Previously on Smackdown…
Champions clashed! Styles, Hardy & Zayn put on a Match Of The Year candidate, Cesaro & Nakamura breezed through LHP, Nikki Cross took her chances with Covid over facing Bayley again, & Roman Reigns let Jey Uso know The Tribe had spoken & murdered him off the island.
This Smackdown was in a weird place in between a pay per view & The WWE Draft “officially” starting next week, so outside of the championship match, everything felt like it was treading water. Why WWE didn’t start The Draft coming off of Clash Of Champions or Hell In A Cell is beyond me. You could’ve let feuds naturally end instead of being in a weird limbo this week, The Draft next week & then you only have two weeks to really build to Hell In A Cell. Then again, this is the same company that built to Payback in one week, so what the hell do I know? Despite all that, Smackdown was able to hit a few highs on this episode. Let’s get to them.
Can I Kick You? (Yes, I Can)
♬ Can I kick it? To my Tribal Chief who has lots of layers. ♬
Imagine me telling you two years ago that arguably the best male performers on RAW & Smackdown both on the mic & in the ring were Randy Orton & Roman Reigns, respectively. You’d throw me out of your dojo so fast it wouldn’t even be funny. Roman Reigns has become such a complex character on the show, it’s hard to believe he’s the same guy from the days of Looney Tunes catchphrases. The guy has made being a caring family member into a heel character trait. It’s fantastic.
He didn’t want to beat up Jey Uso to the point where his brother had to throw in the towel. He’s sentenced wrestlers younger than him to the gas chamber. He didn’t want to do it. He owed it to them. All he wanted was to get his cousin a big pay day & a spotlight. It’s Jey’s fault for taking it too seriously, trying to become champion & not being happy with what Roman offered. Don’t forget, Jey has been slumming it hosting Smackdown Karaoke while his brother was on the shelf. It was Roman & Heyman that put Jey in that fatal fourway that allowed him to become the number one contender in the first place. I know we joke about the heels being logical & correct most of the time, but holy shit, is that not a legit argument? Granted, there’s a good amount of delusional heel in there too, but you can still make sense of where he’s coming from.
Reigns feeling bad about kicking the shit out of Jey just to offer him a Hell In A Cell Match in return is objectively hilarious. “I’m sorry I forearmed your faced into mush to the point your one legged brother had to run down & quit for you, how about we do a rematch in a giant cage with weapons to make up for it?” I kind of figured Jey Uso would want to steer clear of The Large Dog after getting crushed by him, but I don’t mind giving this another go considering how great their first encounter was. Bonus points if Jimmy Uso plans ahead accordingly & cuts up the towel in advance so it’s easier to throw through the cell’s fence.
Even though he lost Sunday in probably more embarrassing fashion, AJ Styles shows up to rub Jey’s nose in it for taking a loss at Clash. Naturally, they right here, right now about it, having a sneaky really great match as a result. I knew Jey Uso was good, but I would be lying if I said he’s not blowing away my expectations in the ring. That’s not entirely his fault as he’s been in a tag team his entire career, so he’s had somebody to highlight his strengths/hide his weaknesses, but every singles match he’s had so far has been pretty great.
The clean win over Styles is a nice step too in solidifying him as a legit challenger again after getting bludgeoned by Roman into forfeit last Sunday. A part of me thought Styles might take it since he’s, you know, AJ Styles, but I’m happy to keep Jey & Roman the focus of the story until after HiaC. With Heyman on Smackdown now, Styles’ days might be numbered over here. If he’s not going for either title currently, I don’t know where he fits in on this show otherwise. I wouldn’t hate him picking up with Zayn again since their first match was really good if he does stay. Smackdown’s biggest flaw heading in to The WWE Draft is that more or less everybody of consequence has been fun to watch these past few months, so seeing any of them leave is going to be hard to swallow. We’ll see after next week how it all shakes out.
Fright Owens Fright
Now we’re talking, folks. In a bit of peak irony, Kevin Owens tries to stop an obvious heel turn coming from a mile away & gets a mouthful of fingers for his troubles. Owens trying to play good guy & not high fiving Alexa for random acts of ringside brutality doesn’t really track, but he at least addresses it so people like me can’t openly complain online about it. I do love him trying to play a game of Password & not say The Fiend’s name, only to still get got since Alexa can now summon The Fiend just like he can switch her into Evil Bliss with words too.
Alexa Bliss appears to be beyond redemption as we all figured. I kind of hoped we’d get there through her annihilating Nikki Cross, but the recent Covid scare might have killed that idea. They probably can still do it when she gets back, which I hope they do. All the little teasers have been great, but there needs to be an official turning point that solidifies her going over to The Fiend’s side. That duo can go in so many directions & I’m really interested to see how it all plays out. They could go for titles or just wreak havoc on whomever they want since the gimmick is strong enough that championships aren’t necessary. Just randomly showing up with spookiness & beating up people is enough. It worked for Kane for years.
