IT’S WEDNESDAY FRIDAY NIGHT. YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!
*It’s a shameful thing, lobster head* – that’s right! Irishblade has made his triumphant return from out east and I’m ready to jump right back in to this Dynamite stuff! Hat tip to the Fire Monster, El Scorcho, for pinch-hitting for me last week and the week before. I hope you guys are ready for the Double or Nothing go-home show because I’m ready to get back in to the (non-Cesaro) swing of things! And don’t forget to support Alison’s AEW Dark column. Now that her province is opening up, who knows where we will find her! Welp, I have nothing more to say about all that’s been going on, so LET’S GO!
POP: Sting is All-In for Double or Nothing
The crowd is hot and we start off immediately with Brazilian Big Man, Cezar Bononi squaring off against your favorite emo’s favorite emo, Darby Allin. Naturally, they come out fighting with Darby throwing his skinny little ass at Bononi but Cezar ain’t havin’ it and just ragdolls Darby in return. Darby’s ribs are taped up so you know he’s reallllly feeling it! It was a pretty quick match; however, as Darby hits the Coffin Drop to get the victory.
Darby grabs the mic and tells Ethan Page and Scorpio Sky to come out and fight. They come out to the ramp full of smiles and let Sting and Darby know that Sunday will be the “end of one legend, and the beginning of two more.” Bononi and the Wingmen jump the Crows from behind, prompting Page and Sky to pitch in. Everyone’s favorite Order, the Dark Order, come in before there’s too much damage done.
The aftermatch business was just about as long as the actual match. I don’t know how much Sting has in him for an actual match but he can at least take breaks and let Darby carry the load since it’s a tag team match. Basically, what I’m saying, is that Darby is going to be flying around on Sunday.
BOTCH: Wight checks Weights
For some reason, we need to have a weigh-in before Sunday’s match between Anthony Ogogo and Cody Rhodes. Paul Wight is out to oversee the weigh-in and announces it will be a legitimate weigh-in with no shenanigans. Ogogo and his Family come out. Once they all get in the ring, the American Dream (that’s still weird to type for anyone but Dusty) Cody Rhodes comes out with students of the Nightmare Factory come out. Arn and Dustin are there too!
Cody takes off his tracksuit and gets down to his underwear. He steps on the scale and after he and Wight fiddle with the scale for a few minutes, he clocks in at a robust 218 pounds. I like that you can hear fireworks in the background randomly while they try and figure out the scale but we never get to actually see them. Ogogo gets stripped down as the fireworks still go off. Anthony is in his best Union Jack panties, earning a well-deserved Austin Powers chant. I’m so thankful for the live crowd. Again, it takes Wight a few minutes of trying to figure out the scale (has he never been weighed?!?) and Ogogo checks in at 219 pounds. Paul Wight didn’t lie! There were in fact, no shenanigans! They weighed in and left. That was easy.
POP: A Bad Boy and a Hangman Walk into a Bar
We get the horses running and Adam Page comes out with a graphic that says he couldn’t find the tunnel. No context. I love it. He’s set to square off against Joey Janela, who we haven’t seen on Dynamite in a hot minute. Always good to see him and Sonny out here. I don’t know about you but I fully expected Hangman to win here. Janela fought him tooth and nail but when you eat a Buckshot Lariat, you don’t get back up. Turns out, I was right! Hangman DID win! Sonny didn’t get involved in the match and somehow, Page still drew some color thanks to what I’m guessing is catching Janela’s foot to his head on a pop-up powerbomb.
Taz leaves the announce booth and grabs the mic to address Page. He introduces Brian Cage, who comes out and Page invites him into the ring. With blood pouring down his face, he calls out Cage for needing Hook, Hobbs and Starks to help beat him. He challenges Cage to leave those assholes home on Sunday and Cage accepts.
Janela and Page was a simple match meant to get to the real story, which I think was pretty expected. Having Taz on the announce team during the match felt a little foreshadowy to me since he only usually is on the stick when his team is involved. For me, that kind of tipped the proverbial hat to the fact his guys would get involved after the match since they weren’t a part of it from the get go. Still, we got a Hangman Adam Page match and one that he ended up bloodier than a stuck pig. That element actually added a little bit to his promo as it seemed he was more banged up than he actually was.
