If you’ve been watching WWE lately, you’ve seen a new faction on the scene known as “Retribution”. The group consists solely of masked assailants who have (mildly) wreaked havoc both in & out of The WWE Performance Center. They’ve broken laptops, chainsawed the ring ropes, thrown molotov cocktails at random machinery & even flickered the lights.
After extensive research on WWE’s rosters across all brands (*cough* Wikipedia *cough*), I figured I’d get to the bottom of just who the faction is made up of before the big reveal presumably this coming Sunday at Summerslam. The group has been very “Anti-WWE”, which given the way WWE has treated wrestlers in the past, narrows it down to about three thousand people. I will be under the assumption that these won’t just be NXT call-ups & will be looking at possibilities across all WWE brands. Given how badly WWE has wronged some of these people in the past, that should generate a solid list of prime suspects. Ultimately, my assessment should correctly uncover who the true members of Retribution are. Sorry for the spoiler in advance, but my detective skills are thus far unrivaled.
A few quick ground rules:
- Nobody who was fired earlier this year is on the board. As much as Handsome Rusev being the faction’s leader would restore my faith in WWE, he’s not eligible. Current WWE roster only.
- Of the available roster, only those not presently involved in story lines will be considered.
- Despite Retribution’s current size, I’ll be going off their original debut comprised of three men & two women.
- The men & women we’ve be seeing on the weekly shows are likely decoys. I’m not going to try & guess who those people have been, but who will be in Retribution once they officially unveil themselves.
- Candidates will be ranked on a scale of zero to ten on the likelihood they are a Retribution-er. We’ll call this the “Retribution Member Ranking” or the “RMR” (Not as good as AJ Styles’ ranking system, but honestly, what is?)
Automatically ruled out due to serious injury: Jinder Mahal (Knee surgery), Rezar (Torn biceps), Elias (Hit by car), Jimmy Uso (Knee surgery), Xavier Woods (Achilles), Ember Moon (Achilles), Edge (Torn triceps). Austin Theory is also not under consideration for obvious reasons.
With all that said, let’s get to the suspects:
Dominik Dijakovic
Was just written off of NXT after getting killed by Karrion Kross. Completely scrubbed his Twitter account. Was apparently already called up to RAW but then sent back down just to lose.
RMR: 8/10
Chelsea Green
Dropped the dead weight that was The Robert Stone Brand. Bitter she didn’t get called up after getting one win tagging with Charlotte Flair. Has plenty of action figures at home to plan out rehearsal attacks on the Performance Center.
RMR: 8/10
Toni Storm
Way too good to be sent to NXT UK in the first place. Has been on WWE main roster shows only to be immediately sent back to NXT. I’m selfish & want this to be true.
RMR: 7/10
Oney Lorcan & Danny Burch
Love to beat people up. Probably aren’t winning the NXT Tag Team Championships ever. Haven’t seen anybody in Retribution throw em up yet, however.
RMR: 1 + 2 = 3/10
Naomi
Been underutilized in WWE for years. Gotten to the point it’s so bad she trended on Twitter about it. All black outfits do no work with The Glow, though.
RMR: 5/10
Kona Reeves
The Finest available candidate. Been missing from NXT for months now. Great hair.
RMR: 6/10
Daniel Bryan
Just so happens to go missing right when a Nexus style invasion happens. Could easily sway NXT recruits to follow him. Still salty about Talking Smack being cancelled.
RMR: 8/10
Ilja Dragunov
Possible Russian hacker that could disrupt WWE programming. Might be able to see in the dark with demon eyes. Seems like a chainsaw enthusiast.
RMR: 6/10
Shotzi Blackheart
Would seem to fit right in with a group of rabble rousers. Access to high grade military vehicles. Lack of tank tracks around the Retribution infiltration points make her unlikely.
RMR: 4/10
The Big Show
Just won’t go away. However, sticks out like a sore thumb in all black & a ski mask. Probably can’t be a part of a violent gang with a Netflix sitcom (Seriously, The Big Show Show? The Wight House was right there).
RMR: 1/10
Tamina
No.
RMR: 0/10
Pete Dunne
Didn’t get to rightfully defend his NXT Tag Championship. Secretly hates Matt Riddle. Desperately wants to come back to the U.S. since WALTER is in Europe.
RMR: 4/10
Nikki Cross, Killian Dain & Alexander Wolfe
All part of an anti-establishment group in Sanity before. Dain has done nothing but lose since going back to NXT. Cross possibly has lost her only friend to a Demon Murder Clown. Wolfe hasn’t been seen in months.
