What Happened Last Week On Raw
Cedric Alexander got into Tha’ Bidness of Hurting, Street Profits and Andrade & Garza continued their best of 35 series, R-Truth was the only good part of the show (probably), They made the IIconics wrestle each other because they hate us, and the rest of the show was sucked into the abyss that is the Rey and Seth video package. Sad Face.
Oh, hello there. You don’t know me and I don’t know you, so let me introduce myself, I am known in the SRP world as HEELGreenRanger. HGR for short. I’m here because for some unknown reason I volunteered my time that would be usually spent watching YouTube videos to watch Raw and do a nice little write up for it. We’re going to see how that goes, because honestly I have no idea, mostly because I don’t actually watch Raw because I mean.. Have you watched Raw recently?
Anyways, For now I will stick to the usual Pops & Botches format just to get my feet wet and then we will see if I’m any good at this, and then go from there? Sound good? Are you sure? I mean I could just go back to Youtube.. Please don’t make me watch Raw…
BOTCH: DOLPH
Instead of sitting here and writing out more words of why we are all tired of Dolph I just want you all to look at this picture and understand how sad I am.
POP (No Really): The Orton/McIntyre Buildup
As much as starting a show with an entire recap of the previous show is kind of lame, I do enjoy the look of the WWE Title feud right now.
Orton as has been said by many people is doing the best work of his entire career right now, and Drew looks very good when he’s got someone who can physically push back against him. The added influx of Keith By God Lee into the picture has given it a nice wrinkle that isn’t just them fighting each other.
BOTCH: A Wild Adam Pearce Appears
As much fun as a Hoss fight for the WWE Title between Lee and Drew sounds, I am so tired of authority figures in general, especially ones that show up all throughout the show.
Just let the show run as if you I don’t know, booked it in advance? Basically what I’m saying is everyone should be more like William Regal.
BOTCH: THE OFFICIAL BRAND TO BRAND INVITATIONAL THAT WE TOTALLY DIDN’T JUST MAKE UP
Guys it’s really not that hard. I don’t want the Extension of Brands to end any time soon because then I might have to pay even more attention to Raw than I do now. But if you want people to go back and forth occasionally? Just do it. We don’t need Wild Cards, Invitationals, and we really don’t need Survivor Series Brand Supremecy ever again.
We end up getting a very good but meaningless Tag Champs vs Champs match between the Profits of the Streets and two guys who shouldn’t just be Tag Champs.
POP: Cedric is in tha Bidness, and Bidness is Good.
I love stables. Stables are great, they make feuds much easier to run as you don’t have to just run two guys into each other over and over again to build to another match for some reason.
Cedric now gets to come out to the ring and show, what is this, a character? What a novel idea. If you get past the race of everyone in the group and stop trying to call them a “New Nation” you would actually realize they are a midcard version of Evolution.
Also Bobby Lashley as “Guy who stands there in sunglasses (indoors) smiling and not talking” is the coolest Bobby Lashley has ever been.
And really is Cedric wrong here? Even at a 3 on 3 matchup THB was beating the crap out of the other three all the time, who cares about friends? This is bidness.
Also I’m just happy to see everyone involved in this on TV and involved in a storyline that involves actual character development and definitely doesn’t involve Lana (Run Garza, Run!)
An Actual BOTCH: When Referee’s Go Wild
So here goes. I myself personally am a former independant wrestler and referee. I can say without question it is not an easy job, and a job that is quite overlooked by many promotions whom think you can just throw anyone out there in a Footlocker tshirt to count the three.
That being said, what in the actual heck happened at the end of a very solid, if not awkward, Mickie James and Asuka Women’s title match? Asuka has the Asuka Lock in and Mickie tries to throwback to Hart/Austin and pin her Million Dollar Dream style and the ref just kind of.. rings the bell? To put it in a visual form..
This is all very confusing and kind of depressing, but is then followed by a pretty good Zelina Vega promo to Asuka, as she sheds the Manager of Losers label for a much more traditional “Gets wrecked by Asuka” one.
oh my god it’s only been one hour so far.
POP: DOLPH IS GONE, ALL HAIL MVP!
I would honestly love to see a Bobby Lashley and Ray (Erik) Rowe feud. I’m not saying we need to get rid of the Viking stuff, I’m just saying I’ve been watching Ray Rowe work for like 15 years and the dude is very very good and I like to see people I like do well.
The match itself isn’t much to talk about, but I do love MVP on commentary, he’s a natural talker, a guy who can talk crap about someone while also talking them up. Not everyone can do it.
