LAST TIME ON WWE RAW…
Apollo Crews became the truly United States champion, Shane McMahon introduces RAW Brawl For All 2.0, and JUSTUS was promised but never delivered. Let’s see if there is any sort of retribution on tap, won’t we?
Tonight is RAW number 1420, and we get the go-home show before Summerslam as Kevin Owens tangles with Randy Orton, Zelina Vega and Bianca Blair get into it, Mickie James makes an appearance, we get a contract signing between Dominik Guerrero and Seth Rollins, and we might get a visit from JUSTUS RETRIBUTION!
POP: Whack-a-Dom
The show starts with the contract signing for Seth Rollins’ match against Dominik. It turns out its a double contract signing, since Dom is still not an official WWE superstar… yet. Samoa Joe moderates the signing, and is under orders not to get physically involved in the signing. Seth enters first, and is followed by Dominik and quite possibly the worst Titantron I’ve ever seen. Seriously, this thing is an MS Paint abortion; it’s the Chrisley Knows Best of Titantrons.
Joe kicks things off by criticizing Seth for being pathetic. That’s pretty much the extent of his attack on Rollins, since he is apparently forbidden from touching Rollins or Murphy tonight. What he does instead is verbally punch Seth into making a quality promo. Rollins retorts that he tried to be Mr Burn It Down, Mr Seth Freakin’ Rollins, but he got crapped on for it, and he had no choice but to become the Monday Night Messiah.
Dominik finally pipes in and tells Seth that his only Greater Good is for himself. NOt bad, and in a more experienced mouth it could have been devestating, but its a little weak coming from Rey’s “son”. Seth counters by adding a new stipulation to their contract – weapons are allowed in the match, and with that Dominik signs both contracts, one for Summerslam, and one for his contract to become a Superstar. At this point, Seth orders him to get out of the ring and take notes on his match with Humberto Carrillo.
Seth dominates his match with Humberto Carrillo easily, and dispatches him with a Curb Stomp. Once the bell rings, however, things heat up.
Murphy attacks Dom and throws him in the ring to Seth. The two beat him down furiously, with Seth saying at one time “This is what happens when you don’t take notes!” Funny, one of my professors in college was about this crazy. They dig up Dom’s kendo stick, and then another from under the ring, tie him in the ring ropes and proceed to light him up, taunting him all the while.
They finally leave him laying in the ring, covered in welts and looking near dead. While this definitely beats the 25 minute recaps they’ve been doing in previous weeks, I have a sneaking suspicion it will only add to the recapathon on next week’s Raw.
Recap time, but this time it’s the action last week when Montez Ford was poisoned. Zelina Vega comes to the ring accompanied by Andrade and Angel Garza. She pleads her innocence in the Ford poisoning, but assures everyone that her men will win the tag titles in two weeks.
Dawkins comes to the ring and we get their match. Dawkins brings the fight, but Andrade gives him plenty of fight. They go back and forth until Andrade goes up for an aerial maneuver, only to be met by Dawkins’ fist. Bianca Blair appears and drags Zelina from ringside, allowing Dawkins to score the pin.
POP: WHAP!
We then get Zelina Vega and Bianca Belair, joined in progress after the commercial break. Vega is on Belair’s back and clawing away, but gets thrown off. Throughout the match she pleads her innocence to Belair but it doesn’t really seem to help. Zelina manages to get an eye shot in, but Bianca brings most of the smoke here with a press slam, power bomb and an alley oop into the turnbuckle, leading to the KOD pinfall.
Solid match that looks like the possible beginning of an extended feud. When interviewed by Charly afterward, Bianca presents her evidence of poisoning, saying “We all know what (Zelina) did.” OK then.
The Hurt Business comes out for the VIP Lounge, and MVP immediately crows that he told us there was a conspiracy, referring to RETRIBUTION. He asks how he is supposed to win titles in unsafe working conditions, and accuses Apollo Crews of rigging the lights to his advantage. This brings out Apollo, who accuses MVP of always making excuses. This leads to a few minutes of “NO U” from both men.
BOTCH: X Has Pinned the Champion
We go from there to a match between Crews and Shelton Benjamin, which is a reasonably athletic go between the two men. Unfortunately, since this is the WWE and a champion is involved, we get Benjamin pinning the US champ. Even worse, he does it with a distraction rollup after Bobby Lashley tries to
BOTCH: You Say You Want A RETRIBUTION?
We finally get a name for the group that Molotoved a breaker box last week and caused more destruction on Smackdown. It’s RETRIBUTION! Not JUSTUS, which is apparently being saved for the future debut of Psycho Sid’s son (maybe). This time, RETRIBUTION rolls like an unstoppable tank and does things like:
- Chasing off WWE’s only outside security guard!
- Breaking a door glass pane with a cinder block!!
- Celebrating turning
Seriously, it’s like the second coming of The Nexus Corre nWo Four Horsemen Paul Jones’ Army Atilla the Hun! Word has leaked that their next fear-inducing stunt will be to stand outside the PC and protest Vince McMahon’s racist meal plan.
BOTCH: What ARE you wearing?
Mickie James shows up to announce that she is returning for yet another run at the women’s title, when she is interrupted by Natalya and Lana, dressed and sounding like some strange bargain basement version of the Iiconics. They talk about being the Best of all Time, and make it into a hashtag – #BOAT. Stahp. Just stahp.
POP: Ninja Betrayal
Next is an 8 man tag match featuring the Viking Raiders, Cedric Alexander, and Ricochet against 24-7 champ Tozawa and his ninja horde. It’s a quick match as Erik and Ivar team up to toss and pin a ninja. Afterwards, Tozawa takes one of his ninjas to task for not tagging into the match but on the way back up the ramp he gets rolled up and pinned by… R-TRUTH! It’s reign number 38 for Truth, and it just seems natural for some reason.
BOTCH: Will They Or Won’t They (break up again)?
Iiconic Peyton Royce squares off against Liv Morgan of the newly-reunited Riott Squad, with their respective significant others outside the ring. Royce wins in short order, all the better to give us Ruby Riott venting her frustration out on her reconciled teammate. These two have almost turned on one another as many time as The Big Show has made heel turns. Maybe he should take Sarah Logan’s place on the “team”.
POP: Empressive
Asuka takes on Bayley Dos Straps for a chance to meet Raw Women’s Champion Sasha at Summerslam. As usual the pair put on a great match, with Asuka looking to get revenge for the dearly departed Kairi Sane. She manages to put Bayley into an Asuka Lock and the double champ taps out.
BOTCH: Ru-Ru-Ru-Ru-Ru World Order
Raw Underground returns this week to prove it’s not a one week wonder, and the result is… ehh. There’s really no clear direction or objective in these segments, aside from “watch these two guys beat the crap outta each other.” Granted, that can be an entertaining bit, but RU just hasn’t made it as interesting as it should be yet.
The closest it came to a spark happened with Shayna Baszler showing up and pummeling random women when no man would take her challenge to fight. We’ll see if they can bring more fire to next week’s proceedings.
POP?: Lights Out
The main event features Kevin Owens battling Randy Orton, and the two work a serviceable match. In the end Orton RKO’s Owens, and afterwards Orton took to the mic to run down Ric Flair, who has been accompanying him to the ring recently. Flair assured Orton that he was on his side and wanted to be with him to see Orton break Flair’s number of world title wins.
After seeming to make up, Orton then gave a low blow to his mentor and punted him in the head just as the lights went out (damn you, RETRIBUTION!) It definitely keeps Orton on the screen as a true heel, but it seemed a bit forced to turn on his friend Flair like this.
Ah well, there’s always next week.
Just… stahp.