This also happened, teehee:
"It's gonna be a war" at #AEWDoN when Mox + Kingston face the #AEW World Tag Team Champions @youngbucks
Don’t miss #DoubleorNothing This SUNDAY 8pm ET LIVE on PPV! pic.twitter.com/H1oqNKe37s
— All Elite Wrestling (@AEW) May 29, 2021
KHAAAAN!!!! Give. Them. The. Titles.
Schiavone is in the ring and introduces Orange Cassidy. Plot twist! Pac comes to the ring and kicks Tony out. He cuts a promo on Kenny but is interrupted by Callis on the big screen. Omega attempts to jump Pac from behind but Pac sniffs it out and whips Omega’s ass. Naturally, this brings out the Good Brothers. Before they have the opportunity to beat Pac down, the other two members of the Death Triangle, Penta el Zero Miedo and Rey Fenix, come out and chase them away.
Omega jumps Pac but before he can incapacitate him, The Best Friends come out and Orange Cassidy delivers a letter to Kenny. He pulls it out but it’s just a shredded up contract. Kenny eats a SuperOrange punch. Not wanting to be left out, Pac tries to fight Cassidy but he gets a little SuperOrange punch too. We go to commercial with Orange Cassidy holding the AEW title and it looked good. Now I have a rooting interest in Cassidy winning the match on Sunday!
This triple threat match is going to rule so hard. I can’t wait! Three very different styles and they’re all going to mesh in a wonderful, wonderful song. I’m calling it now – match of the night.
POP: A Sterling Squash
Jade Cargill comes out with her new manager, Mark Sterling. So much for not working for anybody, Jade. She’s set to go one-on-one with KiLynn King. Jade actually gives up three inches to King and I have to imagine that she’s not used to being the shortest girl in the ring. She dispatches KiLynn rather easily and calls it a night. I think my favorite part of the Mark Sterling aspect to this story is him handing out business cards to everyone, including King while she recovered on the outside. It’s those little details that make AEW the best thing going in the wrestling world.
POP: Miro, Miro on the Wall, Who’s the Sexiest TNT Champ of Them All?
My boy Miro is set to defend his newly won championship against Dante’ Martin, who is all of 19 years old. Miro’s veteran ring presence came into play here as he squashes the rookie in no time flat. After a straight kick that knocks Martin on his ass, Miro cinches in the Game Over and bends Dante’ so far backwards, I had to take four ibuprofen. Lance Archer and Jake the Snake Roberts come out onto the ramp. Archer is seething to get in the ring. Roberts has Archer under control. Miro grabs a mic that is turned off but once it’s on, he coaxes Archer into attacking. Refs come out to break it up and they get to watch from inside the ring as Archer kicks the slobber out of Miro’s mouth with a big boot.
I said the triple threat will be the match of the night. The Miro and Archer match will probably be the most violent. This is going to be the rare athletic hoss match. The build has been quick but it’s been effective. The only thing I hate is that Miro still uses the Camel Clutch as his finisher. I want something devastating, especially against the bigger guys like Archer. The Game Over is fine and swell against little guys who can (literally) bend backwards but give him something debilitating for the big guys.
POP: Britt Baker is that Bitch
At some point, while I was gallivanting around the country the last two weeks, Hikaru Shida’s championship reign hit the one-year milestone. Tony Schiavone is in the ring to award her a new championship belt and honor the longest reigning champ in AEW history. Shida thanks the fans and dedicates the belt to them and then magic happens. Britt Baker’s music hits and she strolls out onto the ramp to congratulate Shida. Baker stays out of the ring and promises that, much like 3:16, her era will be defined by D.M.D.
I’m here for the D.M.D Era! It is Baker’s time to shine and I can’t wait. Give her the championship and let her run with it. Rebel is in for hell once Baker actually wins the championship. My goodness, it’s going to rule so hard. The match should be action-packed as well but I see Baker coming out on top.