BOTCH? POP? POTCH? NOPE JUST RAW UNDERGROUND
There is a fifth dimension, beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as Bray Wyatt’s creativity and as timeless as Rey Mysterio vs Seth Rollins. It is the middle ground between face and heel, between Cenation and Hulkamania, and it lies between the pit of a wrestler’s push and the summit of his glass ceiling.
This is the dimension of imagination.
It is an area which we call, RAW Underground
Raw Underground was in and out for a few segemtns and I’m just going to talk about it all at once simply to get it out of the way. I just, I don’t get it? Really what is the point? This is some weird Underground Fake UFC thing with a Beyond Wrestling style crowd around the fighting surface. Nothing there really actually matters. Here however is a list of things I love.
- Braun Strowman having to look up to someone to make eye contact
- Strowman actually looking like a legit badass even if it’s barely even fighting or wrestling
- An actual live crowd right next to the “matches” that are happening, oh how do I miss live crowds, even if they are all very bad actors
Things I do not love.
- People that close to each other not wearing a fricken mask
- See #1
BOTCH: Maybe I should have saved the Twilight Zone reference for the Rey/Seth video package
Props to WWE for trimming this weeks Rey/Seth Feud recap packagae to a smooth Three Minutes, and I don’t even need any sort of warning to tell you that this feud really really really needs to end. Really.
In other news, R-Truth and Liv Morgan show up randomly to do an in-studio commercial for Kit Kat and it’s legitimately better than most of this show already. sigh. Stop teasing me with these NXT commercials you jerks.
Seth and Dominic go on to have a very good and occasionally fun (MVP on Commentary is great, did I mention that?) cage match. If you ignore the fact that WWE cage match rules make no sense. It’s either escape to win, or pin/submit, theres no reason to do both. You bring a cage match into the fold to try to detur outside interference and get a true winner.
But they just had a match inside a cage that Seth won, so now what? Why is Rey asking for a medic when Dominic just lost a match, it’s not like he was viciously assaulted, you know, like Murphy was. Can’t wait for next weeks video package!
(Michael Cole just said Dominic is 23 Years Old and I refuse to believe that.)
“Eh.. Someone’s in Here!”
Drew and Keith are back on screen, uh in an extra ring they have set up for interviews and such I guess? They say things and then throw things, things being words and then fists and feet in that order.
“Yeah that’s pretty much how I feel right about now too Al.”
KO and Black continue their still somewhat fresh feud based on still seemingly nothing with a good ole [checks notes] distraction finish? OH COME ON I MADE IT SO FAR.
We get more of Retribution flicking the light switch on and off which clearly is enough to distract an 18 year veteran of this thing we call pro wrestling to allow KO to hit a stunner and pick up a win which probably means nothing and at this point I wish I was the type of person who drank alcohol.
“I’m just glad Shayna gets to hold a belt, small victories”
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO
Why did I ask to do this, why did I volunteer to do this, does WWE know that I’m doing this? Is me having to watch a Lana & Natalya match punishment for something? Who did I wrong in a past life?
“I guess it wasn’t that bad afterall.”
Big Ole BOTCH: 8 Minutes of Pretty Good Pro Wrestling For No Reason
So we get a very good back and forth main event from Drew and Keith after they spent all day already fighting each other (because they’re friends, right Cole?) and then the DAMNED NUMBERS GAME breaks down as Retribution actually shows up and just start beating them up, you know, because reasons?
There a literally 15 people dressed up in this group right now surrounding the ring. What’s the Over/Under on how many members it’s going to have when it’s unveailed, 7.5? I’m betting the Under.
After Drew and Lee succomb to said game of numbers, it’s time for BIDNESS to pick up, as MVP and Co. come out and are I guess now some sort of quasi Nation-Evolution-and also APA group for hire. They at least by enough time for Drew and Keith to recover and do a double dive bomb onto everyone! Finally we have Retribution taken out and we can reveal who’s all behin-
Why did you cut away.
WHY IS TERRY BRADSHAW ON MY TV RIGHT NOW?
IS HE IN CHARGE OF RETRIBUTION?
Alright, that’s I guess it.. seriously that’s how it ended. I’m not happy about it, but I hope you are at least mildly entertained at this point. I kind of enjoyed doing this, beyond the whole “Having to actually watch RAW” part.
If you enjoyed Raw, Enjoyed this Column, or just enjoy life in general, give this a share. If you have any mercy please tell my boss this wasn’t very good so he doesn’t make me do it again, feel free to leave a comment below or stop over on SRP’s Discord.
