Hello and welcome to another round of the exceedingly thin premise of Pops and Botches! (I promise I’ll come up with a better format one of these days) We’ve got another great Dynamite so let’s get to it.
POP: Darby Allin, soon in Pog form
Where can we get one of these @starkmanjones #AEWDynamite pic.twitter.com/NJqjrAvx4Y
— All Elite Wrestling on TNT (@AEWonTNT) October 1, 2020
Those cheesy airbrushed boardwalk shirts? They make them in BODY BAG form now!
We’ve been building to this for a few weeks via one of the most heinous insults in wrestling: dressing up like your opponent and mockingly misquoting their catch phrases.
The match starts off really unique with a Starks spear countered into a front facelock, and a bizarre (and beautiful)…armbar slingshot thing?
Darby is impressively dominant the first chunk of the match until an odd bit where Brian Cage comes down, only to get pulled off by Will Hobbs and fought to the back. (We’ll get to see them square up next week) This gives Starks just time to catch his breath and take control. Starks tries to end the match with a single legged crab, but is still selling the back from earlier damage.
Back and forth slappy slap trades, wiley ass Darby flies like a pinball nailing a stunner after leaping over Starks’ shoulder, goes for a springboard only to eat a midair spear for the 2 count.
Starks sets Darby up for the Avalanche Roshambo only for Darby to sneak out, knock Starks to the mat, and give a sick Coffin Drop onto Starks ailing back. Great match! It was interesting to watch the heel be the main person to sell a body part during the match (though he didn’t do much begging off, merely wincing while touching his lower back), but it serves the purpose of giving Starks the loss while keeping his momentum. Both guys leave the match looking great, while Darby gets a win to give him a little heat after taking several nasty beatings at the hands of Starks.
POP: Good Boy, Cody. Sit. Play dead. Accept grudge match, Cody. Good boy.
Next we get an in-ring segment with Cody’s neck tattoo and also the Cody Rhodes that is attached to the tattoo. Cody’s outfit is slamming with black and purple and silver chains that can best be described as “Haunted-House-Pimp”.
Cody cuts a promo on injuries of both the body and the spirit, and mentions Al Snow telling him “Always wrestle hurt, never wrestle injured.” But it’s his soul that’s been injured. That after losing his beloved championship in 3 minutes, he got a phone call and took the easy way out. That Hollywood 323 area code (for a job in Macon, Georgia, area code 478 whoop whoop). And he was so disheartened by that loss, that took the easy way out…And THAT’S why he had to go judge a game-show with Snoop Dogg. (I’m going to fill in the blanks and assume this was a therapist-prescribed treatment)
Cody gives a great call-out the current champions, putting them over as the best there is, thereby validating the championships as both MEANING something, as well as something to be strived for.
The optics in wrestling are important, and the optics of a dog collar match are bad. As executive VP of the company, Cody has to say no. The stupid mark part of me believes he’s actually leaving to a chorus of pleas from the crowd, only to pause, pivot, return, and drop the bomb,
“No as in no regrets, no as in no looking back, we enter much different than we leave, TNT dog collar match, next week, IIIIIIIIIII…. ACCCCCC(th)EEPPTTT!”
Well of course a brawl would break out after that #AEWDynamite pic.twitter.com/WVNNiFnIy3
— All Elite Wrestling on TNT (@AEWonTNT) October 1, 2020
The Dark Order pounces (Mr. Brodie Lee in a stunning emerald green plaid suit) and the locker room empties. Amidst the chaos, Brandi Rhodes runs out and does a senton onto the Dark Order, leading to Anna Jay attacking Brandy, leading to a ringside Nyla Rose attacking KiLynn King. The incident calms down for a second only for Brodie to re-enter and attack Cody again.
Beautiful little segment. I really thought this was gonna be a slower burn, with Cody refusing as a responsible VP of the company, only to be taunted and tormented, maybe his wife gets attacked AAAAANNNDDD HERE COMES BRODIE AGAIN okay, maybe this is going on a little bit too long.
Where was I?
