Let’s Talk About Hell In A Cell
So Sunday night WWE graced us with what I would like to call an event that happened. It wasn’t good, it wasn’t bad, it just was.
On the Raw side Elias and Jeff Hardy filled time just to be able to continue a feud that doesn’t make any sense. The Miz won the Money In The Bank contract from Otis because WWE hates friendship. Lashley defeated SLAPJACK because the show needed comic relief and the 24/7 title match was on the preshow. Randy Orton became a 14 time WWE Champion in a match that absolutely should not have ended the show.
That brings us to Monday night, where hopefully some new stories can begin to form and..
Oh no it’s Survivor Series… Ugh, here goes this weeks RAW Emotions..
The Art of Failing Upwards
It’s not often that people feel like heaping praise on WWE and their way of telling stories. I don’t plan on doing it to much in this column, and what I will praise I don’t really give them too much credit for.
What I can say is it’s really interesting how when they do actually pay attention to their own histories, and the histories of their characters, how much easier it is to write and watch the shows. Crazy I know. The main example is that of new Mr. Money In The Bank contract holder the Miz.
It was ten years ago (holy crap I’m old) when Miz cashed in his original MITB contract and defeated Randy Orton to become WWE Champion in the Amway Center in Orlando, FL.
It is now present time. Randy Orton is WWE Champion. Miz has MITB again, and The WWE Thunderdome where Survivor Series is being held, is located in the Amway Center in Orlando, FL.
It honestly shocks me they even brought this up. I don’t actually believe anyone in management planned any of that even after these troubling times were in full gear. But here we are and it’s a story I am interested to see play out.
Ugh Brand Supremacy
Not only does WWE seemingly go out of their way to mess up the build to Hell in a Cell with the Draft. They then immediately follow that up with BRAND SUPREMACY as if the people that just joined these new shows care about it.
The issue is that going forward they WILL be forced to care about it because that’s just how this show works now. Survivor Series used to be a fun show with interesting teams set up and alignments being occasionally mismatched in bouts that really didn’t matter. But now they DO matter because your shirt is a different color than mine or something.
The first matchup to determine the team Raw will send at the blue brand is Styles vs Hardy which is one of those fresh matchups the drafts gave us as long as you haven’t watched Smackdown in like six months.
Big Jordan as I believe we are calling him is still here and still very tall. Styles wins after campaigning pre-match to be Raw’s Team Captain which sounds like a solid pick so it’ll probably end up being Lince Dorado or something.
Also Elias shows up after the match to continue the most nonsensical feud of 2020 and that is saying a LOT.
The First Lucha House Party Tag Win Since April
I just want to point out that Drew Gulak and Akira Tozowa losing a tag match to Gran Metalik and Lince Dorado is the first tag match Lucha House Party have won since April. And only the third match that duo has won in all of 2020.
I’m pretty sure that makes them Number One Contenders to the Raw Tag Belts though so what is there really to complain about?
Alexa in Wonderland
I’m just.. So happy.
While some aviary attorney types over on the blue brand may want to give Smackdown all the credit for everything Fiend and Bliss related. I myself like to believe that we over here on the far superior brand* know it was really us who molded and nurtured this wonderful story to it’s fullest potential. Also because you know, red lights on the red show, it just makes sense.
In all seriousness Bray and Alexa are both doing fabulous work here in the FunHouse and especially later in the ring. I don’t know where exactly their stories are going to take them but as it goes with most thing Bray related these past few years I am fully on board with it.
* – Our Women’s Champion is Asuka, yours is Sasha Banks, the worst human in the world. Also you have the Street Profits, something something BRAND SUPREMACY!!!
Music without Limits
I have no idea what WWE is doing with Keith Lee right now honestly. Reports come out from SOURCEZ that Vince wants to push Keith to DA MOON, ahem. Which then follows with him having a bunch of non-finish matches with Strowman and losing last week.
This week he seemingly gets back on track to defeat Elias for a shot on the Men’s Survivor Series team, so I look for him to show out during that match as much as he did in last years when he wasn’t required to wear a singlet. Even if he “only” won the match due to MUSICAL DISTRACTIONS, it’s still better than losing I guess!
Retribution wouldn’t even win the NFC East
I have no idea the point of all of this. Unless the only actual point of literal months of storytelling and convoluted plots was to make Bobby Lashley KIND OF look like a badass? But really if the people that are meant to make you look good always lose, then what have you really done?
And can we TALK about what ever the HELL they thought they were trying to get across with “Retaliation”, aka Mia Yim, coming into the ring like Flock Billy Kidman in 1998? It doesn’t help when everyone involved keeps yelling “HEY, MIA” at her to see if she’s ok. Just like, work this stuff out before hand ok?
