IT’S WEDNESDAY NIGHT. YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!
Heya folks! Welcome back to wrestling. Did you watch Rampage this past week? Rumor has it big things are happening over there on the Friday show! I guess if it’s big enough, it’ll have an impact on Dynamite so we’ll see what happens tonight! Speaking of Dynamite, last week, Chris Jericho let everyone down when he couldn’t get past the final boss in the Labours of Jericho. Sting decided to wrestle on TNT for the first time since 9/11 and Sammy Guevara beat the shit out of Shawn Spears. A lot happening! Has anyone heard from Duke the Dumpster Droese lately?
POP: Freshly Deleted
Matt Hardy is hellbent on deleting Orange Cassidy and can we just discuss Orange Cassidy’s pants for one minute? The further we go along in this thing and the less they look like denim blue jeans and more like pregnant pants for expectant mothers? They’re definitely not what Jake Owen had in mind.
At any rate, we get the obligatory fun start to an OC match:
Who will get the upperhand between @orangecassidy & @MATTHARDYBRAND?
Tune into @tntdrama NOW to watch #AEWDynamite LIVE! pic.twitter.com/cNb7P4IhHl
— All Elite Wrestling (@AEW) August 26, 2021
If Matt Hardy has thousands of dollars in his pockets, what’s actually in Orange Cassidy’s pockets? Besides his hands, you smart asses. I’ll give Matt credit. He looks to be in the best shape of his near-30 year career. Unfortunately, he still moves around like your cell phone reception in a Costco. Well, it looks like Orange just broke Matt’s entire face on a crossbody block. I don’t think that’s going to make Matt move smoother, y’all. Props to Orange Cassidy for stockpiling finishers and trying to beat Matt with the Twist of Fate but Matt knows how to kick out from that. The actual finish was pretty funny as OC got real sexual and put his hands in his pockets and sat on Matt’s face for three seconds.
After Malakaister Black gives Brock Anderson an opt-out clause for their match tonight, the familiar pangs of Judas hit and Chris Jericho is here!
.@IAmJericho is here and he's done some soul searching. What does he have to say about his future?
Tune into @tntdrama NOW to watch #AEWDynamite LIVE! pic.twitter.com/GWpHq9v9DP
— All Elite Wrestling (@AEW) August 26, 2021
The whole crux of Jericho’s promo is that he wants a Final Fight with MJF at All Out. Naturally, this brings out MJF for a response and well, it looks like we have the aforementioned Final Fight! MJF vs Chris Jericho at All Out and if Jericho loses, he will never wrestle in AEW again! This match sets up many different avenues. Jericho could lose and move right to the commentary desk as he mentioned. Perhaps he goes to another wrestling promotion to wrestle but stays on at AEW as an NPC. Or maaaaybe, he returns as a Luchador (fully masked) and finishes his career as Leon D’Oro! So many possibilities!
POTCH: Lucha Destiny
Jurassic Express is in the front row and The Young Bucks/Brandon Cutler/Good Brothers are on the ramp to witness the tag team match between Lucha Brothers and the Varsity Blondes. I was all set to Pop this match because the match itself was great. I really enjoyed it and for the first time in a long time, it felt like The Varsity Blondes actually belonged. Griff Garrison, who may be the prettiest man I’ve ever seen, might be the Janetty in this tag team but he definitely showed he could hang tonight. It was great. I Potched it, however, because it was way shorter than I thought it deserved plus, I felt the outcome was easily predictable. Speaking of that outcome, The Lucha Brothers win with this assisted piledriver, which I’m digging as their finisher.
#LuchaBros win to advance to the finals and will face #JurassicExpress Friday on #AEWRampage!
Tune into @tntdrama NOW to watch #AEWDynamite LIVE! pic.twitter.com/FKN6eqMGJ2
— All Elite Wrestling (@AEW) August 26, 2021
After the match, the Bucks try to cause dissension among Jurassic Express and the Lucha Brothers but it definitely didn’t go well for them. I can honestly say I’m excited to watch the tag team finals on Rampage Friday to see who gets the Bucks in a non-Christian cage at All Out.
BOTCH: Hayters Gonna Hayte Hayte Hayte
Come on, the title was so easy. And even though I gave it a Botch, I’m excited about Hayter. This was another short match that I wouldn’t have minded to see go a few extra minutes but there was no doubt who was winning. Let’s talk about that. Hayter gets the victory with a vicious lariat clothesline but it’s what preceded the clothesline is what ended up being most memorable. Velvet lays out Hayter and goes for a standing moonsault. She jumps too far and misses Hayter completely, landing on her own face. Red sells every move like she’s being demolished so her opponent always looks great but we need her to clean up her offense so she can be taken serious. The botch seemed to cause them to rush into the finish but also, it was awkward while both laid comatose on the mat.
