THE DARK ORDER - AEW

Pops & Botches: AEW Dynamite – 07.28.2021

AEW Dynamite Fight for the Fallen News Pops & Botches Recaps & Reviews

 

 

Heya folks! The Irish one is back this week and ready to go! It feels like last week’s Dynamite was so long ago but luckily, we had a fun and highly entertaining AEW Dark to get us through to tonight. And take note, AEW Dark turns 100 (episodes) old next week so be ready to celebrate. Perhaps we should bring a little bit of the bubbly, hmm….? That is if Chris Jericho can provide any but I guess that depends on the amount of blood Nick Gage takes from him tonight. Looks like Charlotte (Not Flair) is ready to go, so I guess it’s time for me to shut up. Let’s get it on!

POP: Goon Squad

I don’t know what the hell happened with these entrances but they were absolutely amazing. I was geeked out right away when Hangman Adam Page came out with the Dark Order. But then somehow, the Elite immediately topped it with a Space Jam infused NBA All-Star game introduction, complete with Elite Squad “jerseys”.

This match was a brawl right from the beginning. All ten men were constantly fighting and it was chaotic. Just how I like my ten man, elimination tag matches. After a Superplex onto the group in the ring, Alex Reynolds decides to try it on Nick Jackson to the outside. Everyone is taken out, which makes you think that may have been a poor decision on Reynolds’ part. Speaking of Alex Reynolds, he’s our first elimination when Anderson is able to roll him up with a handful of tights. Unfortunately for him, this leaves Little Karl susceptible to a 4-on-1 attack and after a Gory Special Blockbuster, sides are evened up and Anderson is on his way to the back!

We head to commercial break with Johnny Hungee just tossing Matt Jackson around. Literally just tossing him about the ring. The Dark Order keeps control throughout the whole break because Gallows kicked Matt in the face. Grayson almost knocks Gallows out but Omega breaks it up. Grayson hits a springboard Simone Biles twist off the top to the outside but his head snaps back onto the floor. He and Gallows battle up to the crowd but they get counted out right as Grayson hits a flying Axehandle Smash! 

Evil Uno and Kenny Omega go at it and Uno hits a sick Hurricanrana on Kenny. He gets a close two after hitting the End of Days. He tries to end him with the Flying Senton but Kenny gets his knees up and regains the momentum. One V-Trigger into the One Winged Angel and The Elite has a one man advantage on the Dark Order. Matt Jackson mocks John Silver, who sprints into the ring and absolutely wrecks him with a Spear. When we come back from commercial, we learn that Hangman was taken out during the break via a vicious powerbomb onto the apron.

Kenny attacks Silver and he rolls to the outside. Nick Jackson fucks up a slam dunk Indie Taker combo and the crowd lets him know. If anyone knows shitty basketball, it’s Charlotte. Nick Jackson further proving he is the Janetty of The Young Bucks. They roll Silver in and he eats a BTE Trigger, which leaves Hangman at a 1-on-3 disadvantage. I’m surprised Nick didn’t accidentally knee Matt in the face somehow.

Kenny and Page go after each other. The damned numbers game is too much for Page though. Hangman valiantly fights them off, however, and is able to eliminate Matt Jackson after hitting a double Young Buckshot Lariat. He goes for another Buckshot Lariat on Kenny but Nick grabs his leg and Kenny is able to duck and hit him in the face with the TNA Title! After a pair of V-Triggers to the back of Page’s head, Kenny hits the One-Winged Angel for the win. Hangman and the Dark Order lose their respective championship opportunities!

This match was fun regardless of the Nick Jackson springboard fuck-ups. Maybe keep him off the springboards, you guys. But holy shit, this match was packed full of action. I’ll be interested to see if this causes any rift between the Dark Order and the Cowboy since now they all lost their championship matches. Also, I’m still not watching your shitty movie, LeBron.

BOTCH: LAX Revival

Finally, FTR and Proud & Powerful get to go against each other in a simple tag team match. I joke often about Inner Circle and The Pinnacle fighting forever but somehow, this match seems refreshing. Ortiz and Cash start us out early but Santana and Dax get tagged in pretty quick. Santana easily gets the upper hand, allowing he and Ortiz to pull off some really good double-team wrestling on Dax, as well as Cash, who tries to run in.

