(*Note: That header image is photoshopped. The original whiteboard was just blank, but I couldn’t help myself.)
Previously on Smackdown Live…
Braun Strowman & Alexa Bliss returned from the dead, Retribution returned from messing with the fuse box to chainsaw the ring, & Stephanie McMahon returned to put the fear of God into all of us.
A lot of Smackdown was wide open as of last week in terms of the Summerslam card. Did any challengers emerge for the Women’s, Tag, or Intercontinental Championships? Let’s take a look.
BOTCH: Retread-bution
Retribution is just… lame. They’re like a combination of Solomon Crowe’s distracting hacker powers in NXT & The Riott Squad’s early days of annoying people backstage by knocking things off of tables like a house cat. They’re the poorest of the poor man’s Nexus. I think my biggest gripe with them is that they aren’t really doing anything yet. Flickering the lights & beating up NPCs isn’t really accomplishing much. Their numbers have somehow apparently doubled in four days, so they attack Big E & Morrison when it’s like a ten on two advantage & they still barely get the job done. And with Summerslam next Sunday, I’m assuming we’re getting two more shows of this until the big reveal of who the actual faction is going to be comprised of.
Throw in the fact that Michael Cole mentions “The group is using current events” as a guise to further their agenda & I’m ready to be all the way out. The anti-establishment group is tolerable. Acknowledging you’re drawing parallels to real life groups who are, what they believe, fighting for the rights of others & you’re just asking for issues, especially if you position them as heels. Maybe once we get a clear portrait of what their end game is, I’ll change my mind. If you’re “Anti-WWE”, what does that mean? Are you trying to overhaul the company completely? Disband it? End King Corbin’s monarchy? Give us a little insight to who you are/what you’re about & we can work with it. And if any of you monsters actually hurt Hey Kayla, I swear to God…
P.S. Miz not being able to run to Morrison’s aid because he was on the phone with Maryse discussing a “pH issue with their bidet” & Morrison completely understanding almost made me give the entire segment a Pop.
POP: She’ll Take ‘Em Both, She’s Hardcore!!
First things first, announcing duties now officially belong to Sasha Banks & Bayley going forward. Greg Hamilton, you had a good run, but you are now unnecessary.
Secondly, BATTLE ROYAL BAY BAY!!
Battle Royals are neck & neck with tournaments in WWE in that they’re the easiest way to start, connect or further multiple stories on top of crowning a new challenger or champion without laying all the groundwork of making them a viable contender. You outlasted everybody else on the roster in one match? You earned a title shot. Quick & easy to follow along with. I’m not saying WWE should do them every week, but WWE should also just do them every other week.
Tonight’s battle royal was no different. The IIconics continued their beef with Liv Morgan & Ruby Riott. Naomi had a great spot of tying Lacey’s hair up in the ropes as a callback to their previous bouts. Shayna Baszler’s rivalry with windpipes was kept strong. And the best part? Outside of really Bianca Belair, all the other thirteen participants have had run ins with Sasha & Bayley since their reign of terror began. They’ve beaten the entire Smackdown roster, all of the established women’s tag teams & some of the RAW women to boot. Everybody there had extra motivation to want to win the match besides a shot at becoming Smackdown Women’s Champion.
I have two gripes, however. NXT was woefully underrepresented as a brand going in with only two wrestlers making an appearance. You could’ve easily added in Rhea Ripley, Mercedes Martinez, Mia Yim, Candice, or introduced Indie Hartwell to The IIconics & gave me The TrIIIconics group I know each & every one of you want dearly. The second (small) complaint is the winner. Put down your pitchfork & torches & hear me out. I love Asuka. I have zero doubt she’s gonna rip one or both of her opponents at Summerslam to shreds on behalf of precious Kairi Sane & is getting at least one title belt out of it. What I don’t love is the title scene revolving around three women, especially when you have a match with fourteen women & begin to wonder aloud why some of them aren’t a bigger deal.
The Double Champion thing has worn real thin the past year. Becky Lynch’s reign soured towards the end, Undisputed Era having all the titles REALLY soured towards the end until one of them finally lost & Keith Lee rightfully ditched his lesser title immediately. We don’t need “Asuka Two Titles”. I was happy to give Sasha & Bayley a month to be peak insufferable because they’ve been on another level of entertaining, but WWE is rife with so many talented women, it would’ve been nicer to see Shanya, Bianca or someone else take on Bayley next Sunday. Shayna rag-dolling women over the top rope via fucking choke is some intense stuff & I thought they should’ve pulled the trigger on her. If she loses, you already teased her against Asuka, so that could easily be the program after. Either way, get at least one title off Sasha or Bayley & let’s flesh out these divisions beyond Hair Fights.
