Week Four: WCW Monday Nitro – September 25, 1995
Welcome back to Pops & Botches: Monday Night Rewind, a look back at the Monday Night Wars through the lens of someone who didn’t really live through them. Previously on Nitro, an episode so bad that it made me stop writing about Nitro for six months! Okay, it wasn’t that bad, but it sure was a whole lot of nothing. The American Males won the Tag Team Championship via romance angle distraction, Kevin Sullivan crashed a Baywatch party, and we learned you choke someone out by twisting their neck in a manner that I could have sworn was for breaking it, but who am I to question the Giant?
This week, we get good wrestling, good story progression, and the top babyface of the company not being the good parts of any of that! Let’s dive in!
POP: Disco Ist Tot
This week is already off to a stronger start than last, as the show opens with a match between Alex Wright, whom I have quickly come to regard as one of my favorite 90’s wrestlers, and Disco Inferno, a 90’s wrestler I guess I knew I wasn’t going to be able to avoid forever. Inferno is the poster child of passable mediocrity, saddled with a gimmick based on a musical fad that had been on life support (at best) for fifteen years. He really never stood a chance.
Alex Wright continues his impressive aerial displays by doing a massive backflip into the ring because “Fuck it, why not?” Immediately after making his own entrance, on the other hand, Inferno has the bright idea to try and blitzkrieg a German. He jumps Wright as the Wunderkind is leaning out of the ring and follows an actually decent flurry of offense…by stopping to do disco dance taunts. Ladies, gentlemen, and nonbinary audience members, the Disco fucking Inferno.
The match then goes into a good back and forth, with Wright beating the absolute hell out of Inferno every time that the “disco dancing fool” (entrance lyrics a little on the nose there, eh?) stops to make another taunt, of which there are multiple. Pictured above: Wright mid-dropkick that probably rearranged Disco’s internal organs. Finally, Inferno goes for a neckbreaker, and Wright reverses into a backslide for the pin and the win.
This was a fun, quick match, which mostly suffered from the excessive attempts to really drive it in that Inferno is a bad guy that likes disco. Fingers crossed Wright’s next opponent is someone that he can really work with.
BOTCH: Hulk Hogan Was Never Off His Bullshit
Fuck’s sake. I really wanted to think of witty things to say, but this literally just every awful Hogan promo ever. He’s wearing a neck brace, but he’s GONNA TAKE THIS NO GOOD, STINKY GIANT DOWN. He felt his hands and legs go numb, but HE HASN’T MISSED ONE WORKOUT. They’re also still trying to push the “Andre’s son” angle, and I cannot tell you how ready I am for that to not be a thing anymore.
The only positive to this entire thing is the promise of monster truck shenanigans.
POP: Somebody Get Aretha In Here
First things first on this part, you may have noticed by the sudden marked improvement in screenshot quality that I finally caved and went back to the WWE Network. The bad news is that we no longer get to see wonderfully awful mid-90’s commercials, but the good news is that WWE was at least kind enough to leave in the Macho Man Slim Jim ads. Apparently, Randy needs all of that beefy, spicy goodness to power his Peg Bundy-based workouts.
Immediately following that absolute trip is MORE meat stick-fueled insanity, as Randy comes out answer Lex Luger’s demand for a face-to-face. Last week (six months ago), Lex got very little word in edgewise to Randy’s accusations of skullduggery, so he wants to have his own extended mic time now. He makes a surprisingly solid point, too, telling Macho Man that the root of their problem is all about a lack of mutual respect. They need to form that respect through combat, like he has with Sting and Hogan, so he goads Randy into a match next week by putting not only his title shot on the line, but also his entire WCW career.
One of the assorted drawbacks to watching nearly twenty-five years after is that I know full well Lex didn’t leave WCW after a month, so I can already guess the outcome, but I’d be lying if I said these two didn’t have me hyped for it anyway, and that shocks the hell out of me.
I came into this segment fully prepared to roll my eyes at all things Luger, but as it progressed, I found myself getting drawn further and further into the ridiculous showcase of testosterone. Then, in an absolute master stroke of subtlety (before Bobby Heenan literally spells it out for us after the commercial), Randy sticks his hand out for the shake to seal the deal, but Lex simply grips him by the shoulders, instead, before leaving the ring. Randy is left looking back and forth from his hand to the departing Luger, and oh, my goodness, for a match built on establishing respect, I’m pretty sure Lex just signed his own death warrant.
POP: 男が犬を噛む
Next we have the matchup of Sgt. Craig Pittman and Kurasawa, from whom I have seen (1) a single garbage match on a pay-per-view, and (2) absolutely nothing, respectively. To say I was ready for a bad time would be understatement, but I was pleasantly surprised. When given an actual match to work in, the Pitbull is capable of entertaining offense, including a standing flying headbutt that is the most fun kind of dumb, and Kurasawa is an early import of Japanese strong style, which the crowd has no idea how to take.