Proud & Powerful control the action through and well after a commercial break with Santana flying all over the place taking both members of FTR out of the action. Speaking of getting knocked out of the action, Cash apparently hurts his arm when Santana knocks him off the apron as FTR was attempting a Power & Glory finisher. Shortly thereafter, Dax hits a Brainbuster on Ortiz for the win. He immediately goes to check on Cash and he’s surrounded by doctors with a pretty gnarly gash on his arm.

This match started off hot. I’m not sure how long they had intended to go but Cash gouging open his arm probably shortened that quite a bit. The reason I gave this a Botch was because of the lack of urgency for a “blood rivalry” and yes, I blame it fully on Cash’s arm getting sliced on the turnbuckle or (steel)ringpost. So hopefully, we get a rematch pretty quick down the line to really settle this feud.

POP: Top Rope, Big Men

Hikuleo comes out for his IWGP United States Championship with Lance Archer but he didn’t come alone.

Seeing King Haku immediately prompted this to come to my brain:

A Haku Haiku:

Haku fucked a girl
They had a son together
It’s Hikuleo.

Also, it’s weird that they still call him King Haku. I need a Shinsuke Nakamura/Haku one-off immediately. That would be amazing! Would this make Hikuleo a Prince? Could we get a King Haku/Prince Hikuleo vs King Nakamura/Prince Iaukea match? What is happening in my brain right now?!?!

So there’s a match going on. Focus, Blade. Archer is able to get control of the match early but during the commercial break, the action spills outside. Waiting outside is King Haku, who uses the Tongan Death Grip to drive Archer into the steel barrier. Hikuleo is able to wear Archer down, all while utilizing the oft-forgotten Samoan headbutt! He charges Archer in the corner but Archer kicks his face for it and goes Old School for a Moonsault. Archer gets Hikuleo on the top rope for a giant Superplex! You think Hikuleo would learn as he allows Archer to prop him up there one more time but this time he hits the Black Out to retain his title!

This was a fun match. It’s always good seeing Haku. I straight up feared that dude when I was a young gun. I feel like I could feel the same way about the Murderhawk Monster if, you know, I was 30 years younger but I’m not. Hikuleo has good size and ring awareness. I absolutely won’t be shocked if he becomes All-Elite at some point.

BOTCH: Trio A Kind

The guy from Haven, the guy from Big Brother and the guy from Celebrity Family Feud show up to fight The Hardy Family Office boys. Christian and Angelico battle it out and Christian slaps the spit right out of Angelico’s mouth. He tags in Jungle Boy who goes full luchador and starts flipping everywhere, gaining the upper hand. Naturally, Matt gets involved on the outside but Christian and Marko aren’t having it and they chase him back to his office. I like to think Marko turned into my Mexican grandmother and threw his shoe at Matt. Shoutout to all my Mexican grandmothers out there.

Luchasaurus gets in the match and absolutely wrecks Hardy’s Boyz, including hitting a triple back suplex! Jungle Boy flips out of the ring to eliminate Angelico and Isiah Kassidy, leaving Marq Quen to eat a frog splash from Christian to give Jurassic Express and Christian the win! As Christian celebrates at ringside, The Blade cheap shots him with the brass knuckles and leaves him lying in a heap!

Meh. This didn’t do it for me. The match itself was fine. Perfectly competent but I just don’t have interest in the story. Much like the Inner Circle and Pinnacle fighting forever, I feel like these two factions are going to go at each other forever. Between those two feuds, I’m just not as invested in this one. Sorry, guys.

POP: Thunder Hart

Thunder Rosa is back this week and I’m geeked about it. Apparently, so is Charlotte, North Carolina. You know who isn’t as excited? Julia Hart probably. Julia is able to briefly get the upper hand; however, she bounces around in celebration a little too long, allowing Thunder Rosa to regain her bearings. That was the beginning of the end for dear Julia. Rosa chopped her in the chest, choked her in the corner and forearmed her on the mat. In Julia’s defense, she was able to break out of a kneebar but unfortunately for her, she was unable to escape the Fire Thunder Driver.