POP: He’s Back!
One thing real quick before we continue with this segment. You can go back years and find that I’ve never been a big CM Punk fan. I don’t know why – I just haven’t. His return on Rampage absolutely popped me. The crowd obviously had A LOT to do with that but the genuine emotion all over Punk’s face was awesome. Even knowing he was returning, I wasn’t excited for it. It didn’t move my needle. Then Cult of Personality hit and I’m onboard 100%. Even if I hate his matches, his gimmick or everything else in the future, this week, I love it. ALL. IN.
How can you watch that “interview” and not be excited to watch Punk and Darby Allin throw their bodies at each other? It’s single-handedly the match I’m most excited for at All Out. Let’s fucking go.
POP: Wing Nuts
I’m not sure who thought it was a good idea to sacrifice the Wingmen tonight but any chance I get to see the Real Best Friends, Jon Moxley and Eddie Kingston, team with everybody’s emo buddy, Darby Allin, I’m going to tune in. The Wingmen wisely send in JD Drake to start off with Darby but he can’t get an upper hand with all that size. Maybe they should’ve thrown Cezar Bononi out there.
I watch Darby against these bigger guys and I’m just amazed he can make it look like a fair fight. I’m already stoked for his match with CM Punk, who is way closer to his size than Cezar Bononi is. The match is just going to absolutely rule, you guys. Speaking of Darby beating up big guys, he hits an Avalanche Code Red on JD Drake then shortly thereafter, follows it up with a flip over stunner and a Coffin Drop for the win. He randomly gets jumped by Daniel Garcia after the match so we’ll see where this goes.
Kenny Omega, Don Callis and their cronies come out for an interview with Tony Schiavone. Christian immediatlely interrupts and well……
I’m not really looking forward to this match at All Out. I don’t know if it’s because the build is stale or because Christian already took Omega’s Impact championship but I’m not too pumped here. *hey Siri, insert wanking emoji* Also, where did Frankie Kazarian find such a thick clangy pole?
BOTCH: Welcome to the Gunn Factory
Before I delve into this boring ass match, when are we going to get Trios titles? We have the Gunn Club, The Factory, The Wingmen, The Dark Order, The Best Friends, The Nightmare Family, et al that could all benefit from something to fight for. Plus, it would put Dustin Rhodes on our screen more, which is one thing I’d love to see. Hell, Paul Wight can be a trio team all by himself.
Wight was actually on commentary during this match, which distracted QT Marshall because he’s an idiot, I guess. Every time he’d pull a big move, he’d get on the top rope or go to the middle of the ring and point at Wight while talking shit. This was SUPER offensive to Small Paul so he stands up and Marshall ends up getting rolled up to take the L.
POP: Bully Black
Remember when I thought it was stupid for the Wingmen to get thrown into the den of wolves known as Mox, Eddie and Darby? Well…Brock Anderson taking on Malakai Black is even more lopsided. One has wrestled 19 years and the other is only 24 with six professional matches under his belt. I get that his dad is Arn Anderson but it’s not like this dude has been training in the Hart Family Dungeon since he was born.
As expected, Malakai spends most of the match toying with Brock. He spent half the match prodding big Arn to throw in the towel. Arn steadfastly refused so Black does what Black does and kicked the shit out of Brock’s face for the win. He wasn’t done, either. Black introduced a steel chair after the match. Arn, being a pigheaded Anderson, told him to throw the chair out and fight like a man. i’m sure you can imagine what happened next.
#MalakaiBlack has laid waste to the Anderson family on #AEWDynamite. pic.twitter.com/Hzw90YCpPt
— All Elite Wrestling (@AEW) August 26, 2021
Two Andersons, no consciousness. Although, I appreciate Arn selling the Dick Kick way more than the Black Out. I’m not sure why Big Shotty Lee Johnson thought it would be a good idea to come down and break up the party but Malakai Black is going to kill him. You’ve been warned.
That’s it for this week’s episode of Dynamite. Not a whole lot of wow factor but things progressed just fine as we head into Rampage on Friday. I’m just glad we didn’t have to go 26 minutes between matches this week because let’s be honest, that damn near killed me last week. Plus, if you haven’t heard, CM Punk is BACK!
I hope you enjoy your week, everyone! Feel free to leave a comment below (good or bad, I’ll answer them all!) and share the column with your friends, family and followers. And seriously, join the Discord for good talk with good people. You can find me on there, Instagram or Twitter (all are @robbywardshow). Please hit me up with what you liked, what you hated, what you think I can change. I’m all ears! Wrestling united!