The best news of all of this is it appears I’m getting my wish of Kevin Owens coming over to Smackdown & escaping the void of nothing he’s been given to do on RAW since WrestleMania. Other than the most recent stuff with Aleister Black, I can’t remember anything Owens has done over there since March. And I only know the Black stuff because it’s happening now. The guy is too good at all aspects of pro graps to be sitting on the sidelines like he has. Put him on this show where he has history with pretty much all the major players. I think he has zero shot against The Fiend next week, but use that to, I don’t know, pivot into a feud with certain Intercontinental Champion?
Blayze Of Glory
Speaking of Zayn, here he is skanking Madusa-ly by shitcanning the faux Intercontinental Championship. Part of me wishes he kept collecting these titles until he became The Pangea Champion, but this is good too. Zayn has toned it down a little bit (as much as Zayn can) & has been nicely refocused with this title feud & has been fun to watch. His scatterbrained promos were a little too much before, so giving him a title, which is easy to promo about/with, makes his presentation a lot more palatable.
Happy to report his wrestling has been pretty on point since returning as well. Toss up between this & the Uso/Styles match for the best of the evening. I like that Zayn removed the turnbuckle pad before the match even began, everybody noticed a couple minutes in & still did nothing to rectify it. The referee just sort of shrugged it off. Of course that means Chekov’s exposed turnbuckle plays into the finish with Jeff climbing up onto it, only for Zayn to make sure his face crashes down on the exposed metal. That one’s kind of on you, Hardy. Maybe choose one of the other three next time.
This should put an end to these guy’s feud, I hope. All the matches have been good to great, but let’s call it a day before it starts to get stale. Smackdown is loaded with a bunch of viable challengers for Zayn’s title & that doesn’t even include guys that could potentially be sent over next Friday from the other shows. Hardy feels bound RAW as he’s in the same boat as Styles with not a ton to do, but has the star power RAW probably wants since their ratings are in the toilet. Jeff’s been pretty solid since his return, so you can have him go over there & Swanton Bomb into RAW Underground or whatever.
Frat Party
Smackdown decides to do the go home show special by combining feuds into a multi-person match the show after the pay per view for some reason & it’s weird all around. Take the finish for instance. Kalisto jumps on the apron to try & kick Cesaro while the referee’s back is turned, but hits Lince Dorado by accident. He’s not even the legal man, so Cesaro gets distracted, hit by Riddle’s finisher & loses. Ummm… Okay? That’s not really how that trope works, but good on you for mixing it up by having the faces be the victim of a distraction & still win by that same distraction. If you’re paying attention to LHP since Kalisto has returned (understandable if not), that’s two wins Kalisto is directly responsible for & simultaneously the only two wins they’ve gotten since he got back. Every other outing they’ve lost. So I don’t know why he’s the jerk when all signs point to Dorado being the dead weight.
They do the same pull apart shoving match after & I’m pretty much over it. Send part of them to RAW or just break up & do the presumably awesome triple threat cruiserweight spot fest we all want to see. WWE is severely overestimating how much people care about the constant bickering amongst trio of always losing luchadors. Get the tag champs away from all of this already too, while you’re at it. Team up Riddle & Kalisto for Team Brolisto if you have to. Anything to move forward. Please.
An Old Foe Has Appeared
Sasha Banks reveals her giant fake foam neck brace has been fake this whole time & officially challenges Bayley to a match for The Smackdown Women’s Championship. That match should be really good at Hell In A Cell. I’m sorry… What? NEXT WEEK?? Why is that happening? Clearly, that’ll be some sort of schmozz finish to set up the real deal at the pay per view, but it feels like they’re trying to cram too much into a tight window with this feud. Bayley dismantled Sasha’s neck twice & she’s just good to go three weeks later? You can let this feud breathe a little, Smackdown. It’s already been marinating for the better part of a year. No reason to sprint to the finish line like this.
It’s not the end of the world because Sasha vs. Bayley is still Sasha vs. Bayley, but I don’t love giving us a preview match with a guaranteed non-finish right out of the shoot, especially when it’s three more weeks until Hell In A Cell. This promo is also the most cookie cutter thing ever, so that’s why it’s sitting in the middle like this. I do love this feud & am excited for the actual blow off match in a few weeks, but this was basically the segment from Clash Of Champions without the chair & kendo stick violence. Samoa Joe does not approve & therefore, neither can I.