This match was a fun women’s match. It’s just a different style than the men and I wish we could have more of it. Also, Thunder Rosa is over and there’s no doubt she’s going to become a main player in the women’s division again. As for young Julia, she’s cute and bubbly but once she gets some experience under her belt, I think she can start to build her resume’ also. Sounds kind of like the Varsity Blond Boys, now doesn’t it?

POP: Labour Pains

It’s time for MJF’s second iteration of the 5 Labours of Jericho. He came up with a good one this week in the vein of a no holds barred match against the King of the Deathmatch, Nick Gage! I still can’t believe I am typing those words. I agree with AEW social media, Judas just fits the Painmaker:

That is just so incredibly badass.

Oh, and I’d never heard of Nick Gage until last week. Don’t hate me.

After our two combatants meet in the ring, MJF rolls up to the announce desk with a full bucket of popcorn. That’s going to be annoying when it’s stuck in his teeth while trying to announce this match. We get underway and the first “move” in the match is Assault with a Deadly Weapon as Gage slices Jericho’s arm open with a pizza cutter. I’m assuming it’s the same one he showed up with last week so I guess is gimmick is “Pissed Off Papa Murphy.” Also, call me Papa Murphy’s. I’m open for a partnership!

Gage hits a Superplex early then rolls him into a Falcon Arrow for a two count. As he comes up, he scoops a little blood off his forehead and tastes it. MOTIVATION. They fight to the outside where Gage pushes Jericho into the corner and Jim Ross gives us here at Steel Ring Post a subtle shoutout! They both find their favorite weapons under the ring as Gage pulls out fluorescent tubes and Jericho finds his bat. Jericho gets to Gage first so Bat-1, Fluorescent Tubes-0. Also, fluorescent is a weird word to type.

Right before commercial, Gage pulls out another pizza cutter and violently scrapes it across Jericho’s forehead. OH MY GOD. I shit you not, guys. The first commercial is a Domino’s Pizza commercial! If that was on purpose, it’s the most brilliant marketing I’ve ever seen. Also, I now expect to find a little bit of the Bubbly Demo God’s skin in my pizza. Again, BRILLIANT. Gage grabs the fluor-fuck it, The Tubes again but Jericho fights it off before he gets crushed. Gage rolls out and grabs a Production Assistant to pull chairs and a pane of actual glass from underneath the ring.

He sets the glass between two open chairs and drags Jericho underneath. When he goes up, Jericho jumps him. He meets Gage on the top rope and before Gage knows what is happening, JERICHO HITS A SUPERCANRANA THROUGH THE GLASS!!

Jericho attempts a Codebreaker but Gage catches him and gives him a Spinebuster on the glass. Gage grabs The Tubes and smashes them over Jericho’s body and head. Great sell job by Jericho who then receives a jumping Piledriver onto the glass. This is insane. Gage grabs a broken end of a Tube and stabs Jericho repeatedly in the face. TWICE.

Gage grabs two four packs of Tubes from under the ring. He goes to hit Jericho and Jericho hits him with the mist! Jericho grabs one of the four packs and crushes Gage over the head long enough to stun him for a Judas Effect. Jericho wins! Two up, two down! MJF is immediately on the mic and makes the announcement for Labour Number Three:

Juvy is back on TNT, baby! This match was utterly crazy from the start. Nick Gage is legitimately psychotic but damnit, if I wasn’t entertained! This was such an intriguing match for me – as I said, I wasn’t familiar with Gage prior to last week. I think one of the reasons I love AEW so much is that I’m constantly being exposed to all these guys (whether from the independents or other countries) that I’ve never seen before. It’s just all so refreshing.

That’s all for Dynamite! Enjoy your week everyone! Feel free to leave a comment below (good or bad, I’ll answer them all!) and share the column with your friends, family and followers. And seriously, join the Discord for good talk with good people. You can find me on there, Instagram or Twitter (all are @robbywardshow). Please hit me up with what you liked, what you hated, what you think I can change. I’m all ears! Wrestling united!

     

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