RMR: 5/10
Dana Brooke
Tired of being in the shadows of Emma & Charlotte Flair. Technically won Money In The Bank, but was not awarded contract. Not convinced she’s not the mastermind behind this entire thing.
RMR: 8/10
KUSHIDA
Despite massive hype going in, has done nothing of importance in NXT. Possible time traveling abilities would be useful to coordinate attacks on WWE. Although not using time travel to avoid 2020 altogether makes it feel like he might not actually possess the technology.
RMR: 3/10
Shane Thorne & Brendan Vink
Original members of MVP’s Hurt Business but were cast aside for Lashley & Shelton Benjamin. Were wrestling on RAW, but have been demoted to Main Event. Mighty. Don’t kneel.
RMR: 6/10
Goldberg
Getting old so using a faction to carry him is a smart idea. Would have no problem prodding recruits like cattle. Would probably be breaking glass windows with his head over cinder blocks, though.
RMR: 2/10
Akam/Jey Uso
Both tag partners out with injuries & are looking for something to do. Akam likes to authorize pain. Jey might’ve snapped after hosting Smackdown Karaoke. Might be tough to sell to their partners once they return.
RMR: 3/10
Mustafa Ali
Has been wearing masks even before you were required to. Presumed Smackdown Hacker so messing with WWE production should come easy. Just lost on Main Event to Riddick Moss.
RMR: 7/10
Raquel Gonzalez
Conspicuously absent from Dakota Kai’s side for weeks during Retribution’s major attacks. Showed up this past week in an attempt to throw us off her scent. Past henching experience.
RMR: 6/10
Lars Sullivan
Has been out of action for over a year, so a return should be coming. Possibly awoken now that Lucha House Party is back to full strength. Kind of forgotten at this point so debut with a faction would seem wasted.
RMR: 4/10
Carmella
Been missing from Smackdown for weeks to the point she can’t even make a karaoke segment. Known to use lackeys to further her agenda. Hot as hell, which cannot be taught.
RMR: 9/10
Sami Zayn
Wrongfully stripped of Intercontinental Championship that he never lost. Other than the one title win, has been more or less a joke on the main roster. Listens to ska.
RMR: 7/10
Dexter Lumis
Conveniently “hurt” in an NXT match just before Retribution started ramping up their attacks. Enjoys felony kidnapping. Has an unironic mustache. Definitely owns a chainsaw.
RMR: 7/10
Finn Balor
Demoted from main roster to NXT. Hasn’t become NXT champion since returning. Demons like fire so probable molotov cocktail enthusiast. Black hooded sweatshirts cover up his abs though, which seems like a dealbreaker.
RMR: 3/10
Kacy Catanzaro
Fits the physical description of Retribution thus far. Can fit through air ducts & climb buildings for infiltration given her past exploits. Feels snubbed she was not asked to join Tozawa’s Ninja Warriors.
RMR: 6/10
Aleister Black
Likes to wear all black (possibly based off name). However, nobody has been roundhouse kicked as of yet. Also likes to spend time in a dark closet alone & not hangout with a large group.
RMR: 3/10
Becky Lynch
Allegedly “pregnant” (that’s just the kind of subterfuge a ringleader would want you to think). Started “writing a book” which is more likely an Anti-WWE Manifesto. Zero belts. Sadly, a distinct lack of Retribution based puns have happened to make this viable.
RMR: 2/10
Tommaso Ciampa
Also hasn’t been seen since being destroyed by Karrion Kross. Nothing left for him in NXT. Black hoodie & mask matches his heart. Psychopath of Sicilian descent.
RMR: 9/10
Samoa Joe
Could provide intricate knowledge on WWE’s production & how to mess with it now that he’s been a commentator for weeks. Clearly loves extreme violence & people getting beat up. Has had to spend a lot of time with Byron Saxton. Looks like he’s going to snap any second.
RMR: 7/10
Vanessa Bourne
Has been missing from WWE television for months. Was allegedly already called up to RAW before the pandemic hit. Ditched the forever Jannetty that is Aliyah.
RMR: 8/10
Johnny Gargano & Candice LeRae
Too narcissistic to hide their faces from a camera. Also too busy making vignettes in their In Your House house.
RMR: 1/10
Bo Dallas
Has been part of social outcast groups & B-teams in the past. Very motivational. Has a brother who’s been a cult leader. Familiar with wearing masks & fighting in NXT.