Speaking of that show, are we getting four cell matches this year? I have no doubt that Sasha & Bayley will participate as they’ve had a women’s one the past few years & Michael Cole announced during the show that Jey & Roman will be having one as well. Based on the RAW side of things, Orton vs. McIntyre & Rollins vs. Rey Mysterio are also on the board. I’d be fine with it if it sincerely means those RAW feuds that have been going on for what feels like a decade combined truly end. I’m not really complaining about that many cell matches either, but I’m not sure how you could make all of them feel unique. It’d be like having four Money In The Bank matches on one card. Cool in theory, but by the third one, you’d be pretty burnt out by it.
Taking The Law Into Your Own Hams
The last three segments of this review are all pretty much tied for last place.
Otis once again cleanly beats the wrestling equivalent to The Price Is Right loser horns in John Morrison. Way to leave Impact where your wife works & you were taken as a serious threat to somehow be the worse wrestling half of a comedy tag team that has THE MIZ on it, Johnny. I guess Miz looked at he & Morrison’s track record these past five months (winless) & has decided not to take Otis’ offer up to have a match for the Money In The Bank contract as it appears we’re actually doing a court segment to decide things. If it’s Little People’s Court, RAW is officially better than Smackdown going forward. Otis will also forgo legal counsel & represent himself, in what I’m sure will be a can’t miss segment. Apparently, no lawyers watch this show & want national exposure by offering to go to bat for Otis pro bono with the easiest layup of a court case ever. All they have to do is show up & say “This is not at all how contracts work” & case closed. Here’s hoping Otis goes full Frank The Tank during the debate from Old School & wows us with his deep subconscious legal knowledge.
This Right Here, Is Still Carmella
(Yeah I posted this on the Discord during the show. Sue me, it’s still funny)
Surprise! The Mystery Woman over on Smackdown that everybody thought was Carmella, has been, get this, Carmella this whole time! She now has the added wrinkle of being a heel again & looking like one of Fandango’s dance partners. She is also now blaming the fans for… something? That’s right, multiple time champion & former Ms. Money In The Bank is mad at us because she hasn’t done well in WWE. We really have to step it up, gang.
I think the Smackdown Women’s Division probably needs The WWE Draft more than anybody at this point (Yes, I know the tag divisions across the board stink. But you can’t really shake them up since there’s no teams to work with). As it stands right now, the roster consists of Bayley, Sasha, Carmella, Lacey, Alexa, Nikki & Tamina. That’s not a typo. They’ve lost Mandy & Dana to RAW, Sonya left WWE entirely, & Naomi along with Ember Moon are out with injuries. Not to mention, Carmella hinted that she won’t be here anymore either. That’s potentially six women to work with on The Blue Brand. RAW would have eighteen by comparison. Feel free to send over Billie Kay & Bianca Belair next week & I’ll happily send back Lince Dorado & a conditional 2022 pick.
The G Stands For Goober
You know a match is really good when the entirety of it fits in a minute YouTube clip. Ready, willing & completely unable Shorty G gets downgraded from regular fodder to squash fodder to build up to next week’s Falls Count Anywhere Match between Sheamus & Big E. Not really a whole lot to report on this one. Maybe Gable should invest in some platform shoes & escape the hellscape that is his current gimmick. Big E has beaten Sheamus & all the other generic Smackdown heels, so now we get to see if he can do it again next week. I really thought the Big E singles push would’ve been further along by now, but with both Zayn & Reigns returning, they’ve unfortunately got a little side tracked with him. Hopefully, post-draft they can get him into something more substantial. We’re well past Kofi’s “six week” injury, so the last thing I want to see is him return & they just shuffle New Day back into the tag division (I reserve the right to take this back if they’re traded to RAW & throw the Street Profits in the trash next to Hardy’s fake Intercontinental Title).
Overall
Worth Your Time: Reigns’ promo, Jey vs. Styles, The KO Show & IC Title Match
If You Have Time: The Six-Man Tag, Zayn’s promo
Don’t Waste Time: Sheamus vs. Gable, Otis vs. Morrison, Carmella’s vignette, Sasha’s promo
There’s your Smackdown, everybody. Not the best outing, but I believe that more has to do with the awkward positioning of the show between two major events. There was still a lot to like regardless. The good news is that next week’s show looks loaded as all hell with Bayley vs. Sasha, The Fiend vs. Owens, & Big E vs. Sheamus falls count anywhere. Add in that The WWE Draft that actually started this Monday will officially begin next Friday, then you got yourself in line for a potential must see show. What’s your opinion on those matches & the draft? Anybody you want to see come over to Smackdown or leave? Feel free to drop a comment or let us know over on our Discord. See you guys next week where hopefully Smackdown doesn’t Darko Milicic their first pick.
*Dreads hearing Ziggler’s name*