Oh, it felt like a storyline beat where Cody would kick the can down the road a bit only to be teased back in tough wrestler indignation to accept. This of course makes a moment like this feel like a slight swerve and all the more rewarding when he straight up accepts. The dogpile actually moves forward several stories as opposed to the typical, “Let’s ignore everyone’s storyline and send them out there to be bodies” locker room emptying-out routine. Also, Dear god, we’re all set up for a classic in television violence next week, Brodie Lee and Cody in a DOG COLLAR MATCH. Cannot wait.
POP: Poor Tony and the Phantom Tassled Leg
.@tonyschiavone24 how you doin'? #AEWDynamite pic.twitter.com/rPp9Nle7W8
— All Elite Wrestling on TNT (@AEWonTNT) October 1, 2020
FTR put over SCU and bury Best Friends as not top guys and too injured to bother with. Buries Young Bucks as well as losers who have blown every chance they’ve had so far in AEW, and not worth their time. Matt and Somebody Who Is Clearly Not Nick Jackson superkick Tony from off camera (seriously, we only see “Nick’s” foot and then the camera never actually shows Nick). PoorTony… Yet another non-wrestler gets attacked by the Young Bucks. This better culminate in Tony Khan eating a Meltzer driver on a bed of nails sooner or later.
Perfectly Serviceable: FTR vs. SCU (Scorpio Sky and Frazankarian)
We have a chyron-informed “Very Unprepared” Hangman Page out for commentary.
This match is of course under the (wonderful) FTR designated rules of the challengers having 20 minutes to win, and anything else counts as a win for FTR. No draws, no overtimes, no Supreme Court mandated recount, it’s done.
(Adam page delightfully drinking something brown just as I’m also taking a sip reminds me that AEW is catering to me. And I feel seen. At least the alcoholic millennial cowboy side of me does. The fact that I just left a comedy show that went so bad, I gave up halfway into my set, grabbed a guitar, and did an impromptu rendition of Johnny Cash’s “Cocaine Blues”, fills the “Cowboy” quota of the equation.)
I know it’s been written many time by folks far more clever than myself, but I can’t get over the beauty of FTR’s style. Yeah, they’re two arrogant cocky guys, but that’s not what makes them heels. Their Mechanic-al (teehee!) breaking down of their opponents what makes you wanna boo. What makes them heels is that they’re basically two Mr. Perfect’s. They’re cocky arrogant dicks that function like hyenas: No matter how big the lions, they will distract them in unison, nip their ankles, pull their tails, until they can get close enough to tear your neck out of your neck. More heelishness through ruthless efficiency, please.
SCU hold up their own end by constantly keeping the top guys on their toes, but it ain’t enough. They’ve treaded a lot of water since their initial Tag Champ run, and I’m curious to see how long before the guys get back to singles matches.
BOTCH: AEW’s Horrible YouTube video Titles
Maybe you wouldn’t notice this if you hadn’t pinky-promised to write weekly summaries of Dynamite (no doubt a small pathetic demographic otherwise unworthy of note) but ye gods, the titles to these videos are straight garbage. Everything is posed quizically, “Did MJF’s Gifts DISAPPOINT?”, “Was Ricky Starks’ Darby Allin Body Bag DRYER SAFE?”, and now most embarrassingly,
“Was Isiah Kassidy, who whiffed a major promo last week, able to get his first singles win ever over 30 year legend Chris Jericho?” Well, Ive clearly never watched wrwrestling before, let me go and find out I guess! Thank you Florida State college student uploading AEW videos for school credit! That one class in Search Engine Optimization you were hung over for is paying off dividends!
Ugh, enough of my persnicketishness, lets get this over with…
Reminder: this all came to be because Isiah challenged Chris in a promo last week so embarrassingly bad, Jericho took it as a special challenge to go through and get the kid over. Note, this is not always a good instinct of Jericho’s, as he took a similar challenge after a Twitter user asked, “Surely you’re not gonna play a crowded biker rally during a global pandemic right?” Judas in my mind, indeed.
Kassidy takes the charge at first (in what is told to be his FIRST EVER SINGLES MATCH in AEW), attacking the legend with a sense of urgency. He’s pretty great on the offense, looking like the young rookie trying to prove himself. (In this case “looking like” meaning, “Precisely what he is”.)