RMR: 10/10
Brock Lesnar
Will no doubt be returning eventually. Convinced he could’ve flipped that car over by himself. However, Retribution has been showing up for consecutive shows across multiple brands. Brock don’t play that.
RMR: 0/10
Kay Lee Ray
Good showing at War Games. Has beaten everybody in NXT UK, so ready to make the jump.
RMR: 4/10
Mojo Rawley
Upset his only chance to be on WWE tv is gone now that Gronk left. Is absolutely available. Good at hyping up followers.
RMR: 7/10
Indi Hartwell
Barely done anything of note in NXT. I-I-I-I-Impressive. Feels slighted has not been asked to join The IIconics.
RMR: 5/10
The Forgotten Sons
Who?
RMR: 0/10
Drake Maverick
Didn’t return the favor for Breezango after they saved him from Legado De Fantasma. WWE made him getting shoot fired into a work & “pee his pants” on live television. Possibly still hasn’t consummated his marriage.
RMR: 7/10
Charlotte Flair
ALWAYS lurking. Out of action for an “undisclosed” amount of time. Tired of hearing about her bad moonsault. Have not heard any muffled Woos from under a ski mask, however.
RMR: 4/10
Robert “Bob” Roode
Missing from WWE for weeks now. Won’t give in until he’s victorious. And he will defend, he will defend. Absence possibly could be explained as on the run from the law.
RMR: 6/10
Tegan Nox
Constantly having her friends turn on her in NXT. Favorite wrestler Kane so probable pyromaniac. Fragile knees make her a liability on sabotage missions.
RMR: 1/10
Kevin Owens
Has done nothing of significance since WrestleMania. Not a matter of if, but when he snaps & powerbombs somebody onto the ring apron. Unlikely to be in a faction given track record with friends.
RMR: 3/10
Zelina Vega
Sick of dealing with Garza & Andrade’s infighting. Also sick of Bachelorettes & getting trucked by Bianca Belair. Has been shown a willingness to poison the opposition, so a known saboteur. Owns several cats.
RMR: 5/10
Roman Reigns
Absent from WWE for several months now. Has been part of a faction that dressed in all black & beat everybody in sight up in the past. Doesn’t like too many people in his yard.
RMR: 4/10
Dave Mastiff
Literally nicknamed “Bomber”. Teamed with questionable characters in the past in The Hunt.
RMR: 3/10
Nia Jax
Has been randomly going around assaulting people anyway. Would probably like to do it with the anonymity of a mask so everybody gets off her back. Not like most girls.
RMR: 2/10
Kofi Kingston
Lost WWE Championship in seconds to Brock Lesnar. Thrown everybody off his trail by putting the spotlight on Big E. Though a lack of bright colors or breakfast foods associated with Retribution makes this dubious.
RMR: 1/10
John Cena
So mentally broken from The Firefly Funhouse that he’s hell bent on destroying WWE & has recruited a team to do so. Invisible, which explains how he has not been caught yet. Cartoon elephant.
RMR: 9/10
WALTER
A fine leader of men. Can turn floundering wrestlers into winners. However respects the ring too much to ever chainsaw it apart.
RMR: 2/10
Mia Yim
Has not broken through on NXT. Likes wearing a mask. Wants to be head baddie while simultaneously be in charge.
RMR: 8/10
Stephanie McMahon
Loves taking credit for revolutions. Could easily back a insurrection financially. But has literally been phoning it in to WWE lately.
RMR: 1/10
Triple H
Loves to be the head of factions. Recently demoted within WWE. Certainly hates Vince McMahon for ruining most of his NXTers on the main roster. Loves hitting things with hammers. Intricate knowledge of how WWE operates so knows exactly where & when to strike. Everyone in NXT owes him so recruitment would be extremely simple. Always has a Plan B.
RMR: 12/10
Official Members of Retribution:
John Cena, Carmella, Triple H, Dana Brooke & Bo Dallas
Backup Picks In The Off Chance I’m Wrong:
Tommaso Ciampa, Vanessa Bourne, Dominik Dijakovic, Chelsea Green & Bo Dallas
And there you have it. The numbers don’t lie & they spell disaster for you at Sacrifice… I mean, they clearly have shown who the members of Retribution will be. I look forward to Summerslam where I can rain down “I told you so”s accordingly. Think you can do better? Drop a comment below or hop over to our Discord & let us know who you think Retribution is going to have among their ranks. Hopefully, this Sunday at Summerslam everything will be revealed. Or maybe we’ll get these attacks for weeks more until morale improves. We’ll see!