BOTCH: Take Your Hair Off & Square Off
Ask me again later & I might be more inclined to give this a Pop. Right now, I’m pretty torn on the whole thing. On the one hand, Sonya Deville has been AMAZING this past month. Her promos are on point & she’s shown she has absolutely zero issue with beating you into the ground. I genuinely just want her to move on from this feud & step into a bigger role with whoever is the Smackdown Women’s Champion after Summerslam. Sonya against Bayley? I’m into it. Sonya versus ASUKA?? Give. It. To. Me. Mandy has also stepped it up on her end with a pretty great promo explaining how she’s had to work just as hard as everybody to be in WWE & looks only take you so far. She’s been really easy to get behind, mostly because Sonya has been taking her to the damn woodshed for weeks, but still.
On the other hand, Hair vs. Hair Match is just so, so stupid. Keep in mind we just had an Eye For An Eye Match a few weeks back, so risking your hair doesn’t really seem like that big of a sacrifice in hindsight. Also, women with short hair is a pretty commonplace thing these days, so no matter which one loses, they’re not going to look any worse for the wear or out of place, despite how much WWE insists they might. ALSO also, Mandy just lost half her hair a couple weeks back, so her winning this match feels painfully obvious. I guess I’ll take comfort in the fact that Sonya is bound to lose all of her hair & somehow become more of a badass than she already is. No need to waste time putting her hair up & just immediately into the squaring up.
POP: Get Shorty
Tough night for the Shortster, gang. Sheamus gets revenge on him for causing a DQ loss last week by nearly kicking his head off his shoulders again. Little does Gable know, becoming a henchman in WWE is automatic decrease to all stats. Best to just suffer through the short jokes & catch a win every now & again instead. To top it all off, Gable shows up later to (sincerely?) apologize to Riddle for trying to win free Dave & Buster’s tokens for life from King Corbin, only for Corbin to jump Riddle from behind & make sure to loudly thank Gable for his help. I’m not sure if that was intentional, but Chad’s about to catch more feet to the face about it whether he likes it or not. Either way, we’re still getting Smackdown’s midcard all interacting with each other, which is making the show a lot more enjoyable to partake in.
POP: PISS Into The Abyss
Was Universal Ranking of Intercontinental Nemeses Evaluator not available?
Jeff Hardy as the next challenger for Styles’ Championship makes enough sense. WWE likes to pretend TNA just straight up has not existed, nor will it ever, so don’t be surprised if they pitch this as “First time ever!”. I doubt we’ll get anything approximating their matches from the Impact days, but given that Styles has gone back to a wrestling savant this past month & change, I’m not ready to say it won’t be somewhere in the good to great range on… next weeks’ go home show & not Summerslam? What’s that about? Part of me just assumes some sort of non-finish is in the cards to set up a proper match two nights later or maybe Styles takes it & we get one of those “Gloats at the ppv that he’s beaten everybody, surprise challenger emerges” segments WWE sometimes pulls. We’ll see.
Pay no attention to all that though, because speaking of TNA…
Please welcome the debut on WWE television of Joseph Park! Park is better know as Impact’s Abyss & going by his time spent there, you can probably take or leave him. There’s definitely some good, but there’s also definitely some bad. None of that matters here though, as he’s an automatic hit based solely off of his facial expressions during each portion of the program he’s apart of this episode. Replay some of it back & just fixate on him. He certainly makes the most of his air time & is an A+ background character. Tony Schiavone, watch out. The PISS notwithstanding, pretty solid stuff all around. Apparently becoming number one contender for the Intercontinental Championship is as easy as just signing up for it like a softball league.
Quick question though:
What in the hell is Jeff Hardy supposed to be drawing there?
Oooohhhh.
POP: Muchas Luchas
After Cesaro sent Lince Dorado into orbit last week, the flip side of Gran Metalik facing off with Nakamura was an inevitability. The match itself is entertaining, but short & mostly just serves as a background to set up a returning Kalisto. Lucha House Party Rules are back on the menu, everyone! Somewhere FTR shudders. Jokes aside, it’s good to see Kalisto back & looking pretty damn shredded on top of it. The poor guy is mainly remembered for his Good, Good Lucha Thing promo, but it has to be said that he can definitely go in the ring & is probably the most well rounded member of LHP when factoring in wrestling ability & mic work. If nothing else, the combination of him & Gran Metalik facing off against Cesaro & Nakamura should serve as one of the high points wrestling-wise when we hit Summerslam. Linty Dorito can go take Pepe The Pinata for a walk or something during it.