POP: Double, Triple, Quadruple (etc) or Nothing
Scorpio Sky and Ethan Page come out for their tag team match against Dark Order. We get Evil Uno and Evil Dos (Stu Grayson) representing the Dark Ones. It is nice to see Short John Silver without any casts or anything on his arm. He even flexes a little bit at the beginning to show just how strong it is. I want to shout out the Dark Order team for a couple moments of innovative offense they hit early. First, Scorpio Sky rolled out of an armbar so Evil Uno just rolled with him and kept the control. I’d never seen that counter before and it was beautiful. Next was Grayson shocking the hell out of Sky on the outside with the flying DDT to the apron. Rumor has it, that’s the hardest part of the ring! All that fun offense was for naught; however, as Page and Sky win after the Ego’s Edge.
Page grabs the same dead mic Miro grabbed. He threatens Darby and Sting, who come out. They’re not alone though! There’s about seven other Stingers that come out. Allin jumps Page as Sky goes after the Stings. Eventually, he gets to the real Sting and retreats faster than you could spell Darby. A nod back to WCW’s Sting confusion never hurts and Sting and Allin stand tall to head into Double or Nothing.
I’m not too high on Page and Sky but I’m willing to see if it leads to anything. They both seem like singles guys to me but this is likely the best way to get eyes on Ethan Page while championships are being held in other more important stories. I liked the multiple Stings throwback even though one literally had blonde hair…and not Surfer Sting blonde hair.
POP: Jacksonville Stampede
Take my money now. The Godfather of AEW, Eric Bischoff, hits the ring to host the celebration of the Inner Circle. Remember earlier, how I said having live crowds back was awesome? Just listen to this clip of the Inner Circle coming out and the fans scream-shouting Judas:
Judas + Live Crowd = Magic
Tune into #AEWDynamite Now on TNT! pic.twitter.com/5ukI0FcIQY
— All Elite Wrestling (@AEW) May 29, 2021
Eric hits us with an Inner Circle montage of all their greatest hits over the last year and a half. It has indeed been one hell of a run for the Inner Circle jerks. Santana grabs the mic and panders to the fans and says there’s no other way he’d have this go out than with his friends in front of a live crowd. Hager says the montage was great and all except it should have highlighted the hard times that make hard men hard. His words, not mine! Sammy mentions he started in AEW wearing a frickin’ panda head. He thanks the other four and concedes his mic time to Jericho. Jericho straight up calls them badass mother fuckers and that the group reminds him of Guns N Roses circa 1987. He promises to go down in a blaze of glory and tells the other four that he loves them. Awwww.
MJF and Wardlow pop up on the big screen out in front of Tim Tebow’s future home. They reveal they beat up Dean “Stinko” Malenko and have him tied up to the goalpost. The Inner Circle runs out of the arena to the stadium but get jumped by the other members of the Pinnacle. It was an ambush the whole time! The Pinnacle decimates the Inner Circle. Spears knocks Sammy down with a chair. We see FTR setting Pride & Powerful up for dual piledrivers through a couple of tables. They hold them for a solid ten seconds while the blood rushes to their heads then drive them (in a pile!) through the Dudley’s favorite furniture. Dynamite closes out with The Pinnacle “ON TOP” as we forge our way to Double or Nothing on Sunday.
This segment was awesome. Even knowing they were being baited into an attack (not my first rodeo!), I definitely didn’t expect the Inner Circle to get jumped on the way to the field. That was a nice touch. Boy, did they have to run a long-ass way though! I think it’s going to be hard to top last year’s Stadium Stampede, which was just so much fun. The final segment tonight definitely felt like the final hurrah for the Inner Circle but I can definitely see it being a swerve. I fully expect another fun match Sunday and I think (or maybe just hope) the Inner Circle comes out on top. They seem like a faction that could start using some gold, maybe all the gold. I’m not ready for them to break up forever. Also, I want Stadium Stampede in the new video game! Are you listening, Kenny? Huh? Give me what I want!
That’s it for me tonight, folks! It feels great being back with all of you. Again, another shoutout to El Scorcho for picking up my slack the last couple of weeks. But I gotta say, I did miss writing about Dynamite. I’m super pumped for Double or Nothing this Sunday, basically as pumped as this guy. Enjoy your week everyone! Feel free to leave a comment below (good or bad, I’ll answer them all!) and share the column with your friends, family and followers. And seriously, join the Discord for good talk with good people. You can find me on there and Twitter (both are @robbywardshow). Please hit me up with what you liked, what you hated, what you think I can change. I’m all ears! Wrestling united!
