone, Cody returns the maneuvers-from-a-ladder on Sammy by hitting a CrossRhodes from the ladder! These guys are insane and I wish the GIFs were still up on Twitter. Damn you and your two week limit, Twitter! Wait. What the hell is Fuego del Sol running down here for?!?
Fuego comes down and gets in Cody’s face and honestly, for as much as I hate Cody, Fuego gets what he deserves. Oh hey! Remember that whole turnbuckle-to-the-barrier ladder we all forgot about earlier? In a shock to LITERALLY EVERYONE, Sammy hits a senton from the top of a standing ladder onto Cody…..except the ladder doesn’t break and Sammy shit-whips himself onto the floor. That might have been the most painful move of the entire match and it hurt the guy who executed it! Just minutes later, both men climb the ladder in the ring and Sammy knocks Cody off with one of the TNT belts and is your undisputed TNT Champion! What a match! I know it’s not saying much but this may have been my favorite Cody Rhodes match of the AEW era. He seems to be taking it pretty well.
BOTCH: Not this Shit Again
I thought this crap ended when Wardlow lost to CM Punk. Nope, I was wrong. Go figure. Wardlow squashes Elijah Dean and James (Don’t Call me Cedric) Alexander with his patented Powerbomb Symphony. At least this time, he prevents Shawn Spears from hitting the jamokes with a chair. I’m really disappointed this is back but ehhhh, here we are. If you’re wondering why the header photo is Wardy, it’s because I think the pic is badass, not because I enjoy this pupu platter they keep feeding us.
POP: Inner Circle Freeze
We finally get our Trios Match between The Inner Circle (consisting of Chris Jericho, Santana and Ortiz) against Daniel Garcia and 2.0 (consisting of uh….2.0). In an interview segment from last week, Santana & Ortiz got sick of Jericho’s bullshit and called him out on it. This did not sit well with the leader of the Inner Circle. Tonight, things did not go much better for the Inner Circle.
This match wasn’t exactly a barn-burner and I’m 100% certain Dumbass Dave didn’t give it a five-star rating but it served its purpose. The tension between Pride & Powerful and Chris Jericho grows continuously throughout the match. Ortiz and Santana go out of their way multiple times to avoid tagging in Jericho. He’s a wisened ol’ veteran though, boys. He notices and steps off the apron to leave, delivering the Judas Effect on his way out. Although this gave his team the win, he departed the only way he knows how – by flipping the bird to his teammates and walking out. I’m interested to see where this feud is headed, especially with Jake Hager being MIA and Sammy Guevara being the undisputed TNT Champion.
POP: Legit Lovely
Somehow, Red Velvet is the top-ranked superstar in the female division. What?!? That’s not what I was expecting to hear when she came out for this match against Legit Leyla Hirsch. Red comes running down the ring, which is a beautiful touch. It’s supposed to be a grudge match and it’s great to see someone remembering that she hates her opponent. She didn’t wait to do her whole grandiose entrance. She straight up sprints to the ring to punch Hirsch in the face.
Red is showing why she’s the number one contender even though she misses the Final Slice early (and often). The women have a good back and forth match, which was a refreshing contract of styles. Hirsch is obviously the stronger, more powerful woman but man, Velvet is running around here like Rey Mysterio and just using her speed to take advantage of Hirsch. Leyla locks in the Legit Lock but Red uses her long, long legs (drool) to gain a rope break. Hirsch is not phased by this as she rolls her up with a handful of tights. After the match, she locks in the Legit Lock on Velvet and Kris Statlander runs down to chase her off. Those two are going to have a banger of a match and I can’t wait!
POP: Lights Out, Bitches
I really appreciate Justin Roberts explaining how a Lights Out Match works. Basically, once the lights go out and come back on, AEW assumes no responsibility for what happens in the ensuing match. Like, is it really that easy? Can I just flick the lights on and off when I don’t want to work or clean the house or whatever? I’m going to try it. It reminds me of when Zack Morris would call for a timeout and everyone would stop moving/talking. I think I might like this power.
Adam Cole and Orange Cassidy get their full entrances and of course, Cassidy has his sunglasses on indoors. Walking around with sunglasses on would give him an unfair advantage, right? I mean, he’s used to it being dark. This should favor him immensely. What’s that? Oh, right. The lights are actually ON during the Lights Out match. Thanks for the reminder. Cassidy has an unbridled urgency to start the match, just like Red Velvet showed earlier. Oh man, I tell you – the things you can learn from a woman named after dessert.
Because of this urgency, Cassidy doesn’t get to do his little kick schtick (Patent Pending). They immediately end up on the outside where the referee is paying close attention. This actually confuses me since there’s no responsibility for AEW so why would they have a referee directing action in an unsanctioned match?!? In a surprise (and pretty random) twist, Adam Cole unlocks an NPC while going for a chair. I’m not too familiar with Danhausen but he just….leaves. *wanking motion*
Cole flees the scene of the ring and heads to the back. Orange Cassidy obliges and eats an Attitude Adjustment through a table, which doubles down on the pain factor as a TV comes down and hits Cassidy in the face. The match ends when Cole climbs up the scaffolding and Cassidy sneaks up behind him. After a very long, possibly awkward hug, Orange Cassidy gives Cole a modified Rock Bottom through the stage! It’s not quite breaking the beach but that stage is definitely fucked!
I hope you enjoy your week, everyone! Feel free to leave a comment below (good or bad, I’ll answer them all!) and share the column with your friends, family and followers. And seriously, join the Discord for good talk with good people. You can find me on there, Instagram or Twitter (all are @robbywardshow). Please hit me up with what you liked, what you hated, what you think I can change. I’m all ears! Wrestling united!