Kassidy keeps up the heat, only losing momentum for a VERY odd moment where Jericho gets popped to the outside, only to get in a confrontation and exchange blows with Dr. Luther.
Jericho is firmly in control by the time we return from commercial.
Kassidy gets it back to get repeated nearfalls, only to catch a sudden Judas Elbow and end the match. Gotta admit, I hated the Judas elbow at first, but enough instances of it being an instant kill will do good. The only thing I can think that would help is if we maybe had some dodges. Show me an opponent who has it scouted and exploits it. Give it a little bit of high-risk/high-reward. Because as of now it comes so SUDDEN without warning or setup, it always feels dramatically like a record skip to the end of the match. A little bit of back and forth or a few missed attempts would make that connection feel so much more earned and satisfying.
POP: The Best Man and Nerddoms Greatest Villain
Miro insists to Sabian his bachelor party will be epic, like “Rumspringa all over again”. He never forgets his blue balls.
They go Ax throwing. Then to an arcade. Kip gets distracted and loses the game, leaving room for someone to ask if they can join in. Hmm, who could this relevant to wrestling cameo be?
WELL IF IT ISN’T LYIN ASS CHEATING ASS BILLY MITCHELL, VILLAIN OF BOTH ARCADE GAMES, THE KING OF KONG DOCUMENTARY AND ALL OTHER VENUES OF LIFE
The most evil heel manager that never-was Billy Mitchell, is a hot sauce magnate and legendary dork who held several world record high scores in classic arcade games, helping solidify the entire concept of video game e-competition four decades ago. This was shown in all it’s destructive glory in the classic 2007 documentary King of Kong, where Billy was shown to be one of the most detestable little worms committed to celluloid as he blatantly cheated another obsessive dork, Steve Wiebe, out of his King Kong high score. Mitchell has since been stripped of all his world records after repeatedly being caught cheating. He has actually sued the record-keeping institution with defamation of character, the first hearing of which takes place in two weeks, meaning the ultimate showman and sneak (seemingly) is trying to get a little mainstream publicity in the 2nd dorkiest industry (professional wrestling), ahead of a genuine real life lawsuit over controversy in the #1 dorkiest industry (videogames). Simply stunning.
Continuity error where Billy’s pocket square changes between shots.
Billy asks Miro how the bachelor party is going, Miro says not great. Not best. Billy offers to set him up with some guys if he wants to do something really crazy. “Rumspringa crazy?” Miro asks. Aw shit, looks like we’re going to LANCASTER, PA! I hope you’re ready to get crazy and erect a barn Sabian, if you know what I mean!”
POP: Weenies.
[orange voice] WEENIES pic.twitter.com/E5tevAGfhF
— ceo of orange cassidy (@jonmoxIeys) October 1, 2020
POP: Why Isnt Shawn Spears feuding with Dark Order #10?
10 takes Orange’s aviators and put’s them on John Silver’s head who does a cute little dance.
Dark Order 10 actually shows a ton of charisma in the match. A lot of hard hitting offense, a spot where he mockingly sticks Orange’s hands in his pants for him, and this lovely spot where the culties mimick the Best Friends hugspot.
Got to give the people what they want Dark Order edition🖐️ @SilverNumber1 @Alan_V_Angels @Pres10Vance #AEWDynamite #ImWithAEW @AEWrestling pic.twitter.com/xs6XWE6Riw
— Elicia Joyce (@ellebeast1) October 1, 2020
(Given the MLM feel of Brodie’s Clique, I fully expect their cult retreats to frequently say, “Just because we’re the DARK ORDER doesn’t mean we don’t know how to have a little fun!!!”)
OC gets the inevitable win, but a great showing for both.
POPPIEST: Jericho and Son
MJF continues his goal of joining up with a stable to further his dominance. In this case, he knocks on the Inner Circle’s door bearing gifts in congratulations of Jericho’s big win tonight! MJF the suckup promotes next week “30 Years of Jericho” celebration next week.
Matching jackets for all the Inner Circle! Except for Sammy of course. He blames Wardlow for the oversight and apologizes profusely, leading to this lovely exchange.