POP: More E, Son
Dear WWE, I’ll take all the Big E singles push you got. Signed, TRB.
All aboard the Big E train, everybody. That guy is a full on star in the making. You can make the argument he already was, but to me, he’s always felt like he’s been in the background in New Day. More comedic relief than anything else. That’s not to say he’s a bad wrestler or talker or anything of the sort, he’s just flown under the radar (as much as a ten time overall champion can). Even his singles run prior to New Day was just kind of there. I barely remember him as NXT Champion & only more so as Intercontinental Champion because of Ziggler & AJ Lee.
I think we’re going to safely put that talking point to bed though in the near future. E gets another strong win over Morrison & looks to be headed into a match against Sheamus. Assuming he gets past him, throw in the win over Miz & that’s a lot of WWE Champions of all kinds taken down. Don’t forget his awesome promo from earlier in the evening & we’re talking about a top of the card babyface coming together right before our eyes. Just run him against Styles already so he can pancake him harder than Styles’ belief in the Earth’s shape.
Two Styles flat Earth jokes in one column? They said it couldn’t be done.
Minor Botch: Miz nor Morrison have won a match since May. Cease & desist, WWE.
POP: Five Feet Of Fury
Look at all this layered character work on my wrestling show! This is not my beautiful house. This is not my beautiful wife. I’ve already sang the praises of Bray Wyatt for taking The Mixed Match Challenge pairing of Bliss & Strowman & turning it into the focal point of a major title feud, so let’s just appreciate how much traction we’re getting out of it.
Alexa Bliss has entered some sort of combination of Stockholm Syndrome & miniature rage monster. Here, she fully admits to being intrigued by the presence of The Fiend. Who knew dead red mood lighting & mandible nerve holds could woo a woman? Despite the adorable Team Little Big montage we get, there doesn’t seem to be saving the partnership between the two. This leads to Alexa looking for resolution despite any of us who have seen a horror movie yelling “Girl! Run!” at the screen for her questionable decision making of getting between a giant rage monster & murder clown demon.
Braun Strowman comes down to close out the show looking like the middle Pokemon evolution between Snitsky & Big Show to reiterate the fact that he does not give a shit about Alexa Bliss. Not with his eyes squarely focused on The Fiend, anyway. He’s now fully detached to become what he believes necessary to defeat The Fiend at Summerslam. To say Alexa does not take it well, may or may not be an understatement.
We’re officially into “The Fiend changes you” portion of the feud & I’m here for it. That part is critical if you want to take these stories seriously. If you act all spooky & ominous, but just lose & nobody’s really affected by it, the whole concept falls apart. That’s exactly what happened with earlier Bray Wyatt. He’d show up & his opponent would look mildly scared about it, only to have Bray lose & the other guy involved just move on like nothing happened, because nothing did. If Braun is going to claim himself to be a monster, ditching the only other person on the roster he’s connected with (non-Nicholas division) & threatening to throw them into the crowd from the ring is a good start.
That brings up another interesting point: Is The Fiend the good guy here? I know we joke about that after the way he’s been booked in the past, but it might actually track here. As I said, Braun’s about to throw Alexa through the Tron from the middle of the ring, until The Fiend makes his presence felt & the lights go out. The Fiend appears & Braun’s gone, but Alexa is still there. Teleport fight! This more or less confirms Bliss has to be Team Fiend going forward, right? I don’t really think The Fiend needs the help & should rightfully truck Strowman for the Universal Championship, but it’ll be a nice little cherry on top of all the solid character work being done if Alexa flips the script on Braun & is involved is his demise. Look at us looking forward to Summerslam!
And that’s Smackdown. The picture is starting to become clearer in terms of what’s going down at Summerslam. You could honestly probably get a solid pay per view card off what Smackdown’s doing alone. A lot of moving parts are meshing together nicely. Next week is the go home show, so expect any loose ends to be tied & we’ll be a go for the second biggest show of the year for WWE. Let us know what you’re thinking of Smackdown heading into Summerslam down below or over on the Discord. See you next week!