Bischoff’s in the booth calling the kind of kicks that we’re used to seeing multiples times a night now like he’s Howard Cossell at an Ali fight, and the audience starts out as this weird mix of disinterested and uncomfortably entertained. By the end of it, though, they’re all in, which is one of the greatest things to see wrestlers be able to do. Two guys who are destined to eternity on the midcard put on one of the most entertaining matches of the night…who knew WCW was foreshadowing their future so early?
POP: Turner Classic Feuds
We’re back to Mean Gene in the ring with another interview, and holy shit, this one is absolutely radioactive. Arn Anderson and Brian Pillman have WORDS for Ric Flair, and they are VICIOUS. Pillman mostly sticks to mockery and threats, but he antagonizes the crowd beautifully with Four Horsemen taunts and a sarcastic “Wooo!”
Arn, on the other hand, absolutely eviscerates Flair by simply telling the truth. He points out that Ric has gamed nearly everyone in WCW, and therefore has little to no chance of finding a partner that will help him against Arn and Pillman. Arn is a tried-and-true master conductor of tag teams, and Ric’s out there trying to bribe people to team up with him.
This has absolutely been my favorite part so far of finally watching Nitro from the start. I’ve always heard the legendary tales of the Double A and the Nature Boy, but I’d only ever seen them well past their primes. Sitting here and watching this feud (which, by the way, was a thing that I didn’t know had ever even happened) feels as classic, timeless, and powerful to me as anything TCM might put on. Might fuck around and petition Arn Anderson to change his nickname to “Rosebud.”
POP, EVENTUALLY: Randies Gotta Savage, Lexies Gotta Flexy
One of the things that has always thrown me for a loop when watching older wrestling is just how much the crowd gets away with. The absolute torrent of garbage that goes into the ring is always a sight to behold, and here, as Taskmaster makes his entrance for his match with the Macho Man, he is shoved, pulled at, and repeatedly smacked as he comes down the aisle. These days, you might see a couple of shoulder slaps if a wrestler goes into the crowd, but the degree to which Kevin Sullivan is accosted here is just short of a drubbing.
The match itself serves as little more than a means to push the Hulkamaniacs/Dungeon of Doom story. Yes, I hear you, that’s the point of a wrestling match, to advance a story, but it doesn’t have to be so boring. Zodiac jumps Randy while the referee is distracted so Taskmaster has the upper hand almost the entire time. Just when Macho Man finally starts to get his edge back, even yanking Zodiac into the ring for some just desserts, that same ref has the BRIGHT IDEA to mess with mid-berserker rage Randy Savage. Dude should be grateful all he got was shoved to the ground, instead of becoming the Slim Jim to Randy’s snapping.
The match gets thrown out, but Randy continues to beat that Dungeon ass, so out comes the Giant to save his boss. The next thing we see is more locker room unity than I think WCW displayed in the entirety of the nWo’s run at the top. Frankie Lancaster, Mark Starr, and Alex Wright all make valiant attempts to rescue Randy, and all get destroyed for their troubles. Finally, ol’ disrespectful ass Lex Luger comes literally strolling out. He saunters his way into the ring, but rather than go after the Giant, he bends over the corpse of Randy Savage, and I suddenly find myself wondering…
I have a good idea of where this story is going. I sincerely doubt that Lex Luger is a secret member of the Dungeon of Doom, brought down from up north to sow discord among the Hulkamaniacs. Credit where credit is due, however, twenty-five year old WCW has planted the seeds of doubt in my head. I see the reaction of Kevin Sullivan to the Giant apparently losing control and attacking the distracted Luger, and I think, “Does Lex really hate Hogan that much? Could he be playing the double agent?” Lex talked a big game about respect, but he also talked an awful lot of trash to Hogan, and we’ve seen just tonight how he treats people he says he’s trying to earn the respect of.
How did I get so into this?
EHHH? Yeah, Sure, Okay, I Guess
The main event is the very recently chokeslammed Lex Luger taking on Meng, fresh from the back. You’ll never guess how it goes. Even after a couple of 90’s ass power ups, Lex just can’t recover enough to muster up much more than desperation offense. Heels gonna heel, though, so Meng eventually slips the spike onto his thumb, and one throat jab later has the pinfall.
The main purpose of this match just seems to be to give the booth an excuse to scream “WHERE’S TASKMASTER!?” over and over and over again. Gee, I dunno guys, maybe dealing with the seven foot crazy person he’s unleashed on the company. Yeah, he wants to kill Hulkamania and all, but I don’t think the plan is full scorched earth here.
Then, instead of leaving on the cliffhanger of “Is Lex going to be okay for his career match next week!?” we get another weird outro. I’m not exactly looking forward to the era of weekly “WE’RE OUTTA TIME, FOLKS,” blue balls, but I sure hope there’s some kind of middle ground between here and there.
Overall, this week’s episode was a HUGE step up from last year’s week’s. The story progression, the wrestling, everything was at least decent, and some of it was even great (with the glaring exception of that Hulk Hogan-ass promo). Fingers crossed they keep this ball rolling all the way to that rooftop monster truck battle! Something tells me they won’t!
Thanks for reading, everyone, and I hope you enjoyed this return to a return to the Monday Night Wars. Swing by the Discord, if you haven’t already, and join us in our live chats!