Sammy: Whatever, Max, what are you doing here? What the hell are you doing in here?
Jericho: Whoa whoa whoa, wait a second Sammy, I’ve got this. Max, what are you doing here? What the hell are you doing in here?
Comedy Jericho, never die. (When he hangs up the boots I genuinely wouldn’t mind seeing a standup comedy routine from Jericho. He certainly couldn’t do worse than Mick Foley, whose venture into comedy was somehow harder to sit through than watching him get CTE’d in front of his sobbing children.)
Jericho genuinely thanks him for the jackets, but asks again whether MJF wants to join the Inner Circle? MJF duck/rabbit seasons asking if Jericho wants him to join the Inner Circle? I will never get tired of Jericho Harpo-Marx-ing in the mirror with his Looper son MJF, keep it coming.
POP: The Doctor is In
We finally see the return of a healthy Britt Baker DMD, for the first time since her Tooth and Nail match at All Out. Red Velvet is of course defending her 0-7 streak in 2020. Commentary does their best to put Velvet over as finally getting her sea-legs under despite not having a win yet in AEW. Taz specifically calls out Britt for setting up Team Taz with a great Dental Plan! (Cage needs braces…)
Nice back forth with Velvet and Baker with Velvet looking competent and competitive and getting a few nearfalls, but we all know where this was going. Britt doesnt even use her signature finisher, winning with a kinda-sorta-curbstomp and the Queen of Clean (Teeth) is back on her throne.
She adds insult to injury with a latex glove assisted Lockjaw after the bell.
POP promo, BOTCH match: Poppa Kingston Picks Butch to Box Mox
That @MadKing1981 is a treasure on the mic #AEWDynamite pic.twitter.com/1EHXPmJA9r
— All Elite Wrestling on TNT (@AEWonTNT) October 1, 2020
Eddie and his two Lucha stepsons comes out with his arm over Bryce Remsburg’s shoulder.
Kingston fairly points out he never tapped out against Jon Moxley and that Tony Khan (or as the suckups call him, TK) gave him the option to pick Moxley’s next opponent.
Eddie intimidates Remsburg for calling the match despite Eddie never submitting. Remsburg says their friendship is important, but in the ring is professional. And it’s his job to protect Eddie from himself. (Classic weedy high-pitched referee voice). Eddie suggests a violent beatdown of Bryce, which brings out Moxley and a barbed-wire baseball bat. They bail out, backs to the hard camera, and Eddie reassures Moxley, “Don’t worry, you’re not fighting me.” As he does, we get the wonderful cinematographic reveal of THE BUTCHER sidling in behind Moxley’s back. He clobbers Moxley’s back and the bell rings!
It’s such a shame, Butcher looks great physically. A terrifying throwback of a thick brawler with a handlebar mustache and skullet. But he’s been protected in tag matches with as the heater with Blade. Solo? Not so great. Very plodding, a lot of restholds. He actually has Moxley in a 619 position on the ropes and gets his boot stuck on the top rope before recovering and…clumsily and gently resting his thigh on Moxley’s neck. It just doesn’t look great, and I wouldn’t even think to bring it up if Butcher didn’t look so intimidating physically.
The match isn’t bad, just meh. Kingston and the Lucha boys do some great ringside character work, making sure to mug and mock Moxley every time he tries to catch a breather. The Lucha Bros comedy work is so delightfully cartoonish.
Moxley retains, tapping out the Butcher. Eddie Kingston storms around ringside as the Luchas try to corral him. I REALLY hope they eventually with a Kingston championship win. Real talk: I was completely oblivious to the name Eddie Kingston when he first appeared in AEW. I’d heard his name, but frankly, I just never had too much time to follow the indies. But having seen him both solo as the streetwise tweener that’s had to fight for every scrap, and now as the streetwise punk leading a posse into battle, I am thoroughly impressed. Moreover, I am downright excited at the prospect of a dirty heel champion snatching the belt from Moxley and insulating himself for months behind goons, forcing Moxley to go through a Game of Death style trial-and-tribulations gauntlet, taking on all of Kingston’s flunkies and eventually dethroning him. Even if it means another match sweaty of hairy restholds.
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