Either Retribution needs to just go away forever and everyone in it gets a redo. Or you need to give them something, a win at all would be nice first off. Dio Madden is out here looking like a badass but if he and K-Bone or whatever terrible name you gave him are tapping out clean right away then I just don’t know man.
Death, Taxes, and The MITB Holder Losing Matches
People can say that Otis winning MITB was a fun moment. That he’s had a lot of great moments with it, and his story over this summer has been very good and I wouldn’t disagree with you. The reason him holding the MITB contract just never seemed to make any sense though. Not because WWE clearly gave it to him without a plan of him ever using it or anything. Because after he won it, he kept.. winning matches.
That’s just not how things are done friends. You have a title? And have a MITB? You lose 95% of your matches. Oh you’re a heel with either of them? Bump that up to 98% then.
It’s honestly surprising in a Universe of 50/50 booking that WWE could be so consistent at a certain trope, but hey I don’t make the rules I just remember them and that makes me a bad fan.
I Think the Red Tag Belts are Cursed
I understand that The New Day were purposefully dressed to look like The Street Profits in an attempt to mock them. And while “Never Go Full Dawkins” absolutely made me laugh. The Street Profits are gone and I would not like to have any reminders that they were ever here and please don’t turn New Day into whatever you did to them.
It doesn’t help that Raw currently has like one legit tag team besides the Champions but whatever man.
Who the hell is Pat Buck?
Is WWE just growing random people in suits on trees now? First Adam Pearce shows up and for some reason has power to do anything. Now the long lost brother of Generation Me is standing next to him in the ring trying to do official stuff as well? Can I get a job? I’ll wear a suit and look like I have no idea what’s going on if I have to.
So we are just doing this forever now aren’t we. Lana is absolutely going through a table at Survivor Series and then going to win the match with a roll up, isn’t she. Sigh.
I’m not your Brogue, Bro.
In another lifetime that doesn’t involve countless people being outed for being mildly terrible people in their lives. I am super excited about a Sheamus and Matt Riddle matchup. Sheamus is super boring usually but I know when you put him in a ring with someone that can bring some weight into their strikes that action will pick up.
A Sheamus match is generally rated by how pink to red the welts on his chest and back are by the end of it after all.
However we are in this universe and while I don’t know specifics of what Riddle has been accused of, I just know they are there and it hinders my willingness to get behind him being on my TV Screen. I don’t expect him to go away any time soon however and if he is somehow found innocent of any wrong doings going forward that’s cool or whatever. But like my boy AddMayne over there on NXT, until then I’d just rather not see them on my TV.
Caught Between a Scot and a Scary Place
I would like to be the first to in the future wish Lexi “Alexa Bliss” Kaufman well in here career as a Hollywood Actress. Alexa Bliss can do it all and is just getting started it seems. I can not put into words how well this entire story arc has gone. You see a lot on the lower levels of Pro Wrestling when someone wants to be “scary” or “crazy” how not to do it. People go too far or just sit there looking stupid. Bliss however has mastered everything they and/or Bray has put in front of her and smashed them out of the park with a range of emotions actual actors and actresses that get paid to do it can’t.
On top of Bliss and Bray and their wonderful performances, is the man of the year for 2020, Randy Orton. It’s been a great year for him in pretty much everything if you don’t actually count the wrestling match parts of it, because.. It’s Randy Orton after all.
The subtleties between him and Bliss during the interview, the overall excitement I have for just being able to watch all this unfold going forward. It’s all great.
Not only do we have a Murder Clown, his new twisted friend, and a sadistic snake like person. We have a genuine psychopathy on the loose as well. It will be interesting to see how well McIntyre fits into the Fiend and Orton dynamic and lest we not forget that The Miz is somewhere in the back hoping they all murder death kill each other at once so he can come pick the bones afterwards.
And that was Raw.
On an Emotional Scale it’s somewhere between “It’s ONLY 9:30?” and “That actually was Pretty Good”.
The more Fiend and Bliss segments we have, along with a sprinkle of 24/7 Shenanigans and Asuka and The New Day, I don’t know, being allowed to wrestle, the better off we will be going forward. Mostly we just have to sludge through the Survivor Series build where nothing matters but the color of the shirt on your back.
And my shirt is currently pink, and has the Golden Girls on it, so I’m not sure what brand that constitutes, beyond the best one obviously.
So if you enjoyed Raw, Enjoyed this Column, or just enjoy life in general, give this a share. Leave a comment below with your thoughts of the show and your favorite Golden Girl, the correct answer is Sophia, stop by the SRP Discord and say hi. Until next time, I’m HGR and Tango Mike.
